by Cole Lepley
She nods. “Yeah, Hunter and I just celebrated my birthday together. We got to go out to dinner and everything.” Her fingers twist around the stem of the glass and she smiles. “I know it seems dumb, but that’s something we couldn’t do for so long. It felt perfect.”
The smile on her face fades and she gulps down another mouthful. She and Hunter must have gotten into it bad. He did look at Ollie like he wanted to punch him, so I’m guessing he’s somehow also involved.
“What happened?”
She flashes a quick smile, wiping the corner of her mouth with her thumb. “It’s stupid. I’m probably being a bitch.”
I shake my head quickly. “No, don’t do that.”
Elliot meets my eyes with a huff. “Why not? It’s true, isn’t it? Every time Judah did something dumb it was because of how I acted or how I dressed. All guys thrive off jealousy.”
I want to argue, but she’s kind of right. Ollie used to get mad when we weren’t even together. He’d take it a step further and go off on me even if he was with another girl. Totally ridiculous, but expected.
“You’re wrong though, it’s not right for them to act that way.” She walks around the island and takes a seat next to me. Something clicks in my mind and I turn to face her. “Wait. That other guy with them, was that Judah?”
She nods.
“Seriously? Isn’t that weird?”
She throws her arms up and laughs. “That’s what I said. But Ollie and Judah are actually good friends. They have been ever since he got hurt.”
The mention of Ollie’s career-ending injury brings the guilt back to consume me. Tightness in my chest briefly cuts off my air supply. I take another drink.
“How was he?” I ask in small voice. “I mean, how bad was it?”
Elliot blows out a breath and flips her ponytail over her shoulder. “I won’t lie, he was a mess. He didn’t leave his room much for the first couple of months. My parents were worried he wouldn’t graduate on time, but after a while it got better. He started spending a lot of time with Judah, basically coaching him and pushing him to be what he couldn’t. They bonded through football and became very close. Like brothers. Hunter was here the entire time, too. Both those guys have been there for him, and I’m so thankful he has support.” Her eyes cast away for a moment and then she takes another breath. “I never really had that, so I think he’s very lucky to have people who care about him.”
I reach my hand over and place it on hers with a small squeeze. “Well, you have me. I’m right next door, and you can talk to me anytime.”
“Thank you,” she says with a small smile. “But aren’t you leaving?”
“I don’t know.” I pull my hand back and grip the bottom of my glass. “Things are so complicated with us. I have no idea how it’s going to end.”
“I know he loves you.” I look up and meet her eyes, surprised. “He more or less told me a couple months ago when me and Hunter were going through some things. He didn’t say your name, but I could tell by how emotional he got that it was serious. I put two and two together after I saw how affected he’s been by your return.”
My stomach dips again. “I’m not sure he’ll still feel that way now that he knows what I did.”
She laughs like my statement was ridiculous. “What could you do that could possibly be worse than something my brother would do?”
My stomach drops even lower. I feel like Elliot and I could be friends, but after I tell her, I’m not sure she’ll be so welcoming.
I take an unsteady breath. “It’s a long story.”
Elliot smiles and gets up from her barstool with purpose. “I love long stories.” She grabs her phone from the counter and starts scrolling. “What do you like on your pizza? I think we need snacks.”
Even though I can feel the tears threatening to pour from my eyes, being here with her is making it so much better.
It’s my turn to smile. “It’s doesn’t matter, as long as you get the square one.”
Chapter 35
I Have Mixed Drinks About Feelings
Oliver - Now
I’m staring out of the passenger side window of my own truck. My eyes aren’t focused on anything in particular. I’m consumed in my thoughts while the trees whip by along the side of the highway.
We have to go to another town so Judah can get served. He’s not twenty-one yet, and we need to go where no one knows us. It’s only about twenty minutes away, but it feels like it’s taking forever.
Nobody has said a word since we left the house almost ten minutes ago. Hunter’s slouched down in the back, arms crossed, with a scowl on his face. I get it, I really do—but his shit with Elliot is an easy fix. She’s already on the verge of caving. I could see it her eyes. She’s just trying to prove a point.
Judah’s quiet, which isn’t totally weird, but I’m seriously fucking hoping it’s not about Elliot. He said last time he was home that he met a girl. It’s shitty of me to do, but I hope his brooding is about her, and not about my potentially single sister.
Even as I think it, I know it won’t be true. Elliot loves Hunter, and he loves her. They made it through some serious shit last year. If something like this breaks them up, then there’s no hope for the rest of us.
I sigh a little too heavily and Judah glances over at me. He reaches for the radio and turns the volume down. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m cool,” I say quickly, still leaning my chin on my hand against the window.
He doesn’t buy it. “She looked upset, too.”
My stomach clenches as the look on her face flashes in my mind. I hated leaving her like that. Even though the sight of her makes me so fucking mad right now, I still want to be near her. I wanted to kiss her longer, tell her that it didn’t matter what happened before, and that I wasn’t going anywhere. But I didn’t.
