by Lucy Adams
“I do not know what Grayson thinks he is doing,” Titania muttered, referring to her brother in the same way as her mother did. “To go to Elder View and throw money around is utterly ridiculous and very foolish.”
“Elder View?” Dinah enquired, aware of just how quickly her heart was beating. “What is that?”
Titania bit her lip and looked away, her face lit by the two small lanterns that hung within. “A gambling house,” she told Dinah, making Dinah’s heart sink all the more. “Foolish man.”
Dinah said nothing in response to this, recalling how Lord Whitehaven had laughed in her face and stated that he had every intention of going to gambling hells and the like back when he had first come to London. Of course, she thought to herself, she ought not to expect a gentleman to change his behavior immediately and completely, reforming himself all at once. After all, she was not able to prevent herself from thinking judgmental or critical thoughts about others simply because she realized now she ought not to do so. They still came to her. She still had to battle them, had to force them away. Mayhap that was the same with Lord Whitehaven.
“Stay here,” Titania said, as the carriage came to a stop. “I have two of the grooms with me and–”
“Regardless of how many you have, I am coming with you also,” Dinah stated, interrupting her cousin and making Titania stare at her with surprise. “Do not try and prevent me.” So saying, she waited for the carriage door to be opened and then stepped out as quickly as she could into the dark London streets.
Titania joined her almost at once, and they stood looking up at a rather imposing building with a large wooden door that seemed to be shut up tight. There were obviously drapes in the windows because here and there, there came small chinks of light that caught Dinah’s attention.
“Do you think he is within?” she whispered, only for the sound of a shout and a scuffle to catch her ears. Frightened, she reached for Titania’s arm, holding onto her cousin tightly and praying that Titania would not laugh at her.
Her cousin did no such thing. Instead, she put her hand over Dinah’s and took in a long breath – mayhap trying to gain her courage, Dinah thought. Another shout of pain rent the air, leaving Dinah and Titania standing together and looking all around them for evidence of where it had come from.
“If I might,” said one of the grooms, coming closer to Titania. “There is a small alley just to the left of this building. I did wonder if…?” He trailed off, gesturing behind him. “I would not want to leave you, but–”
“We shall all go together,” Titania declared, as a hard, cruel laugh came towards them. “Do stay beside me, please, Dinah. We cannot lose each other.”
Dinah could say nothing, for her heart was beating so quickly and her mouth so dry that she could not even speak if she had wished to. Instead, she simply concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, aware that they were drawing near to the sounds of a fight, which her mind told her she ought to be running from instead of turning towards.
“Courage,” Titania whispered – although whether this was for Dinah’s benefit or her own, Dinah could not tell. Keeping their arms linked tightly together, the two ladies walked around the corner and came upon the most dreadful sight.
Lord Whitehaven was propped up against a pile of barrels. Two lanterns hung on the wall above his head, although Dinah suspected that this was to ensure that the three gentlemen who were beating him senseless could see what they were doing. Her stomach churned furiously at the sight of Lord Whitehaven, seeing the blood running down his face, the dark bruises around both eyes and the way that one arm seemed to hang at a haphazard angle.
Whatever it was he had done, Dinah did not think that he deserved this.
“Unhand my brother!”
Titania’s voice was loud and authoritative, but the three men turned towards her as one, their eyes narrowed and their jaws set hard. They each bore a steely gaze, a mop of unkempt hair and were in their shirtsleeves. Dinah did not think that they were gentlemen of the ton.
“Ah, look what we have here,” said one of the men, advancing towards Dinah and Titania. “Two angels come to save a devil from himself.”
Dinah swallowed hard, reminding herself that there were tigers with them and that they had nothing to fear. Her eyes remained fixed on Lord Whitehaven, seeing his weakness and how he could barely remain standing. Were it not for the barrels, then Dinah was quite certain that he would have collapsed entirely.
“You will leave my brother alone,” Titania said loudly, her voice shaking just a little. “You will not touch him again.”
