She meant that much to me.
My heart was changed now. There’s no going back.
Jeremiah finished his breakfast, and I glanced nervously at the door of the bathroom down the hallway. She should have come out of the shower by now, or at least I would have thought so. But what do I know about how long women shower? Still, a nagging feeling in my gut kept growing until I couldn’t stand it any longer.
I stood up and walked down the hallway, stopping outside the door and knocking lightly.
“Evie?” I called.
Silence.
I listened at the door, listening for running water, but didn’t hear it.
“Evie?” I called, knocking louder.
Nothing.
My heart sank.
“No fucking way!” I shouted, my fingers turning the knob, my gut telling me all I needed to know before I even saw the empty room.
I ran to the bedroom, throwing open the door.
Empty, also.
“Dammit!” I growled, anger rippling through my veins.
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
EVIE
Once I saw Catherine’s grave was real, I knew for sure that dream was never just a dream. I didn’t know how in the world I made it back to my bed afterwards, but I knew for sure I’d had that conversation with Hawk.
Now, I just needed to finish it.
He was here. I knew it. I could feel it.
“Hawk!” I shouted, tears streaming down my face, as I stumbled through the woods. Thick, electric-green moss dripped off the branches overhead, covering every hard surface with a spongy blanket. Fallen leaves clung to my wet boots as I stomped down the trails.
“Hawk! Where are you?” I called, over and over, practically begging him to show his face. Frustration turned to annoyance and yet, I kept going, knowing if I didn’t get the answers I needed, I would never be able to go on with my life.
I rested on a rock after a while, comforted by the appearance of Oliver and Olivia as they landed in a tree overhead.
I waved at them, and they blinked back, their calm quiet helping to still my racing heart a little. Cradling my head in my hands, I tried to remember all the times I’d seen Hawk, tried to recall all the things he’d said to me, searching for clues as to where he might be.
He’d never actually told me where he lived. And I knew there had to be some other explanation. How in the world could he have been married to someone over a hundred years ago?
I stood back up, determined to find my way back to the cabin, Oliver and Olivia flying along behind me.
Maybe it was all a dream, after all, I thought.
Maybe I was just sleepwalking. That’s why I was muddy.
Maybe Hawk didn’t exist at all…
Wrought with guilt for worrying Shadow, I decided to just give up and go home. He’d shout at me, probably. Flash those sexy eyes at me and tell me I was never leaving his side again, most likely.
I’d just have to make it up to him.
And how would I do that? By completely forgetting about Hawk. By shoving him to the back of my mind and locking his memory away forever.
“Fine,” I sighed. “I don’t need answers anyway.”
I kept going, my fingers sliding over patches of moss on the sides of trees along the way, my gaze flickering up every now and then to make sure the owls were still with me.
Somehow, they made me feel safer.
I thought I was almost home, my mind slowly turning to Shadow and what I was going to say to explain things to him, when I realized that I was actually very lost. The cabin was supposed to be just at the end of the trail I was on, but once I reached the end, it just turned and went right back into the forest.
“Oh, no,” I whispered, my heart racing again. I looked up at the owls. “Guys, I’m lost, can you help me?”
They stared back blankly, nothing but big orange globes of silence.
“Shit.”
I turned to go back the way I came, figuring if I could find Catherine’s grave again, I’d be able to retrace my steps and find the cabin.
My boots sloshed through the muddy trail, my entire body now trembling with dread.
What if I didn’t find my way back?
The thought of being lost in these woods — with Hawk — scared me to the bone. Now that I’d decided to just let the memory of him go, I wasn’t keen on seeing him anymore.
I just wanted to move on with my life.
To hell with all this creepy mystery.
I rounded a familiar corner and gasped.
There was Catherine’s grave. And standing right next to it, was Hawk, his head bent as he whispered under his breath.
“And then thou seem’s so pure, so high, so beautifully bright, I almost feel as if it were an angel met my sight…"
I moved closer, not sure if he’d seen me or even heard me.
“Hawk?” I whispered.
He turned to me, finally, a smile slowly spreading on his face.
“Evie, hello. Why, I’d thought you’d gone home by now…”
I walked over to him, my eyes searching his face.
“Who are you?” I whispered, reaching out to him.
CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
SHADOW
Staring at the open window, the thought that she’d run off — again — was almost unbelievable. I’d thought I’d gained her trust, but maybe I hadn’t gained a damned thing.
She’d had a dream about some freak in the woods and probably went off looking for him.
Jealousy and rage were too emotions I wasn’t real comfortable with. And yet here they were, in full force. I ran through my options, wrestling with the idea of protecting her and letting her go, all at the same time.
And yet, the pain I felt at being betrayed was the most uncomfortable thing of all. How could she make love to me like that, and then just run off, like it didn’t mean a fucking thing?
Was she fooling me all along?
My phone buzzed and I pulled it out of my pocket, answering it quickly when I saw it was Riot calling me back.
“Hey, brother,” I answered.
“Shadow, I talked to Ryder, man. Are you sure Evie said Hawk Blackwood?”
“Yeah,” I replied, “I’m sure.”
