“You’ve seen our keep and what little we have. The MacRaes are a poor clan. We’re not wealthy like the MacGregors. Aaron has naught to offer you.”
What a foolish notion. ’Twas not the man’s keep she’d dreamed of the past year.
She snorted. “Apparently, you do not know the MacGregors well, Connor. My brother has worked hard over the years to provide for our clan. We’re not poor but we are not wealthy by any means. Everyone in the clan, my brother included, toils hard to earn what we have. I cannot say how long it shall take, but the MacRaes shall recover as well. But first, your brother will need to pull his head out of his arse.”
He tossed his head back and released a hearty laugh that drew a handful of snorts and neighs of disapproval from the horses in their stalls. “I vow you’re unlike any female I’ve met.”
’Twas not the first time someone ascribed the words to her. Coyness never suited her and more than likely never would. Especially around her boisterous, outspoken kin. Alas for her, many men frowned upon such boldness in a female. ’Twas no wonder she’d remained unwed.
Rather than discuss the subject further, she gained her legs and swiped away stray bits of straw before extending her hand to Connor. “Come along. I’m eager to warm my bones by the fire and for you to try the fare Glinda prepared this eve.”
Accepting her offering, he rose to his feet. “After those sweet cakes, so am I.”
She thought of her earlier conversation with Kate and Niall. “Why does Aaron never dine in the hall?”
Brushing off the hay, he shrugged a shoulder. “He prefers to keep his distance from the clan is the best I can figure. Niall usually takes a tray to his solar after most of the clan has eaten their fill.”
Somehow, ’twas not surprising at all. “I have a favor to ask.”
“Anything,” he answered without a slight bit of hesitation.
“Please, inform Niall that I shall deliver Aaron’s tray this eve.”
Connor’s mouth hung open a long moment before snapping shut. “Are you certain you wish to attempt such a feat?”
Either way, she was willing to hazard a try. Her conscience would not permit her to sit idly by and allow Aaron’s insecurities to fester into a deeper misery than the man had already allowed. Despite his cold reception, she believed there was still a good man inside him. There had to be.
Shrugging, she lifted her chin. “Someone has to.”
A slow smile eased the lines of worry from Connor’s young face. “You have a good heart, Mairi. I sincerely hope you never lose your goodness.”
Touched by his kind words, she gave in to the urge and threw her arms around him, dragging him into a firm embrace. ’Twas odd, but she felt such a sisterly affection for the young man.
With an awkward pat on her back, he pulled away. “All right, ’tis enough of that.” He smirked. “Last thing I need’s for Aaron to see us. He’d geld me for sure then.”
Chapter Eleven
A shrill shriek snatched Aaron from his listless slumber. He bolted upright in his seat and focused on Mairi, who skittered across the solar while attempting to maintain her hold of a laden wooden tray. At her feet, Ash darted back and forth through her skirts, playing with the hem.
“Rat!” she warned, piercing his ears.
She lifted her leg to kick at what she thought was naught but vermin.
“Nay,” he shouted. Springing from his chair toward her, he scooped Ash in his arms, cuddling his furry companion close to his chest. “’Tis a cat.”
Eyes widening in surprise, she gaped at the animal cradled in his arms. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought…”
“’Twas an honest mistake.” With the remaining vestiges of sleep clouding his mind, he struggled to grasp why Mairi MacGregor, as bold as day, stood in his solar. “What are you doing in here?”
Meowing her annoyance, Ash wriggled and squirmed in his arms, impatient for release to inspect the new addition in the chamber.
For long moments, she observed the fidgeting cat before meeting his gaze. She lifted the salver in her hands. “I did not see you in the hall, so I thought you might wish a bite to eat.”
Mayhap, because he never dined in the hall. She must’ve realized that by now. Suspicious, he narrowed his eyes on the woman. “Why?”
Niall usually delivered food to the solar each eve, or Aaron found his own in the kitchens after Glinda and most of the maids retired. Why had Mairi gone to the trouble?