The three men laughed as though this was the most ridiculous thing they had ever heard. The laughter was cruel and unkind, making Dinah tremble visibly. She did her best to remain strong, to show the same strength of character as Titania, but still her weakness remained within her. Praying silently that God would give her the strength to help Lord Whitehaven, and that He would protect both Titania and Lord Whitehaven, Dinah lifted her chin and let out a shaking breath.
“‘Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult,’” she quoted, giving the men a verse from the Bible that seemed to stop them in their tracks. “And is it also not said that ‘bloodshed follows bloodshed’?” She shook her head at them as though they were small children that needed her guidance, trying not to reveal a single modicum of fear to them. “You are doing wrong, and you will only reap the same sort of wrongdoing.”
The third man leered at her, although Dinah noticed that his expression was a little less certain than before. “An angel that knows verses from the Bible,” he laughed, waggling a finger at her. “Not that it means anything to the likes of us. We have a job to do, that is all.”
Dinah lifted her chin again, looking at them as disdainfully as she could. “And no one will admire you for it, nor look up to you,” she said, aware of the shake in her voice but praying that they would not notice it. “Does it not also say, ‘Do not envy the violent or choose any of their ways’?” Seeing the first and second man share a glance, she continued to speak. “You are in danger of destruction,” she said, filling her voice with warning. “You do not believe that God himself can see you at this very moment? That He does not examine your hearts and see you failing in every way? The Psalmist wrote that ‘the Lord examines the righteous but the wicked, those who love violence, He hates with a passion.’” Spreading one hand out wide, she gave them a fierce look. “You are doing a great wrong and the consequences you may yet discover to be eternal.”
This, for whatever reason, seemed to put a fear in each of the men’s faces. They glanced at each other, and then back at Titania and Dinah, although the first remained as menacing as before.
“He knows what will happen to him if he does not pay,” the first man said, his voice dark and his words grating. “This is only just a warning.”
That being said, he jerked his head to one side and led the other two men away from Lord Whitehaven, leaving both Titania and Dinah staring after them in shock. Titania let out a long breath, pressing Dinah’s hand tightly.
“I do not ever think I have been more grateful for your knowledge of the Holy Bible,” she said softly, grasping Dinah’s hand tighter again and beginning to make their way carefully across the dirty ground towards Lord Whitehaven. “Well done, Dinah.”
Dinah’s breath was shaking out of her, hardly able to believe what had just occurred. “I did not expect it either,” she said honestly, carefully picking her way across the broken glass and avoiding the dark stains that she feared was Lord Whitehaven’s blood. “It was all I could think to say.”
“He will rescue them from oppression and violence,” Lord Whitehaven whispered, as Titania and Dinah finally reached him. “Is that not so, Dinah?”
Dinah’s eyes filled with tears at the sight of Lord Whitehaven’s battered and bruised face, hearing the weakness in his voice and feeling her own agony over it. Whatever he had done wrong, this was more than enough of a punishme
nt.
“That is so,” she answered, as Titania pulled out a handkerchief from her pocket and pressed it against a seeping wound on Lord Whitehaven’s forehead.
“And God has sent you both to me to rescue me from my own stupidity,” Lord Whitehaven whispered, his voice barely loud enough to reach her ears. “What am I to do?”
Titania glanced at Dinah, the worry in her expression the very same that clouded Dinah’s heart.
“We must get you home,” Titania replied, trying to sound reassuring. “Thereafter, we can discuss what has happened to you, but you cannot be allowed to stay here.”
“I cannot,” Lord Whitehaven croaked. “Mother will–”
“We will make certain she does not see you nor know of this,” Dinah promised, wanting to alleviate his distress. “Come now, Whitehaven, you cannot remain here. You must have your wounds dressed.”
Thankfully, Lord Whitehaven agreed without any further concerns, although the cry of pain that left his lips as Dinah and Titania helped him to his feet to lead him towards the carriage almost had them setting him back down again.
“The tigers may have to carry you, Whitehaven,” Titania murmured, throwing a concerned glance towards Dinah. “I do not want to add any further pain to your injuries.”
Lord Whitehaven let out another low groan, his hand clinging to Dinah’s shoulder as they moved slowly forward.
