by Katy Kaylee
“Well, here’s another bit of advice I have. You don’t have to decide now or even tomorrow. You have time.”
“She lives in a tiny place with her mother. I can’t have my child living there.”
“That’s logistics. You have time for that, too.” He studied me for a minute. “Are you sure it’s yours?”
I laughed. “Maybe I shouldn’t be, but yes, it’s mine.”
“How’d you get caught without a condom?”
I quirked a brow at him, telling him he should know since it had happened to him. “Probably not much different from when you did.”
“I was twenty-one, horny, and in love. You’re twenty-five and more careful.”
I shrugged as I looked into my empty glass. “I was horny, and… I don’t know about love then, but I definitely felt something different.” Maybe that’s why this hurt so much. She’d attached to my heart. That was the pull I felt. And now that had been ripped away. “I was her first.”
Ash’s brows shot up. “Really? She waited a long time. That usually means something.”
I shook my head. “Not according to her. I’ll tell you, Ash, I don’t understand her most of the time, so why am I so drawn to her?”
He let out a loud laugh. “God, if I could explain women, I’d be a rich man.”
“You are rich.”
“I’d be the richest man in the world, then.” He stood. “Ready for a refill? Then we can talk about something else, if you want. Like how do you think Hunter is going to fare as a father?”
I nodded to the refill. “I think he’ll be fine.”
Ash headed back to the bar and poured more tequila. “Your kid and his kid will be about the same age.”
I hadn’t thought of that. His kid would have their mother and father there all the time, though. As would Chase and Sara’s child, and as Hannah now had.
“What about you and Beth? Do you plan to have more kids?”
“Yep,” he said with a lecherous grin as he handed me my drink.
“Soon?”
He shrugged. “I’ll let you know.”
“Maybe we could not talk about all your perfect wives and children,” I said.
“Right. Sorry.”
“Let’s talk about Ben, and what the fuck to do about him.”
Ash held up his glass. “Cheers to talking about that fucker.”
I laughed. “Seriously, Ash. Why do you keep him around?”
His smile faded. “He was my best friend, who had life kick the shit out of him.”
“He doesn’t want help, man. If Alex can’t whip him into shape, he’s a lost cause.”
“Alex?”
“Yeah. She’s taking him on like a pet project. I guess because her dad had a problem with the bottle. She’s a ball buster, and he’s completely impervious.”
He took a long swig of his drink. “He’s family now. I can’t give up on him. But if I need to get him out of the business, I will. I won’t let it hurt Raven Industries.”
“I know you won’t. You’re a good friend.”
“Thanks. You know that we — me, Chase and Hunter — like to hassle you a lot, but we love you. You know that, don’t you?”
I shrugged, because until this moment, I’d have thought they were loyal to me because I was their brother, but I’m not sure I’d have described it as love.
“We used to be so jealous of you. The way Mom pampered you. I suppose that stuck with us, especially since you were the only one she seemed to know at the end.”
I hadn’t considered that. “Momma’s boy.”
“You made her life better at the end. All the food you made for her. Even when she couldn’t eat it. We never said this to you, but we all thought a lot of you for doing that.”
“I appreciate that. I didn’t know.”
He smiled and looked chagrined. “I guess you wouldn’t. I’m sorry about that. I can’t speak for Chase or Hunter, but I’ll try to do better. Truth is, Kade, you’re very good at your job. You can be a pain in the ass, but I guess we all are sometimes.”
“I think that’s the Raven DNA.”
He held up his glass. “To the fucking Raven DNA.”
“Cheers to that.” I clicked my glass with his.
As I sat with Ash, I realized it was the first time I’d ever really spent time with him. At least like this. Talking heavy, deep, and real. It felt good.
32
Morgan — Thursday
I didn’t know how I was getting through day after day. What day was it anyway? Wednesday? Friday? No, it was Thursday. I knew that because yesterday was mom’s treatment. Treatment Kade was still paying for, even after what I’d done to him.
“He’ll come around,” my mother said as she sat with me on the floor with my while I wept that first night after he left.
I couldn’t talk, but if I could, I’d have told her that I didn’t think so. I’d killed whatever feelings he had for me.
I loved you, and you broke my heart.
Those words would haunt me until my dying day.
Now, four days later, the grief and regret were just as acute as the minute he walked out. How I was getting through each day was a mystery. I suppose it was hoping that each time I went to the restaurant, he’d show up. But he never did.
Not that no one from Raven Industries didn’t come to see how things were going. But it was never Kade. Not even Ash. I couldn’t blame him. Of course, he’d support his brother. Beth admitted to me that she’d told Ash, and he’d felt honor bound to tell Kade. I’d had opportunities and failed, so I deserved all that I got.
“Honey, are you sick or pregnant? Because you’re looking like something the cat dragged in,” Pat said to me as I sat staring into space in my office.
“I’m having a personal crisis,” I admitted.
“Is it the restaurant? Because from all I can see, it’s doing great. Those changes you and Chef made are a hit.”
“No. The restaurant is the one good thing in my life.”
