The Devil's Cave: A Humorous Fantasy Novel (The Legends of Damon Arkon: The World's Greatest Swordfighter)

by Everson Cook

  Kaateria shook her head. "No."

  "No, I suppose not. None of the women here have had them either. Have your men?"

  "I don't know," Kaateria said. "And I don't know that Damon would notice. I'm guessing his dreams always consist of women begging for him to come."

  "And the big guy?"

  "Belosic? He probably dreams of killing. If he dreams at all."

  "Make sure you keep your two companions close. Or, you could end up just like us."

  "Speaking of," Kaateria looked around. The two women were alone on the beach," We should make our way to your village."

  "Of course." The woman nodded.

  She led Kaateria down a previously disguised trail into the woods.

  30

  The village consisted of forty huts made out of clay with roofs made from thatch. Each building was the same size, or close enough to it to consider them the same, and contained exactly one window. If you could call it a window. It was merely a small opening that was to the side of the door. If you could call it a door. It too was merely an opening next to the window. Only slight larger and coming up from the ground, so that one could easily walk in and out of the building. Although, the window had also seen its fair share of entering and exiting. The huts were similar enough that on the side of the door that was opposite the window was written the name of the family that lived inside. It was clearly done with a stick, quite possibly by the hand of a child, and before the clay had time to dry. Unfortunately, the clay dried quickly and there were some misspellings.

  The huts stood several arm's lengths from its neighbor. And in a circle. But not a complete circle, because, while not impossible, it would be difficult to get in and out of. It was more like a half circle. Or, three quarters. In the middle of where the huts stood, which actually was shaped like a whole circle if you imagined it kept going around, were placed several long tables with several short benches. Strings of decorative lanterns in the festive colors of tan and off-white ran from each hut and candles, slightly melted to the point of deformity yet still serviceable, lined the tables.

  On one side of the row of tables was a fountain. On the other side, was a fire pit, with stumps placed around it. This is where Kaateria found Damon when she and Brewnyn, the woman with the bow and arrow, emerged from the woods.

  Kaateria was unsurprised to find Damon had already made himself at home in the village.

  Damon, somehow dressed in a fresh shirt, sat on a log next to a fire with an ale in hand. Several women sat at his feet, listening wide-eyed as he regaled them with stories of his greatness. The young woman with the messy red hair sat perched on his knee that was attached to his good leg. The other leg was stretched out before him and wrapped in a clean bandage. Damon probably would've had his free arm around her, were it not for the chains preventing such a thing.

  "Then I said," Damon stopped mid-pantomime, "Oh, hey Kaateria. You made it."

  "That's weird, I don't recall any mention of a Kaateria before now," one of the women said. "And where was she showing up from? Good thing he's nice to look at, as he's not much on the storytelling..."

  The woman sitting closest to her on the left poked her in the side and pointed at Kaateria who was now standing next to the group.

  "Who's that? Oh..."

  "Where's Belosic?" Kaateria asked.

  "You know I haven't seen him," Damon scanned the village halfheartedly looking for any sign of him. "He's got to be around here somewhere though."

  Damon tilted his head toward the girl on his knee, "This is Lake. She just turned eighteen. By the way, is Lake your real name or a nickname?"

  "Why would it be a nickname?" she asked.

  "No reason. Anyway, they're having a party for her tonight. Can you believe how lucky we are? Couldn't have picked a better night to arrive if we'd tried."

  "Yes, very lucky," Kaateria scoffed. Somehow she managed to keep her eyes from rolling. Which was good as it would've made searching for Belosic a little more difficult.

  "Damon said he might give me something for my birthday if I'm good. I'm hoping he'll give me a bigger present if I'm bad though," Lake said as she trailed a finger up Damon's leg.

  "Uh, yeah..." Damon stiffened. "That does sound like a swell idea."

  "I'm going to find Belosic," Kaateria said.

  "Do you want me to help you?"

  "Oh, please don't go. You haven't finished your story," the crowd cried.

  "I don't want you to have to disappoint your fans," Kaateria said and started to walk off.

  Damon watched her as she disappeared among the huts. He thought about following her. But he wasn't sure standing at the moment was the best course of action.

  Kaateria stopped and turned to him. "You promise you won't run?"

  Damon raised his eyebrows and motioned at the women seated around him.

  "Run? I can't even stand right now."

  Kaateria could no longer resist and rolled her eyes. She realized that Damon was right and she was in no danger of him running away from what was probably the greatest moment of his life. Then she went off in search of Belosic.

  "So, then I said..." Damon continued, turning back to his gathering. The woman clapped with excitement.

  Kaateria found Belosic standing at the back of the huts. He stared up at the mountain that formed the perimeter on this side of the village.

  "Did your woman friend climb away from you?"

  Belosic was so deep in concentration that he hadn't heard Kaateria approach.

  "Kaateria," he said. "You startled me."

  Belosic looked back up the mountain. Kaateria watched him intently. It wasn't like him to not notice someone approaching from behind. For a member of the king's guard to not notice something like that usually meant certain death.

  "No, I haven't seen her since the beach," Belosic glanced around as if expecting her to jump out of some previously unseen hiding place.