“No,” he whispered, his breath hissing out through his teeth. “No, do not allow me to be shamed so, Titania. For even some of my staff to see me so is already shame enough.”
Titania grimaced but did not disagree, walking slowly forward with Dinah on Lord Whitehaven’s other side.
“It was one of your servants that came to tell me of what they had seen of you,” she commented, a touch dryly. “The servants are already aware of what has occurred, Whitehaven.”
Dinah said nothing, seeing Lord Whitehaven’s expression tighten as one of the carriage drivers came near them with a lantern held high, wondering if his expression came from his pain or from the knowledge that his staff knew of his beating.
“What did you do to have them inflict such pain on you, Grayson?” Titania asked, her voice softer than before. “You have endured a terrible beating.”
Lord Whitehaven said nothing, moaning just a little as he was aided into the carriage. Dinah climbed the steps after Titania and sat down opposite Lord Whitehaven, her hands tight in her lap as she fought back the gnawing fear that he had been terribly injured in some way. She did not care, she realized, what it was he had done nor how foolish he had been, for she just wanted him to recover. Quite how they were to keep him from Lady Whitehaven, she did not know, for the injuries to his face were many and could not easily be hidden.
Lord Whitehaven said nothing more, clearly unwilling to answer his sister’s questions, and set his head back against the squabs, closing his eyes and letting out a long breath. Dinah’s gaze flickered to Titania, who was looking at her brother in evident concern, biting her lip hard. Fighting to find something encouraging to say, Dinah simply reached forward and pressed Titania’s hand lightly, seeing how her cousin looked across at her in surprise, only for a small smile to cross her face – although the worry did not fade from her eyes.
“What must you think of me?”
Dinah sat back in her seat and looked at Lord Whitehaven, seeing how his face was contorted with pain and regret.
“I am lost,” he continued, his eyes still shut so that Dinah could not tell to whom he was speaking. “I have lost myself in my own desires, my own vices. I cannot turn from them, and now I am lost to it.” Heaving a great sigh, he finally opened his eyes and looked directly at Dinah, his eyes glazed with agony. “What must you think of me?” he said again, swallowing hard and then closing his eyes again as the lantern light flickered over his face, spreading shadows of all kinds in every direction.
Dinah spoke before she could prevent it, her thoughts in a myriad that spread out in every direction.
“I think you wish to numb yourself to whatever it is that torments you,” she found herself saying, aware of how Titania was looking at her in surprise. “I think you do whatever you can to hide the truth of your heart from yourself – and the way you have chosen to do so is to drink yourself into a stupor and to then gamble whatever you please, without any true consideration.” The words were still tumbling out of her, hastily spoken in the urge to have them escape from her lips. “If only you would confront such feelings, look directly into your heart and face the truth that lies there, then I believe you would no longer seek to numb yourself,” she finished. “I may tell you repeatedly that you are the same as any other gentleman, but you will continue to believe that you are less of a man because of your limp. Unless you can look at yourself and accept the truth of who you are, you shall never be content.”
Silence filled the carriage for some minutes, and Dinah’s cheeks slowly flooded with color as a slight sheen of sweat broke out over her forehead. She had spoken out of turn. She had said too much. She ought not to have been so forward.
“Very well said, Dinah.”
Her head lifted. Titania was looking back at her with a gentle smile on her face, one that spoke of reassurance and encouragement.
“And if you are wise, brother dear, you will listen you our fair cousin,” Titania continued, looking across at Lord Whitehaven, who managed to open his eyes just a crack. “For I believe you will find great wisdom in what she has to say.”
Lord Whitehaven made a small noise in the back of his throat, although what it was meant to signify, Dinah did not know. She sat quietly in her chair for the remainder of the journey, looking at the silent figure of Lord Whitehaven and wondering the very same question as he had asked.
Now that she had spoken so bluntly, now that she had told him the truth about what she thought of his behavior, just how did he view her now? Was he angry with her for what she had said? Would he revert back to how she had always known him—unkind, ill-mannered, and inconsiderate? Or would he look at her now with respect and consideration, continuing forward with the beginnings of an understanding that had started to grow between them?
