by Lucy Adams
All he would have of her was the deep, abiding memories of their time together, of the happiness they had once shared. Regret would become his constant friend; shame, his ever present shadow. He would welcome them both, knowing that this was all his own doing.
“Your Grace!”
The study door flew open and, as Jeremy lifted his head, he saw Lady Titania Wells and Lady Catherine Wells standing in the doorway with a most apologetic looking butler behind them both.
“I have nothing to say to either of you,” Jeremy stated, before settling his head back on his arms. “Leave me.”
He did not truly expect Lady Titania Wells to do as he asked, for she was quite determined in her own mind as to what she would do, and therefore it did not come as a surprise when she walked towards his desk and slammed one hand down upon it.
“It is not as it seems, Your Grace.”
The butler began to bluster at the two young ladies, coming into the room a little more and trying to encourage Titania to quit the room and do as Avondale had stated, but it was to no avail. Feeling as though his limbs had turned to blocks of wood, Jeremy slowly lifted his head and, with dull eyes, told the butler he might leave them. The ladies, he insisted, would soon take their leave and no, they would not require refreshments.
The butler, still appearing quite agitated, did as he was asked and left the room, closing the door behind him as he did so. Jeremy had no other choice but to look at his two visitors, struggling to find the strength to push himself upwards into a sitting position. He felt as though all the life had been taken from him, leaving him old and broken. His heart beat slowly, as though it too felt the deep, knifing pain that seemed to pierce Jeremy on every side.
“It is not as it seems, Your Grace,” Lady Catherine Wells stated, coming closer to her sister. “Truly, it is not.”
“Eliza has been crying almost all afternoon,” Titania said, earnestly. “You must come and speak to her at once. She is quite distraught.”
Jeremy shook his head, flinging one hand out towards the papers. “I hardly think it would be right for me to do so, Lady Wells,” he said, in a low voice. “She has made her decision.”
Titania and Catherine shared a glance, their expressions both equally concerned.
“Your Grace,” Lady Catherine said, softly, turning back to face him. “We cannot state that we know the entirety of what has taken place, for Eliza will not speak to us of it and our mother is doing her best to comfort her over whatever has occurred, but we have come to you in the hope that you might consider coming to talk to her also.” She leaned forward, as though her earnestness would convince him. “She is deeply troubled, Your Grace. I do not think that she knew that this would occur.”
A harsh, mocking laugh ripped from his throat. “I can hardly believe that,” he exclaimed, slamming one hand onto the paper on his desk. “A gentleman must ask a lady for her consent before such a thing is put here for all to see, does he not?” He shook his head, a tight, angry smile turning his expression dark. “She may be distraught over something, but it cannot be over what she has already agreed to.”
Lady Titania shook her head, her eyes looking sorrowfully into his. “Then you will give up?” she asked, softly, her words biting at him even though he knew she did not intend them to do so. “You will not come to speak to our sister?”
Jeremy shrugged. “I have no need to, it seems.”
“But that is not at all true!” Catherine exclaimed, her face a little pale. “Both my sister and I are quite certain that Eliza is still deeply in love with you. She has attempted to forget about you but to no avail. Her heart is still yours.”
“If that is the case,” Jeremy snarled, leaning across the desk, “then why has she chosen to engage herself to another? If her love for me is so great, if her willingness to listen to what I have to say about the past is so evident, there where is it now? Why has it gone from her?” He shook his head, his pain turning into angry disappointment. “You have come to try and set about repairing what cannot be fixed,” he finished, with a wave of his hand. “No, I shall not come to speak to her. Eliza has made her own mind up and I will not attempt to alter it in any way.”
Lady Titania and Lady Catherine looked at one another again, a deep sadness in their eyes that Jeremy did his best to ignore. There was nothing for him here and nothing that they said would change his mind on the matter.
“Would that you reconsider,” Lady Titania murmured, reaching across the table and settling one hand on his, as though to comfort him. “Would that you would delve into battle and attempt to do all you could to rescue her from her discontent.”
