"I'm sorry," Rowan whispered. "I should have been there." He pulled away just as quickly as he had grabbed her. Their faces were so close, nearly touching. In a wild flash of a fantasy, Mia could have kissed him at that moment, as she had in her dream. But she wasn't sure of what would happen after that.
"You can still be here," Mia said calmly. "Those policemen - they were going to take me back to Grey."
Rowan calculated, looking towards the window again as if the wolf pack would jump in at any second.
"We can hide out here," Rowan said. "Until we can figure out how to get out of here, you should stay with me." Mia was dizzy, and she couldn't tell if it was because she was tired or if those last few words Rowan said were doing something strange to her. She should stay with him, she thought. She nodded at him without another word.
She was surprised that he embraced her again, but this time she looked into the crackling fire, thinking of how the shadows had danced over Rowan’s face. She hoped that for once she was making the right choice.
CHAPTER 12: TRUE NATURE
Rowan was grateful for the passing days, though they seemed to go by like water rushing along a creek. The exchanges between him and Mia started short; basically brief awkward exchanges in passing. But as the days went on, Rowan started to notice Mia growing warmer towards him as if she had gotten used to being in the cabin. He no longer felt like a ghost to her and it was making him more relieved.
He watched as she fell asleep reading on the couch, lost in one of his books from the shelf. They had dinner together and Rowan had surprised her by bringing home a container of their favorite cookies that they had both enjoyed when they were younger. The nights were even longer, and they would stay up by the fire for hours, lost in their memories of the past, and catching each other up on the events in their lives that the other had not witnessed. But, at the end of each night, Rowan found himself left with a strange and empty void after Mia said goodnight, only to close herself off in his room until morning.
The wolf was growing hungrier now, and it didn’t help that Mia was around him all of the time. Just little touches, a small brush of the hand here and a casual bump of the leg there, was enough to send him reeling into thoughts that he didn’t dare confide in Mia, at least not right now. His urge to mate would nag at him throughout the days, and Rowan would have to shift outside for a moment, blowing off his energy in the long nights.
But not a single one of these touches or nights in deep conversation or a bite of their favorite childhood treat could make them forget the horror that lingered just several miles away. Grey was on the hunt, and so was his pack. Rowan struggled for so long to come up with an escape plan, only to be distracted by his need to be around Mia.
"What's wrong?" He asked her after about a week of confinement in the cabin. Mia hung over the edge of the couch, staring up at the ceiling.
"I haven't been outside in forever," Mia grumbled.
"Mia, you know you have to stay inside," Rowan consoled. "It's too dangerous for you to go out into town."
"I don't even want to go into town," she said. "I just need to get out of here. Just for a moment." It was hard for Rowan not to be offended. He had hoped that he could have given Mia everything she needed. Apparently, it just wasn't enough.
However, Rowan knew a place that might be safe enough. It wasn’t too far from the cabin, and he figured it would be far enough away so that Grey and the pack couldn’t get to them. The pleading look in her eyes made it hard for him to resist.
“Come with me,” he told her, reaching out his hand. “There’s a place I’d like you to see.”
Rowan could feel the strange pains in his chest, as he led Mia through the woods. The wolf inside was begging for him to shift, but Rowan stayed as a human, though it took a tremendous amount of energy. He had kept his ability hidden for hours at a time, and it would be a while before it was dark again.
Rowan looked at the crushed branches around him. He had met Brian out here and had told him that Mia was hiding out in the cabin. Brian agreed to mark his scent around the perimeter of the cabin, creating almost a safety circle to keep the wolf pack off of Mia's scent. It wasn't much, but it would have to be enough. They would know Rowan's scent, for sure, which made him almost regret bringing Mia all the way out into the woods, and out of their circle.
They came to a cluster of branches. Rowan was already excited by the sound of rushing water and could tell Mia was feeling the same.
"Okay, remember our rock?" Rowan said as he clutched one of the thin branches. The leaves rustled under his touch.
