I debated what he said in my mind. But even as I thought it, I knew I didn’t care. Not one whit. It just didn’t seem important. Not now…
“Evie, you should go,” he said, taking my silence for something completely different.
“I’m not leaving you alone, Adriane.” The thought of leaving him made me feel like I would break into a million pieces…that I would cease to be…but how do you tell someone you just met that? Without them thinking you are a step away from Bonkersville. As crazy as finding out the boy you just met is a Gargoyle, my sick mind taunted me.
“Evie please…just go.” He sounded beaten and it broke my heart a little more.
“I’m not going anywhere.” I put my foot down literally and theoretically.
“Oh, Evie, don’t you get it?” He raked his hand through his hair. “I’m little more than a monster.”
“You…you are not a monster!” My voice shook.
“I am,” he exhaled. “I am no better than them…the creatures we are running from. I am no better than the Degarè.”
“That’s not true,” I protested, fear seizing hold of me, shaking me to my core. “You are not like them.”
“Really?” he asked with incredulity. “What would you call someone who has been turned to stone, has superhuman strength, and comes back to life when the moon is full? What would you call a person like that?” he asked. His voice desperate, pleading, filled with so much anguish and bitterness it wrenched at my heart and twisted my insides in knots.
“I guess I would say you are…” I paused, searching for the right word. “Complicated,” I blurted. “Yes, I would say you are complicated.” I nodded my head up and down for affirmation.
“You can’t mean that,” he said even though there was a tinge of hopefulness in his voice that had been long vacant.
“Yes. I. Do.” I moved forward and placed my hand on his arm. Again, he flinched but this time he didn’t back away and I took that as a good sign.
“Evie…” He shook his head. “Don’t you understand?”
“Understand what?”
“I’m not normal,” he stated the obvious.
“I told you…” I stepped closer. “I’m not normal either.”
“Evie you are human,” he argued.
“So are you.”
“Not really.”
“You were.” I was adamant. I knew he was. I had seen it in the vision.
“But I’m not now,” he forced the words out, trying to make her see.
“So, what difference does that make?”
“Evie, it makes all the difference in the world…can’t you see that.”
“Adriane…” My voice shook as I tried to swallow back the sob trying to come out of my throat. I was losing the battle. I could feel it.
He exhaled and walked across the room. He lifted his hand and pulled a latch hidden behind a stack of books. A door slid open, moving silently. Damp cool air filled the room along with a smell of wet dirt…it reminded me of when I was in school and my art teacher, Mrs. Brewster, had us work with fresh clay to make pots and vases.
“We don’t have much time…you need to get out of here.” He stepped away from the bookcase.
“By myself?” I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“Yes.”
“WH-what do you mean?” My heart pounded into double time.
“I can’t go with you,” he said, sounding like he was struggling with some kind inner battle, one I couldn’t see so I had no idea how to help him.
“Why not?” My voice came out strangled…forced.
“There are things you do not know…things about me…” He exhaled and rubbed his hands over his face.
“I told you, I don’t care.” I was desperate now, desperate to make him see. I grabbed hold of his arm.
“It’s more than that.” He pulled his arm away. “You have to leave.”
“I don’t understand?” And I didn’t. Why was he asking me to leave? My chest felt tight. I wanted to cry. This was so much worse than what Colton had done. I bit my lip to stop from crying out loud as my vision clouded.
What in the hell was the world coming too? I was being dragged along on a ride I didn’t sign up for, kicked to the curb by a statue. Now that was epic.
Finally, everything from the day came crashing in on me, I was breaking down and at first I didn’t think I was going to be able to handle it all. Then just as suddenly calm spread over me body, bringing my resolve with it. He was not like Colton. He was different, and yes, he was kind of a monster, but none of it seemed to matter as long as we were together. “I am not leaving without you, so just get that foolishness out of that thick, rock-head of yours.” I wasn’t ready to give up on him yet…not now….
It took a moment for what I said to register fully. Thick…rock… I covered my mouth, appalled at what I had just said. And then the humor of it all hit me as my callous words resonated with me. It was utterly ridiculous. Rock…
He was a freaking statue and he was kicking me to the curb. Shit.
This was good—epic even. I laughed harder. I couldn’t stop. My body shook from the force. I sounded bonkers. Completely, unequivocally bonkers, and it didn’t matter, not any longer.
Adriane stood there, not moving…in shock. The heartlessness of her words rang out loud and clear, in his mind. He waited for the inevitable pain or anger to come. But it didn’t. And she kept right on laughing.
The corners of his mouth began to lift as he saw the humor in her words as the unfamiliar sensation of laughter bubbled up to the surface, pushing all other emotion away. Her laugh was contagious. A burst of laughter erupted from him and it felt good. It felt amazing. In that moment he felt like something that was taken from him so long ago was given back to him. For a brief moment, he felt almost…human.
52-SOMETHINGS WILL NOT STAY BURIED
The excruciating pain lifted and Simon opened his eyes.
Heather reached out and touched his arm gently. “Simon, what’s going on?”