“Well, someone’s fucking with you, or Evie, for sure.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Ryder told me that a man named Hawk Blackwood was the original owner of the property the clubhouse sits on, and the surrounding acreage.”
“Oh, well that makes sense, then, that he’d be wandering around,” I said.
“Not really, brother,” he paused. “The thing is, the guy died almost a century ago. So, someone’s lying about their name.”
“Maybe it’s his son?” I offered. “Just left off the ‘Junior’ part of his name.”
“Well, I thought that, too,” Riot replied. “But Ryder said he didn’t have any descendants. Never had any kids. In fact, he was only married for a short while before he and his wife both died.”
“Yeah, well, it can’t be the same guy,” I said, my heart racing, trying to piece it all together.
“Listen, I was able to pull a picture off my genealogy site. I’m going to text it to you. But, I gotta ask, Shadow, do you need some help? I can send someone else home, or ask a brother from another club to come back you up.”
I shook my head in confusion. “No, man, I’m cool. But right now, I have bigger problems.”
“What do you mean?”
“Evie ran away. I just discovered that fact. I gotta go find her man.”
“Dude. I’m a phone call away. And so is help. Just say the word.”
“Thanks,” I replied. “I got this. Send me that picture, though.”
“Will do,” he replied, hanging up.
My phone dinged almost immediately. I pulled up the picture and my heart damned near stopped.
It was him. The guy from the woods, the one I’d been chasing. He stood next to a gorgeous young blonde woman with a
white lace veil pushed back from her face, smiling at him. I knew it was him, because he wore the exact same clothes in the picture.
And the girl in the photo…
“How in the hell?” I hissed.
She looked just like Evie.
“No, no…” I shoved my phone in my pocket and ran out of the room.
“Jeremiah!” I called. “It’s game time!”
“Game time?” he asked, looking up from the snack of grapes and cheese I’d given him earlier.
“Do you like hide and seek?”
“Yeah!”
“Great, throw your boots on, okay, buddy? We’re playing a game with Aunt Evie, you gotta help me find her, okay?”
There was no way in hell I was going to leave the boy alone. But there was also no way in hell I wasn’t going to go find Evie.
My gut told me she wasn’t safe.
I had no explanation for whatever the hell was happening, but I just knew I needed to find her. I needed to see that she was safe and that she remained that way.
I scooped up the boy and we ran out the door at breakneck speed.
He yelped and I stopped, taking a deep breath and setting him down on his feet. “Sorry, buddy. We need to work quickly, because the faster we find her, um…the more points we get!”
“Points?”
“Yeah, it’s a different way to play the game, okay?”
“Okay!”
“So, can you keep up? Or do you want me to carry you?”
“I think I can keep up,” he nodded, determinedly.
“Alright, let’s do this,” I said, grabbing his hand and facing the woods. There were three different trails to choose from and I felt like it was a life or death choice. I didn’t want to think about who might die.
“This way,” I said, picking one and moving.
Moving was key. She couldn’t have covered much ground. She hadn’t been out there too long.
She had to be fucking okay.
She just had to.
CHAPTER SIXTY
EVIE
He stepped back, and I let my hand drop.
“Who are you?” I repeated, my eyes searching over his face, his hands, his clothes, anything to provide information that my brain was so desperately seeking.
“I told you last night, darling,” he replied.
“Tell me again,” I said.
He smiled, eerily, slowly, darkness falling over his eyes.
“I’m good and evil, Evie,” he drawled. “Darkness and light, you see. I’m everything that ever existed inside of you, and yet…I’m nothing at all.”
“Nothing at all…”
“Truly,” he agreed. “I’m right here in front of you, and yet, I’m only a dream.”
“You were a nightmare. The things you told me…” My voice faded away, swallowed by the fear in my throat. “Am I just imagining this?”
“Aren’t we all just imagining things? Does anyone really know the answer to that question?”
“You’re not giving me any explanations.”
“What should I explain, sweet one?” he inquired. “That I’m dead? Should I say it out loud, so you’ll believe it? But how can you believe my words and your eyes, at the same time?”
“Hawk…”
“Dearest Evie,” he looked at me with a swell of love. “How can I put your mind at ease?”
“Are you going to kill me?”
“Kill you?” he laughed. “Oh, my! Why would I kill you, darling? I adore you. I’m in love with you, Evie.”
“You don’t know me,” I shook my head, every word he uttered only confusing me more. My head was swirling, my knees weakening as I stood there, now convinced I was going crazy. “Am I hallucinating?”
I went to reach out to him once more, and again, he took a step back.
“Let me touch you,” I whispered.
He shook his head silently, and I saw a glimmer of a tear in the corner of his eye. “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.”
“Why not?”
“Evie, Evie,” he shook his head, as if I’d disappointed him. “You’re not going crazy, darling. You just need to wrap your head around it. After some time, you’ll come around to the idea. Sure, we can’t be normal, but what’s normal these days, really?”
“Normal…”
Just as in the dream last night, I felt myself almost floating as my gaze locked with his. Unable to break it, I stopped struggling and allowed myself to melt under his words.
