by Amy B. Nixon
Or maybe it was plain pity. Maybe he only comforted me because he took the safety of everyone in his castle too seriously. Maybe he was only trying to…
“You’re so breathtakingly beautiful, even when you’re heartbroken,” he whispered quietly, with fingers still clinging to my skin.
Taken aback by his words, I watched him as he breathed in, and the first thought shooting through my head was of that dream. Once again, I wondered how a person capable of sparring with a dozen men could also be capable of such gentleness.
He wiped the leftover tears from my face before the tip of his thumb brushed over my lower lip. Overwhelmed by his delicate tenderness, I instinctively closed my eyes just like in my dream, and the two sensations his touch left in me enhanced. Warmth and safety. Not daring to make the slightest movement, I relished into a fraction of eternity, fully sinking into it for as long as it lasted.
I didn’t realize when he moved, but the moment he withdrew his thumb, his lips took its place. Their velvety softness was much like what I had experienced in my dream. As tender as I remembered them, they stroked mine cautiously and slowly, as if he was careful not to make a rash motion that would break me even further.
His attentive approach surprised me, and I didn’t pull back when his lips slightly parted from mine.
But he didn’t kiss me again. He didn’t move at all. I could tell he was holding his breath, but I couldn’t understand why he was standing still. Was he giving me time? Distance? Was he waiting for a reaction? For confirmation I wouldn’t try to run like earlier?
I was too scared to open my eyes and ruin this strange moment which had made me forget about everything else, so I remained motionless, speechless, submerged into my thoughts.
He had kissed me. He had really kissed me. And I couldn’t pull away.
I hadn’t imagined it would be possible for me not to get repulsed by the thought of having someone kiss me again. I hadn’t imagined I could feel this… this natural, normal, comfortable in such an intimate moment with someone in the near future. My ex had made me resent, even dread, the idea of having this type of closeness and vulnerability with another living being.
But what I felt now wasn’t vulnerability.
I felt warmth and soothing solace. Dann was caring, considerate. He evoked trust and confidence, even in my subconsciousness, even in my dreams. All these factors somehow made my uncertainties and insecurities about physical closeness flee from my mind, leaving no traces behind, as if they had never been there to begin with.
Before I fully understood my actions, my hand blindly touched his face. His skin was warm and smooth, with hints of a clean shave below the slight crease nestled under his cheekbone. A few strands of hair tickled my fingers when I moved them up, and he inhaled sharply, but didn’t draw back. While he stood still, I thought about kissing him. Not even a whiff of my familiar repulsion manifested.
I made up my mind and decided to take the plunge. Slowly tilting my head, I shortened those few inches between us, and my lips met his. I tasted the residual saltiness from my tears. He probably tasted it too, but he didn’t seem to mind.
And as he kissed me back, I was certain of one thing – I liked it.
His hand slipped over my own, tracing its length from the outside of my wrist to my elbow, making my skin tingle with soft shivers, then carried down to my waist.
Surrendering myself to the physical closeness I used to be so afraid of, I let him snuggle me tightly in his embrace, without trying to push him away. It wasn’t strange anymore. All of it – every parting of his lips and every kiss we shared, the way he held me and the way our bodies were pressed together – all of it felt good.
His arms kept wreathing around me like a protective ring, pushing my past away, keeping it out of reach, hiding me within his warm and reassuring caress, and it seemed like the safest and coziest place to be.
I was weightless and secure, and everything outside the wreath of his arms didn’t matter.
My notion of time drifted away. I had no clue how long we sat on the stairs, embracing and kissing, but all of a sudden, his mouth came to a stop at the corner of mine, and he pulled back. When I opened my eyes to meet his in confusion, a frenzied wave of disorientation hit me, rendering me completely out of balance. The way those pale blue eyes pierced me clashed with the way his kisses had melted me, and I realized I had never seen, nor felt, a more beautiful paradox in my entire life.
“I shouldn’t have done that.”
He whispered the same words from my dream. Down to the last syllable. My eyes widened as some tiny part of my brain started working again.
“I, umm… didn’t mind it,” I admitted quietly.
“How vapid would it be, if the truth slipped me, and I told you of dooms and cursed fates, written in the stars?”
I blinked sheepishly. “Are you reciting poetry again?”
He slowly shook his head.
“Of course you’d think so. Your heart is buried under anger and acrimony; shielded by the storms you unleash on everyone who tries to get close to you. But sometimes the storm passes, and the perfect rainy afternoon unfolds, bringing rays of hope and sunlight in its wake.”
Was I really so transparent to him? And why was he speaking of hope? His fingers traveled into my hair, caressing the back of my neck, but the words that followed next lacked warmth and tenderness.
“Before I say something more reckless, you should get back to your room.”
Ouch! Reality came crashing down, ruthlessly dumping the full-blown realization of what had just happened over my scattered thoughts. I wasn’t dreaming. Dann had kissed me. I had kissed him back. And neither of us should have done it. He was my lecturer, for fuck’s sake!
Shaken by the aftertaste of his kisses, the shivers still lingering in my body and the freezing chills reality had brought in, I couldn’t say anything. Despite both of us remaining silent while walking down the corridors, my head was exploding with questions.