"Oh, you mean the one we'd meet by, every single day after school?" Mia said as she cocked her head to the side. "No, I don't think I know what you're talking about," Rowan smirked as he nudged her shoulder. He pulled back the branches and Mia was suddenly not in the joking mood.
Her eyes lit up at the sight of the water as it toppled over the edge of the waterfall and fell into cascading layers of foam in the river.
“A much bigger rock than I had anticipated,” Mia joked as she ducked through the branches and started to run towards the river.
“Careful!” Rowan called out to her as he weaved his way towards her. He paused to listen to the roar of the falls. Sometimes it helped him drown out the sounds of the wolf inside, just for a few blissful moments of silence.
Mia tip-toed over rocks, relishing her precious break from the cabin. Rowan stayed close behind; watching as she looked playfully over her shoulder at him. Her hair seemed to shimmer in the fiery-yellow of the late afternoon sun.
"Wow, what a slowpoke," she yelled to him over the roar of the water. Rowan was distracted. It was something about the way Mia's hips swung from side to side as she stepped over the rocks. He watched her body maneuver up the side of the rocks, her legs long and powerful, her back arching delicately behind her as she climbed. It was doing something to Rowan, and at that moment he realized just how much Mia had changed since he had last seen her.
She let out a small cry, disrupting his thoughts. Mia's foot had slid down the rock, and she nearly fell falling towards the jagged stones that waited at the stream’s bottom. Rowan was quick, and he lunged across the water for her, catching her by the waist so she landed clumsily in his arms. Rowan checked her for injuries, but to his surprise, she was laughing, a sound he hadn't heard in years. He held onto her, gently carrying her towards a small cavern overlooking the waterfall. She smiled up at him as her hands locked around his neck.
"Aren't you going to put me down?" She asked slyly.
Rowan couldn't help but stare at Mia, how adorable she looked while wearing one of his large t-shirts and an old pair of shorts. He could feel something stirring inside of him and for once he discovered that it wasn't the wolf. It was his own flicker of desire. He still felt the weight of her body in his hands, as if they left a ghostly imprint, and longed to be able to touch her again.
“Are we safe out here?” Mia asked as she stared down at the flowing river. Gentle bursts of mist clouded around them, cold but refreshing.
“I think so,” Rowan said. “But I’d protect you if we weren’t.” Mia looked at him, flashing a sarcastic grin.
“Oh wow, how strong and brave of you,” she said in a low mocking tone.
“You don’t believe me?” Rowan asked. “Even after you’d seen me shift? I can tear someone up if I have to.”
He knew he shouldn't have said it, and after he had his stomach tightened. He ran his hand through his hair. Unfortunately, the waterfall's roar couldn't block out the grim visions he often saw; the grisly moments from his past.
Something pulled him out of it, a hand reaching over and clasping his cold fingers.
"Hey," Mia said calmly. "Thanks for this."
"Yeah," Rowan said. He could have told her the truth, but he was worried the stress would trigger him and unleash the wolf.
"You seem tense," Mia said. "Everything okay?"
Rowan put on a confident façade. He cou
ldn’t let her know he was in pain.
“This is the longest I’ve gone without shifting,” he said. “Most people are good at fighting it, but I didn’t train myself long enough to get the hang of it. The more you practice, the more you understand your triggers.”
“And what kind do you have?” Mia asked, nudging him slightly.
Rowan would have said that it was her, in that instant. Just the simplest touch made his chest flutter. It felt almost silly, child-like. Then again he had never gotten the chance to experience these moments.
“I can’t say,” Rowan said with a smirk. “Maybe just stress I guess? Everyone is different. It could be an emotion, or even an object, anything really.”
Mia kicked her feet along the edge of the rocks, contemplating. She looked up and stared into his eyes, studying the traces of time.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Rowan said.
“What am I thinking?”
“That you’re stressing me out by staying with me,” he said. He waited for the worst.
“Wrong,” Mia said. “Try again.”
