by Cole Lepley
I shake my head, frustrated again. “I’m not letting him come between us. It has nothing to do with him and every fucking thing to do with you.”
“Me?” His puts his hands on his chest like he’s completely blown away by my assessment. “What did I do? All I did was kiss you. If you didn’t want me to, you should have said so.”
My eyes squeeze shut and I rub my temples with my fingertips. He’s infuriating to the point I want to scream. He talks in circles when he’s trying to avoid a subject he refuses to acknowledge. I know arguing with him will get me nowhere, and I’m going to end up going to his stupid party anyway—so I lie.
“Fine,” I say, dropping my arms at my sides in defeat. “I don’t care if you don’t care. Let’s go.”
I don’t even make it one step toward the truck before he grabs my arm. When I turn back to him, his features are soft again. “Tell me you don’t.”
My mouth gets dry, so I wet my lips. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t want to kiss me.”
Oliver has perfected that smoldering stare. He’s giving it to me right now and instead of melting into a puddle at his feet, I want to make a point.
I inch forward until our lips are almost touching, and then turn my head so I’m speaking close to his ear. “I don’t want to kiss you,” I whisper. I give his cheek a light slap when I pull away, and continue to walk around the front of the truck.
He jumps into the drivers’ seat a few seconds after I get in, but there’s a slight smirk pulling at his lips. I think he knows I’m full of shit, but I’m thankful he isn’t calling my bluff.
Chapter 13
No Excuses
Oliver - Now
My face hurts. It’s probably because I passed out on the bedroom floor in the guest house last night, but I’m not willing to open my eyes yet. The room was spinning last time I did.
The pounding in my head is amplified by a door slamming, and I flinch. With a groan, I attempt to push myself up from the floor, but my hand is stuck to something. I peek one eye open and sputter a laugh when I see the problem. It’s resting comfortably in a pizza box next to the bed. I forgot about my late-night snack.
I pull my hand out of the box, and curl back into the fetal position, draping my arm over my eyes. Whoever is coming for me will more than likely open the blinds, and I’m not ready for light of any kind.
Heels click loudly on the hardwood floor in the hallway and I brace myself for what’s about to come.
“Ollie?”
Elliot’s voice is laced with worry, but it fills me with relief. Thank God it’s her. She won’t yell at me. She loves me too much.
The clicking stops and I hear her gasp. “Oh my God, Oliver. This has got to stop.”
I squint up at her when she steps over me and walks directly to the fucking window, shoving the curtains back and allowing painful rays of sunlight to sear my retinas. I cringe, reaching for a blanket and pulling it around me as I sit up.
“Jesus, Elliot. Could you give me a minute to adjust? Fuck.”
She stands above me with her hands planted on her hips. Her current attire is more formal than usual, and it confuses me. Was I supposed to be somewhere?
“You missed church.”
Oh yeah. I laugh. “I think I’m beyond saving at this point.”
“What’s going on with you? I’ve never seen you like this.”
I shrug and she eyes the pizza box on the floor next to the bed with disgust. “Seriously, Ollie. What can I do?”
While I admire her concern for me, I doubt she can help. No one can. The girl I love is a hundred feet away from me and it doesn’t matter what I do, she’s going to leave. My current plan is to drink myself stupid until I can forget she ever existed. To be honest, it didn’t work last time I tried, but I’m willing to give it another shot.
Elliot kicks a T-shirt out of the way and sits down on the floor beside me. We stay silent for a moment, our backs resting against the bedframe. When she turns to me, her eyes are weary.
“I don’t know what to do,” she says in a small voice. “You’re the one who helps me. I’m not used to seeing you this way.”
The pain she feels for me makes it worse. I don’t want Elliot to worry. This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way, but it is the first time I’ve allowed it to hit me this hard.
I ruffle my hair with my hand and sigh. “I’m sorry, okay? I wish I could explain it to you better, but I don’t want to talk about it.”
“It’s about Charlie though, right? She’s the girl you loved.”
My throat closes up when she mentions her name so I just nod.
“Does she know that?”
I shake my head. There’s no point defending why she doesn’t. It doesn’t even make sense to me.
“Then tell her, Ollie. I have to believe that maybe she came back for a reason. Do you want to make the same mistake twice?”
When my eyes meet hers, the sincerity in them strikes me deeply. For someone like my sister to believe in fate, it has to mean there’s hope for me too.
“She barely speaks to me. And when she does, it’s like she’s just trying to be nice.” I look over and meet her eyes. “She hates me, Elle.”
Elliot puts her hand on my shoulder. “That can’t be true. Who could possibly hate you?”
She winks at me and I laugh a little. “This may come as a shock to you, but I can be a real dick.”
She bursts into laughter and my eyebrows rise. “How’s that funny?”
“Oliver, you’re always a dick.” I frown and she stops laughing. “That’s part of your charm, though. Somehow it’s acceptable coming from you.”
“Okay, but maybe I don’t want to be like that anymore.” I turn to face her. “At least not with Charlie.”
“Then you need to show her. You can talk about it all you want, but actions speak louder than words. Make her see you’ve changed.”
“What if I haven’t?”
