“That’s a good idea. I already finished my tasks for the day—as long as nobody’s computer crashes.”
“I’m sure they can manage,” I whisper against her soft skin.
“Okay, if you insist.”
“I do.” I lean around her and press a kiss to her mouth. “I’ll be back after dinner.”
“Come on, Sheriff Moore. Come out and celebrate with us. It’s my last night here,” Ben says.
“Alright, one drink,” I agree. The guys start piling out of my office, so I grab my phone and call Nina.
“Hello?” she answers.
“Hey, baby. I just wanted to call and tell you that I’m going to be a little late tonight. It’s Ben’s last day, so we’re all going for a round of drinks.”
“Aww, I didn’t know he was leaving. Where’s he going?”
“He got the job in Denver.”
“Okay, well…tell him I said good luck.”
“How exactly am I supposed to do that? You’re out sick, remember?”
“Oh yeah. Well, don’t tell him anything. I’ll see you when you get here.”
“Okay, baby.” I hang up the phone and grab my jacket, ready to hit the bar with my guys.
We make it to the bar, and the place is mostly dead, which is good because it gives us more room. The guys get a round of beer, and I order a glass of bourbon, then we all sit around the big round table. Everyone is telling Ben how much they’re going to miss him, what a pleasure it was to have worked with him, and how he’s going to do great work in the city. All I can think about is all the dangers that await him there. I don’t want to scare the kid out of moving on and bettering himself, but things in the city aren’t anything like what we have going on in this town. I send up a silent prayer that he’ll be alright.
“So, boss, tell me what to expect,” he says, leaning forward on the table and holding his beer with both hands.
I let out a laugh. “Nah, I don’t want to scare you,” I say, taking a sip.
All the guys laugh like I’m just giving him shit.
“Come on. I need to be prepared, right?”
I think about it for a minute. Maybe he’s right. I don’t want to hold him back or scare him, but he does have a right to know. “Being a police officer in the city is dangerous. Wearing that badge on your chest is like wearing a target. Now, don’t get me wrong. The city is mostly made up of people just like you and me—people who want to live a good life and who just want to provide for their families. But every city has its bad apples. And the city is bigger, so you get more of them. But these aren’t the type of guys you’d see around here. These are gangs, drug addicts, alcoholics—people who don’t care to see you hurt and who won’t even take you into account when it comes to taking what they want. And they won’t go around you. They’ll go through you. But every day we put on this uniform, we’re making the decision to protect those good people at all costs. Every time we put on this badge, we know it may be the last. It doesn’t matter if you’re here or there, being a police officer means you’re ready to put your life on the line. Remember that, and you’ll never take a day for granted.”
Everyone around the table suddenly looks shocked, surprised that I laid it all out for them. Most of them probably have never had the thought that today could be their last. Living in a small town like this is like living under a security blanket. Everyone knows everyone, and any of the neighbors would risk their life for yours. In the city, it’s every man for himself when you’re an officer going up against some of the worst criminals.
Jeff gets up and leaves the table to go to the bathroom. Jerry and Mike go to hit up the bar, and Joe and Nathan go to the pool table, leaving me alone with Ben.
“You sure you wanna do this?” I ask, raising my glass and taking another drink.
He looks nervous now, the excitement of celebrating worn off. “I don’t know now, after that speech.”
“I didn’t mean to scare you, but I thought you had the right to know. And let me point out that not every day will be like that. Most days will be good with normal traffic stops, settling an argument in a grocery store, and helping an old lady cross the street. But the bad days, those will be there too. And it only takes one really bad day to change your life forever. But the worst part is not knowing what kind of day today is going to be. You can drive yourself crazy with worry, but then you won’t enjoy the good days. The worry will turn every day into a bad day. So, my question to you is, can you enjoy the good days? Or are you the type who focuses on the negative? Because if you can’t let the bad go, the city will chew you up and spit you out.” I finish off the glass. “What kind of guy are you, Ben?”
He doesn’t answer, and I don’t expect one. This isn’t the kind of question you just blurt out the first answer that comes to mind. This is the kind of question that makes you think and do some soul searching. With the question hanging in the air, I push myself back and head toward the bar, wanting to give him a few minutes alone to think about what he really wants.
I pay the tab the guys have racked up before hitting the road, wanting to be with Nina. She acted off today, and a part of me wonders if it has anything to do with last night. I didn’t mean to make her worry, but the truth is, when I was up on that mountain, my only thought was getting the man to the hospital. I didn’t think she’d search for me, or that she’d be sitting up half the night worrying. I’ve been on my own for so long now that those thoughts don’t even pop into my head when I’m on the job.
Just like I told the guys, every day I put on this badge, I’m making the decision to put my job ahead of my life. When I’m working, I don’t allow myself to think of family, friends, or now, the woman I love. I can’t. I would never be able to function. When you’re in a situation, your head needs to be clear. It just makes me wonder if I’m the right kind of guy for Nina. She deserves someone who can and will drop everything for her. I can’t do that. Just seeing how upset she got last night when I wasn’t in any danger at all makes me wonder if she’s even strong enough to be in this with me.