Ash howled in displeasure and dug her claws into his arm, drawing a wince from him. Exasperated, Aaron set the beast on the floor with a shove toward Mairi. “Fine. Go. See for yourself.”
Anxious to investigate, the cat wasted no time sauntering ahead to Mairi. Raising the tray higher, she peered at the small, plump animal winding its way around her legs. With the tray precariously close to tipping over, Aaron strode the handful of steps to reach her and relieved the woman of her burden.
Her blue gaze found his and he nearly groaned at the comely flush of her cheeks. Saints, where was the angry frustration he’d clung to each time he’d laid eyes on the woman? To his chagrin, she’d wholly caught him off guard, as was the lass’ habit. Though, he’d never anticipated her daring enough to invade his personal space.
Clearing his throat, he strove for a harsh tone. “I asked why.”
Undeterred, she smiled sweetly and lifted one dainty shoulder with a shrug. “I merely wished for you to try the fare Glinda cooked this eve.”
For some unknown reason or, mayhap, ’twas because he’d exhausted himself working since dawn, the well-meaning fight to maintain a healthy distance from her waned. The savory scents of roasted meat and spices drifted up his nose, eliciting a rumbling growl from his empty stomach. In truth, he was as starved as he was drained.
“Go ahead.” She nodded at the tray. “Pay no mind to me.”
Pay no mind? How the devil was he supposed to do that? He practically minded every damned thing about the woman. How could he not? Before he mustered the courage to tell her to take her leave, she stepped around him and strolled across the solar to the wooden benches he’d spent the better part of the day working on.
Alas, his hollow stomach won the battle of wills. ’Twas foolish, but he chose to bite his tongue and allow Mairi to remain. He placed the tray atop his desk near the hearth and slid into his chair. He uncovered the tray of roasted meats, vegetables and a steaming bowl of pottage, and nodded in appreciation.
Niall spared no time informing him of Mairi’s plans to speak to Glinda that morn. While her interfering should’ve angered him, in truth, ’twas long overdue. The state of the fare in the hall had sorely lacked for longer than Aaron could remember.
Downing a hearty spoonful of the savory fish pottage, he sighed in contentment. ’Twas a far cry from Glinda’s usual meals.
“Did you make these?”
Thoroughly dining with relish, he barely caught her curious question. Between mouthfuls, he tossed her a glimpse. “What?”
“These?” She indicated the four benches he’d finished that afternoon. “Did you make them?”
Bashful of the unremarkable work, he shrugged and mumbled around another bite, “Aye.”
“Do you care if I try one?”
Wary, he lifted his head from his trencher to peer at her. ’Twas truth, he did care. Though, he reserved his comment. “Do whatever you please.”
Pursing her lips, she lifted her chin. “It pleases me to sit, so I shall.”
Mairi eased down on one of the benches and ran her fingertips over the freshly-shaven timber. The sight of her caressing the item he’d fashioned with his own two hands slid an unsolicited shiver down his back.
“’Tis well-made and sturdy. I cannot believe you made it.”
Sipping his ale, he scoffed. “Why? Because I’m wretched at everything else.”
As soon as the words slipped out, he nearly cursed himself. Saints, either his blasted gob ran away from him at the most inopportune moments, or he could not find the wor
ds to turn a pretty phrase to save his soul.
Of course, she seized upon the slip. Tilting her head to the side, she studied him with a slight grin that turned his stomach inside out. Torchlight in the chamber gleamed on her shining, raven locks and added an alluring glow to her comely countenance. By all that was holy, why did she never cease to leave him breathless?
“If I’m not mistaken, I’ve never accused of you being wretched at anything,” she declared. “If anything, I find you rather resourceful.”
Frustrated with the undeserved praise, he ground out, “Well, I’m not. Would do you well to remember that.”
“As you say.” With a playful roll of her eyes, she motioned to the tray. “What do you think of the fare?”
“’Tis much improved.” He was not a complete arse. He could at least acknowledge the prudence of her actions. “’Twas good of you to speak to Glinda for the clan.”
“I’m surprised you’ve not done so before now,” she commented with a lift of a brow.