Jeremy heard the challenge in her words but refused to accept such a thing from her. “I shall do no such thing, Titania,” he said, honestly. “I have every intention of returning to my estate at the earliest opportunity.”
Titania withdrew her hand, just as Catherine shook her head.
“Tomorrow, I think,” he continued, dully. “There is no reason for me to linger in London any longer.” Suddenly the reason for his uncle’s visit, for his insistence that Jeremy forget about the past and no longer allow it to occupy his mind became clear. His uncle knew that Jeremy would have a good deal more to consider now that he knew about Eliza’s engagement to Lord Montrose. What had his uncle expected? Had he thought that Jeremy would continue to pursue Eliza? Had he thought that Jeremy would not stop until he was certain that Eliza knew the truth about Rebecca, in the hope that it might give her reason to cry off from her engagement?
“Can we say nothing to convince you that Eliza still loves you, Your Grace?” Lady Catherine asked, her voice pleading with him. “Can we say nothing that would encourage you to reconsider?”
“No,” Jeremy replied, his eyes returning to the paper in front of him. His eyes took in the words again, seeing the darkness that would be his future coming creeping into his mind. “No, there is nothing. I return home tomorrow. Do –” The words stuck in his throat. “Do give Lady Eliza my congratulations.”
Lady Titania Wells and Lady Catherine Wells said nothing to this. Instead, they simply turned and began to make their way back towards the door, their willingness to remain and their desire to encourage him to reconsider no longer present. He had chased all of that away and Jeremy did not feel even a twinge of regret.
“You are making a dreadful mistake, Your Grace.”
Lady Titania’s voice drifted back towards him but he did not look up.
“You have lost her once before,” she continued, her words soft but her meaning clear. “Shall you really allow yourself to do so again?”
The words hung in the air for some moments, his mind beginning to scream at him to do as Titania had asked, to listen to Catherine’s pleading and return with them to speak to Eliza, but Jeremy did not move from his chair. The door closed behind his visitors, leaving Jeremy to his own dark thoughts.
“Yes,” he whispered aloud, as though Titania could still hear him respond to her question. “Yes, I shall allow myself to lose all hope of Eliza’s forgiveness and of her return to me.” Shaking his head, Jeremy felt his very soul fill with grief. “She is gone from me forever and there is nothing I can do.”
Chapter Ten
“Eliza?”
Eliza looked up to see her mother enter the drawing room, a gentle smile on her face. Eliza could not bring herself to return it, the pain of what she was currently enduring still much too great.
“You are still distraught, I see.”
Eliza closed her eyes, steeling herself against the tears that sprang to her eyes at once. “Mama, I do not know what to do.”
Her mother sat down quietly. “You are expecting Lord Montrose?”
“Very soon, yes,” Eliza replied, feeling her heart begin to bleed within her all over again. “I do not know what I shall say to him.”
Her mother nodded sympathetically, her eyes lingering on Eliza’s pale face. Eliza continued to study the drawing room door, as if by looking at it, she could prep
are herself for her betrothed’s visit.
It had been two days now since Lord Montrose’s shocking announcement that they were already engaged, despite the fact he had not asked her to marry him. She had not known what to say or what to do, finding herself almost in a state of fainting as she had been driven home. Lord Montrose had been filled with mirth at her reaction, telling her shocked mother that Eliza had simply been overwhelmed by some wonderful news which would soon be shared with them all.
It had been left to Eliza thereafter, to tell her mother the truth about what had occurred.
Lady Whitehaven had gone utterly silent as Eliza had recounted the story, seeing her mother’s eyes flashing with anger and frustration. Of course, Eliza knew that her brother would have no concerns in agreeing to Lord Montrose’s request to marry Eliza, for he had no knowledge of the matter and would simply presume that it was a courtesy request. Lady Whitehaven was, however, quite angry that Lord Montrose had not spoken to her of his intentions for Eliza before writing to the papers and had expressed as much to Eliza. She had not, however, been able to express this to Lord Montrose, for he had been conspicuously absent from Eliza’s company these last two days. He was due to call upon her this afternoon, having written a note to her the previous day asking her to forgive his absence and stating that he was caught up with friends and acquaintances who all wished to celebrate with him over the joyous news of his engagement.
