by Cole Lepley
“Maybe I’ll just hook up with her after the dance.” He nudges me again with his elbow, a grin spreading back across his face. “I’ll let him think he won something for a minute.”
“Yeah, man. Good call.”
Guilt creeps up my neck in a hot wave and I keep my eyes away from hers. I know I fucked up. I’m just hoping she gives me a pass on this one.
My prayers clearly weren’t answered when I stop with Charlie at her locker after lunch. I attempt to distract her by trying to sneak my hand up her skirt, but it isn’t working. She keeps swatting my hand away and giving me the look. The one where you know you’re in trouble and yet you keep doing it anyway. I’m used to being able to charm my way out of most situations with a little sexual persuasion. I don’t think it’s going to work with her.
Charlie stops digging for her notebook and stands up straight to face me. She puffs a breath out in frustration. “I can’t find it. I know I had it last night when we were studying.”
I smirk and lean into her. “I don’t remember studying too much.” My finger runs down her cheek to trace her bottom lip. “Actually, I remember doing something much better.”
Instead of giving me that heated gaze, her eyes narrow. She opens her mouth and then closes it before slamming her locker shut.
“Whatever,” she breathes, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “I’ll find it later.”
When she tries to step around me, I grab her arm to stop her. She’s acting weird and it’s making me uneasy. She stiffens but doesn’t try to move forward. I drop her arm with a sigh and lean into her. If a girl says “whatever”, it’s a bad thing. I decide to feign innocence.
“What’s going on? You’re weird.”
“You’re fucking weird,” she spits back at me. My eyes widen, but she keeps going. “What do you care, anyway? I’m not your girlfriend.”
A lightbulb flickers in my head. I should have seen this coming.
I run my hand over my jaw and laugh once. “Yeah, I figured you’d be pissed.”
“Don’t you think I have a right to be?” She motions to the space between us. “Or are you and I just nothing?”
Her words make me angry and I grunt in frustration. “Of course not. You’re never nothing to me.” I step closer and lower my voice. Our conversation has already piqued the interest of several students loitering at their lockers. “How could you say that? You know how I feel about you.”
Instead of softening toward me, she laughs. “Really? Because you tell me how you feel all the time.” Her pale eyes darken. “You’re so full of shit.”
I shake my head. “That’s bullshit right there.”
“I find it hard to believe I’m the first person whose ever told you that.”
Although her words are true, they still sting coming from her. I don’t even know how to explain it properly. The truth is, I’m not ready for any of this.
I take a breath and grab her hand. “Look, I know it’s going to sound like bullshit, but I’m sorry. I was caught off guard by their question, and I honestly didn’t know what to say. We’re so much more than that.” I squeeze her hand in mine, but she pulls hers back.
She comes within inches of my face, her glossy lips twisted into a sneer. “No matter how sweet your words are, they still sound like a lie.”
This time she gets past me before I have a chance to stop her again. I lean back against the locker, my heart pounding, while everyone around me moves quickly through the halls to their next class. I decide to give her the rest of the day to cool off before I approach her again. She’s seriously pissed, and I better have my shit straight the next time I open my stupid fucking mouth.
Easier said than done.
Charlie’s getting into her car across the parking lot when I exit the double doors. I have five minutes before I need to be on the field and I still need to get ready. She already changed into her dance clothes and is putting her bag in her trunk.
“Fuck it,” I mutter and then start to jog toward her.
She glances over her shoulder with a look of disgust before walking swiftly to the driver’s side door. I make it in time to stand in front of her. She grips her keys in her hand as she scowls.
“I don’t have time for this, Oliver. I’m going to be late and have a very important recital coming up.” She huffs a humorless laugh, flicking her long ponytail over her shoulder. “You would know that if my shit actually meant something to you.”
I’m still half out of breath and it’s not from running twenty feet. My heart had been beating too fast since she left me in the hallway earlier. Hearing how she thinks I feel fucking kills me. How could she not know that she’s literally everything to me?
“Charlie, please. Talk to me first.”
She shakes her head, her posture tense. “I don’t want to talk to you right now.” She motions to the field. “Plus, you have practice and you’re already on thin ice. Your dad will kill you if you get in trouble again.”
“I don’t fucking care.”
“Yes, you do.”
I lean back against her car, crossing my arms. “Nope. I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”
Yeah, I actually do care if I get in trouble, but my stubbornness is stronger than my concern. I won’t make it through an entire practice if I’m worrying that she’s upset because of something I did. Our new relationship is already consuming me, and I can’t focus.
After another long pause, she sighs. “Fine. Two minutes, and then I have to go.”
I stand up straight, taking a calming breath. “Okay, thank you.”
“Start talking.”
“Yeah, okay,” I say nodding. “About what I said earlier, I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings. You’re taking it the wrong way.”
“How should I take it?”
I step closer to her, lowering my voice. “Once everyone knows we’re a couple, everything we do will be scrutinized. Girls will try to break us up, guys will give me shit for settling down…putting labels on things complicates them. I don’t want that for us.”