Elliot shrugs. “Then do it now. Be a better person, if that’s what she needs.”
I groan, leaning my head back against the bed. “I wish it were that simple.”
She laughs. I reach for the pizza box, but when I bring a slice up to my mouth she gasps and pulls it from my hand. “Ew, don’t eat that.” She tosses it back in the box with a look of revulsion. “Come to brunch with us at the Lodge. You’ll feel better.”
She gets up from the floor and looks down at me expectantly. French toast and strawberries does sound tempting, but putting on a clean shirt doesn’t. I’d rather just wallow in self-pity all day and then hit the bar downtown for happy hour.
I chew on my bottom lip. “I don’t know.”
“Come on,” she says and then flashes a megawatt smile. “They’re having the crepe station you love so much.”
I start to smile slowly. “Warm pastries do make me feel better.”
She laughs. “See, you’re going to be fine.” She nods to the bathroom. “Get a shower and meet us out front in twenty. Hunter’s coming, too.”
Elliot disappears around the corner and I release a long breath. It is probably a good idea that I pull myself together. For my sister to see me struggling speaks volumes. I need to find a way to chill and think about this rationally or I’ll lose her forever.
Spending time with my family was nice, but when I get home later that evening, the emptiness returns full force. I think that’s why I surround myself with people all the time. I don’t have a chance to get lost inside my head, trying desperately to change the things I know I can’t.
There are no do-overs. You get one chance to define a relationship, and what you choose to do with that chance is up to you. The only thing left to decide is whether or not the damage you caused is something that can be fixed. That’s where that one chance comes in. It’s the only time you’re given the opportunity to change the other person’s mind. Make them see you can be better, and that the future isn’t necessarily already written. We can create a new ending, if that’s wh
at we want.
I know I want that with Charlie. It doesn’t matter how long she’s been gone; I’ve compared every set of lips to hers since the last time I kissed her. I’ve searched faces in every crowd for one that looked like hers, but I always came up short. I even went to see her one night but was too much of a fucking pussy to say anything.
As I pace around the end of my driveway, I think of that night. I memorized every detail so I could carry them with me. She looked happier without me.
I stop walking abruptly, a sudden ache crushing the air out of my lungs. Through the gate, I can see Charlie’s car is still in the driveway. It’s like a cruel joke that I don’t know how much time I have left. In the past, I always felt like I had a lot of it. I remember hoping she would wait for me. Not wait for me to love her, I already did that. What I needed was time to get my shit together so I could be someone she deserved. I know I need to stop making excuses and tell her everything.
With a newfound sense of purpose, I stop staring at her driveway and start walking toward it. I’m rehearsing in my head what I’m going to say, but I know it doesn’t matter. As soon as I see her all rational thought will go out the window.
My footsteps sound heavy on her porch steps and my pulse starts to quicken. What if she sees me and won’t even answer the door? She was pretty upset last time we spoke and I doubt anything has happened to make her feel any different.
But I can’t worry about that right now. I take a deep breath and knock on the edge of the screen door. I don’t exhale until the wooden door behind the screen slowly opens.
Charlie is wearing sweats and has her platinum hair in a twist on top of her head. Her eyes seem tried when she looks at me, like she’s dreading what I’m about to say.
“Ollie, you okay?”
Her question surprises me. The last time I was standing in front of her, she couldn’t care less how I felt. I must look like shit if she’s worried now.
This time I don’t lie. “No,” I say with a quick shake of my head. I grip either side of the doorframe and eye her through the screen. “I’m fucked up over this and I can’t accept how we ended our conversation last time.”
Charlie releases the door handle and crosses her arms. Her walls are firmly in place and I start to second guess my ability to win her over.
“I don’t know how to make it more clear to you. I’ve already accepted it for what it was. There’s no point in reliving a past we can’t change.” She huffs a laugh. “Besides, it’s been five years and you’ve gotten along just fine without me being around.”
I shake my head more firmly this time. “That’s not true.” She rolls her eyes, but I don’t let it stop me. “I’ve thought about you—about us—more than I’ve thought about anything else.”
Her expression is thoughtful for a moment and a flicker of hope sparks within me. But then she frowns.
“Just go home, Ollie.”
The door closes, but I refuse to walk away until she hears me. I press my face close to the screen, speaking louder.
“You were wearing a blue dress. Your hair was darker than you usually keep it, and you looked nervous. I could tell because you were chewing on a fingernail. You always do that when you’re worried about something. You were trying to hide from the crowd before the show—but I saw you.”
It’s silent inside the house, but I know she can hear me, so I keep going.
“You danced to Adele and I held my breath the entire time. You smiled when you got a standing ovation, but I could see the tears in your eyes. You were relieved because you always doubt yourself. You could never see how perfect you are.” My words get caught for a moment and I clear my throat. “But I always knew.”
I pause for a second and still nothing.
“I waited for you after the show, but someone else was waiting, too. I don’t know who he was, but it was obvious what he was to you. I couldn’t bring myself to ruin one more thing for you if you were happy.” My palm falls flat on the sides of the doorframe, defeat rising in me once again. “I wanted to be happy for you. I tried so fucking hard.”