  "What are you doing out here all alone? Besides staring at this mountain?"

  "We're close."

  "Yeah, Damon said we are a day out. At most."

  "No, I mean, I can feel it," Belosic said. "Like it's calling to me."

  He turned and looked back at Kaateria.

  "I know, it sounds crazy. It's been happening for a while, but I didn't really understand what it was until last night by the river..."

  "Oh no. It doesn't sound crazy at all," Kaateria said. "I mean, we're in a village that has lost all of its men. Because they were all called by this ring. It only makes sense that you would feel it calling as well. You know, because you're a man."

  Belosic nodded his agreement. What she said made perfect sense.

  "How about for the time being we just make sure you don't wander off on your own anymore, ok?"

  "Ok," Belosic said. He looked up the mountain one last time. Then, he tilted his head and furrowed his brow. "Do you hear that?"

  Kaateria did hear it. She cringed. It sounded like someone was pulling the tail of a wampapus which was not an enjoyable sound. It was like the noise of nails raking across bark and the screams that would follow as the nails were ripped from the fingers. It sounded like another person was simultaneously slapping something that sounded wet and meaty. While yet another person, in a completely different rhythm from the other two, was playing a flute. The flute, despite doing its own thing, actually sounded quite nice. Unfortunately it was practically drowned out.

  "The party must've started," Kaateria said.

  "Party?"

  When Kaateria and Belosic got back to the front of the village they searched for Damon. The lanterns that had been strung throughout were now lit, providing the only light in the darkness. The music was louder here and equally as unpleasant as the flute continued to be drowned out. Eventually they found Damon among several women sitting at the tables.

  "Over here," Damon said patting the seat next to him.

  Kaateria accepted the spot.

  Belosic stood there.

&nb
sp; "Oh, sorry. I didn't save a seat for you pal. It must've slipped my mind."

  Belosic glanced around. At the far end of a different table a woman motioned for him to come sit next to her. Belosic gave her a smile that looked like he had never done it before and his lips were incapable of performing the simple act.

  "Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Damon said as Belosic walked over and sat down.

  "So you're still with us," Kaateria said.

  "Look around you," Damon said. "I'm surrounded by women. Some of them beautiful. And all of them lonely due to the fact that they'll likely never see their husbands again. I'm not running from this. Oh, no. This you'll need to drag me away from."

  Plates were passed around the table. They were piled high with various fruits, greens, and fish. Lots and lots of fish. Kaateria took some food and passed it to Damon. Or, at least she started to. Damon raised his shackled wrists and made eyes at Kaateria. Those eyes said, "please load my plate up with food."

  "Please load my plate up with food," Damon said, in case his eyes weren't appropriately conveying what he wanted them to. "It's too difficult for me to hold the serving plate while filling my plate at the same time."

  Kaateria held the serving plate allowing Damon to take what he wanted. Once he was done putting food on his plate, he took the plate from Kaateria and passed it down.

  Damon put some fruit in his mouth. It was while he was chewing it that he noticed the woman sitting across the table from him. It was hard not to notice her, and it was rather surprising that it took him so long to do so. She was practically boring a hole in his face with her stare. And she had very large breasts that strained to escape her too tight shirt.

  "Nice melons," Damon said.

  "Damon!" Kaateria said.

  "What? They're simply mouthwatering."

  "Thank you," the woman sitting across from Damon said with a giggle.

  She rested her oversized breasts on the table, elevating them and taking the strain off her back. The plate sitting slightly in front of her was almost engulfed by her cleavage.

  Damon took another bite of the fruit on his plate. He moaned with delight. The juice of the melon ran down the side of his mouth and gathered in his beard. He smiled revealing the slushy flesh between his teeth.

  The woman across from him giggled again, a little more excitedly. And began popping the melon into her own mouth as well.

  "I grew them myself," she said.

  Kaateria moved a piece of fish around her plate. She poked it with her fork, lifted it up to her face, and inspected it.

  "Not a big fish eater?" the woman sitting to Kaateria's immediate right asked. The woman was young and tight with a splash of freckles across her face.

  "Not really. Never could get a taste for it."

  "So you've tried it before?"

  "Yeah, a couple years ago. I was trying a lot of stuff then. Trying to find myself. What I liked. What I didn't. I found that I'd much rather eat a sausage. Or a pickle."

  "It took me a while to get into fish. It wasn't really until after my husband left and I started to feel incredibly hungry that I began to really enjoy the taste of it. One of the other women introduced me to fish one night and I haven't been able to get enough since. I think almost every woman here would agree that we're all really into eating fish now."

  Damon choked on the other side of Kaateria. Kaateria hit him a couple times on the back until he stopped.

  "Thanks. I overheard what was being said about eating fish over there and I thought I was going to die." Damon's eyes were watery. He blinked several times, clearing them.

  "Are you always such a child?" Kaateria asked.

  "Yes. Yes, I am," Damon said in all seriousness.

  Damon took a big swig of his ale and then moved from his seat to stand closer to the band. He began tapping his foot to some rhythm that only he must've been able to hear because it didn't match up with any that was being played. Then he started to suggestively move his hips from side to side. This moved up to his shoulders which he rolled around. Then to his head which he bopped about. Then he hopped around to face the women who all started hooping and hollering. Several of them got up from their respective seats to join Damon out on the makeshift dance floor.

