We danced in silence for a few minutes. It was easy and comfortable, though I couldn’t help but start thinking about how little I really knew him.
“What are you frowning at?” he asked when he looked down at me.
“I just don’t know much about you,” I shrugged.
“I think you know plenty.”
“What, your favourite colour and the fact that you love pasta?”
He smirked.
“Isn’t that enough?”
“You know everything about me,” I reminded him. “I’m an open book.”
“No kidding.”
“You’ve not really told me anything real though. I don’t even know about your family.”
“You already know my dad,” he said, shifting a little.
“Hardly. I only know what I’ve seen in Council meetings. What’s he really like?”
“He’s… okay.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Insightful. What about your mum?”
“She lives in Avaria. She only visits this realm on occasion.”
“Is she here tonight?”
He shook his head. I could almost see him closing up in front of me. I narrowed my eyes a little.
“I’m a private person,” he said at my look.
“I’m your fiancé.”
“Fake fiancé.”
“We’re friends though, right?” I challenged. He cocked an eyebrow. “Why don’t you want to tell me anything about your life?”
He glowered at me, clearly not happy with the way this conversation was going. I tilted my head a little.
“Scared to let someone in?”
I meant it as a joke but he suddenly pulled away.
“I need another drink,” he stated. He left me on the dancefloor to go and get a drink. I stared after him, confused. Had I hit a nerve? All I’d wanted to do was get to know him better.
I turned to find my dad but saw someone walking towards me.
“Can we dance?” Rick asked, not quite meeting my gaze. I swallowed hard.
“I thought you needed space.”
“I do. But… I want to talk.”
I wanted to tell him to go shove it but held my tongue. Maybe he was ready to make amends.
I nodded and let him take my hand. He put his other one on my waist and I could feel it shaking.
“I’m sorry,” he said after a pause. “I just… It’s hard.”
“I never thought you’d make me feel so shit,” I said coldly.
“I want to be friends,” he said weakly. I nibbled on my lip.
“I never thought you’d leave me like that,” I said quietly. “I thought our friendship meant more to you than that.”
“It does,” he said quickly. “I just didn’t realise how much more until Blaine…”
“You know we couldn’t be together anyway,” I told him. Was I being too harsh?
“I know that,” he sighed. “I guess I just wanted you to be in the same boat as me.”
“What? You wanted me to feel the same way even though I was betrothed to someone else?”
“I don’t know.”
I looked away from him and my eyes fell on Blaine. He was stood with his father now but his eyes were on me. He looked annoyed.
“Can you honestly say you don’t feel anything for him?” Rick asked, noticing where I was looking. I looked back at him. He was watching me intently and suddenly it was hard to hold his gaze.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “It’s complicated. We spend all this time pretending… but he’s been there for me a lot lately.”
Rick didn’t reply for a moment.
“Does he feel anything for you?”
“I don’t think so.” I wasn’t entirely sure but it was easier to just assume he didn’t. “It doesn’t matter. Any feelings either of us have are there because we’ve been forced together.”
“Do you want to marry him?” he asked.
“No,” I said slowly. “But I don’t know that I’d hate it.”
There. I’d said it. Rick swallowed hard.
“I need some air.”
For the second time in five minutes, someone left me on the dancefloor. I ran my hand through my hair, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut. If there had been any chance for Rick and I to repair our broken friendship, it was gone now.
I should’ve just lied.
I walked slowly across the room to the drinks table and took a glass of wine off one of the trays. I took a generous gulp.
Someone approached me again. I almost groaned as I looked up.
It was Blaine’s father, Darren.
“Good evening, your highness,” he said, taking my hand. He kissed my knuckles, his beard tickling my skin.
“Ashley’s fine,” I told him with a weak smile.
“I just wanted to tell you how impressed I am with everything you’ve done. What you did at the memorial was… inspiring.”
“Thank you,” I said, blushing a little. As far as he was concerned, I was going to be his daughter-in-law. I’d met him many times though I couldn’t pretend I’d taken much notice. He was just another voice on the Council, though he was the master of weaponry and warfare. I wondered if that was why Blaine had joined the Avarian Army.
We engaged in small talk for a few minutes. As he talked, I sensed he had an ulterior motive for talking to me but I was in no rush to help him get there.
When he glanced around to make sure we were alone, I figured he was about to get down to business. He took a step closer.
“I’m honoured that you will be joining my family one day,” he said, taking my hands in his. “However, I have some concerns I’d like to address.”
“Concerns?” I frowned.
“It’s a delicate topic but one that is unavoidable. Perhaps we could discuss it another time?”
“No,” I said. “What are your concerns?”
“Healer Francis was a family friend,” he explained. I frowned more. Francis had been a healer in Avaria. He had a gift for healing wounds and soothing pain. He’d helped heal my broken arm once before but died during my uncle’s attack on the realm.