But I know one thing. I tried so hard not to notice her that the one thing I forgot to do was not fall in love with her. And that’s exactly what I’ve done. I’ve fallen head over heels in love with Nina Waters, and the thought alone scares the shit out of me. How will this affect my daily life on the force? Every time I run into a dangerous situation, will she be all I can think about? If so, I’m going to end up getting myself killed. But I know I’d die without her. If I couldn’t touch her every time I saw her, my heart would break.
I know I’m not the man she needs. I have a dangerous job, I’m too old for her, and I’m thoughtless. The question is, can I let her go? Can I be selfless? Can I take the pressure of letting her find her true soulmate while stepping back?
Thirteen
Nina
I’m lying in bed in my darkened room, wondering if Bryce will be coming in. He went out for drinks with the guys after work. I wasn’t invited, nor did I really want to go, but I would have liked to tell Ben goodbye. Ben’s a good guy, and we’ve always been close, but I don’t feel like myself today. Yesterday, I was happy and sure about where Bryce and I were headed. But then, last night happened, and so many thoughts have filled my head.
For one, if I decide to move forward with Bryce, will I always be filled with anxiety and worry when it comes to him going to work? I have a full life of my own, and when the center opens up, I’ll only be busier. Will I be able to focus on the things I need to do without worrying if he’s in danger? When we have kids, will I be worried that their dad might not come home one night?
Second, he met my parents. He thinks my dad saved his life. If he found out who my dad was, did he find out who I was too? Am I what brought him here? Is being with me some cosmic way of making things up to my dad? Because my dad saved him, does he think he has to take care of me to make up for him losing his life? Did Bryce come here just for me, or is it really a coincidence that we have this connec
tion, and we both ended up here?
Knowing all of this, does it change anything for me? He said he loved me, but he said it when he thought I was fast asleep. He hasn’t mentioned it at all today. Maybe he’s waiting to tell me in some special way? Or maybe he’s not planning to tell me at all. Maybe saying the words while I was asleep was just a way to get them out. God, I feel like I’m going crazy. How does anyone do this? How do you let go of all of your concerns and fears and truly be with someone? These are the thoughts that are keeping me awake, that have kept me quiet and closed off all day.
I hear the front door open, and a few minutes later, the shower comes on. I push back the blankets and strip off my clothes on my way to the bathroom. I pull the shower back while his face is in the stream of water. I wrap my arms around his waist, and he jumps.
“You scared me,” he breathes out, spinning in my arms.
“I’m sorry.”
“What are you doing up? I figured you’d be fast asleep by now.”
“I have too much stuff on my mind.”
“Youth center stuff?”
I shrug. “That…and you.”
His brows pull together as he studies my face. “What questions do you have about me?”
I take a deep breath. I guess there’s only one way I can get the answers I so desperately need. “You said you think my dad saved your life.”
“He did save my life.”
I nod. “Well, am I what brought you here? Is being with me some way to make it up to him for him losing his life?”
His face suddenly relaxes as his hands move up to cup my cheeks. “Not at all, Nina.” He presses a kiss to my forehead. “I looked you up, I admit it. I was planning on finding his family and telling them that he died a hero. But once I saw that his only family was you, a young girl who was all alone in the world now, I couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t look you in the eye and tell you that you were all alone because of me. So that was that. I closed the book on that chapter of my life and started to write something new.
“I thought I could just put everything behind me and carry on as if nothing happened. But every day became harder. I found myself wondering, is today going to be another bad day? The worry alone was enough to ruin a good day, so I decided I needed to get out of the city. I started looking for jobs online, and I applied for this one. When I got it, I had no idea you were here. I was just looking for some relief.”
“But did you see me here that first day and know who I was? The way you were looking at me…”
“I was looking at you the way I was because I was attracted to you. You were beautiful. You are beautiful. When we were introduced, I knew your last name sounded familiar, but all the records had your legal name, no Nina. It wasn’t until you told me the story of your parents that I put two and two together. It had nothing to do with the way I saw you or the way I fell in love with you. I love you, Nina. I love you so fucking much, and I don’t know what I’d ever do without you. You’ve gone from someone I wasn’t allowed to touch to someone I’d die if I couldn’t touch. You and me, we’re meant to be. Call it destiny or fate or some divine gift from your parents if you want. You and me, we’re written in the stars.” Without another word, he pulls my lips to his and kisses me soft and slow, but full of love and passion. I forget everything else. I forget my worries and concerns. It all falls away with just the slightest touch from him.
He pulls me against him and carries me to the bedroom, where he covers my body with his. The rest of the night is spent in a blur of body parts, moans, gasps, and ecstasy.
