‘Why did you leave without saying goodbye?’ Dominic asked quietly.
‘Because we’d said all we had to say.’
‘Had we?’ Dominic checked. ‘Because there are an awful lot of things I want to say to you that I haven’t, and I’ve always felt you’ve been holding back.’
‘That’s right. I’m cold.’
‘You’re not, though,’ Dominic said. ‘Are you?’
‘No.’
They arrived at the park—the same park where her brothers had swung her and bounced her, so she’d return home with a smile rather than admit to her pain. The same park where she’d lain on the grass next to Dominic and told herself she could never have him.
There were so many hurts, but there was one in particular that still festered beneath all the others that were beginning to heal.
‘I loved you,’ she told him, without looking at him.
‘Yet you never once told me that.’
‘Because I was scared to,’ Rachel admitted. ‘Because I loved you and you didn’t love me.’
‘You don’t know that.’
‘But I did know that,’ Rachel said, and turned to face him. ‘I loved you the day I met you and I had to hold back from telling you over and over. I would have married you baby or no baby—would you really have wanted to hear that?’
He was silent.
‘The day we got married I wanted to come to this park and spin and dance like I was Maria in The Sound of Music. I wanted to cry because I was so happy. Yet there was a part of me that knew you’d only married me because of the baby.’
‘Perhaps, but—’
‘No buts,’ Rachel said. ‘Please don’t lie to me here, Dominic. You married me because I was pregnant. I knew it, you knew it, and everyone else knew it too. And so, yes, I held back. I was so happy, but I felt guilty for being happy, so I tried to hold back, because I didn’t want to smother you. I didn’t want to be hanging-off-the-lampposts happy when the truth was we were only together because of the baby.’
‘No,’ he said. ‘We were together first.’
‘You didn’t love me, Dominic. At least not the way I loved you.’
Rachel felt oddly relieved. The truth was out and there was nothing to hide any more.
* * *
Dominic opened his mouth to speak and then closed it. Because her revelation had been unexpected. Because he’d thought he might have to coax an admission of love from Rachel.
Now he faced the force of it, as they sat on the bench in silence and looked out at the park.
Dominic needed to think about this—not just dismiss her deepest thoughts, or sugar-coat things just to whitewash their history—and he took a moment to consider.
She was right, and she was wrong, and she was all shades of everything in between.
‘You say you loved me, Rachel, but you never trusted me. I know you were grieving and depressed after we lost Christopher, and I’m sorry for my handling of that, but you pushed me away right from the very start.’
‘No—’
‘Yes,’ he said firmly. He stated it calmly and as fact. ‘You never let me in. Even when I asked about your mother...’
‘You didn’t want to hear all that.’
‘Of course I did,’ Dominic refuted. ‘I didn’t expect you to open up the day you first told me, but even over the weeks, over the months, over the years, you never gave me the parts of you that mattered the most.’
He said it not as a criticism—in fact, he held her hand.
‘I get it, Rachel. I didn’t then, but I do now. You were shut down by your family. But as for me not loving you...’
He was trying to be logical, but he was also bewildered.
‘I didn’t know what love was back then, Rachel,’ he admitted. ‘And I’m not making excuses—it’s the truth. My parents told me they loved me in the same breath as they told me all the things they did for me. But that didn’t feel much like love. And then everyone told me I’d ruined both our lives and that we’d never make anything of ourselves, and that didn’t sound a lot like love.’
Rachel turned and looked at him.
‘I know that I wanted to look after you, and that I failed to do so.’
‘It wasn’t your fault.’
‘It felt as if it was at the time,’ Dominic said. ‘You say I didn’t fight for us—but I tried. I even offered to move in with your dad! And when you said it was time to put it all behind us, to move on with our lives, that all we’d done was make each other unhappy, I believed you meant what you said. You know how I felt about my mother staying with my father. I would never have wanted to keep you in an unhappy marriage.’
‘I overheard your dad talking to you,’ she admitted.
‘He never spoke for me. Those were his words—never mine. I’ve barely spoken to him since that day. Why didn’t you just ask me what I wanted? How I felt?’
‘Because I was scared to,’ Rachel admitted. ‘Because I knew how much I loved you and I didn’t want to hear that you didn’t love me.’
‘And do you still?’
‘Still what?’
‘Rachel!’
* * *
‘Do I still love you?’
Rachel looked at his velvet brown eyes and she was simply too tired to deny, deny, deny. It was finally time to be honest, no matter what the consequences.
‘Yes, Dominic, I do.’
‘Then what were you doing walking out on me the other day? You left me with those photos, Rachel, and that hurt.’
‘You’d just told me you didn’t want both a relationship and work,’ she reminded him, ‘and then you headed out to get takeaway.’
‘We were talking, Rachel. For the first time in years we were properly talking... Okay, maybe it wasn’t the best time to pause the conversation, but I was trying to get us out of bed and actually speak. Because if you love me...’
‘I do love you.’
‘Even if I can’t give you babies?’