  Damon pointed at Kaateria who had remained seated. She shook her head. Damon moved his hands up to his chest. Keeping them balled up, he made as if he was shadow boxing while still feeling the groove. Kaateria couldn't help but laugh.

  Damon motioned to her again to join him. Kaateria watched him shifting around to the music. His movements were graceful and goofy at the same time. He seemed like he was really enjoying himself and it was infectious. Kaateria finally caved.

  "Only for a bit," she said.

  "Sure, only for a bit," Damon said.

  They began moving together. Their bodies falling in sync. As if they had been dancing with each other forever. Kaateria laughed and Damon smiled. And all of the women gave them their space.

  Belosic sat at his table watching them.

  And he sat there and watched them dance all night. Until eventually, Damon had drank so much and expended so much energy that he ended up passing out on the dance floor. At which point Belosic hoisted Damon up on his shoulder and carried him off to bed.

  31

  Damon was having a wonderful dream. It involved being the only man in a town full of lonely women and having to take care of their every needs. All of them. Even the sex ones. If he wasn't fully aware of the fact that he was dreaming he might have believed he had died and gone to the endless party in the sky. The dream took an odd turn though when one of the increasingly undressed women started speaking to him in Belosic's voice.

  "Damon, time to go," the woman said. Her hair was long and red. It cascaded down her shoulders discretely covering her swelling breasts.

  Damon reached out a hand to brush the hair off of the woman's shoulders. She slapped it away. But not in a fun, playful way like Damon thought would happen. No, this was an aggressive, hard slap. Damon yelped and pulled his hand back. He shook it and then rubbed it in his other hand.

  "Do that again and I'll cut you," the woman said. "We're close enough to the ring that we'll likely be able to find it without your help."

  Damon furrowed his brow. Then he slowly opened his eyes. He blinked them a couple of time before lazily shifting to an upright position on the bed.

  "Good morning, beautiful," Belosic said. "You know, I'm surprised how long you've survived being as heavy a sleeper as you are."

  "I would've been awake a lot sooner if I was concerned, but I knew it was only you. Figured I might as well try to finish the dream I was having before heading back into the woods. It was good until you made an appearance. Your voice anyway. Made the woman speaking slightly less attractive with that bass."

  "Get dressed," Belosic said. "Kaateria is waiting for us downstairs. Breakfast is ready."

  Damon took a deep breath. He could smell something delicious wafting up from the floor below. His stomach growled with anticipation. If it was anything like the food he ate last night, he knew he was in for a real treat. And that he'd need to take a nap afterward.

  Damon watched as Belosic walked out of the room humming to himself. Damon couldn't recall seeing that happen in their entire journey together. Damon supposed he would be happy when this was all over too. He knew that the hardest parts were still to come. Damon stifled a laugh over the things that he knew.

  Damon grabbed his clothes from the back of the chair that sat in the corner of the room. He pulled them on and followed after Belosic.

  "Thanks again for the hospitality," Kaateria said.

  "You're welcome," Brewnyn said.

  "And you're sure there are no horses?" Damon asked. His belly was full, his head hurt a little from the heavy drinking the night before, and he was quite sure he had no desire to walk. He really wished they hadn't been forced to leave their horses back at the boat landing.

  Kaateria shot him a look
.

  "What?" Damon said. "Real hospitality would include a horse. Or some other form of transportation. A ride on someone's back perhaps..." Damon looked at Belosic hopefully.

  Belosic's actions in response gave no reason for Damon to believe that was going to happen.

  "Maybe we should just wait and leave tomorrow," Damon suggested.

  "No," Belosic and Kaateria said in unison.

  "If you see my husband, all of our husbands, tell them we miss them," Brewnyn said.

  "And if you see anyone who looks good with a shirt off, has a great smile, and appears to have some stamina, tell them I just turned eighteen," Lake said.

  "You know, I'm really sorry about that. Truly. I wasn't expecting to drink that much. And, it's been such a long trip. With no great beds. Plus," Damon held his hands up to his mouth and whispered while pointing toward Belosic, "this guy is a really loud snorer.

  "Also, was that pufferfish? Because I felt really bloated and gassy after. And that's never a good combination for a fun night in the sack.

  "Not getting to sleep with you will live on as one of my life's greatest disappointments. But, not one that I'll share with anyone. Let's pretend it never happened. In fact, I've already forgotten it. What were we talking about...?"

  When they had made it around the base of the mountain that protected the village from the back, they found a long wall that came up to waist height depending on how tall you were. It was made from the rocks that had tumbled down from the sides. And made was putting it generously. The formation of the wall was mainly due to the fact that the rocks kept falling in the same general area and then rolled along the path against the other rocks that fell before until it became something that resembled a line drawn by a blindfolded drunk. Every few feet were placed signs that warned of the fact that if you were crazy enough to go over the wall you would enter Blackheel Forest. It was next to one of these signs that Damon, after some struggle, was shoved over to the other side by Belosic.