Simon looked around in a daze. The door was shut He had no idea how he got into the library or where Dythius and Sybarite went. Not that he cared, really.
“Hold on. Let me think.” He glanced around the room, and then his gaze caught hers and his heart stuttered. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights. He almost laughed. He remembered that look with clarity…
“GAH!” Pain splintered through his head and brought him to his knees. He clutched the sides of his head as his mind slammed into the past…
SIMON
The Past * 1991
“Bitches, let’s roll,” Simon called out to his band-mates. They ran out the back-stage door of the amphitheater into the waiting crowd. The sharply dressed uniformed driver held the door open on the sleek black stretch limousine. The unrelenting mass of people jostled him back and forth on the side of the building.
Lola clung to his side, her soft breasts rubbed against his arm and back, as they rushed toward the car. Simon was the first in the car with Lola right behind. One by one, members of the band jumped inside the car, each followed by a girl. Vincent had two. The girls were the evening’s entertainment. They were groupies, looking for the fame and fortune that came with being with a musician.
“Vincent man, your chick is missing something,” he laughed, getting an eyeful as she straddled across his drummer’s thighs.
“Ow!” He covered his arm and turned toward Lola. “What’s the matter baby? Jealous?” He hitched his brow up.
She lifted her hand to hit him but he caught it. He leaned forward and seized her mouth with his own, and kissed her deeply. She tasted of alcohol—sweet-spiced rum, her favorite.
“Simon, I love you,” she whispered drunkenly in his ear and snuggled against him as the car moved slowly through the crowd.
His heart pounded. Pulling away, he stared down at her pretty face. He felt the same way and longed to tell her what he had planned but now was not the time to make such declarations.
He wanted to be alone with her to see the expression on her face when he told her he was quitting the band. He had envisioned her excitement a thousand times, toying with the idea over and over in his mind.
Now, finally, the tour was ending with just one more stop. Tonight he would tell her. Hungrily, his lips sought hers again, his tongue delved deeper. How he wished they were alone and not with a car full of his band-mates and their drunken girls. Pulling away, he looked into her eyes once more—he could stare into those deep blue pools forever…he grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly. She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. Light danced at disjointed intervals outside of the darkened windows as the paparazzi flashed their cameras.
“Simon, here man,” Vincent coughed out. “Take this.” He handed out a joint to him. Vincent was the bass player in the band and they had known each other since they were just kids. He took the joint and hit it, the thick smoke filling his lungs. Holding the smoke in, he lowered the window just enough. One of the paparazzi leaned in trying to get a shot and he expelled the smoke into his face. Laughing hysterically, he pushed the button and the window shut once more.
‡
“Simon…Simon…” Warm fingers pressed against his face and body as he tried to focus his mind and merge the past back into the present.
Blurry misshapen shapes stood all around him. They were speaking but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. He felt like his head was under water. He felt like he was drowning…but it wasn’t the water drowning him. It was the memories…. pain splintered through his head again and his mind jumped back into the past…
SIMON
The Past * 1991
“Lola I need to ask you something,” he said as soon as he closed the door to their hotel room.
Lola leaned forward and tried to kiss him.
“Lola, I’m serious.”
She jutted out her bottom lip, pouting. “Come on baby.” Her startling blue eyes filled with desire as she reached forward and grabbed at his shirt. “Baby, take your shirt off.” Her long nails scratched his skin as she pulled his shirt completely off. She swung the shirt in the air and the material whipped around her head like a lasso.
Simon reached out and pulled her roughly against his body. He smoothed her hair away from her face. She burned so bright…he was a mere moth, and she was the flame. “God, baby,” he groaned and seized her mouth and kissed her sweet lips.
Slowly she ran her tongue across his and sucked on his bottom lip as she caressed his erection through his jeans. “I need you…now,” she murmured against his lips.
“Lola…” He pushed her back. “I have something to tell you first.” He wanted to tell her what he had planned. He couldn’t wait to see the look on her face.
“Simon!” She unhooked his belt.
“Lola.” He stilled her hands. “I’m serious.”
She jutted out her lip.
He laughed. “Don’t pout at me. I want to talk to you.”
“Talking is overrated.” She made a grab for him once more.
“No.” He sidestepped her. “Listen, baby, you don’t understand. I want to be with you…”
“I do too.” She pulled his belt off. “We just need to get your jeans off.” She reached for him again.
“Lola, I’m serious.” He pushed her hands away. “This can wait.” He motioned to the bed.
“Fine,” she sighed. “Tell me and then take your pants off.” She pulled her shirt over her head.
Simon’s eyes drifted down to her full breasts, overflowing from the top of her leopard print push-up bra.
“See something you want, baby?” She leaned forward.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Then come and get it.” She sat down on the edge of the bed and spread her legs apart.
“Lola.” He knelt down in front of her. “I want to be with you all the time,” he rushed out before he lost his nerve. “And I’ve been doing a lot of thinking…”
Her brow furrowed.
“We should be together…for real.” He took a breath. “I mean, like, really together.” This wasn’t turning out to be as easy as he had thought it would be.
