“You here alone?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered, narrowing my eyes at him. I wasn’t sure why he would ask me that.
“Can I come in?”
“Not if it’s to apologize. I’d rather just pick up where we were weeks ago when I couldn’t stand you.”
“It’s not. It’s not to apologize.” He shook his head.
I stepped aside and he came in closing the door behind him.
He leaned against the door and stared at me. His stare increased my awareness of him, where we were, and him in my mind.
I’d never met anyone who made me act so irritational and erratic that I didn’t even know if I was coming or going.
“Can’t get you out of my damn head. From that first night you stuck there and you’ve been there ever since. Can’t get you out,” he said after a few moments of silence.
“Is that such a bad thing?” I challenged as if I wasn’t guilty of having him in my head too. “It’s not like I gave you the impression that…it would be a bad thing.”
“I know, I know that it’s…”
“Work?” I gave him a probing stare because that answer would have been bullshit.
“Work. You see, last year was…”
“So last year. This is this year.”
“Paige…” He stepped forward and pressed his lips together. Two deep worry lines appeared between his eyes then he refocused on me and stepped forward. Closer. Closer to me. He reached forward and cupped my face. “Fuck it,” he breathed. And just like today, his lips came crashing down on mine, raining hungry kisses on my lips.
Chapter 13
Paige
Unlike today, when I was so stunned I could hardly move, I kissed him back with the same hunger he showed me. With complete reckless abandon.
Our tongues slicked together as he ravished my mouth, sweeping his tongue over mine, teasing me with wet heat, fueling the savage desire that coursed from me to him.
That hunger sent me over the edge because I’d never experienced it before, yet I knew I craved him and only he could satisfy my needs.
He pressed me up against the wall and his lips trailed a line of hot fiery kisses along my neck.
I moaned as he cupped my breasts and started squeezing and kneading. That felt so good I became instantly wet.
“I’ve wanted to touch you like this for weeks.”
“I wish you didn’t wait,” I whispered.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be making up for it,” he promised. “And we can try out all those sexual positions you talked about.”
I turned my face, meeting his lips for another heated kiss.
He continued his wild kisses down my neck again and down to my chest where he covered my left nipple and sucked on it through the satin fabric of my camisole top.
I clean forgot I was actually in my pajamas. It was, however, a massive advantage because it was all I was wearing along with my panties.
He pushed the little straps down my shoulders and the stop floated down to my waist, exposing my breasts.
I moaned again as he resumed his suckle, his lips on the bare tips of my nipples, then taking in as much of the flesh as he could.
Mindless moans of ecstasy fell from my lips. He sucked hard then soft, licking and lapping at my nipples like he could taste me.
I backed off his jacket when he moved back to look at me, and he shrugged out of his shirt unleashing his masterpiece body that looked even better than any fantasy I could have conjured up.
Peaks and valleys was all I could see lining his abs. Tight taut peaks and then the Japanese character for Earth on the edge of his hip.
My mouth was already watering, but when my gaze landed on the massive bulge pressing out on the front of his jeans I had to swallow hard. He looked big, and that was just the bulge.
His gaze drifted down to his crotch as I stared and he smiled.
“Don’t worry, you’ll enjoy it, I promise,” he said with a cunning grin.
“I’ll hold you to that.”
“You won’t need to.”
I smiled at him too and moved to him when he reached for me. We kissed and continued to tear at each other’s clothes. The last thing left on me were my panties which he took his time rolling down my legs while he trailed kisses there too.
All along my legs then up and up again to my core where he parted my thighs and slid his finger inside me.
I watched the desire for me come alive in his eyes. I watched him as he nuzzled his face between my thighs and kissed the sensitive skin there. I watched and just the sight of him and all he did to me made me want him more. I was eager for him to explore and do whatever he wanted to me.
A wicked, sinful smile spread across his face as he slid his fingers inside and out, stroking my inner walls and lingering over the hard sensitive nub of my clit.
A shot of raw pleasure stole my breath away and took with it my awareness of everything. His touch stripped away everything from my mind. Everything but the intense need I had for him. My need for him to keep touching me just like this.
It was like the intense grief I’d suffered from losing Lizzie—and all that came with it afterward—was wiped away from reality. Like it never happened. Like she was still alive and I could be allowed to be happy and experience the exhilaration I felt right now in this moment. This moment of luxuriated bliss that sang through my veins.
All from his touch.
“You like that Paige?” he asked in a deeper voice. I could only answer with a nod as I convulsed with pleasure from the stroke of his clever fingers. Stroking and igniting a spellbinding heat inside my soul. “You’ll like this more.” That smile of his turned more sinful. More delightful. He removed his fingers and instead of his clever fingers working magic on me, it was his tongue.
He’d spread my thighs wider and pressed me right up against the wall so all that was holding me up was that and him.
Then, with pure precision, his clever tongue lashed inside me, working me open, driving me over the edge of reason with wildness.
