by Jack Harbon
“I hate them, Romy,” he said through gritted teeth. Though he tried to fight it, his eyes welled with tears. “I hate them so much. She ruined tonight. She ruined Trish’s night.”
“Did she?”
“You don’t understand, Roman—”
“I don’t,” he said, “So tell me. You said that we were a team. If someone’s hurting you, I need to know about that. I need to know why you’re mad so that I can be mad.”
“I’m mad because when I look at them, I see how much I hated myself when I was in high school. I see how I took everything they said to heart. How I wished and prayed and vowed to whatever god they wanted. I see how they considered a therapy camp for me. I think of how alone I felt when Bria left to come here. I see the time I tried to—”
His voice cracked before he could finish the sentence. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to finish it. The time he’d spent at the hospital afterwards had been the worst time in his life, and every single second of that was attached to the faces of his parents. They were stains on his memory that he couldn’t wipe away.
“I don’t understand how…how people that were supposed to look out for you can even…” Roman struggled to find the words. Kit knew what he was trying to say.
“They never wanted to look out for me.” The words were bitter. “My parents wanted to control me and change me.”
Roman took the tea from his hands and placed it on the coffee table. He pulled Kit to his chest. “There’s nothing about you that they need to change. Every aspect of you is endearing in some way or another. You are funny, and smart, and caring, and genuine. You are perfect the way that you are, and like Chad said, if either of them has something to say about that, they can come see me.”
Kit cracked a smile. “Yeah, right.”
“I’m serious. These past few months with you have been… They’re something new to me, but something that I love. I love how you keep me on my toes and I never know what to expect from you. I love learning more about you every single day. You’re the reason I wake up and don’t hate going to work.”
Kit hated how much that statement affected him. He hated that deep down, part of him really needed to hear that. In his head, he was a fully realized person that didn’t need someone else’s confirmation to make him feel good, and the fact that this wasn’t the case made him feel like shit. It also made his heart flutter knowing that Roman cared that much about him in the first place.
“Thank you,” Kit said, pulling back to look at him. He sat like this, staring over each of his features intently. He’d never said it before, but Roman was beautiful, inside and out.
“I’m here for you, kitten. I know you. You’re strong. You’ll be able to handle having your parents here for a while. They’ll be out of your hair soon enough, and then you can get back to being the man I know you to be.” Roman kissed Kit’s forehead, then his lips.
As Kit leaned in to return the gesture, the lock on the front door twisted. Bria came walking in, shaking her head.
“I’m serious, Kit, I’m about to lose my mind dealing with—” She stopped when she saw Kit and Roman together, one hand covering her mouth.
“Oh.”
22
F-Bombs OvERR Fruit Salad
Just when Kit thought his situation couldn’t get any worse, it did. A wave of nausea crashed over him the moment Bria came shooting into the room. When she froze, he and Roman froze as well. This wasn’t how she was supposed to find out. Not with him having nearly cried in Roman’s arms, their lips pressed together.
“I’ll be back,” he said, hopping up from the couch and running to the door. Part of him wondered which god or goddess he’d pissed off for him to have such bad luck tonight.
Kit caught up with Bria outside of the stairwell. He’d considered going to the elevator, but knowing the kind of person she was, he knew she’d head to the stairs instead. She tried opening the door, but it didn’t budge. She let out an angry sigh.
“Bria, can I explain?” he asked lightly.
She turned to look at him. “Explain what, Kit? I mean, it’s pretty obvious what I saw in there. I should have known.”
“You couldn’t have known,” Kit said, smiling slightly. “We were pretty discreet around people who we didn’t want to tell just yet.”
“I wondered why you invited him to come to the musical with us tonight,” she said, practically tuning him out. “I thought you were just being nice or something, but that wasn’t it. You guys were actually going on a date. And I had no idea. I’m such a dumb bitch.” She gave a humorless laugh.
“Bria, c’mon. Are you seriously mad at me?”
She looked at him incredulously. “Of course I’m mad! For a lot of different reasons. The first being that Roman is your boss. Do you know what kind of power imbalance comes from a relationship like that? Do you know how many people in your exact situation have been taken advantage of by their superiors?”
Kit held up a hand. “Look, I understand that. He’s like, seven years older than me, he’s in a higher position for me, I get all that. But you don’t understand him—or know him—like I do. He’s not that kind of guy. When we’re at work, we behave.” Kit knew that was a lie, but he wanted Bria to know that their relationship had never once gotten in the way of their work day.
“If you’re being honest, that still doesn’t make me any less upset about the fact that you never told me you were seeing someone. We tell each other everything,” she said, crossing her arms.
“I know we’re close, and I love you with all my heart, but you’re not entitled to every single thing about me. On top of that, I didn’t even know if this was going to be a thing considering what happened last time.”
“What do you mean?” She scrunched her face up.
“With Jaylen. I gave him everything. I loved him as much as I possibly could have, and he still fucked around behind my back with some bottlenecked bitch from Miami. I wanted to have fun, and I wanted to take things slow before I introduced him to anyone in my family. Aside from my friends, I didn’t tell anyone else. But things have gotten pretty serious between Roman and I, and I’m starting to actually think this could be something real.”