“I shall have plenty to say to Lord Montrose,” Lady Whitehaven stated, firmly. “You need not concern yourself in that regard, Eliza. I shall begin the conversation with him and speak quite plainly.”
“But it will not remove me from my engagement,” Eliza replied softly, the truth tearing at her heart. “That is the difficulty I am presented with and, as yet, I confess that I cannot see a way out of my circumstances.”
Lady Whitehaven sighed and looked away, filling Eliza with even more despair.
“Lord Montrose has behaved most improperly,” Lady Whitehaven agreed, after a few moments of silence. “He has presumed that you would accept him and has therefore taken it upon himself to announce your engagement to all of London!” She threw up her hands in exasperation. “And I have had to turn away a good many callers, all wishing to see you and give you their individual congratulations.”
Eliza winced, closing her eyes tightly for a moment. She could not imagine having to accept felicitations for something she wished would not occur. It would be terrible indeed to have to endure such visits, one after the other. “Thank you, Mama,” she said, quietly, clasping her hands tightly in her lap. “You are very kind.”
“It is the very least I can do,” Lady Whitehaven replied, her voice softening. “I must tell you, Eliza, that I think the very best thing for you to do is to simply cry off.”
Startled, Eliza looked at her mother in shock. “Cry off?” she repeated, horrified. “Oh, Mama, I could not do so!”
“Why ever not?” Lady Whitehaven asked, sounding quite matter of fact. “You do not wish to wed Lord Montrose and therefore there is no reason for you to continue with the engagement.”
Eliza shook her head, her fingers tightening together. “Because you know that it would ruin my own reputation – which, of course, I do not particularly care about – but that it would also profoundly affect my sisters and even my brother.” Her heart squeezed painfully, sending a wave of tears to her eyes which Eliza fought back. “I cannot allow such a thing to occur, Mama. It would be entirely selfish.”
“And yet,” Lady Whitehaven said, softly. “I do not think that any of your sisters nor even your cousin would find such a thing too arduous to bear.” The corners of her mouth lifted in a faint smile, as though she were trying to encourage Eliza to listen and to consider what she was suggesting. “Even Titania, who is the only one who has loved all that the Season has to offer, is quite determined that you should not marry Lord Montrose.”
A faint smile caught Eliza’s lips, her heart lifting just a little. “That is most kind of her – most generous of them all – but I cannot let them be tainted in such a way.”
“Your sisters also went to speak to the Duke of Avondale.”
Eliza’s heart stopped in her chest for a moment, shock rippling through her.
“He is broken-hearted, it seems,” Lady Whitehaven continued, as Eliza gripped the edge of her seat in an attempt to control her crashing emotions. “He believes that all is lost and has returned to his estate.”
Eliza closed her eyes, heat searing up her spine as she thought of the last time she had seen Avondale. The way he had kissed her had sent flurries of happiness rushing through her, letting hope spiral from her core. It had been a shock, of course, but by the time she had realized what he was doing and had begun to return his kiss, he had stepped back and apologized for his lack of self-control.
She had not told him just how much she had wanted to return his kiss, how much she had longed to be back in his arms again. Instead, she had returned inside, determined to consider matters – only for Lord Montrose to prevent her from doing so.
“Will you truly pass this opportunity by, Eliza?” Lady Whitehaven asked, softly, her words penetrating into Eliza’s mind. “His Grace is still deeply in love with you, it seems. His desperation to speak to you about what he did some years ago is still apparent and if only you would listen to him, then you might find your way back to the happiness you once had.”