Days turn to weeks, and weeks turn to months. The summer flies by and changes to fall, and fall gives way to winter. The roads on the mountain are covered in deep snow, but the fire burns hot and keeps us warm. We snuggle up every chance we get. Bryce and I have settled into a nice rhythm with things. With the center being completely finished, I’ve quit my job at the police station. Now, I spend my days making the final decisions for the center. I decorate rooms, order the necessary materials needed for classes, and start the interviewing process to hire some staff. And as I’m no longer employed by the station, Bryce and I are finally able to come out of the cabin we’ve been hiding in. We’re a real couple now who go out on dates and can be seen touching and kissing. I’ve never been happier.
Some days, I still have a horrible sense of worry when he leaves the house, but I’ve been able to control it by telling myself our town is safe and that my man knows what’s best. He knows how to handle any situation thrown his way, and he’s finally gotten the I’m-single-and-have-no-one-to-worry-about mentality out of his system. Now, he makes decisions based on what’s best for the both of us.
When he’s not at the station, and I’m not at the center, we spend our time on the couch in front of the wood-burning stove. We cuddle and watch TV while I sketch out the new plans to extend my—our—cabin. He likes to watch me sketch, and oftentimes, he has good ideas that I incorporate into the plans. My one bedroom, one bath cabin will soon be a full-sized house with three bedrooms, two baths, an office/studio for me, and a workout room for him. We’re also planning on recreating Red’s patio that I love so much, and we have more plans for the property, like adding a barn, and, maybe one day, owning horses and other livestock.
We’re nice and settled with some plans for the future, and right now, I couldn’t ask for anything more.
In the morning, we go our separate ways—him to the station and me to the newly built center. Everything is almost ready, and we have our grand opening in a week. There’s so much to do and not a lot of time to do it in. Bryce has had to throw down the hammer a time or two and make me come home at night when I’m too engrossed in my work.
Today, I managed to unpack a load of stuff that had come in for the art room. There are easels all set up with a canvas on each one. There are drawing tables, light tables, and even a pottery wheel. There are rows and rows of shelving to hold paint, brushes, and other supplies. And this is only one of the classrooms. We’re also going to offer woodworking and computer classes to teach kids everything from typing to coding. There are many other rooms for tutoring and studying, along with a library. I’m overwhelmed with happiness that my dream is finally coming to life.
When I finish with the art room, I lock up behind me and leave for some lunch. I drop by The Place, pick Bryce and me up some burgers and fries, and take everything to the station.
“Look who’s back,” Claire says when I walk in.
I smile as I approach the counter. “Hey, how’s everything going?” I ask, pausing by her for a quick chat.
“Good. How’s everything with you and Mr. Hottie in there?”
I laugh. “Amazing. Hey, the grand opening is next week,” I start, but she cuts me off.
“I’ll be there.”
“Is he busy? I brought him some lunch.”
“He’s in a meeting right now.” She points toward his office.
I peek around the corner and see him at his desk with a man I don’t know sitting across from him. “Who’s in there with him?” I whisper back to Claire.
“His name is Dan Carter. He said he is the Chief of Police back in Denver.”
“I wonder what he wants,” I say mostly to myself.
“Rumor has it he’s here to beg him to take his job back in the city, but who knows?”
Dread fills me. If he wants Bryce back, will he go? I want to say no, but part of me wonders if he’d want to. I mean, no doubt there’d be more money, a bigger office, and a nicer car in it for him. City stations go all out, unlike our little station here. They have the best money can buy while we have hand-me-downs from the school or things the state sent over. Worry consumes me.
I leave the food on the counter. “Claire, will you give Bryce his lunch when he’s finished in there?”
“Sure, no problem.”
Without another word, I turn and walk out, suddenly scared of losing Bryce to a whole new threat. Many times over, I’ve worried
about his job taking him from me, but that would’ve been involuntary. If he gets an offer he can’t refuse, his job will still be taking him from me, but it would be voluntary. He says he loves me, and we’ve been planning out our house, but nothing has been done yet, and it’s not written in stone.
I climb behind the wheel of my car and take a deep breath. I tell myself to calm down. Bryce will explain everything when he gets home tonight. If he tells you, you’ll know he’s not planning on going anywhere. But if he doesn’t tell me right away, I know I’ll be a nervous wreck. I mean, waiting will only mean he’s not ready to break the news to me yet or that he doesn’t know how to go about it.
I push the thoughts from my mind as I head back to the center, more than ready to keep my head down, immerse my work, instead of worrying for no good reason.
Fourteen
Bryce
“It’s good to see you again, Dan,” I say, shaking his hand as he sits down across from me. Dan was my boss back in Denver. He’s one of the best men I’ve ever known. He was there visiting me every day in the hospital—every day for a month. When I told him I could no longer take the city, he understood completely and pushed me to find what would make me happy. That’s when I took this job and met the love of my life.
“I’m glad to see you’re doing well for yourself around here,” Dan says, unbuttoning his jacket as he sits.
“Yeah, it’s not much compared to your precinct, but it’s all mine. I like it. It’s quiet here. I can actually hear myself think, you know?”
He laughs and nods. “Listen, I’m just going to cut straight to the point here.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to do anything else,” I reply.
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