‘Of course I still love you.’
Oh, she wanted a baby, wanted a family, but the love she felt was independent of that.
‘You get me.’
‘When you let me.’ Dominic smiled.
‘I’m sorry I’m not good at sharing my feelings.’
She decided to try hard and let him know some of the things that made her love him so.
‘I love how you hold my hand, even when we row.’
It was one of the nicest of things he did. Even during difficult conversations he was still holding her and looking out for her.
‘And I love how you make me smile, even when I’m trying not to, and I love your terrible attempts at a northern accent. I love how you’re so patient with my dad, and how you paid him back...’
She saw the press of Dominic’s lips, as if it was he who was having to work hard to hold his feelings in now.
‘That means everything to me. And I also love that you called him twice...’
‘He told you?’ Dominic closed his eyes, looking both embarrassed and relieved that her father had told her.
‘Was it about the photos?’ she asked.
‘In part,’ Dominic said, and then stood. ‘Come on.’
‘Where?’
‘It’s just easier to do this while we’re walking.’
He was nervous, Rachel realised, and that was so unlike the Dominic she now knew.
He cleared his throat. ‘After I’d paid him back, I had a letter from your dad. I’ve still got it,’ he admitted as they left the park. ‘He said that we were square, and he wished me all the best. But I didn’t want it to be over, Rachel, and I just had to know if you were okay. When I called, your dad said you were getting there, and that me getting in touch would only make things worse. I couldn’t argue with that.’
They turne
d in to the street where they had once lived, and she smiled when she saw the little flat they had shared.
‘And the second time?’
‘It was my thirtieth. I don’t usually drink, but I went out with Jordan and he told me Heather was expecting. I don’t know... It just got too much. I told him about Christopher and you, and I realised I’d never come close to finding what I’d once found with you. I missed what we’d once had. You say that I didn’t love you, but looking back, I know I did—I just didn’t know it at the time. That night we had the curry...’
She blushed at the memory.
‘I was in love with you then, Rachel, and I love you now. I’ve never stopped loving you.’
She looked up into his eyes, and felt his hands on her cheeks, his fingers wiping away her tears. ‘Please don’t just say it.’
‘Why would I just say it? If I didn’t want us to be together, why would I have got in my car this morning and driven all the way up here to put us through this? Why have I been finding out about vasectomy reversals...?’
‘Stop it.’
‘But I have been,’ Dominic said.
‘Since you looked at the photos?’
‘No, since we had that awful lunch in the canteen.’ He smiled at her frown. ‘I was absolutely certain when I had it—right up to when you came to The Primary. But I’m not so certain now. I don’t want to take away our chances.’
Finally, after all this time, she dared to say what she had wanted to for so very long. ‘Can we try again?’
‘We’ll do more than try,’ Dominic told her. ‘I love you, Rachel Walker, and I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving that to you. Come on,’ he said again.
‘Where?’ Rachel frowned as she was trotted off again.
‘Here.’
She frowned again as he reached into his jeans and took out a key, opened the door. ‘What are you doing?’
‘I didn’t come straight to your father’s when I arrived in Sheffield,’ Dominic said. ‘And I didn’t fancy a hotel, nor having to show up at your father’s door whenever I wanted to see you. I decided we’d done enough of that and I went to speak to our old landlord. The flat is ours for the next two weeks. I figured that might give us time to work things out. I didn’t know you’d be so easy to convince...’
She was stunned, but smiling, and a little overwhelmed to be walking through this door again.
And then Dominic picked her up and carried her—as he hadn’t done on their wedding night.
Yes, she liked this rather more arrogant version of him. And there was another new side to him too...
He put her down in the little lounge, where there were fresh-cut flowers in a vase on the table.
‘You’ve been shopping,’ she said.
‘There’s food in the cupboards,’ Dominic said as she peered into the kitchen, ‘and I’ve made us roast pumpkin soup.’
‘Seriously?’
‘I got the recipe from a patient. Chilli flakes are the secret ingredient to a good soup, you know.’
‘I do know.’ Rachel smiled. ‘But how do you?’
‘It was a very lengthy tendon repair.’ Dominic smiled. ‘Miss Tate could teach us all a thing or three...’
Miss Tate had chatted not only about soup, but also about the importance of flowers, and being kind—all the things he hadn’t learnt from his parents. And then she’d told him how, if she had her time again, she would take more chances and maybe not hold back on love.
They hadn’t been talking about Dominic, yet he’d felt a little as if they had. And it had been a pleasure to sit on his stool beside such a wonderful lady.
‘Dominic, it all looks gorgeous,’ Rachel said.
There were flowers on the little table too, where once there had been doctor’s letters and bills.
‘What time did you get here?’
‘I went to see May this morning, around eight, and left pretty soon after that. Richard has said he doesn’t want me back until this is sorted. Although I was prepared for quite a lengthy negotiation.’
He led her to the bedroom, which had the same brown walls and grotty curtains, the same heavy wooden bed, but...