What the hell had just happened? Were my dreams prophetic? Could I predict the future? Or had he Wandered into them? Why had he kissed me? Did he really think I was beautiful? Was there some truth to what Aurora said about his insipid playthings? Was I one of them?
I wasn’t sure which question to ask first. By the time I picked one, we had already reached the third floor. It was early morning. Monika was in the hallway, sitting on the ground with her back leaning against our bedroom’s door. There was a small suitcase on wheels parked next to the door frame.
With one quick “Good night, ladies,” Dann walked away. I had been too busy overthinking in my head, and now it was too late to ask him anything.
Perfect. Fucking perfect! Now I had to deal with this and with Monika.
“Happy belated birthday.”
I didn’t bother replying. All of it was too much for me right now.
“Learyn, I’m so sorry about everything.”
Did everything include my aunt? If Monika knew about her death, it only made her a bigger liar.
Walking right past her, I opened the door. Before I could unceremoniously shut it in her face, she slipped inside the room.
“Have you been crying?”
I scoffed and jumped on my bed, looking the other way in an attempt to hide my face. She obviously wasn’t one to take a hint.
“Please talk to me!”
“Why would I want to talk to you when all you have to say is another pile of lies?” I asked quietly, still not facing her.
“Because you look like you need a friend.”
“I’m a fucking necromancer, Monika! If I want a friend, I’ll just head for the nearest graveyard and make a bunch of friends.”
“I’m not some mindless robot that’s been put here to protect you!” She nearly cried out, frustration seeping from every syllable. “Yes, I come from a family of guardians, and yes, that’s why they made you my roommate, but it doesn’t mean I’m not your friend!”
“Fine, prove it.”<
br />
She didn’t reply. I finally looked at her. The guilt in her words was crystal clear, fully replicated on her expression.
“Prove you’re not some mindless robot who’s been following the Council’s orders.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. Maybe start with the Marked by Amyria subject? Who is Amyria?”
“I have no idea.”
“Let’s say I believe you, at least about that. You don’t know, but someone else has to. I already checked every bookcase in the library, then directly asked the high and mighty. Twice. Guess what? Dann says he doesn’t know, while Hallvard is pretending it’s some Nøkken nonsense.”
Bewilderment settled on her face. “Are you saying I can make them hand over intel on Amyria?”
“Try asking them nicely. Swearing didn’t work well with me.”
“I already asked my mother, and she said she doesn’t know.”
“Have you tried asking the other Council members?”
“If they think it’s nonsense and don’t want to talk about it, we should respect their decision.”
She said it like the idea of going against them was scandalous. Apparently, she wasn’t going to try asking on my behalf. Once again, I was left to my own devices.
Bad things happened when I was left to my own devices.
“Monika, I’m fluent in eight programming languages, so don’t make me go Gary McKinnon on their ass!”
“Who?”
How could she have not heard of the guy? “He hacked NASA’s systems.”
“A hacker? You want to hack into their computers? Are you crazy? The whole island is protected by magic! Everything here – computers included – is subjected to wards and enchantments. No offense, but as an inexperienced novice, you can’t even neutralize the wards to open Raisa’s Administration files, let alone find some top-secret information about something even my mother hasn’t heard of.”
That just gave me an idea.
“You’re right,” I declared, shrugging innocently, walked to the door, opened it wide and made an unambiguous motion for her to get out. “An inexperienced novice can’t do anything about it.”
She rushed to grab my arm.
“Oh, no, I know that look! Learyn, please don’t–”
“Go take a nice long sauna in fucking Muspelheim, Monika!” I snarled, yanked back my limb and pushed her through the door. I wanted to tell her to go burn in hell, but in our world, hell was a notoriously flexible term.
“You’ll get yourself in trouble,” she insisted, but my decision was already final.
“And don’t forget to drink plenty of water!” I added, slamming the door in her face.
To hell with Monika!
And to hell with Dann Nordstrøm! I had other issues apart from dealing with the fact that my sort-of-teacher had kissed me and I had kissed him back. The Council members’ decision to keep their mouths shut was a bigger pain in my neck, especially because they’d been keeping my aunt’s death from me. They were also withholding the truth about Amyria, or at least Hallvard was, and I wasn’t going to go down without a fight.
They didn’t want to tell me anything? Fine. Monika didn’t want to ask them? Fine. They had magical wards, spells and protections? Fine.
But me being just an inexperienced novice, who couldn’t even open Administration’s files? Inexperienced, my ass!
For as long as I could remember, my sight had been set on becoming a White Hat security expert. I had ventured into studying online security long before I decided to focus on software development.
There wasn’t a single computer in this castle I couldn’t hack into with the right kit. And since I was pretty damn sure an invasive attack would potentially raise flags if it targeted the wrong computer, I was about to do things the old-fashioned way. The formula was simple – storm over the router and let it spread encrypted backdoors to all connected devices in a zombie chain reaction. First, I would start with the first floor router, which supplied Wi-Fi to Administration, then I would move to the ninth floor, which probably supplied the Council’s lair.