“Really?” Bria’s angry demeanor slowly started to melt away. Kit could only hope they’d be able to end this conversation without her still being pissed at him.
“Yes, really. Roman is… He comes across like a huge asshole, he can be a nightmare to work with, but deep down, he’s an amazing person. He’s—he’s sensitive, and supportive, and…he’s good. Roman’s a good guy, and I think after everything I’ve been through lately, I at least deserve that. I at least deserve a good relationship, like you and Trish have.”
Kit hated how soft his voice had gotten. Moments before, they’d almost been in a shouting match, and now Kit was talking like he had a secret to share.
“I’m sorry,” Bria said after a moment. “Tonight’s been stressful, but I know that’s not an excuse for how I acted. You’re right, who you date and get closer to is your business, and I shouldn’t have expected you to tell me every single detail about your love life.”
She threw her hands up and said, “I guess I’m just making up this feeling that we’re drifting apart. You have your own place, and you’re becoming your own person, and I should respect that. And…if you say Roman’s a good guy, then I believe you. But I’m gonna need to spend some time with him and talk to him privately if you guys are serious. I’m not gonna let another Jaylen walk into your life, break your heart, and walk out.”
Kit smiled. He reached for a hug, squeezing Bria. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she said.
“How come you’re not at dinner? Mom said she wanted to take you guys out.”
“Oh,” she said, sighing. “She changed her mind at the last minute. She wants us to all go out for breakfast tomorrow morning. Please say yes, Kit. I really need you there, otherwise I might reach out across the table and strangle her. Trish
wouldn’t even try and stop me.”
Kit snorted. “Nah, she’d let you choke the life out of her and then go right back to eating her food. I guess I can go with you guys.”
“Thank you, Kit. But…try not to cuss her out anymore, okay?”
“Do you think she’s really trying to make amends with us?” he asked skeptically. He had very little faith in his folks that they would actually own up to their wrongs and try to do right by them now.
“I don’t know. But it’s been almost six years since I’ve seen them. I’m going to try to at least give them a chance.”
“I guess,” Kit sighed. “I should probably get back to—”
“Making out with your boyfriend?”
“Shut up,” he grinned. “Have a good night. And tell Trish her musical was fucking dope.”
“I will. You sleep well.”
Kit watched Bria head to the elevator before he turned around and made his way back to his apartment. It was if an immensely heavy jacket had been removed from his body. He could breathe easier and stand up straighter now that the air was clear and everyone knew the truth about his relationship with Roman.
While he might not have known when he’d planned on telling Bria about Roman, he knew that eventually she’d find out. That the cat was out of the bag and everyone was on the same page, he could turn his attentions to the bigger problem at hand: his mother.
Rather than stress himself over her, he put the thought of her in the back of his head, saving it until tomorrow when they had breakfast. Kit opened his door and smiled when he saw Roman asleep on the couch. Quietly, he locked the door, kicked off his shoes, and snuggled up close to him.
Roman stirred awake. “Everything okay?” he asked, his eyelids heavy.
“Everything’s okay,” Kit said softly. “Go back to sleep, baby.”
In the morning, Kit woke to an empty couch and a handwritten note on the coffee table. He rolled over onto his side grabbed it.
“’I left early to go home and get dressed for work. Take the day off. Recoup. I’ll see you tomorrow,’” Kit read aloud. If there was one thing Kit could get used to, it was the sporadic off days that Roman gave him.
He glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed. He had to get up and shower before Bria and his mother came beating down his door. After washing up and getting dressed, Kit met up with his family downstairs. Trish seemed irritable, and Kit imagined it had to do with the fact that neither of them probably slept well with Tonya’s white noise machine playing all night. Even when he was younger, Kit always hated the damn thing.
At the restaurant, Tonya ordered a large bowl of fruit salad and pancakes for everyone. Kit bit back a comment about not liking people ordering for him. Bria had asked him to at least try to behave.
“So, Kit, Bria told me about your new job,” his mother said, looking up at him.
Kit shot a quick, worried glance at Bria, unsure if she’d told their mother about his relationship with Roman. She shook her head slightly. Relief.
“Uh—yeah. It’s nothing too intense, but the pay is really great. These past few months, it’s been good to me. Helped me get off Bria’s couch and into my own apartment,” he said, cutting into his pancake.
“That’s amazing! I’m proud of you. When I first finished with school, I didn’t start looking for a job until Sallie Mae came looking for me,” she laughed.
“Me and Sallie aren’t on speaking terms,” he said, smiling slightly.
“I tried to tell her that when I was your age, but she was a persistent one. I really am proud of you, though. Both of you. When your father and I last talked to you we said terrible things about you two. Things parents shouldn’t say.” She grimaced, like reliving the past physically hurt her. “I want to tell how that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being there. Not accepting you.”
Kit dropped his eyes and picked at his plate. To keep himself from feeling any kind of emotion, he popped a piece of pineapple into his mouth and chewed. Bria cleared her throat.
“Thank you for apologizing,” she said.