“Oh?” I pushed.
“He confided in me that your mother had trouble conceiving children,” he said, patting my hands gently. “He told me she had many miscarriages over the years and that he worried it might be hereditary. I wouldn’t want you and Blaine to struggle to start a family.”
I pulled my hands from his, my mouth open in shock.
“I’m sorry if I’ve upset you,” he said quickly. “But you must understand how important it is for you to be able to continue the Romar line. I know a doctor who could… run some tests for peace of mind.”
I couldn’t believe he was actually saying this to me. I wasn’t sure if Francis had actually told him about my mother’s struggles or if he’d learned it from somewhere else, but to actually bring it up to me? What a dick.
“He’s a fantastic doctor,” he added, clearly misreading the disgust on my face as something else. “Of course, he would be able to confirm that you’re pure for your wedding night as well. I wouldn’t want any confusion about my grandchildren’s legitimacy.”
I slammed my wine glass on the table.
“Who the hell do you think you are?” I snapped at him, forcing myself to keep my voice low. He didn’t flinch.
“I am a concerned father looking out for my son’s best interests,” he stated calmly. “I would hate for my family line to die with him.”
“You have no right to speak to me about any of this.”
“Actually, Ashley, I do. Your mother’s medical history is an important factor I failed to take into account when this marriage was arranged. And as to your purity, the media hasn’t exactly painted the best image of you. Just tonight I witnessed you dancing with another man, one who I’m aware you spend a lot of time with. My reasons for this request are perfectly valid.”
“How dare you?” I said angrily. “I will not see your doctor
and if you ever speak to me about any of this again, it will be you who needs a doctor.”
Chapter 16
I was half-way to the lift when I heard footsteps behind me.
“Ashley!”
I ignored him, but he grabbed my arm to stop me.
“What the hell was that about?” Blaine asked.
“Why don’t you ask your father?” I snapped.
“What did he say?” he frowned. I folded my arms and shook my head.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I should’ve warned you about him,” he said, running his hand through his hair. “He can be… an asshole. What did he say to make you so angry?”
I took a deep breath, which came out shuddery.
“He wanted me to see a doctor,” I said, my voice shaking. “He had concerns about my ability to have children because my mother had a lot of miscarriages. Oh and he wants to make sure I’m still a virgin.”
Blaine stared at me. That look alone told me that he had no idea his dad was going to say any of this to me.
“It’s fine,” I managed to say. “I just… I want to be alone.”
“Ash…”
“Don’t, Blaine. I’m fine. I just want to go upstairs, put on some lame TV show and forget that that conversation ever happened.”
I walked off before he could say another word.
When I was safely in my room, I pushed the balcony door open to let the cold air wash over me. My hands shook but I wasn’t sure why. Blaine and I weren’t even planning on getting married so it didn’t matter what his asshole father thought of me. Still, I couldn’t pretend that I wasn’t upset.
I changed out of my dress and into a tank top and shorts. I let my hair down and took off all my jewellery, knowing I would not be going back down there. I’d only been there an hour but at least I’d shown my face. My dad couldn’t be too angry at me.
I settled on top of the duvet and flicked through the TV channels until I found a rom-com. I tried to focus on it but my mind kept replaying the conversation with Darren.
I guess it hurt to hear someone talk about my mother like that. I knew she’d had miscarriages. She’d had one when I’d been five and I’d walked in on her crying. I remember how I curled up in bed with her and asked her what was wrong.
“I wanted you to have a little brother or sister,” she’d told me. “But it wasn’t meant to be.”
It was a few years later when I understood what had happened. I closed my eyes tightly as I thought back to that day.
There was a knock on the door. I glanced over to it, wondering who it would be. Blaine? My dad?
Darren? I shuddered at the thought.
“Whoever it is, go away!” I called.
“It’s me.”
Blaine.
“I told you I want to be alone.”
He turned the handle and I realised too late I hadn’t put the latch on. I scowled at him as he slipped inside.
“Go away.”
“Ash – I’m sorry. I had no idea he was going to say that stuff to you. If I’d known I would’ve stopped him.”
I sighed.
“I know.”
“I told him he’s not to speak to you again,” he said, taking a few steps closer.
“I’m sure that went down well.”
“Not really. I’m so sorry. Why don’t you come back downstairs? He’s gone now.”
I gestured to my pyjamas.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ve had enough drama for one night.”
He hesitated, glancing back at the door. When he came and sat on the bed, I raised an eyebrow.
“What are you doing?”
“I haven’t watched a film in months,” he said, leaning back against the headboard. I stared at him.
“Remember that conversation we had about me not needing a babysitter?” I asked. He half-smiled.
“I’m not babysitting. I’m just here to watch a film.”
He kicked his shoes off and put his feet on the bed.
“Why?”