I close my eyes and wait.
Five seconds.
Ten.
Twenty…and then the door finally creaks open.
Chapter 14
Boundaries
Charlotte - Now
Leaning back against the door, I think I can hear Ollie breathing. It’s either that or it’s my heart beating so loudly in my chest that’s ringing in my ears. He’s wrong about me being happier. He didn’t know the ring was missing from my finger because I seldom ever wore it. Every time I put it on it felt like a lie, and so I avoided it as much as possible.
It’s not that I didn’t love Jared—I did. I still do, but it wasn’t enough. He didn’t make my chest ache like the guy pressed up against my front door right now does. The one admitting for once in his life he made a mistake.
I take a deep breath before turning around and pulling the door back open. Ollie lifts his head and stands up straighter. Instead of his usual smirk, his expression remains serious.
“I mean it, Charlie. I missed you every day since you left. I went looking for you and when I found you, I found you with him—that guy from your Instagram.”
My eyes narrow, easily slipping out of sympathy mode. “You stalked me online?”
He shrugs, giving me half a smile. “Of course, darlin’. How else was I going to see your beautiful face?”
Even though I don’t want it to, my stomach flips at his words. I think it’s the way he looks at me. It’s always equal parts possessive and lust, no matter what the situation. It’s like an electric current between us that never goes away. In a lot of ways, I think it got stronger. The urge to kiss him, to run my fingers through his hair, is almost unbearable. I’m used to touching him any time I want and it’s weird not to be able to.
I push those thoughts aside and lean on the door frame. “Jared and I broke up.”
He nods like he already knew that. I’m sure he could have probably pieced it together from his internet research, but Ollie’s not always the most observant person. It wouldn’t surprise me if he didn’t know.
“Any particular reason?”
Because he’s not you. “It just…didn’t work out. Not the right time.”
Ollie remains quiet, shifting from one foot to the other. It’s a nervous habit he doesn’t usually possess. Oliver Monroe isn’t afraid of anything. He’s a champion. Champions never feel loss because they always win, right?
His chest rises and falls heavily. “I miss you.”
“Ollie—”
He steps forward and grabs my face, cutting me off. “I’m allowed to feel that way, Charlie. I won’t let you pretend I don’t.” He takes a breath, his lips mere inches from mine. “And it’s okay if you’re mad at me. I’m mad at me, too.”
I put my hand on his chest and push him back a little. His hair is sticking up more than usual, and he’s wearing a faded Central track T-shirt that I’m almost positive is from when we were in high school. He’s different, but in a lot of ways exactly the same. That’s not what gets me the most, though. It’s the ache in his voice that stabs me in the heart.
Placing my hands on his waist, I give him a shake to get him to look at me. “Hey.” I wait for his eyes to meet mine before I continue. “You don’t carry all the blame. I made a choice, too.”
I expect him to argue, but instead he wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his chest. He hugs me hard, and I relax my shoulders and melt right into him. It’s comforting to be in his arms. He still feels like home to me.
My eyes close only for a moment and I force myself to open them again so I don’t fall too deep. I pull back again and his eyes flick down to mine.
“You look like shit.”
He laughs and the sound vibrates through me in the most wonderful way. “I’m still cute though, right?”
A smile tugs at my lips. “Yeah, Ollie. You’re still cute.”
“At least we can agree on something.”
I slap him in the chest with the back of my hand and he grins. It lights up his entire face and illuminates a flash of the boy I used to know. The one who made me laugh more than he made me cry and never worried about anything. This version of him is melancholy and uncertain. It makes me feel guilty, even if I shouldn’t be, but it kills me to know I took away the brightness that used to shine from inside him.
He may be able to hide it from everyone else, but I can see how broken he is. I just don’t think I’m strong enough to fix him.
The room gets too quiet, and the heaviness creeps back into my chest. I’ve let him come this far; I might as well get it over with.
“You hungry?” I ask, nodding to the kitchen.
Ollie cocks his head, shooting me a look like I’m an idiot. “That’s was the dumbest thing you’ve ever asked me.”
I laugh and reach out to tug at the front of his T-shirt. “Come on. I can at least feed you. You smell like you’ve been on a liquid diet.”
Ollie pulls the front of his shirt up and sniffs. It snaps back and his shoulders shrug. “Must be seeping out of my pores. It’s been a long week.”
My lips press into a hard line and I don’t respond. I’m well aware of the way Ollie avoids things. He calls it his coping mechanism, but I say it’s what he does when he wants to hide. A person can’t get caught if they’re never found.
“Is that a yes?”
He nods and flashes me another smile. I pretend it doesn’t make my pulse jump into my throat and head toward the kitchen.
“You still have things here to make food?” he asks, following behind me.
My stomach drops. I don’t want him to find out about this estate stipulation my Gram came up with. It wouldn’t be right to give him hope about something I’m not even sure can happen.
“Yeah,” I say, as casually as possible. I walk toward the cabinet and scan the contents. Nothing but the bare necessities. “I can make spaghetti.” I glance over my shoulder. “The sauce will come from a jar and the noodles from a box, but it could be all right.”