There were many things he should’ve done long before but had ignored. The fare was merely an insignificant matter in the grand scheme of things. Unwilling to explain himself, he picked up a wee cake and bit into the sweet treat for the mere sake of not having to stumble with an excuse. The fact he’d not run her from the chamber yet was astounding and asinine.
They soon fell into an easy silence to his ever-loving mercy. Far too inquisitive for her own good, Ash jumped onto the bench beside Mairi and meowed for attention. Mairi patted her thighs and his traitorous cat curled up in the woman’s lap.
“Where did you find her?” Mairi stroked the wee, gray beast.
Leaning back in his chair, he surveyed the pair. “I suppose you could say she found me. One summer day she followed me from the beach and I’ve not been able to rid myself of her since.” He nodded at Mairi’s lap. “Mayhap, she has found a new master.”
The lass released a melodious laugh, a low, appealing sound that chimed in his ears. “I highly doubt that.” She smirked at him. “If you could’ve seen how quickly you protected her when you thought her in danger. Nay, she shall forever be yours.”
The statement resounded within him, striking a cord that had naught to do with the cat. The ball of tension stretched tight in his gut pulled even tauter.
“What’s her name?” Those blue eyes lanced straight into him and he shifted uncomfortably beneath her stare.
Glancing away, he motioned toward the hearth at his back. “Ash. Her fur resembled the hue of ash and soot.”
“Does your clan know of the things you do for them?” she asked with that damned tilt of her pretty head.
How should he know? He barely spoke to a handful of the clan. Life was simpler that way. His absence spared him the looks of disparagement and the air of defeated resignation his clan wore like a glove. Christ, it pained him to witness their misery, but who was he to say a word? He’d indirectly caused a great deal of the clan’s suffering with his inability to act. A handful of fair to middling benches and sundry repairs throughout the holding scarcely came close to mending the jagged rift.
“Does it matter?”
“Aye, it does.” Concern pinched her brow and she bit her lip. “I spoke with Connor.”
Of course, she had. Why should he expect anything different from his brother? For the lad to have been such a quiet, reserved child, he’d grown into a chattering young man who knew not when to shut his mouth. He straightened in his seat, rolling his rigid shoulders.
“My brother talks too freely.”
She snorted. “He’s young and he simply worries for you.”
Aye, he knew that better than anyone. If anyone wished him to find redemption, ’twas Connor. The lad always stood fast at his side, refusing to give up on him. At times, ’twas endearing, then vexing at others. Nevertheless, he loved his annoying, younger brother.
Nibbling her bottom lip, she hesitated to speak. “Glinda spouted some things in the kitchens this morning that upset him.”
He ground his teeth. “What things?”
Mairi narrowed her gaze. “You must vow not to get angry.”
“How am I to know if I’ll get angry?” he groused.
She held her silence, hurling a pointed glare at him.
“Fine. I agree,” he muttered. “What did Glinda have to say?”
As if he could not guess himself.
With a parting cuddle and stroke, she placed Ash on the ground. Stretching out her limbs, the cat padded to her makeshift bed before the warm fire. Mairi rose to her feet and began a slow pace back and forth in front of him, which spiked his unease.
Hell, was it so foul she could not bear to look him in the eye?
“Glinda was rather disheartened with the state of affairs around the keep.” As she turned, the hem of her skirts swished around her booted feet. “She expressed her concern for the clan, and her words affected Connor. When he was absent from the evening meal, I sought him out in the stables.” With her arms crossed tightly over her chest, she whirled to face him. “He asked me if I thought you a terrible person.”
Grinding his teeth, he ignored the acceleration of his breathing. He told himself not to ask, but damned if his mouth obeyed. “Do you?”
“Nay,” she spoke with clear precision. “I have a question for you.”
In spite of his apprehension, he agreed with a terse nod.
“When my brother discovered us in your chamber, he held a sword to your throat, but you made no move to dissuade him.” She narrowed her gaze on him. “Did you intend to meet death that day?”
