VII. The Unwiseman's New Year's Resolutions.In which the Unwiseman gives up some very distinguished words.
During]
the days immediately following Christmas Mollie was so absorbed in thebeautiful things the season of peace on earth and good will to men hadbrought to her that she not only forgot the Unwiseman and his woe overthe failure of his business plans, but even her poor little friendWhistlebinkie was allowed to lie undisturbed and unthought of. Severaltimes when she had come near his side Whistlebinkie had tried to whistlesomething in her ear, but unsuccessfully. Either the something hewanted to whistle wouldn't come, or else if it did Mollie failed to hearit, and Whistlebinkie was very unhappy in consequence.
"That's always the way," he sobbed to Flaxilocks who shared his exilewith him and who sat on the toy shelf gazing jealously out of her great,deep blue eyes at the magnificent new wax doll that Mollie had receivedfrom her grandmother; "don't make any difference how fine a toy may be,he may be made of the best of rubber, and have a whistle that isn'tequalled by any locomotive whistle in the world for sweetness, the timecomes when his master or mistress grows tired of him and lavishes allher affection on another toy because the other toy happens to be new.What on earth she can see in that real dog to admire I cannot discern.He can't bark half so well as I can whistle, and I am in mortal terrorof him all the time, he eyes me so hungrily--but now he is herfavorite. Everywhere Mollie goes Gyp goes, and I'm real mad."
"Oh, never mind," said Flaxilocks; "she'll get tired of him in a week ortwo and then she'll take us up again, just as if we were new. I've beenaround other Christmases and I know how things work. It'll be all rightin a little while--that is, it will be for you. I don't know how it isgoing to turn out with me. That new doll, while I can see many defectsin her, which you can't, I can't deny is a beauty, and her earrings aremuch handsomer than mine. It may be that I must become second to her;but you, you needn't play second fiddle to any one, for there isn'tanother rubber doll with a whistle in his hat in the house to rivalyou."
"Well, I wish I could be sure of that," said Whistlebinkie, mournfully,"I can see very well how Mollie can love you as well as she lovesme--but that real dog, bah! He can't even whistle, and he's awfullydestructive. Only last night he chewed up the calico cat, and actually,Mollie laughed. Do you suppose she would laugh if he chewed me up?"
"He couldn't chew you up," said Flaxilocks. "You are rubber."Whistlebinkie was about to reply to this when his fears were set at restand Flaxilocks was comforted, for Mollie with her new dog and wax dollcame up to where they were sitting and introduced her new pets to theold ones.
"I want you four to know each other," she said. "We'll have lots of funtogether this year," and then before they knew it Flaxilocks and thenew doll were fast friends, and as for Whistlebinkie and Gyp, theybecame almost inseparable. Gyp barked and Whistlebinkie whistled, whilethe dolls sat holding each other's hands, looking if anything quite ashappy as Mollie herself.
"What do you all say to making a call on the Unwiseman?" Mollie said,after a few minutes. "We ought to go wish him a Happy New Year."
So they all started off together.]
"Simply elegant," whistled Whistlebinkie, and Gyp and the dolls said hewas right, and so they all started off together.
"Where does he live?" asked the new doll.
"All around," said Flaxilocks. "He has a house that moves about. One dayit is in one place and another in another."
"But how do you find it?" queried the new doll.
"You don't have to," whistled Whistlebinkie. "You just walk on until yourun against it,"--and just as he spoke, as if to prove his words, bang!he ran right into the gate. "Here it is now," he added.
"He evidently doesn't want to see anybody," said Mollie, noticing abasket hanging from the front door-knob. "He's put out a basket forcards. Dear me! I wish he'd see us."
"Maybe he will," said Whistlebinkie. "I'll ring the bell. Hello!" headded sharply, as he looked into the basket; "that's queer. It'schock-up full of cards now--somebody must have called."
"It has a placard over it," said Flaxilocks.
"So it has," said Mollie, a broad smile brightening her face; "and itsays, 'Take one' on it. What _does_ he mean?"
"That looks like your card on top," said Flaxilocks.
"Why it _is_ my card," cried Mollie, "and here is Whistlebinkie's cardtoo. We haven't been here."
"Of course you haven't," said a voice from behind the door. "But you arehere now. I knew you were coming and I was afraid you'd forget to bringyour cards with you, so I took some of your old ones that you had lefthere before and put 'em out there where you could get them. Ring thebell, and I'll let you in."
Whistlebinkie rang the bell as instructed, and the door was immediatelyopened, and there stood the Unwiseman waiting to welcome them.
"Why, dear me! What a delicious surprise," he said. "Walk right in. Ihad no idea you were coming."
"We came to wish you a Happy New Year," said Mollie.
"That's very kind of you," said the Unwiseman, "very kind, indeed. I wasthinking of you this morning when I was making my good resolutions forthe New Year. I was wondering whether I ought to give you up with othergood things, and I finally decided not to. One must have some comfort."
"Then you have made some good resolutions, have you?" said Mollie.
"Millions of 'em," said the Unwiseman; "and I'm going to make millionsmore. One of 'em is that I won't catch cold during the coming year.That's one of the best resolutions a man of my age can make. Colds arevery bad things, and it costs so much to be rid of them. Why, I had onelast winter and I had to burn three cords of wood to get rid of it."
"Do you cure a cold with wood?" asked Flaxilocks.
"Why not?" returned the Unwiseman. "A roaring hot fire is the best curefor cold I know. What do you do when you have a cold, sit on theice-box?"