Kit knew what that meant. It wasn’t okay what their parents did, but Bria was grateful for them recognizing their mistakes.
“How are you guys doing? How’s Daddy?” Bria asked.
“Your father is doing amazing. He’s been working a lot, so I don’t see him as often as I’d like to, but I know he’s trying to provide for me, so I understand. It does get lonely, though. That’s partially why I came to see you both. Since you guys left, I feel like a huge part of me is mis—”
“Pass me that syrup, please,” Trish interrupted, gesturing towards it impatiently.
Though he was trying to be a better person, Kit couldn’t help but smile at Trish’s rude interjection. She was doing everything he wanted to do, but couldn’t. Bria handed her the syrup with a glare and then turned back to Tonya.
“What were you saying?” she asked.
“Just that being alone has made me realize how bad of a mother I was. I didn’t appreciate you. I gave birth to you, and I let you both walk out of my life so easily.” Tonya’s eyes watered up.
“It was more like you pushed us out, Mom,” Kit said.
Tonya nodded. “I did. And I shouldn’t have. There’s no number of apologies I could give you that would ever make up for what I did to you and Bria. I could cry for years and it would never be enough. I can never express how sorry I truly am. I fucked up.”
Kit’s eyes went wide at the same time Bria’s did. Their mother didn’t swear like that. Growing up, she’d popped them in the mouths for even saying “crap,” and now she was dropping F-bombs over fruit salad.
Bria didn’t say anything. Instead, she placed her hand on Tonya’s. Kit wanted to do the same, but he couldn’t. His hand was made of lead, too heavy for his wrist to manage, and he swallowed hard. Despite the hell she’d put the two of them through, Kit’s heart thudded harder seeing her cry.
“You have to do better,” Kit said, throat dry and aching. “It won’t ever be okay, Mom, but…it can be better. If you try.”
Bria looked at him with a soft expression. She didn’t have to speak. He already knew that she was thanking him for trying to forgive her. After everything they’d discussed last night, Kit wanted to be there for Bria. They were in this together. They’d always been in this together, whether their parents wanted them or not.
He turned his attention back to his breakfast. Maybe things wouldn’t ever be fixed, but if they could at least get back on speaking terms with their parents, Kit figured that was something worth entertaining.
23
Sus
With all of the drama at home, Kit was glad to get back to work that following week. Tonya had been making an honest effort to be nicer to him and Bria, but Kit was the kind of person that liked his own space. He didn’t need to call someone or stop by someone’s place every single day. Tonya, on the other hand, did. She’d been over to his apartment more times than Bria. It was almost impressive how many different reasons she came up with for being over.
And when his father finally touched down in New York… Truth be told, Kit was way more nervous about being around his father. The animosity in the family had mostly been his mother’s doing, but just as unnerving, his father stared on with judgmental eyes. Tonya wore her emotions on her sleeve, but Dorian’s poker face was unsettling.
On his lunch break, Kit found himself thinking about his family situation again. Barbie opened up her salad container and drizzled her dressing over it, her eyes on him.
“Everything okay, sweetie?” she asked.
Kit absently picked at his sub sandwich. “My parents are back in town, and we don’t exactly have the best relationship.”
“Oh my gosh, when did this happen?”
“This weekend,” he said. Kit explained how Tonya had showed up at the musical, completely unannounced.
“I can’t deal with people who show up without warning. Kevin’s mother used to do that all the t
ime and it drove me wild.”
Kit nodded. “That’s how I feel. Don’t expect to get inside if you don’t give me a proper heads up that you’re stopping by.”
“Ugh,” Barbie said.
“What’s wrong?”
She tapped away on her phone. “My son just texted me. He tried ordering lunch with my card and it was rejected. Ever since I kicked Kevin out, it’s been…hard, to say the least.”
Kit nodded sympathetically. “Do you need some help? I already paid my rent this month, I can lend you some money if things are getting tight?”
“No, no, I’ve got it. It’s just hard for me to make this adjustment. I started saving up before I told Kevin to leave, but it wasn’t much. A little here, a little there, nothing too big. Not enough to live off of. But it’s okay. I’ve always been a crafty one,” she smiled.
Kit was so proud of Barbie. She wasn’t the type of person to let a little struggle keep her down, and since he’d gotten to know her, he could see that no matter what was hindering her happiness, she always managed to conquer it. In a way, she was a maternal figure to him. She inspired him, she cared about everyone at the company, and she always found a reason to smile.
“I don’t know if anyone’s told you this lately, but you’re a good mom, Barbie,” Kit said.
“Aw, thank you, sweetie.” Barbie shot him a beaming smile before digging her fork back into her salad.
The two of them finished up lunch together, chatting about all the plot twists of the primetime shows they watched every week. Kit was surprised to see that someone like Barbie, who could have very easily been unaware of certain issues, actually picked up on the subtle hints of racial commentary throughout the programs.
Before either of them could get too deep into their conversation about microaggressions and how the fandom treated characters of one race compared to another, Kit received a confirmation on his phone that a package for Roman had been delivered. He excused himself and hurried down to pick it up.