God in heaven it was all so much. Too much pleasure.
He was right that I would like it. I loved it. Too much.
Ryan stroked and licked, licked then stroked, and all I could do was writhe against him, moaning and groaning. Lost in him and the call of pure primal pleasure.
His tongue swirled inside me, circling and coaxing me to climax. It was coming. Building, rising, reaching higher and higher to such a peak it heated up the blood in my veins and made my heart hammer.
My poor heart slammed at the buildup and anticipation. Then the liquid fire scorched me clean as I came, riding the wave of orgasm that took me and swallowed me whole. My entire being shuddered.
I arched my back against the wall allowing him and the wild orgasm to take me. Like I was a slave to the passion and his will.
He tightened his grip on me, drinking me clean. Drinking all that flowed from me and sending me right back to that pleasure-filled ecstasy as his tongue renewed and revived the sensation.
“Fuck, Paige…you taste so damn good.”
I was struggling to catch my breath. He stood so he could undo his belt buckle then shrugged out of his jeans and boxers, releasing his cock from the prison of his clothes. Once again my mouth watered from the sight of him.
I’d guessed that he was big, but he really was. He grabbed a condom from his pants and watching him sheath himself with it was the stuff dreams were made of.
“This position first,” he said picking me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and held on to him. “Because I want to look at you as I fuck you and watch your face as you come.”
The rawness of his words electrified my whole body, exciting every nerve ending from the thrilling sensation of his touch and the anticipation of him being inside me.
Inside me…
The buzz of sexual heat built up between my legs as he pushed his heavy erection into my o
pening. Hard like steel, the fat head of his cock pressed right into me as he inched his way in, then suddenly he filled me up completely.
I sucked in a sharp breath, moaning on the wave of pleasure as he pulled out not quite all the way, then dove back in. Plunging in deep, deep inside me, buried to the hilt.
I threw my head back and cried out from the scalding heat that flicked over my skin like flames of fire combined with electricity. Tension coiled from deep within. Coiling around every fiber of my being with molten, hot desire.
I gasped when he began to move inside me, slow then faster, and faster. Faster, then at a pace and rhythm we both got lost in.
It was a raw rhythm that held me prisoner to his relentless thrusts.
Hunger matched hunger, passion for passion, as body to body we moved together. It was like we’d always been like this. Like this was always us and the way we’d been since the dawn of time.
My inner walls rippled against him as he increased his pace again and pounded harder, fucking me harder and sending me spinning off the axis of pleasure.
It racked my body and trapped me in the arms of ecstasy, which held me there and refused to let me go.
Lost in him, I felt the buildup of another greedy orgasm. This one would be worse than the last. It was fueled by the animal fierceness from which he drove into me. He seemed to feel it too because he pumped harder and harder, jackhammering until the ultimate pleasure grabbed us both and we climaxed together, bucking and thrashing against each other in the wildness.
The shivering ecstasy that rippled through me continued and I grabbed on to his wide shoulders, resting my head against the crook of his neck. I held on to him. Holding him until my head stopped spinning, digging my heels into his back.
He held me too, held me close, and as fragments of reality started seeping back into my mind I wondered how it was I was supposed to go back there. Go back to the real world. To a place of uncertainty.
Uncertainty with everything, if I was being honest. And, damn it, with him too.
Was this it?
Was just now it? One time and no more?
I was afraid to look at him. The only comfort I had was his arms around me, holding me like I was his.
“Give me ten minutes and I’ll be ready again,” he whispered into my ear, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I lifted my head and stared at him, meeting his gaze.
“Again?” I whispered.
“Yes, if you want to.”
“I want to,” I told him quickly and touched his face, loving the feel of his jaw against my fingertips.
“Again, and again,” he smiled.
“And again,” I agreed.
He could have me forever if he wanted.
Again and again, and all over again.
Chapter 14
Paige
Four more times.
Four more amazing times that left my soul breathless, lifeless. I wasn’t sure what the right word was.
I fell asleep in his arms, in my bed.
I never knew the feeling of falling asleep in his arms would fill me with so much content. However, it was my mistake.
I never saw him leave.
I woke at four thirty in the morning to an empty bed. My heart was empty too. Emptied to a bottomless pit because I didn’t know what it meant. I hated to be left hanging in the air without anything to reason with.
It was ironic that I was a woman of possibilities and here I was faced with them. A number of them too because I wasn’t sure what last night did to us. Or, rather, to Ryan.
I knew full well what it did to me.
I wanted to keep seeing him, but was him leaving letting me know he didn’t want to keep seeing me?
I could have been jumping the gun and jumping to the thing I would have hated the most. Maybe he left to get home because we were supposed to be at the hospital at five and he wanted to get there in time too.
But Ryan wasn’t at the hospital when I got there.
All ten of my colleagues in my mentor group were here but not him. He didn’t always join us for the study sessions, but he did more often than not.