“We can be happy without flesh, dearest…”
“We can?”
“Oh, love, you’ll see. You’ll see it all. You and I, we can be together forever. Do you know what forever really means, sweet one? An eternity is almost unimaginable…until you’re living it. Then, you see the value. I thought I was going to have an eternity with Catherine, but now I see that she sent you to me.”
“Sent me?”
“Yes, look at you! You’re here, like an angel in her exact image. And you’re mine, darling, you’re all mine! What a joyful gift she’s given me.”
“I don’t…no, Hawk, I’m not yours,” I said, trying to snap out of the trance his words seemed to lull me into.
“Yes!” he insisted. “Catherine sent you, don’t you see? She’s forgiven me, she’s given me back the love that I destroyed that day, in that cabin. She can’t come back to me, but she still loves me, even though I was a monster to her.”
“Did you…did you kill Catherine?” I whispered.
His eyes went wide with surprise. “Oh, didn’t I tell you, darling? Of course, I did. She was a whore, I had no choice. But that’s all in the past now!”
I took a step back, drowning in fear.
“Oh, Evie, don’t be afraid, love. I would never hurt you. I mean, sure, I’ll have to get rid of that gorilla you’ve been sleeping with, but that will be easy enough. But you? I would never lay a hand on you,” he said, before breaking out in hysterical, maniacal laughter. “You do see how absurd this all is, right? Oh, forgive me, you don’t really know how everything works, do you?”
I shook my head, my eyes wide, my breathing completely stopped..
“I can’t touch you, darling. I can’t kiss you. I can’t hold your hand. I can’t caress that beautiful face or feel the velvety brush of your golden locks. I can’t make love to you. Not with this body. Not with yours…”
He looked me up and down and a shiver went through my spine.
“But you see, my love,” he said, his voice lowering to a whisper. “I have a theory. Catherine never made it back to me, not in this after realm. I was hoping she would. Mostly, so I could beg for forgiveness for my overreaction to her infidelity. But also, because I needed to know if we could be together. For a hundred years, I’ve longed to touch another soul. A brush of a hand, a pat on the back, sure, that would be amazing, but to kiss someone again? To feel the breath of another on my lips? I would die for that feeling.”
He looked at me for a long time, as if I was supposed to understand some unspoken thing he was trying to convey.
“You don’t understand?”
“No,” I whispered.
“You and I. We can experiment…”
I shook my head, “No…”
“…if you’re dead, too.”
His eyes widened, suddenly hungry with something that wasn’t there before.
“Evie,” he growled, his voice now a low warning.
I ran.
Adrenaline shot through me like a rocket, as his words sank in.
I would not be his experiment.
I had a reason to live.
There were absolutely no good reasons to die.
CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
HAWK
Let her run, I think, as she stumbles away, as if I couldn’t catch up to her in an instant.
She’s not ready…
Not yet, anyway.
I know my words scare her. I could smell the thick stench of fear rolling off of her pretty body.
&
nbsp; It’s fine, it’s fine…
There’s still time. And while she tires herself out running from nothing, I’ve got another issue to deal with.
Shadow is coming.
I can feel him getting closer, hear his heavy, anxious breathing, his pounding footsteps thundering towards us.
It’s time for me to stop him.
Sure, Evie cares about him, or at least she thinks she does, but she’ll see how fleeting that was. I have so much more to offer.
I can offer eternity.
Shadow is merely a mortal man. An uninvited guest in our lives.
Evie might mourn him for a New York minute, but I can heal her.
Death can be beautiful, don’t you see? A rebirth into a world that runs by different rules, where you can have the pure freedom of forever.
I’d missed my chance with Catherine. Often, I’d wondered that if the reason I was doomed to eternity without her, was because I’d been the one to take her life. With Evie, I’d finally be able to find out the answer to that.
It was simple, really.
If Evie remained with me in the afterlife, then Catherine hadn’t forgiven me. If Evie disappeared, too, just as Catherine had, then I’d know it wasn’t my fault, I’d know that Catherine had no choice but to stay away.
I yearned to know the answer.
And the idea of spending an eternity with Evie wasn’t bad, either.
If I risked it all, and ended up with neither of them? Well, that was just a price I’d have to pay. Was Evie’s life worth that much?
To me, yes.
Does that make me a monster?
Darling, I’m already a monster.
CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO
EVIE
I fled like I was fleeing a crime scene. Hawk’s eyes, not to mention his words, left me reeling. I knew he meant every word he said. His eyes told me that much. And I knew if I stayed, the crime scene would become real.
I didn’t know how it was possible, I don’t even know how I managed to break free from him, but he let me go, and once I realized he wasn’t chasing me, I ran even faster, my legs pumping over the fallen logs and rocks with ease.
I ran and ran, until I stopped short when it began raining. I looked around, realizing that I was lost again, with nothing but dense forest around me. Gasping for breath, I leaned against a large boulder, bent over at the waist, my chest heaving. I pushed away the fear, forcing myself to try to focus.
Gods of Chaos MC Box Set 4 Page 42