“Do you want me to leave?” he asked, meeting my gaze. I hesitated before shaking my head. His shoulders relaxed a little. “Then I’m staying.”
“But the fundraiser…”
“I told my dad to write a nice big cheque on his way out. I think I’ve done my part.”
A small smile touched my lips.
“What happened with Rick?” he asked after a pause. That killed my smile.
“I think he wanted to be friends again,” I said slowly. “But I ruined it.”
“How?”
“By telling the truth.”
“What truth?”
I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my face.
“Let’s talk about something else,” I said, shifting a little to bring my legs up to my chest. “I’d say let’s talk about you but then you might run away again.”
He took a moment to answer. I looked at him and watched his eyes shift as if he was debating something.
“I find it hard to trust people,” he finally said.
“Why?”
“Someone betrayed me once.”
I wanted to ask more but didn’t. Even though his voice was even, I could see it in his eyes that even admitting that was hard for him.
I reached out to his hand and pulled it off his lap. His eyes followed the movement as I folded my fingers between his.
“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t trust anyone,” I said instead of prying more. He stared at our hands for a while.
“The girl I was with,” he said, clearing his throat. “She cheated on me. For a long time. Fred’s the one who found out and told me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“She was looking for… security. My family is rich and she figured I would look after her.”
“She was using you?”
“I assume so. I didn’t ask.”
“You didn’t want answers?”
“Sometimes it’s just easier to move on and forget.”
“It sounds like you haven’t forgotten though,” I pointed out.
“I threw myself into work,” he said indifferently. “When my dad said he was trying to arrange me a marriage I figured it wasn’t a terrible idea. Then I found out it was you.” His eyes slid to mine. “I didn’t want to marry the Princess. I didn’t want all the responsibilities that come with being married to you.”
I dipped my gaze to the space between us. I’d never really thought of that before. I guess I did come with a lot of baggage.
“That’s why I tried to piss you off on that first date. I figured you’d be so insulted that you’d get your dad to pull out of the agreement. But you didn’t.”
“I’m stubborn,” I said quietly.
“Yeah. But you’re also not what I expected.”
“You keep telling me that.”
“I know but I never tell you why.”
“Then tell me now.”
He pulled my hand to his chest. I could feel his heart thumping beneath his shirt.
“You’re… committed to your duties,” he said, his eyes moving to the TV, though they were unfocused. “I figured you were a spoiled Princess who could get away with anything. But you’re nothing like that. You’re kind and generous and inspiring…”
He pulled my hand up to his lips and kissed it gently. I really didn’t want it to affect me but it did. My heart hammered in my chest at the feel of his lips on my skin. He moved my hand a little and kissed my wrist as well.
“Don’t stop,” I whispered when he lowered my hand. He met my gaze in the darkness.
The next thing I knew he had pulled me closer and his lips were on mine.
For the first time in our warped time together, everything fell into place.
I wound my fingers into his hair and he tugged at my waist to bring our bodies closer. His tongue brushed over my lips, pushing its way past them. I let him in, savouring the taste of his breath. Then I pulled him down over me.
<
br /> “Whoa,” he said, putting his hands either side of my head to lift his body a little off of mine. “We should… slow down.”
I blinked up at him, my brain foggy. “Why?”
“Because if we keep going like this, I’m not going to be able to stop.”
“Are you trying to persuade me?” I asked. He let out a breathy chuckle and slid down beside me. He pulled me into his arms.
“We’re missing the film,” he said, his lips brushing my ear. I shivered. “Are you cold?”
“No.”
I turned my head to face him. He held my gaze for a moment then kissed me gently. When he pulled back, he brushed my hair off my face with his fingers.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“What for?”
“Kissing you.”
“I’m glad you did.”
He ran his fingers down my cheek gently, stopping at my jaw and moving them to my lips.
“I’ve been wanting to for a while.”
“We kiss all the time.”
“Those weren’t real though. This was.”
“It was,” I agreed with a small smile.
“I don’t know what it means though.”
“Do you want it to mean something?”
“I don’t know.”
I shifted my head back a little. His fingers dropped to the pillow.
“I care about you,” he said carefully. “I just don’t know what this is. And what it means for us.”
“We’re still engaged,” I reminded him. “I think we need to figure it out.”
“We don’t have to figure it out tonight though,” he said.
“You’re right,” I said slowly, even though I was starting to feel like he was retracting a little.
“Our situation is… confusing,” he sighed. “I just don’t want to mess up what we have.”
“What we have?” I repeated. “What we have is a lie. We’re pretending to be in love for the media. I think you’re scared of what we could have.”
That seemed to ruffle him. I watched as he contemplated my statement.
“It’s all or nothing,” he finally said. “That’s a big deal.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s not like we can just… be together and see how it goes. Either we’re in it for the long run or we’re not in it at all. Neither of us can make that decision overnight.”
The Avarian Chronicles: A Tear In The Veil Page 10