Pat pulled up a chair and sat. “I know it’s none of my business, but it hasn’t escaped our notice that Mr. Raven hasn’t been by this week. That, along with your moping, has us thinking maybe something went wrong in your little love affair.”
“You knew we were together?”
She pursed her lips like she was offended. “Everyone could tell, honey. You looked at him like he was a god, and he looked at you like you walked on water.”
“Really? He looked at me like that?”
She sat back and stared at me like I’d said something stupid. “Yes. Couldn’t you tell?”
I shook my head. “I couldn’t ever figure out why he was interested in me.”
“What’s not to be interested in?”
I shrugged. “I’m not like the other women — ”
“Well, there’s your answer right there. He didn’t want the same old woman. He wanted you. Smart. Creative with food. Willing to stand up to him. We all heard how you walked into Raven Industries and gave the old G.M. the boot and Mr. Raven the what-for.”
I smiled as the memory came back, bittersweet. “You heard about that?”
“We did. Earned you some street cred here, too. So, what’s up? What’s going on?”
I wasn’t going to give her the details, but I did say, “I deceived him.”
She frowned. “Did you cheat on him?”
“No. But it was a betrayal all the same. He’s hurt, and what we had is gone.”
“Did you apologize?”
I closed my eyes as his parting words came back to me.
You haven’t apologized. Not once. Not even close.
“I am sorry, but at the time I was trying to explain and was frustrated, and I couldn’t get my words right.”
She slapped her hands on her thighs. “Well then, why don’t you start with that?”
“I think it’s a little late for an ‘I’m sorry.’”
She frowned. “Do you love him or not?”
�
��Yes.”
“I’m not so sure. If you loved him, if you really wanted him, you wouldn’t stop at anything to win him back. It might take time, but you can’t give in.”
“I don’t want to stalk him.”
She stood, and looked at me with disappointment on her face. “No apology, and no effort to make amends. No wonder he stays way.”
I felt her words like a knife in the chest. I wanted to defend myself, but couldn’t. She was right. At the very least, I needed to apologize. Not to make excuses, but tell him how deeply ashamed I was.
I stood. “You’re right.” I grabbed my purse. “You’ve got this, right?”
She grinned. “Manny’s got the expediting, and I’ll work the front if you’re not back for dinner.”
“Thank you, Pat.”
“Of course.”
I rushed out and hailed a cab, giving him the address to the Rookery. The traffic was probably no different than usual, but it seemed to take forever to get there.
I paid the driver and ran into the building, taking the elevator up to the executives’ floor. I speed walked to his office, bursting in.
“I’m sorry — ” The room was empty. Disappointment flooded me.
“You looking for Kade?” I turned and saw Alex.
“Yes.”
She gave me a long look, telling me that word had gotten around. I’d expected her tell me off, as she had a reputation for that.
Instead she said, “He’s in with his brothers. Conference room at the end of the hall.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t tell him I told you. He’s been in a shitty mood all week.”
“Then why are you telling me?”
She shrugged. “He can’t get much worse, and maybe you’ll make it better.”
God, I hoped so. I walked down to the conference room. I could hear them inside talking.
“What’s going on with the small business project?” I heard a man who I thought was Chase.
“It’s going.” I knew that was Kade. I’d know his voice anywhere. It sounded dull, nearly dead.
“The new G.M. is working out well,” Ash said. “And there have been a few changes to the menu that people seem to really like.”
“Turns out Morgan knew better than you, huh, Kade. Good thing she fired you and the G.M.”
“Fuck you, Chase,” Kade exploded.
“Hey, what’s going on?”
I knew what was going on. I opened the door and stepped into the room.
“Ah, Ms. Andrews. We were just talking about the restaurant,” Chase said.
My attention was on Kade. He looked as bad as I felt, and my heart wrenched knowing it was all my fault.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. Maybe you can answer a few — ”
“Chase,” Ash interrupted. “She’s not here for that.”
“What is she here for then?”
Did he not know? Didn’t any of the other brothers, besides Ash, know?
Kade looked at me, but there was nothing in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I said again. “I’m ashamed and I regret what I did. At the time, I thought I was doing what was best, but it was the worst and I hurt you, and I hate that I hurt you.”
“What is she talking about?” Chased asked.
“Jeez, Chase,” Hunter snapped. “Let her finish.”
“Maybe we should let them talk,” Ash said.
“No.” Kade’s voice sounded as dead as his eyes looked. “You don’t have to go.”
I swallowed, wishing I could find the words to make him understand how sorry I was. To have him forgive me and give me a second chance. I didn’t know what those words were, so I just went with what was in my heart.
“I love you, Kade.” I blew out a breath at hearing myself say the words out loud. “I always have, but I couldn’t understand why you were interested in me. I kept thinking you’d get bored and move on. Especially once this project was done.”
“Why would you think that?” he asked.
“Because I’m insecure, I guess. I mean, god… you’re Kade Raven. Billionaire. You’ve dated super models and movie stars. I’m just Morgan Andrews. Daughter of a housekeeper.”
“That doesn’t even come close to being a good reason for keeping my child from me.”
“Did he say child?” Chase said.