Lord Whitehaven opened his eyes again suddenly and looked at her, his face a mask of pain. Dinah did not react, not smiling nor frowning at him, but rather merely holding his gaze to try and let him know that she was present with him and not about to turn her back on him or rain down judgement upon him. He gave a small, jerky nod and then closed his eyes again, making Dinah believe that, somehow, in that silence, there had come an understanding there. An understanding that she would not reject him now, just as she prayed he would not reject her also.
Chapter Eight
“My dear, you have a letter.”
Dinah jerked violently, embarrassed as she realized she had been dozing at the dining table, resting with her elbow on the table in a most unladylike fashion. Luncheon had been a quiet affair, and Dinah had thought that Lady Whitehaven had already departed the house, otherwise she would not have allowed herself to act with such impropriety.
“Are you quite all right, Dinah?” Lady Whitehaven asked, looking at Dinah in concern. “You have appeared rather tired these last three days, which is why I have not pressed you to go to the balls we had already agreed to.” She tipped her head slightly as though this would help her see Dinah better. “And Titania seems just as tired as you.”
Dinah tried to smile, finding that the first thing coming to her mouth was a lie. “Titania and I have been doing a great deal of talking lately,” she said, aware that this was not the truth in all its entirety. “We have stayed up rather late, I confess.”
Lady Whitehaven, however, looked quite delighted at this, with evidently no suspicion that Dinah was not telling her the whole truth. “Well, that is wonderful!” she exclaimed. “Since I know that you and Titania have not often seen eye to eye.”
“Indeed,” Dinah replied honestly. “I will be honest with you, Aunt. I have come to see tha
t I have been often very critical of my cousins—and that such an attitude has been wrong.” She accepted the letter from her aunt with a smile, aware that the twinge of guilt she felt over not telling her aunt everything as regarded Lord Whitehaven would have to be dealt with later. “Thank you.”
Lady Whitehaven made to make for the door, only to stop and turn back around to face Dinah.
“I must say, Dinah, that I do not hold it against you to be so critical of your cousins. After all, you have endured a great deal and given that your mother was very devoted in her faith, I well understand that you wanted to emulate her.”
“But in doing so, I have become hard and crass,” Dinah responded, feeling the pain of such an acknowledgement but also a refreshing sense of peace filling her. “It was Whitehaven, in fact, who showed that to me. My mother was kind and compassionate – as was my father – and her devotion did not harden her in the way I have chosen to harden myself. It was my choice to be judgmental and condescending instead of accepting that how someone chooses to conduct themselves is entirely for their own deliberations.”
“Unless, of course, it is ruinous or hurtful to others,” Lady Whitehaven interrupted, making Dinah nod.
“My cousins did not act in the way that I thought they ought to, even though they did not hurt anyone by their actions nor ruin themselves entirely, as you have said,” Dinah finished. “Therefore, I was in the wrong. I hope to change my behavior now so that it is an improvement for both myself and those about me.”
Lady Whitehaven clasped her hands together, came around to Dinah’s chair, and reached down to hug her. Dinah, surprised by such a display of affection, hugged her aunt back and was surprised to see the tears gleaming in Lady Whitehaven’s eyes as she let Dinah go.
“I have only ever wanted you to be happy, Dinah,” Lady Whitehaven said, her voice a little hoarse with emotion. “I have seen how you have tormented yourself over the way your cousins have chosen to behave, and I have known that such an attitude could not bring you any such happiness. Now, mayhap, you will begin to enjoy your life instead of bringing such sorrow and struggle to your own heart. And what is more, I am glad that Grayson has been so willing to speak to you.” She let out a contented sigh and turned around to make her way to the door again. “It may be that, finally, he is also changing from a rather selfish and arrogant sort of gentleman to one who is considerate and kindhearted.” Pulling open the door, she gave Dinah a long smile. “Although I shall only see evidence of such a change once he has recovered from this illness of his, I suppose,” she finished, before walking out of the dining room and leaving Dinah to herself.