"I'm stressing you out with my insane wolf abilities," he said. Again, the worst hovered between them. But, instead of confiding her thoughts, Mia's hand left his fingers and came up to his face. He closed his eyes at the warmth emanating from her touch as her hand clasped around his cheek.
"I'll give you a hint," she whispered softly. He felt her breathe just as her lips touched against his. Rowan never thought he would have something like this, but in that brief moment, it was so tangible.
It was his own voice telling him to pull her closer, to take up her beautiful body in his sturdy arms. She was on his lap now, as time sped up between them. Rowan wasn't ready for anything like this. Mia kissed him with such ferocity, as if she had been carrying this kiss as a burden for ages. Her legs wrapped tightly around him as her breasts pressed further against his chest, wanting to get closer. Rowan felt her heart beating along with his, as his hands searched up her back, his fingers tangling in her hair. Hers did the same, memorizing him.
This was all so foreign to him, but he was willing just to get a taste of everything that she had to offer. He felt something though, a hardness between his legs pressing against Mia as well. Mia gasped slightly, pulling away from him, just to get another look at his face. He was worried something was wrong but was relieved to see that she was smiling the faintest and most satisfied smile. He kissed her again, arms wrapping around her perfect waist as his hands barely lifted up her shirt.
And then he saw it. Crystal-clear, and shattering through their perfect moment. Out in the middle of the woods, staring right at him, was a lone wolf. His fur was as black as midnight.
CHAPTER 13: TOGETHER
Mia flipped a fluffy yellow omelet gracefully in the pan and smiled faintly at Rowan. He watched from over her shoulder as he turned over a thick steaming layer of shredded hash browns, beside her.
"Good form," he said with a smile.
"Thanks," Mia said. "Too bad I didn't work in the kitchen at the diner instead. Probably would've lasted longer." She felt an ache of guilt, the image of her screaming at Louise imprinted into her mind.
"What happened?" Rowan asked.
“My attitude happened,” Mia said, already feeling her attitude on shaky ground just thinking about it. “Sometimes I just snap. And then it’s like I can’t even see clearly anymore. And usually after that is when a dumb decision is made.”
“Decisions…like Grey?”
Mia sighed, putting the pan on the stove a little too harshly. She hated that Grey was back in her life and more importantly, that he was planting himself right in the middle of her reunion with Rowan.
“Grey was a mistake,” Mia said firmly. “And I didn’t see it until it was too late. He said he would kill me if I tried to leave again!” She could feel her body shaking, her knees feeling weak at the thought of Grey’s face right in front of hers.
“Hey,” Rowan’s calm voice brought her back to reality. She felt his solid arms wrap around her from behind, and his lips brushed against her ear. This had all felt so strange to her. Their kiss at the waterfall had shifted their friendship into another direction, one that Mia wanted to follow, just to see where it led.
She had just started to kindle these feelings for Rowan before he disappeared. Now that they were older, Mia’s thoughts were starting to mature. The thrill of being on top of him had made her dizzy, and she wondered how long it would be before she would be able to touch him like that again.
“That wolf we saw,” she began, her voice wavering.
Rowan’s arms pulled her in, tighter, safe and secure. “It wasn’t Grey,” he said quietly.
“How can you be so sure?” She asked as she turned around to face him. She could always tell when Rowan was lying, and he was certainly telling the truth, despite her own suspicions.
“I know him,” Rowan said, his arms leaving her sides and turning off the stove.
Mia felt cold again, a strange emptiness as soon as he let go of her. "Another shifter?" She asked. She was so caught up in finding Rowan that she barely knew about his strange abilities and the separate world that revolved around them.
Rowan nodded, pursing his lips. "He's trying to get me back," he said somberly. Mia pieced it together. "From that group, you were telling me about," she said. "Why didn't you stay with them?"
Rowan wouldn't look at her. Clearly, there was a dark space between them. She knew he had kept a secret, one far worse than him being a shifter, but would he be willing to share it with her? Mia felt a slight emptiness when Rowan suddenly walked away.