She huffs another bitter laugh. “So, we’re only an ‘us’ if nobody knows about it.”
I shake my head. “No, obviously people are going to see how we are with each other and make their own assumptions. I never hide how I feel about you.” I reach out and tug her toward me. Her hands land on my waist and I cup the back of her head. “I just don’t want anything to come between us. If I say you’re my girlfriend, then that means if we break up, we can’t be friends anymore. You won’t want to be.”
“That’s how relationships work, Ollie. There’s no magic loophole to get around it.”
“No,” I say, my lips close to hers. “You and I are different. We’re supposed to be in each other’s lives.” I pause, taking a shallow breath. “All I’m asking is that you be patient with me. I have a lot going on right now and you’re literally the only thing in my life I can count on. I don’t want that to change.”
“It won’t,” she whispers.
“You say that now, but what if I do something that pisses you off?
Charlie cocks her head and gives me an irritated look. “That could happen even if you weren’t my boyfriend.”
“It’s not the same,” I counter, and lean down and kiss her once. “You’ll hate me after.”
She looks like she wants to argue so I kiss her again. This time I slip my tongue in her mouth and make it last a little longer. When I pull back, she smiles.
“You can’t do that.”
“What?” I ask softly before catching her lips once more.
“That,” she breathes.
I answer her with another kiss, nipping her bottom lip with my teeth when I pull back again. “I think you like it.”
She laughs and then presses her hand to my chest, putting some space between us. “I do, that’s the problem.”
My eyes drift to her lips and down her tight, black tank top before focusing back on her eyes. “I don’t see a problem, darli
n’.”
Charlie looks hesitant again, the playfulness dissolving from her eyes. “It did suck to hear you say it.”
The knot in my stomach clenches and I whisper, “I’m sorry.”
She sighs heavily and leans into me a little. I wrap my arms around her and bring her tightly to my chest.
“I’m going to make you happy, darlin’. I promise.” I pull back to kiss her temple, and take her face in my hands. “I just need some time to figure this all out. I don’t want to make any mistakes with you. I’d never forgive myself.”
Instead of responding, Charlie leans in and kisses me this time. Her lips are soft, and I hold her to me and make it last longer than I’m sure she intended. When I finally inch back, all traces of her anger are gone and I’m think I’m forgiven—for now.
“Go to practice,” she says, giving me a playful shove back. “We’ll talk later.”
“I’ve got to go, baby.”
I give her one last peck on the cheek before jogging to the field house. If I run really fast, I’ll only be five minutes late. Coach will ride my ass the entire practice, but it’s worth it.
Chapter 29
Ghostin’
Charlotte - Now
When I think back on all the reasons I’ve loved Ollie, I tend to forget all the reasons I shouldn’t have. It was easy to forgive the bad parts of him because the good parts were so much better.
I know he never had bad intentions. His heart is the part of him I love the most. He cares too much what people think about him, and not enough about himself. That probably sounds crazy considering how cocky he is, but most of it is to compensate for his lack of confidence. It doesn’t always show through, but every time it has, he’s been with me.
That’s why I needed to tell him the truth. I didn’t think it would be fair of me not to be honest when he was baring his soul to me in my driveway. Yes, he waited five years too long, and yes, he was wasted, but I know he means it. There’s also the fact that he’s texted me every morning since, to remind me that he does.
And on his lunch breaks.
And when he gets home.
And basically every free moment he gets throughout the day. Or every time he eats. I haven’t exactly figured out his pattern yet, but it’s a lot.
So, I’ve taken the most logical next step. I’ve tried to distance myself from him this week, even though I can tell it bothers him. It’s only been a month since I’ve been back, and I already don’t want to leave him. The more I see him, the harder it will be and I’m still uncertain what to do next. Just because I love him doesn’t mean that I think we can actually be together. I still have reasons I don’t want him to know.
That’s why I’m completely on edge as I get dressed to go to the studio. Dancing usually gives me a sense of calm. I’m able to forget about all the uncertainties in my life and focus on something I love.
I have one hand on the door when my phone rings inside my purse. Not a lot of people call me instead of text, so it gets my attention. I set my bag down on the side table and search through my purse. My stomach drops when I see the name on the display.
Blowing out a long breath, I swipe the screen to answer the call. “Hey.”
“Hey, yourself,” a deep, familiar voice says in return. “I haven’t been able to reach you. Sorry if you’re busy.”
“No, it’s okay. I have been busy, but I should have answered your messages.”
There’s a pause and then Jared sighs. I brace myself for what he’s going to say next. I can’t take another proclamation of interest from an ex.
“The townhouse sold last week. I need your keys.”
Oh. Not what I was expecting. Maybe being around Oliver so much is making me arrogant by association.
“That’s good,” I say with enthusiasm. “I can drop them at the post office this afternoon.”
“You’re not in New York?” I don’t get a chance to answer before he fires his next question. “Are you still in West Virginia? That was almost a month ago.”
Immediately I get defensive. “That’s none of your business.”