Whether ’twas the manner of question or the profundity of her awareness, the effect jolted him to attention. His heart beat in a drumming thud while a hollowness expanded in the pit of his churning stomach. Locked in the fathomless depths of her piercing gaze, the truth sprang from his lips.
“Aye.”
Truth be told, he’d anticipated his death at MacGregor’s hands. When he’d attended the man’s wedding with the express intent of stealing his bride at Longford’s command, Aaron had embraced his fate with open arms. If his death would save his younger brother and atone for his own crimes, then ’twas a price he’d gladly pay a thousand times over. Mayhap, ’twas a selfish, ridiculous notion, but he’d imagined his death might bring him some measure of salvation. Alas, her brother spared his life that day, and he’d suffered from the guilt of his actions since.
An unsettling tension strained the short distance between them. His discomfort growing, he shifted awkwardly in his seat. Why, in God’s name, had he not remembered to bar the solar door earlier?
Bowing her head, she wrung her hands together. “Did you ever care anything for me?”
The doubt in her quiet question slung around his chest and pressed as tight as a vise. How could she offer him anything other than scorn after he’d been naught but insufferable and unkind since her arrival?
Lie, he told himself.
Drag a strung-together falsehood from his accursed lips. That was all he had to do. One simple, baseless lie was all it would take to put an end to the entire affair for good. But, as he studied her bent, dark head, he could not bring himself to hurt her. Intentional or not, causing her pain utterly gutted him.
“I did.” He swallowed down the choking lump lodged in his throat. “I do.”
Her head snapped up, their gazes meeting. Unshed tears glimmered in her beautiful eyes.
“But, before…you said…” She searched his gaze, seeking the truth from him.
From the first moment they’d met, she’d given him naught but candor. The least he could do was afford her the same respect.
“I know what I said, but I did not mean the words I spoke in haste.”
“Then why did you speak them?” she pressed.
The air grew stifling in the chamber, but Aaron could not disengage their locked gazes if he tried. “’Twas far simpler than to admit my true feelings.”
“What are your true feelings for me,
Aaron MacRae?”
Despite the challenging lift of her chin, the accelerated rise and fall of her chest spoke of her nervousness. For a moment, he questioned why he’d allowed the conversation to continue the course. Pushing out a shaky sigh, he leaned back in his seat, and dove head first from an invisible precipice into unsteady territory. Territory he strove hard to push aside and disregard altogether. He opened his mouth and the words tumbled free.
“I…care…deeply for you. My feelings for you have never faltered, Mairi. Since the day we met, that’s never changed. That much I can assure you, but there are circumstances beyond both of our control.” Uneasy exposing that part of himself, he snorted. “Why must I be the one to bare my soul? What of your feelings for me?”
For a change, he managed to render her speechless for several moments. That is, until she squared her shoulders and her unyielding stare speared him where he sat.
“I, too, care deeply for you. I’d thought that I might’ve heard word from you in the last year, but…I’d hoped if your feelings were the same—”
“Mairi, stop.” Shaking his head, he glanced away from her. The direction of their conversation had taken a dangerous turn, one he would not permit to continue. “There are many things you do not know about me. Things you could never understand.”
“Mayhap, I would if you spoke to me. Tell me what troubles you. Connor has spoken a little.” She paced a few steps closer. “He says you do not feel worthy of your clan…or me. Why, Aaron?”
Damn it. The lad simply could not keep his gob shut and leave well enough alone. He should’ve expected Connor to enlist Mairi’s aid in his pointless pursuits. In the last year, his brother had done his damnedest to goad him into the position of laird. The slight ache in Aaron’s temples swelled into blow after blow pounding.
“I fear this is not a discussion I wish to have this eve. Now, if you do not mind…” Hoisting himself from his chair, he motioned to the door.
If he thought to deter her, then he was mistaken.
“Aye, I mind.” A scowl darkened her comely features, and her hands tightened into little fists at her sides. She stomped forward until she stood directly in his path. Her indignation rose, sparking in her heated gaze. “If not now, then when?”
Reckless Scotland Page 131