"No, I take medicine," said Mollie. "Pills and things."
"I don't like pills," said the Unwiseman. "They don't burn well. Ibought some quinine pills to cure my cold three winters ago, and theyjust sizzled a minute when I lit them and went out." This pleased Gyp somuch that he sprang upon the piano and wagged his tail on C sharp untilMollie made him stop.
"Another resolution I made," continued the Unwiseman, "was to open thatpiano. That's why it's open now. I've always kept it locked before, butnow it is going to be open all the time. That'll give the music a chanceto get out; and it's a good thing for pianos to get a little fresh aironce in a while. It's the stale airs in that piano--airs like Way DownUpon the Suwanee River, and Annie McGinty, and tunes like that that havemade me dislike it."
"Queerest man I ever saw!" whispered the new doll to Flaxilocks.
"But I didn't stop there," said the Unwiseman. "I made up my mind that Iwouldn't grow any older this year. I'm going to stay seven hundred, justas I am now, always. Seven hundred is old enough for anybody, and I'mnot going to be greedy about my years when I have enough. Let somebodyelse have the years, say I."
"Very wise and very generous," said Mollie; "but I don't see just howyou are going to manage it."
"Me neither," whistled Whistlebinkie. "I do'see how you're going to dothat."
"Simple enough," said the Unwiseman. "I've stopped the clock."
Gyp turned his head to one side as the Unwiseman spoke and looked at himearnestly for a few seconds, and then, as if overcome with mirth at theidea, he rushed out of the door and chased his tail around the housethree times.
"What an extraordinary animal that is," said the Unwiseman. "He must bevery young."
"He is," said Mollie. "He is nothing but a puppy."
"Well, it seems to me he wastes a good deal of strength," said theUnwiseman. "Why, if I should run around the house that way three timesI'd be so tired I'd have to hire a man to help me rest."
"Are you really seven hundred years old?" queried the new doll, who, Ithink, would have followed Gyp's example and run around the househerself if she had thought it was dignified a
nd was not afraid ofspoiling her new three-button shoes.
"I don't know for sure," said the Unwiseman, "but I fancy I must be. Iknow I'm over sixty because I was born seventy-three years ago. Sevenhundred is over sixty, and so for the sake of round figures I haveselected that age. It's rather a wonderful age, don't you think so?"
"It certainly is," said the new doll.
"But then you are a wonderful man," said Mollie.
The Unwiseman drops words out of his vocabulary.]
"True," said the Unwiseman, reflectively. "I am wonderful. Sometimes Ispend the whole night full of wonder that I should be so wonderful. Iknow so much. Why, I can read French. I can't understand it, but I canread it quite as well as I can English. I can't read English very well,of course; but then I only went to school one day and that happened tobe a holiday; so I didn't learn how to do anything but take a day off.But we are getting away from my resolutions. I want to tell you somemore of them. I have thought it all over, and I am determined that allthrough the year I shall eat only three meals a day with five nibblesbetween times. I'm going to give up water-melons, which I never eat,and when I converse with anybody I have solemnly promised myself neverto make use of such words as assafoedita, peristyle, or cosmopolis.That last resolution is a great sacrifice for me because I am very fondof long words. They sound so learned; but I shall be firm.Assafoedita, peristyle, and cosmopolis until next year dawns shall bedead to me. I may take them on again next year; but if I do, I shalldrop Mulligatawney, Portuguese, and pollywog from my vocabulary. I mayeven go so far as to drop vocabulary, although it is a word for which Ihave a strong affection. I am so attached to vocabulary as a word that Ifind myself murmuring it to myself in the dead of night."
"What does it mean?" asked the new doll.
"Vocabulary?" cried the Unwiseman. "Vocabulary? Don't you know what avocabulary is?"
"I know," said Whistlebinkie. "It's an animal with an hump on its back."
"Nonsense," said the Unwiseman. "A vocabulary is nothing of the sort.It's a--a sort of little bureau talkers have to keep their words in.It's a sort of word-cabinet. I haven't really got one, but that'sbecause I don't need one. I have so few words I can carry them in myhead, and if I can't, I jot them down on a piece of paper. It's asplendid idea, that. It's helped me lots of times in conversation. I'mas fond of the word microcosm as I am of vocabulary, too, but I nevercan remember it, so I keep it on a piece of paper in my vest-pocket.Whenever I want to use it, I know just where to find it."
"And what does microcosm mean?" asked Mollie.
"I don't know," said the Unwiseman; "but few people do; and if I use it,not one person in a thousand would dare take me up, so I just sprinkleit around to suit myself."
As the Unwiseman spoke, the postman came to the door with a letter.
"Ah!" said the Unwiseman, opening it and reading it. "I am sorry to saythat I must leave you now. I have an engagement with my hatter thisafternoon, and if I don't go now he will be much disappointed."
"Is that letter from him?" asked Mollie.
"Oh no," said the Unwiseman, putting on his coat. "It is from myself. Ithought about the engagement last night, and fearing that I mightforget it I wrote a short note to myself reminding me of it. This is thenote. Good-bye."
"Good-bye," said Mollie, and then, as the Unwiseman went off to meet hishatter, she and the others deemed it best to go home.
"But why did he say he expected you to call and then seemed surprised tosee you?" asked the new doll.
"Oh--that's his way," said Mollie. "You'll get used to it in time."
But the new doll never did, for she was a proud wax-doll, and neverlearned to love the Unwiseman as I do for his sweet simplicity andnever-ending good nature.
Mollie and the Unwiseman Page 7