"Where are you going?" She asked with concern in her voice. She felt as if whenever it came to his wolf abilities, she could only helplessly watch. She watched as the omelet in the pan sizzled, burning slightly around the edges. Grabbing a plate from one of the long, makeshift cupboards, she carefully transferred the omelet, figuring that she would just have to eat by herself.
Before she could even lift the first bite to her lips, Rowan returned, taking his seat at the table. He had a small piece of paper in his hands that he kept turning over and over.
“I don’t know if you’ve already heard about the attacks,” Rowan said, his eyes staring miles and miles away in another place, somewhere that Mia couldn’t see.
“What are you talking about?” Mia asked, suddenly feeling an ominous darkness wavering over her.
Rowan handed her the piece of paper silently. It was an envelope, worn with age and from being handled so much. On one crinkled side, Mia’s name stared back up at her, the writing in sprawling hasty letters.
“Rowan, I don’t get what this is,” she said. But Rowan gestured with a slight nod for her to open it and find out.
Mia’s fingers trembled as her thumb ripped at the envelope sealed carefully by Rowan’s tongue. She almost didn’t want to open it, for fear of what awful secret she would uncover inside. Pulling out the contents she found a letter addressed to her, written in the same hasty letters on the envelope. The work of a younger Rowan:
“Mia,
I’ve tried to write this to you thousands of times, but I can never seem to get this on paper without having to tell you the truth. We’ve always said that we would always be best buddies…no matter what. And now by writing this, I’m worried that it might make you change your mind. But we swore once that we would always tell each other everything. I’ve become a monster, and what’s even worse is what I’ve done as this monster. I hurt someone, badly.
She was a young girl; maybe as old as we were. I wasn’t under control. I was still reckless and wild. I attacked her, the same way that I was attacked. I’m not sure if she’s going to be okay, but I’ve been haunted by what I’ve done ever since. There are others like me. I’m living with them. They’re teaching me, wanting me to get this under control, but I’ve messed up too much. I don’t think anyone can fix what I’ve done. So I’m leaving this letter behind, hoping that one day you’l
l learn the one true thing I’ve been afraid of, other than myself. Losing you. I’m hiding somewhere, and I know you don’t understand all of this, but I hope that one day we can meet again so that I have the chance to try to tell you—“
Mia's heart pounded in her chest as she read it. But she couldn't finish it, not because she was afraid, but because the bottom of the letter had been purposely ripped off. Her thumb brushed along the rough edges as reality sunk in. Rowan had attacked a girl while he was shifted.
"Is she alive?" Mia asked. "The girl you attacked?"
Rowan nodded. "She's okay," he said. "But they've been hunting wolves in that area, wolves that I know weren't responsible for this. I just know that it's all my fault."
“I see,” Mia said quietly. She looked up at him. He was staring at her with pleading eyes. “What kept you from leaving this behind?” She asked, folding the letter back into the envelope. She didn’t want to see it. It only made her feel horrible about what Rowan had done.
“I was afraid,” Rowan said. “I thought that if I had left it for you, you would be so upset that you wouldn’t even try to find me. It all sounds so crazy to believe. So I kept it hidden, figuring that maybe if you ever found out I could tell you.”
“Rowan,” Mia said, reaching out to touch his hand. His fingers clasped around them, like that day in the forest so long ago. “I’ve been trying to find you my whole life,” Mia said. “You’ve made a mistake. It was horrible, yes, but I’ve messed up too. It’s just what happens over time.”
“I know,” Rowan said. “It’s just that I’ve missed so much of your life. I thought that maybe if this never happened to me, then things could have been, well…different.”
“What do you mean?” Mia asked.
Rowan shrugged, running a hand through his hair. “So that I have the chance to tell you…that I’ve loved you for all of my life,” He said. The words hung in front of them, and Mia wished she could just reach out and grab them. Rowan looked down at the envelope. “That’s what the end of the letter said,” he whispered.
Seeking The Alpha (Wolf Pack Chronicles Series Book 1) Page 8