‘New sheets?’ She smiled.
‘New everything,’ Dominic said, and then he pulled her to him. ‘A brand-new start. Rachel, will you please marry me?’ he asked, and then added, ‘Again?’
‘You mean it?’
‘I have never been more certain of anything in my life,’ he said. ‘In fact, I’ve still got my wedding ring.’
‘So have I!’ Rachel laughed.
‘And this time you’re getting an engagement ring.’
‘I don’t need one.’
‘Well, you’re getting one,’ Dominic said. ‘This time we’re doing it right, and that starts tonight. I’ve already told your dad I’m asking you to marry me.’
‘When?’ Rachel frowned.
‘When he came to the door. He was about to send me away until I pointed out that that hadn’t worked in the past. I said that if you didn’t want me in your life, then I had to hear it from you. I said I loved you, and that I was going to do whatever I could to make things better.’
‘You told him that?’
‘Yes—and I reminded him of what he said on the night Christopher died. That we both want what’s best for you. And that I believe I am best for you. And that I wasn’t asking his permission to marry you—I wanted his blessing.’
‘Oh!’ Rachel breathed.
‘Then he took me into the dining room and said, “Put wood in ’t ’ole, lad”. What does that even mean?’
‘Shut the door.’ Rachel smiled at his terrible northern accent.
‘Well, I did shut the door, and your dad asked if I had a ring. I said we’d choose one together, but he said that you might want this...’
He took out a ring—a gorgeous pink ruby surrounded by little diamonds. It was a ring that Rachel had loved all her life.
‘It’s Mum’s ring.’
‘Yes.’
‘I remember it,’ she said.
It had glinted in the bedside light as her mum had turned the pages of her bedtime stories. She could remember her smiles, and the scent of her perfume, and she wasn’t scared to share those memories with him any more.
‘Will it hurt too much to wear it?’ Dominic asked. ‘Because if that’s the case...?’
‘No, no,’ Rachel said. ‘I absolutely love it.’
‘You really do have beautiful hands,’ Dominic said as he slid the ring onto her finger.
And they were even more so now, with the perfect ring on them.
He kissed her then—a slow lingering kiss that tasted of patience rewarded and a very deep love.
He took the little bow that tied her dress and undid it, sliding his warm hands inside. His kiss was still tender as he undressed her and then pushed her back onto their bed.
As she lay watching him undress, she felt choked up, especially when he climbed into bed and held her. Because she knew how lucky they were to have been given this second chance.
‘I’m sorry for all the hurt,’ Rachel said, and she knew the part she had played in their demise.
‘No more saying sorry about that,’ Dominic said. ‘Maybe we were too young for a love this big?’
He kissed her again, and now it was more consuming, with the roughness of his jaw and the weight of his naked body warming hers.
He kissed her slowly all over, his mouth tasting her, pinking her skin and making her burn all over, burying himself in her, discovering her all over again.
And when she came to his lips, nothing could stop him. No sheath, no barriers. They were together again.
He drove into her with such passion, and she met him with the same force, until they were moving together, loving each other. And then she look
ed up and saw those velvet brown eyes closing as he lost himself in her.
They were locked in rhythm, with no secrets between them, no feelings unshared and no needs unmet...just her building moans that made him move faster and faster.
Then Dominic opened his eyes and watched the delicious frenzy of her climax as she unravelled beneath him and he spilled into her.
And then there they lay, facing each other again, her hair back to curly, his eyes back to kind.
Lovers and loving each other all over again.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
‘IT’S YOUR WEDDING DAY?’
The hairdresser gaped in surprise at the calmest bride in the world, sitting in her chair.
Rachel deliberately hadn’t gone to the place she’d once worked, because their wedding was a secret and just about them.
‘Yes.’ Rachel smiled.
‘But you booked a “hair up for a wedding...” Usually brides like to have a trial...’
No trial had been necessary.
There was to be no family this time.
No pregnancy either—although Dominic was working on that!
No pressure.
The sun was bright and shining high as they met at a quarter to eleven outside the Town Hall.
It was a gorgeous listed building and there were people milling around outside, a newly married couple stepping out to the sound of cheers.
‘I can’t wait to marry you again,’ Dominic said. ‘You look beautiful.’
Rachel wore a flowery dress from a high street store and some wedge sandals for the occasion. Her red hair was curly and piled high and she carried a bunch of sunflowers—because they made her feel happy.
Dominic looked completely immaculate, of course. He wore a dark grey suit, a white shirt, a silver tie and a smile. He’d had his hair cut and gone for a hot towel shave. She could not wait to get her hands on that smooth jaw. In fact, she ran her hands over it and moved in for a kiss.
‘Not until we’re married, cheeky,’ he said, and then offered his arm.
Together they walked in.
Their register office wedding was a very tiny one, because with two witnesses pulled at random from the street, they held hands and looked only at each other as the registrar spoke.
The Nurse's Reunion Wish (HQR Medical Romancel) Page 15