They didn’t want me to raise soulless Draugar zombies in their world? Well, they were about to get a firsthand experience at what zombies meant in my world!
I dug out my laptop and checked the available Wi-Fi hotspots. The one called FloorLevel1 was in reach. Glancing at the digital clock on the screen, I stretched my fingers. It was almost six in the morning. Flash forward a few minutes and one lengthy code later, and I had sent a packet injection to the first floor Internet router. There was a single active device’s MAC address in it. If only one person was connected to the router on that floor level so early, it had to be Administration’s computer. I didn’t even have to wait!
Why hadn’t I thought about it earlier? Raisa, the nice old lady at Administration, surely didn’t expect cyberattacks anytime soon, not when the real threats in a place like this would be purely physical. Or magical, but that still counted as physical.
On the bright side, as long as Administration’s computer kept running, I was good to go. Due to the packet injection’s encryption, nobody was going to be able to tell another device was “illegally” hooked onto the same connection.
On the not-so-bright side, I was a little rusty for the next step. Well, okay, quite rusty. I hadn’t programmed this type of code without an engine kit for years. If I had at least a backdoor kit, I could have sped up the process tremendously. However, downloading one from the web could have tipped off some firewalls, regardless of my VPN router and connection. Besides, Norway, like most countries, probably blocked access to “source” sites, which even my VPN couldn’t overpower.
So, I thoroughly revised some old memories from a long-gone period in my teens. Then I got to work, staying focused on coding, rather than thinking about how I had lost everyone I cared about.
***
It took me several cups of coffee and more than eight hours, but I had finally written the code from scratch, encrypted the little bug, and granted myself unlimited access to everything in Raisa’s computer.
“Object code backdoor, baby.” I smirked at the screen with self-satisfaction. “Good luck detecting that one with your daily antivirus scan.”
I stood up to make myself another cup of coffee. If there was a reason to be thankful for Monika’s existence, it was her decision to leave the coffee machine here.
Waiting for the cup to fill, I wondered what information Raisa’s computer held. What was in those Administration files Monika mentioned? Was it Amyria? And did they have a file on me? Could I find the answers to all my questions about the unnamed powers endangering my existence?
Or was I just going to find a boring document with my date of birth, address, a photo and a short notes section that read She swears a lot?
I aimlessly wandered around Administration’s folders for a while, until my eyes found a Learyn Dustrikke label. So, they really had a file on me!
“Time to reveal your secrets,” I told the folder, hovering with my touchpad’s cursor over it. “Open, Sesame.”
The second I clicked, my laptop switched off with a loud sizzling sound. I drew back from it in shock, spilling hot coffee over my ankle.
Swearing like a sailor, I put away the cup to examine the laptop, which fortunately, wasn’t drenched in coffee. The charger was plugged in, the battery was on, but the computer wasn’t running. I closed the lid, flipped it over and faced the bolts holding the back panel.
Fuck! I didn’t have any screwdrivers, knives or scissors to help me open it.
Sucking in a deep breath, I called forth the air element.
The bolts spun, unscrewing themselves. Then back panel flew up, revealing something that tore a whimper from my chest. Once green and healthy, my motherboard was stained with dark spots of burnt, melted polymer. My motherboard was literally fried!
Utterly perplexed, I didn’t even realize when the door had gotten consumed by bright emerald flames, up until something c
urled around my elbow and pulled me to my feet. An unfamiliar man dressed in a guard’s uniform was standing in the room.
“You’re coming with me,” he declared with a stormy expression. “The Council wants to see you.”
The Council? Had they changed their mind about… Oh, hell no! Did they know what I was trying to do? Was this why my motherboard was dead? Was it because of a magical firewall or something?
“Why are you taking me to them?” I asked the guard as he dragged me to the ninth floor.
He kept pulling me in total silence. I had definitely gotten myself into deep shit this time!
The man pushed me through the door, walked in and closed it, barring my escape route. Scanning the room, I noticed only Monika’s mom and Dann’s uncle were present.
Hallvard was probably so sick and tired of the crap I kept presenting him with, he was going to kick me off the island. But was that a bad thing? Could I find some information on Amyria and answers to my other questions in another country? The world out there was vast, full of other creatures. Surely, there’d be a way for me to find more than I could find while being stuck here, right?
Mrs. Larsen quickly pulled me out of my new ideas for potential schemes. “Miss Dustrikke, you accessed Administration files without clearing permission.”
“You fried my fucking laptop without clearing permission and made me spill hot coffee all over myself,” I snapped back, arms crossed over my chest. “I don’t know which hurts more.”
“How did you access the files?”
“I asked Administration nicely,” I lied, emphasizing the last word.
“We know you remotely hacked the computer from your personal laptop. How did you do it?”
If I keep enraging them, maybe I’ll speed up this conversation and they’ll let me go quickly, a wise voice noted in my head.
“How did I do it? I did it easily and on purpose!”
This time, Dann’s uncle spoke directly.
“Miss Dustrikke, we are well aware you studied computing in the mundane world. If we need to, we will call in an expert to trace back your moves.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sending a packet injection into a Wi-Fi connection barely calls for an expert. An eleven-year-old can do it.”