It’s not trying to punish her, either. I’m genuinely upset she didn’t feel she could tell me. Maybe I would have overreacted and got scared as fuck, but I never would have left her. I would have taken care of both of them no matter how hard it would have been. It’s not that she wasn’t my priority, it was because I wasn’t ready for what that meant. It was something I knew, and I couldn’t make a promise to her I wasn’t capable of keeping.
I sit up straight in my seat as he turns off the exit and rub my hand over my jaw a few times. “Yeah, she is. I’m really fucking mad though, so I know I needed to step away.” I blow out a forceful breath. “I need to get my head on straight.”
“What you need to do is be honest with each other,” Hunter chimes in from the back.
I grit my teeth. “You’re one to talk, motherfucker.”
He laughs. “I’m honest with Elliot. I tell her exactly how I feel, and that’s what I’m being punished for now.”
“You’re being punished because you acted like an asshole and embarrassed her in front of her entire sorority.”
He scoffs. “I didn’t embarrass her.”
Instantly, my anger spikes. I turn around in my seat to glare at him. “Yes, you fucking did. Now everybody thinks that she has an unstable, possessive boyfriend who doesn’t trust her.”
Hunter’s face remains stoic, but I see Judah twitch out of the corner of my eye. It’s always kind of awkward to get into it about them when he’s around, but we’re fucked up. He should know this by now.
Hunter’s nostrils flare and looks away from me. “I know I fucked up.” He takes another breath and turns back to me. “I’m trying to fix it. Same as you.”
I don’t say anything back and turn around in my seat as Judah pulls into the parking lot of the bar. He parks close to the back and shuts off the ignition. Silence falls inside the truck for a moment and then he looks over at me.
“I know we all have shit going on right now. We’re probably not the best group of guys to sit around and throw out relationship advice, but here we are. Collectively we’ve seen our fair share of messed up shit and as men, we need to find a way to make things
better for the ones that we love.”
His speech is fucking cute and all, but it perplexes me. I raise an eyebrow. “Do you love that girl?”
He stiffens. “What girl?”
“The girl you talked about last time.” I shoot him a knowing look. “The one you said shit was complicated with.”
Hunter, who’s been quiet for a minute, sits up in his seat.
Judah clears his throat. “Yeah, well it’s still complicated, and I might love her.” I give him another look and he laughs nervously. “Okay, I do love her. But she doesn’t feel that way about me, so it doesn’t fucking matter.”
Hunter leans between the seats and grips me by the shoulder hard. “Although I do enjoy sitting around with you two pussies and talking feelings, I’d like a drink, please.” He nods to the bar and reaches for the door handle. “Let’s go.”
I want to say something clever back, but I can’t. That sounded like something I should have said. But I didn’t. Oh, my fucking God. I’m turning into Hunter.
No, worse—I’m turning into Judah. My chest gets tight and I start to breathe heavier. Judah eyes me with concern.
“You okay, dude?”
“Yeah,” I say quickly and push the door open. “Let’s get a fucking drink.”
The bar is relatively dead for a Saturday night. We’ve taken up shop at a booth next to the pool tables. Hunter’s been double-fisting drinks for the past hour or so, but Judah has been sipping his beer like he needs a nipple. I can’t seem to get drunk enough.
It’s not helping like it used to. I used to be able to get shit-faced, hook up with a random girl, and all was well. It never took much to distract me from what was really on my mind. Now I can’t clear my head to save my life.
Judah looks around the table for a moment. He locks his eyes on me, his expression uncertain. “Okay, I’m going to say something that might piss you off.”
I laugh, and Hunter lifts his head up from looking at his phone. I’m pretty sure he’s been texting Elliot all night, but I’ve been afraid to ask.
“Go ahead,” I say, and then tilt back the rest of my beer. “I’m used to it.”
Judah leans forward. “I know Charlie keeping that from you was bullshit, I’m not disputing that—but I don’t think it came from a bad place.”
Hunter scoffs. “You don’t even fucking know her.”
I bite my lip so I don’t smile. He’s been doing this all night every time Judah opens his mouth.
Judah’s jaw tenses, but he keeps going. “You’re right, I don’t, but I get where she’s coming from.”
“Oh, yeah?” Hunter sneers. “You been pregnant before?”
This time I do laugh, but quickly recover. I shift to face Hunter. “Dude, let him talk.”
Hunter gives half a shrug and then reaches for his glass. He finishes it off before shoving up from the table. “I’m going to take a piss.”
Judah glares at him and waits until he walks away before he continues. “He’s such a dick.”
“He’s upset,” I counter. “You acted the same way when you and Elle used to fight.”
His head shakes, anger flashing in his eyes. “Whatever. Make all the excuses you want. I still don’t like him.”
“You don’t have to.” I wink at him. “It’s the price you have to pay to hang out with someone as cool as me.”
Judah doesn’t laugh. “Anyway, the point I was trying to make is that Charlie was scared. You said it yourself you acted terribly when you were younger. It doesn’t make it right, but she was probably trying to protect herself.”
“From me?”
“Yes, from you,” he says simply. “She wanted you to show her she could be safe with you. That you could take care of her and the baby. Maybe they’re just words, but by not telling her how you felt, she assumed you didn’t care.”