“I wanted to,” Eliza whispered, still battling tears. “I wanted to listen to him, Mama. He spoke to me about Rebecca, told me that there was a good deal more for him to say, and yet I was not quite prepared to take in what he had to say.” She let her hands loose in her lap, forcing steadying breaths into her lungs. “He told me what Lord Montrose had said about Lady Barclay and said that, if I permitted him, he would tell me the truth about Rebecca very soon, once I had taken some time to think about what he had said of Lord Montrose.”
“Very considerate,” Lady Whitehaven commented, quietly.
Eliza nodded. “Very,” she whispered, brokenly, unable to prevent herself from comparing the two gentlemen. “But now he is gone to his estate and I find myself engaged to Lord Montrose! What am I to do, Mama?”
Her mother smiled. “Cry off,” she said, simply. “Your sister wishes it. I wish it. Go to the duke and find the truth. I know he will not reject you, simply because you have cried off from one engagement. In fact, I think that he will be heartily glad to hear it.”
Eliza battled within herself, knowing that if she were to cry off, then the scandal that would follow could very well affect her sisters’ chances of happiness. They would bear the shame of her broken engagement, for society would look upon the family with disdain, suggesting that she was flighty and unappreciative of what had been given to her. She had no doubt that Lord Montrose would do all he could to garner sympathy from all and sundry, making himself out to be quite the martyr – and she would have to endure the looks and the whispers and the rumors about her that were certain to fly about society almost at once.
But it would be worth it, would it not? For the sake of Avondale, for the sake of what they would be able to have again, then she would endure whatever she required for the hope of returning to his side again.
“Besides, my dear,” Lady Whitehaven finished, with a gentle smile. “His estate borders ours and is so far from London that you need never return should you not wish to.” Her eyes twinkled as Eliza felt the first hints of happiness pull at her heart. “There is hope through all of this, my dear girl. Your sisters wish you to be happy and content and they know that you cannot be so with Lord Montrose. Will you not listen to them? Will you not trust that they know what will follow should you cry off, and that they still wish you to do so?”
Eliza made to answer, just as there came a knock at the door. The butler walked in to reveal Lord Montrose standing just behind him – and Eliza got to her feet at once.
She had not yet decided what she should do, for her mother’s words
about her sisters hopes for her had not yet quite taken a hold of either her mind or her heart, but to see Lord Montrose again immediately filled her with a sense of regret and frustration.
Of course, she could not marry him! It was most unpleasant a thought and Eliza knew that her life would not be a happy one if she took him as a husband. It was now simply a matter of finding a way to tell him so without him becoming so cold and furious that he would create a dreadful scene which, Eliza knew, would only add to the gossip that would follow.
“My dear lady!” Lord Montrose exclaimed, bowing before Lady Whitehaven. “I have a good deal I must apologize to you for, I know, but I must hope that the happiness and contentedness of your daughter is enough to make up for my lack of propriety.” His eyes were warm, his expression eager, and still Eliza saw the cold, stern look in her mother’s eyes.
Lady Whitehaven was not enamored with Lord Montrose in any way, it seemed.
“And you, my wonderful lady,” Lord Montrose continued, seemingly either unaware of Lady Whitehaven’s demeanor or choosing to ignore it as he turned towards Eliza. “I have the most wonderful surprise for you.”
Eliza’s heart sank. Given that the last surprise that Lord Montrose had pressed upon her was news of their engagement, she was not at all certain that she wished to receive yet another one from him!
“I have brought my dear mother to call,” Lord Montrose continued, brightly, reaching for Eliza’s hand and pressing it tightly. “She is only just arriving and I thought it best to come and inform you at once, so that you are prepared to greet her.”
Eliza stared at Lord Montrose, her mouth going dry. Her intentions of speaking to Lord Montrose about their engagement and of bringing it to an end suddenly flew from her head, knowing that she could not do such a thing when his own dear mother had arrived!
“I do not think I have spoken of her to you particularly often,” Lord Montrose said, patting Eliza’s hand. “That was wrong of me, of course, but I have been so caught up with all the happiness and joy that our acquaintance has brought me that it was not something that caught my mind! Now, of course, I intend to remedy that mistake and ensure that you become very well acquainted with her.”