Jared laughs once. “Fine, Charlotte. I didn’t call to fight with you. I just wanted to let you know that the house sold and now there’s nothing left to hold you here.”
“Nothing was holding me there. I wanted to be there.”
“Not as badly as you wanted to be somewhere else,” he mutters.
Bitterness has seeped into his tone. It wasn’t a secret that my heart was never mine to give. I knew Jared for most of college, and before we became a couple, he spent many drunken nights with me. More than once they ended with confessions of my regret for having left home. Even after Ollie’s injury, I still didn’t reach out to him. I wanted a clean break but I guess I never got one.
I let the silence fall between us while I search my brain for something to say. Something that won’t make this more awkward than it already is. But he beats me to it.
“I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t be petty.” He takes an audible breath. “I want you to be happy. I hope he’s changed.”
There isn’t a need to clarify the ‘he’ in his statement. Although he’s never met Ollie, his presence in our relationship was palpable. A man knows when you’re thinking about another man. It’s not something you can hide.
“I’ll send the keys this afternoon. I won’t be back for a couple more months, so if you need anything else, just call.”
He pauses for a beat. “I should be good. Take care of yourself, Charlotte.”
Jared ends the call before I can say anything else. It’s probably better that way. The less I have to explain at this point is what’s best for all of us.
After taking a moment to get it together, I push the front door open only to be greeted by a lopsided grin.
“Going somewhere, darlin’?”
My heart flutters in my chest, unable to hide its excitement when I see his face. Ollie’s eyes are twinkling with some kind of mischief that I’m not sure I want to know about. Either that or he’s equally happy to see me.
I smile and turn away to lock the door behind me. “Yes, actually.” I toss my keys in my bag before facing him. “I have to be at the studio in twenty minutes.”
His eyebrows pull in. “It’s Saturday. Who works on a Saturday?”
I can’t hold in my laugh. His work ethic sure hasn’t changed. “A lot of people do, Oliver.”
“Anyway,” he says, brushing it off. “I wanted to take you for lunch, but if you’re busy we can grab an early dinner.”
A pang of guilt clenches my stomach. I already promised Liam I’d meet him for drinks this evening. I’d been avoiding it since he asked. Not just because of Ollie, but also because I don’t think it’s a good idea. The way things ended are fine with me, but I have a feeling he has a different opinion on the matter.
“I can’t,” I say quickly, and then step past him.
He follows close behind, the gravel crunching under his shoes. “Why? You have a hot date?”
When I don’t answer, he reaches for my arm. “Charlie, I was kidding.”
I glance over my shoulder at him and he releases me. With a sigh, I turn around. “I have plans with Liam tonight. Maybe tomorrow.”
Although my tone was causal, Ollie’s face twists into a dozen different emotions. Not surprisingly, it lands on irritation.
He shakes his head. “I thought we’ve been through this already.”
“Um, I told you I was going, and you demanded to know where. That was the extent of it.”
“I also fucking told you that I didn’t like it and then you kissed me.”
I open my mouth to argue, but he holds his hand up so I can’t. “And I don’t think I need to remind you what happened after that.” He steps closer, lowering his voice. “But if you do need a reminder, I’ll be happy to take you inside and make you late for your dance practice. It wouldn’t be the first time.”
I laugh and give him a shove back a step. “I remember.
It doesn’t change anything. I made these plans with him, as friends, and I intend to keep them.”
Ollie throws his arms out with a frustrated growl. “So what was the other night?”
“What about the other night?”
His nostrils flare. “Don’t act stupid, Charlie. That meant something. I know it did.”
Ollie’s expression shifts to confusion when I smile. I can’t help it. He’s adorable when he’s angry. I step closer and wrap my arms around his waist, resisting the urge to completely melt into him.
“Of course it did.”
He sighs and his strong, muscular arms engulf me. “Then why are you torturing me?” His tone is filled with anguish, but then he smirks. “You know I don’t like to share.”
“You’re not sharing me with anyone. I told you Liam and I are just friends, and that’s not going to change.” I arch an eyebrow, giving him a once-over. “You, however, are pushing your luck.”
He laughs and it vibrates in my chest. “You already said you love me.” He leans down and kisses my forehead. “You can’t take it back now.”
I can literally feel my heart splinter. If he was the one who was scared before, it’s me who’s terrified now.
“I would never,” I whisper.
Ollie presses his lips to mine softly and then pulls back to see my face again. “So, don’t go.”
“You can stop by later, if it would make you feel better.”
He laughs again. “I’m sure Liam would love that.”
“I’m sure you can act like a grown-up for an hour if you really can’t trust me to be alone with him.”
What am I saying? Ollie and I aren’t even together and I’m already allowing him to dictate the terms of my male friendships.
He looks unsure, though, so maybe I didn’t completely hand over all of the control.
“It might not be until late. I have to go with Hunter to a sorority party, and I’m not sure how long we’ll be there.”
A scoff burst out of me and I slap him in the chest with the back of my hand. “And to think I felt bad and you’re on your way to get wasted with a roomful of eager girls dressed like prostitutes.”