Her face paled. Lola pushed him away, stood up and walked over to the mirror. She leaned forward and looked intently at her reflection. “I…” She braced her hands on top of the dresser. “Sure.” She turned back toward him. “I can…um…” She leaned back against the bureau. “Yeah…” she exhaled. “ I can quit my job so I can go on the road with you guys. My parents will freak, but who gives a shit what they think, right?” she laughed, sounding nervous.
“No.” Simon shook his head. “I don’t mean for you to quit your job. I mean…” He took a shaky breath. “I’m going to quit the band,” he said. “So we can be together.” He stood. “I’m willing to do that for you,” he said quietly, wearing his heart on his sleeve.
Lola’s eyes widened.
Simon couldn’t get the image of a deer in the headlights out of his mind. Why did she look so afraid?
“Wait—what?” She stepped back. “No, no, no.” She shook her head.
Simon smiled and nodded, telling her yes.
“I never asked you to quit the band Simon.” Her voice shook.
“I know you didn’t, which is one of the reasons why I decided to do just that,” he said happily, trying to make her see what he was giving up…for her.
“I can’t believe this is happening.” She grabbed her shirt off the bed, tossed it back on and pulled the clingy fabric down.
“I know it is a big step, but one I’m willing to take…for you.” He raked his hand through his hair. “Don’t you see Lola— you mean that much to me…” He stepped forward.
Lifting her hands, she blocked him from coming any closer. “I don’t…” She shook her head, walked across the room and sat down on the bed. Taking deep breaths, she fisted her hands in the dark blue comforter.
Simon walked over and knelt down on the floor. He looked up into her eyes with all the love he felt. “This will be incredible,” he told her. “We can find a place in the area, maybe near your mom and dad, and we won’t have to struggle at all.” He put his hand on hers. “I have a nice chunk of change saved…we can take our time and find the kind of jobs that we want—not the kind we need.” He squeezed her hand. “Hell, you don’t even have to work. You can stay at home with the kids. Do whatever it is that moms do. Maybe you could do some crafts or something.”
“I don’t believe this.” She stared blankly ahead.
“I know,” he said. “It’s crazy, right?”
“Yeah, crazy…” she trailed off and kept looking at some distant point across the room.
“So after our next gig, I will tell the guys, and then we can take off and head back home, you know, so you can be close to your family.” He took her silence as acceptance so he continued making plans. “I know how chicks like to be around their moms, especially when they’re pregnant, so this way we will be close.” He reached up and pushed her long hair over her shoulder.
Angrily, she batted his hand away. “Don’t,” she warned.
Simon leaned back on his haunches, clearly confused.
“Shit!” She pushed past him to stand and walked back and forth.
Simon stood up.
“Un-fucking-believable!” she laughed this time, but it had a hard edge to it. She turned and her hair whipped around her face. “You can’t quit the band!” she nearly screamed. “What are you going to do? Sell cars? Schlep at Home Depot…?” She didn’t let him answer. “I want more Simon.” She took a breath. “I want a big-ass house, nice clothes, and a fancy car. I want to be something other than what I am now,” she argued, getting more agitated by the moment.
“I thought you wanted me?” His chest tightened even more.
“Oh, I do,” she assured him. “But I also want so much more. I thought you were the one…the one person I could count on, to give me everything I ever wanted…” She paused and took an unsteady breath
. “I’m not that girl, Simon.” She threw her hands in the air. “Why are you messing up the good thing we got going here?” she asked. Then suddenly, she laughed; it was empty…hollow—bitter. “I don’t want to be your Suzy-fucking-homemaker, Simon!”
“I don’t understand.” Simon ran his already shaking hands over his face.
“You wouldn’t, would you,” she sneered. “It’s typical. Men are sooo stupid. I bet you’ve been patting yourself on the back for some time now for thinking that shit up.”
Simon opened his mouth and closed it. It was true he had been thinking about it for some time. It had been a really hard decision, but one he thought she wanted. One he wanted. He didn’t want to be on the road constantly. It was lonely. He wanted more…a wife…kids…a family. Something he never had. He wanted reality—not some misguided illusion.
The all too familiar tightening in his chest grew. He couldn’t breathe. “Lola,” he said, struggling to find words to make her want to stay…with him. “I don’t think you understand…we can go anywhere you like…maybe somewhere warm?” he asked hopefully. “I just said that before…you know, about going home, because I thought you would want to be near your mom and dad…that’s all.”
“That’s the problem, Simon! You thought,” she scoffed. “You’re always thinking. This time you thought wrong. There is no way in hell I am going to do that shit.”
He bit back the words he wanted to say. Ungrateful would have been the first one. Instead, he held his tongue, feeling defeated, confused…hurt. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “I have money saved—lots and lots of money. We can do it, Lola—the two of us. With you at my side anything is possible.”
She laughed bitterly. “Right…you are fucking insane. I know you. You will want to drag me back to our little deadbeat town, full of losers. Can’t you see…I thought you were my ticket out of that place, but nooo, can’t do that, can you?” she mocked. “No, you want to go back, so you can be a loser too, just like the rest of them.”
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