Trying to be positive, I pushed it out of my mind and decided it was one of those mornings when he wouldn’t be joining us.
That whole plan dissolved at seven a.m. when Dr. Barry announced he’d be taking care of our lectures and practical work today.
I knew as he spoke that Ryan wasn’t here because of me and my heart sunk right into the chasm of despair.
By lunchtime I felt like shit and had to meet with Kelly.
We went off site for lunch at Carla’s, one of our favorite restaurants, where I didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing me in my distress.
Seeing how I looked, she ordered dessert first. We’d do that sometimes when we needed cheering up. The sight of the hot fudge sundae was very welcoming but I didn’t think it could do the trick today.
I realized in the short space of time that I’d known Ryan, I’d experienced a number of firsts with him. First guy to make me feel so alive, first guy to wipe my brain clean of reality. He was also the first man to make me feel like this. Like I couldn’t think of anything besides him ever again.
I knew I shouldn’t feel this way because we’d only had one night together and we’d only known each other for a month. I just couldn’t help myself.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
“Hey,” Kelly said, reaching across the table to tap the top of my hand. “The sundae is calling to you. Also I’m breaking my diet and I’d feel worse if you didn’t join me.” She giggled, waving her hand over her Belgian chocolate and banoffee waffle surprise.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be such a bore. I’m going to eat it.” I would even if I didn’t feel like eating. I wouldn’t have wanted Kelly upset with me.
“The sugar will balance you.” She gave me a warm smile and I realized she was trying to distract me. It was the way she got me to talk after the accident last year.
I’d shut down to everyone besides her. My best friend always found a way to reach me even when I wanted to lock myself away from the world.
“Kelly, thank you for making time to do this. I needed it.”
“Don’t be silly. You know I’ll always be there for you. I’ll always be there even when you don’t want me to be. I’ll be that annoying little voice nagging you until you cave.”
I laughed. “Thank you. I don’t mind annoying. Kelly…what am I going to do? Why can’t I just be like one of these women who are happy with a night of sex and able to move past it the next day? I could be like ‘Wow that was great, he’s gone, no problem, what’s the weather like today?’”
“I don’t know anyone like that.” She took a sip of her hot chocolate and averted my glare because she was exactly like that. I’d seen her be like that and she told me just as much. I didn’t know what happened with that blond guy from the other week, but he was an example of a guy that was just for the night. Never saw him again. “Okay, stop looking at me like that. I can be like that sometimes. It doesn’t mean I’m just happy with a night of sex.”
Again I arched my brow. “Kelly, if you want to help, at least be truthful.”
“I am, you didn’t let me finish. If I really liked the guy, like it’s clear as day that you do, I wouldn’t be happy with one night and no more. The only way I might be in that scenario is if the reason for the one night is wild and romantic—like he’s going off to war and I’ll never see him again. And let’s face it, the chances of that are slim.”
“So what would you do? Kelly, I’m not stupid, he didn’t come into work today because of me. I’m sure I was the reason.”
Her shoulders slumped and she frowned. “I’d kick up a big fuss and blast him to kingdom come. But that’s me. That might not be the best way to handle this situation. The truth is, I’m not sure what to tell you. Honestly, in his former life, Ryan was a player. We all only
know of him changing because of that blowup last year, but to me it’s more about image. I don’t know if he actually changed his player ways or calmed down some because of his father. That’s why it’s difficult for me to guess what might be at work here.”
I sighed feeling more frustrated. Last night didn’t feel like I was being played. He came to see me, was at the start of some explanation, and then we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.
I knew he was worried about work, and that made sense when I thought of what I’d been told about last year.
“Forget him…that’s the best thing to do right?” I asked. “It makes sense to do that.”
She blinked and looked me over with concern in her eyes. “Paige, just because something makes sense doesn’t mean you should or can do it. I can see you really like him. I can’t tell you to just forget him when I can see this guy really left a lasting mark on you. Maybe he did change and there’s more to the story that neither of us know. Maybe there’s more.”
“Like what? It’s enough to be worried about his image at work. It’s reason enough not to be with me.” I was trying to be fair and see things from his point of view.
“Lord, I blame myself for this.” She winced, bringing her hand to her head.
I chuckled. “Why on earth would you?”
“It’s my fault. I practically forced you to choose dare that night at the bar. If I didn’t then you would have made me guess some boring truth I already knew the answer to.”
That was probably true. I would have made her guess something boring like me liking pickles or pizza. She would have known I hated pickles and adored pizza.
“It’s not your fault.”
“I made you go up to the bar and ask some random guy what his favorite sexual position was.” She cringed. “You picked him and the seeds were sown that day. The seeds of sex were planted in his mind and yours and look, last night happened.”
Last night definitely happened and I could say with surety that all the sexual positions within my knowledge were my favorite. I tried them, and liked them all. Now I was dealing with the consequences.
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