“Christ, it’s yours?” Hunter asked.
I didn’t respond to them, and neither did Kade.
I shook my head. “No, it doesn’t. If I could go back and change it, I would. If there was anything I could do now to make you see how awful I feel about hurting you and stop your pain, I would. If there is something, Kade, just tell me and I’ll do it. Whatever it is.”
He closed his eyes, and for a minute I’d hoped I was getting through. “Tell me the truth. Were you going to tell me?”
“Yes. I tried to tell you at the park, but my mom called. I was going to tell you at my house, but then I was afraid she’d catch us in bed. There were many times, but then we were interrupted or I chickened out. I was so afraid you’d think I tried to trap you. And I didn’t. I was committed to telling you when you got back from Romania. You said you wanted more than casual. I wanted that too. So yes, I was going to tell you. Kade. I love you. Not your money, you. Only you.”
“Sorry to interrupt, guys,” Alex poked her head in. “Your dad is on the line.”
That was my cue to leave. I sniffed, and wiped my tears. My plea hadn’t worked. But at least I said what I came to say.
“I have a doctor’s appointment next week, if you’d like to come. You said you want to be involved.” I looked around the room. Chase looked confused. Ash had a concerned look for Kade. Hunter watched me with pity in his eyes. I turned to Kade who was looking at me, but I didn’t think he really saw me. “I’ll text you the information.”
I stepped back out of the room and rushed to the elevator. When it came, I was grateful it was empty so that as I rode down, I could cry. I took a cab home, needing some space. As I entered, my mom, looking much more vibrant and alive than I’d seen her in a long time, sat at the table with a laptop and a phone, setting up cleaning appointments. She didn’t do any cleaning herself anymore, and instead managed a crew of cleaners all freelancing for her. I was so happy for her success, even as my world fell apart.
I went to the refrigerator and got the milk, pouring myself a glass. As I shut the door, I saw the little sonogram picture I had of our baby that I’d gotten at last week’s appointment. Why hadn’t I taken that to him? God, why couldn’t I do anything right?
“Honey? What can I do for you?” my mother said.
“Just be there for me, Mom.”
She stood and wrapped her arms around me. “Always, baby. Always.”
33
Kade — Monday
“Aren’t you going after her?” Hunter asked.
I shook my head. I wanted to. God knew I wanted to. But I didn’t trust her or myself. I wasn’t going to allow myself to be vulnerable again. Not to her; not to anyone.
“What was she talking about?” Chase asked. “Is she pregnant?”
“Since when did you get to be so slow?” Ash said. “Yes, ahe’s pregnant. Kade is the father.”
“Christ. That’s a lawsuit — ”
“Shut up, Chase and listen. Or at least look at your brother and see that he’s in pain. How do you not recognize it? He looks like you did when Sara went missing,” Ash chastised Chase.
Chase blanched, but looked at me. “You’re in love with her?”
“Was. I was in love with her.”
Hunter gave a small laugh. “There’s no past tense, bro. You’re still in deep. That’s why it hurts so fucking bad.”
“How would you know?” Ash asked.
“I’m not immune to heartache. I was smart enough to keep going after my woman, though.”
“It’s not the same,” I said. I felt so tired and just wanted to climb in a hole and hide.
>
“Why not?” Hunter asked.
“She didn’t tell him about the baby. In fact, she let him believe it was someone else’s,” Ash explained.
“That is fucked,” Chase said. “The old me is saying we could revoke her loan. The new me says we can’t play that dirty.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to retaliate.”
“What do you want?” Ash asked.
I wanted my fucking heart to start beating again. “What I want doesn’t exist. The possibility of it died when I learned she wasn’t going to tell me about the baby.”
“Hey man, she fucked up for sure, but the woman in here just now would crawl over broken glass to fix things with you. You sure you’re ready to let that go?” Hunter said.
I looked at him. “How can I get past it?”
He shrugged. “You choose to. You can live your life like the sorry fuck you are at the moment — ”
“Jesus, Hunter,” Ash chided.
“Or you choose to be happy with the woman you love. Seems easy enough to me.”
In the past, I’d have made a comment about his being a simple-minded jarhead, but I didn’t have the energy to do even that.
“Man, he is a sorry sack,” Chase said.
“What’s wrong with you two?” Ash said. “Chase, you were way worse than this with Sara — ”
Chase’s eyes narrowed. “Her life was in danger.”
“Loss is loss. Jesus, don’t you have any compassion? And you,” Ash said, looking toward Hunter. “If Grace was here, she’d be kicking your sorry ass for kicking him while he’s down. He doesn’t need you fuckheads hassling him. He needs his family, his brothers, to support him. For once.”
“What does that mean?” Chase said, sounding indignant.
“He’s right,” Hunter said.
“What? You don’t think I support Kade?”
“You’ve always resented him,” Ash said. “We all did a little bit. But he’s a Raven. We all know heartache, but we also have a family to go home to.”
“He could too, if he forgave her,” Hunter said.
I stood, wondering why I was there anyway. I didn’t need to be there for them to talk about me like I wasn’t.