I lean back against the hard wooden booth, resting one arm on the table. My intention was never to make Charlie feel insecure. In my own way, I was working toward becoming better, being the type of man she needed, but my priorities at the time weren’t what they should have been.
“I guess I’m upset because I thought she knew better. I thought I didn’t need to tell her that I loved her for her to know how much she meant to me.”
Judah laughs. “Dude, trust me—they need to hear it. I’m having a similar problem.”
I’m about to ask him to elaborate further when Hunter comes stumbling back to the booth. He has three shots balanced precariously in the palm of his hand and his face is flushed. We should probably stop pounding the hard liquor, but we won’t. We’re still using alcohol as a crutch when life gets too hard to face. Maybe one day we’ll grow up and stop avoiding the shit we need to deal with.
But it won’t be tonight.
We drop Hunter off at his apartment on the way home. It took some convincing, but as the night progressed, his level of intoxication did too. My parents are at convention for the weekend, so the house should be empty tonight.
Judah follows me inside to grab the jacket he’d left behind. My eyes travel down the hallway that leads from the kitchen. The living room light is still on. As I get closer, I see Elliot and Charlie passed out on either side of the large wraparound couch. Tissues and empty wine bottles are strewn across the coffee table.
I nudge Elliot and she shoves me away. “You should go up to bed.”
She mumbles something incoherently into the couch cushion and I sigh. “She hates waking up down here.” I whisper to Judah.
He steps in front of me and leans down to her. I can’t hear what he says but she wraps her arms around his neck as he lifts her up against his chest. I shoot him a look.
“Don’t worry,” he assures me, readjusting his grip of her. “I’ll take her upstairs and I’ll be right back.”
I point my finger at him in warning. “You have five minutes or I’m coming up there after you.”
He laughs softly as he walks past me toward the stairs. My eyes drift to Charlie, curled up with her hair fanned around her face. I brush it aside and notice something clutched in her hand. Her eyes pop open when I try to pull it out.
She holds my gaze for a moment before releasing her grasp. “It’s the only one I have,” she says softly.
I can feel the pressure building behind my eyes as I look down at the photo in my hand. She reaches for me and I let her pull me down beside her. I don’t have the energy to fight it even if I wanted to. I lay my head in her lap and wrap my arms around her waist.
I don’t say anything as she begins to run her fingers through my hair. Even though I still have so many questions I want to ask her, I can feel myself drifting further into sleep. I make a silent promise that when I do wake up, I’ll tell her everything, too.
Chapter 36
Fake Smile
Charlotte - Then
This week was important.
I should be excited right now. Like over the moon, on top of the world type of happy—but I’m not. Everything feels off now, and I don’t know how to fix it.
Ollie and I have been talking about what we want to do after graduation since we were kids. It was always my dream to go to New York for dance, and he always want to play football for LSU. It was between that and Alabama for a while; he was never one to lock down one certain thing. Ollie likes options.
When I told him about my acceptance letter to NYU on Monday, he barely got excited.
It felt like a stab in the chest. To me, it was the equivalent of him winning State, getting recruited by LSU, or being drafted even. It was my Super Bowl, and he acted like he couldn’t give a single fuck.
If I’m being honest, he’s been distant since my audition. Although he did get overly excited for me afterward, grabbing people on the street and telling them his girl was a champion, and yelling from the balcony of our hotel room in the city. He took every chance he got to try to embarrass me, but it was so adorable. I thought he was happy for me.
What I didn’t realize was that it pu
t distance between us. Not a lot, but enough to notice the difference. The past few weeks have been busy for him. I understand if it’s causing him stress, but I still expected him to at least pretend.
We’re currently huddled in Jake’s garage, surrounded by space heaters. It’s almost too cold outside at this point, even with the bonfire blazing in the field. The guys are never deterred when it comes to a Friday night party, though, and have set up several tables for beer pong and one very intense arm-wrestling contest.
If it were any other night, Ollie would be front and center for that one. He loves the chance to win something, but tonight he’s distant. I’m sitting on his lap and he still feels a million miles away.
His hat is pulled down low on his forehead and an over-sized hoodie is zipped up over his T-shirt, obscuring half his face. He’s barely made a sarcastic comment since we got here. They won the game by fourteen points, so in true Ollie fashion, he should be running around shouting in people’s faces, reminding them how awesome he is.
But he’s not. He’s slouched back in this chair with his arm locked around my waist like a vice grip. I’ve had to pee for like an hour, but I didn’t want to move. Something’s not right with him, and it’s driving me crazy.
He’s also barely said a word to me since we got here. It started in the truck on the way over, and his strange mood has followed us here.
I turn in his lap and clutch his wrist to get his attention. He lazily looks over at me and gives a nod.
“I need to get up.”
He moves his arm, his face stoic. “So go.”
With a huff, I stand up and brush my hair back from my face. “What is your problem?”
Ollie shrugs, unaffected. “I don’t have a problem.” He finishes the rest of his beer and crushes the can in his hand. With a toss to the metal garbage can, he nods to me again. “Get me another one on your way back.”
