Kyle agreed, “White Christmases are always special.”
“How special would it be for the first Christmas without my dad to be a White Christmas? I feel like he prized those above all else.”
Kyle couldn’t keep a hint of worry from infecting his face as he listened to these words from Aubrey about her father. Aubrey, who had always been a master at reading Kyle’s body language, noticed the change. “Is something wrong, Kyle,” she asked?
“Not at all.” Of course, something was wrong, but Kyle wasn’t ready to begin to try and fix it just yet, so he changed the subject. “Would you look at what this girl has done.” He pointed toward the spectacle, which gathered in magnitude the closer they got to it. It was the perfect way to change the topic without being obvious about changing the topic. “I’m telling you, Dolly Peterson is destined to be a superstar.”
Aubrey and Kyle were just walking past the massive bonfire as Kyle spoke. Aubrey thought Kyle’s point might be understated. If this fifteen-year old’s production of A Christmas Carol were any indication of what she would be capable of when she had the full resources of adulthood at her disposal, then Dolly was going to light the world on fire.
She had constructed a small stage that had a background painted on a sheet. The scene on the sheet right now was an old-time office setting. There were additional sheets hiding behind this first one that would allow her to change the location of her scenes by herself. Her family had pitched in and helped her construct temporary wooden benches out of recycled past year Christmas trees. Several of those family members were now walking amongst the crowd distributing pillows to any who hadn’t thought to bring something comfortable to sit on.
The bonfire had been staged so that it provided Dolly’s audience the maximum amount of heat with a minimum of ash and smoke side-effects. Dolly calculated the members of her audience would remain warm during the performance without any additional fuel being added to the fire.
From the number of people who milled around, those that had already taken seats, and those who were roasting marshmallows by the fire, Aubrey estimated the entire town of Timberville had shown up to support their budding superstar. She said as much to Kyle, “Wow, there must be two hundred people here.”
“Looks like she got the whole town to turn out and half the county too,” Kyle agreed. He looked at the people standing in line for hot chocolate, eggnog, cinnamon sticks, and an unholy combination of roasted chestnuts and roasted marshmallows. This last was a creation straight from Dolly’s ingenious brain which Kyle wasn’t sure he had any desire to try based on his previous day’s experience with the roasted chestnuts. He realized all these snacks were being handed out for free as part of the admission price people paid when they bought their tickets.
Kyle found it all ridiculously beautiful. A display fit to honor the vision of Christmas he carried around with him. This night, these people that belonged to the tiny town he called home, they were all coming together as one entity to celebrate the billowing spirit of youth which would not be denied the full grace of all it had to offer to the world. Kyle thought it was priceless. He was happy to share it with Aubrey.
As Aubrey and Kyle walked toward the bench their moms and Mr. Clarke secured for them, they were accosted by a beaming Rachel. She jumped into both of their arms. She forced them into a group hug that contained her as the centerpiece. When she spoke, she was at maximum volume. She gushed with happiness to have them as friends.
“Oh my gosh! Thank you guys so much!” She released them from the hug but didn’t tame her enthusiasm. “I can’t believe you got me a Gibson. That’s all I’ve been able to think about wanting for the last three months. I knew mom and dad were saving for the baby and wouldn’t be able to get me one for Christmas. I thought I would just keep hoarding my pennies where ever I found them and maybe in another six months I might be able to get one for my birthday if I helped my parents pay for it. Now I can save all that money for lessons! Which means, you two are the greatest, best friends a girl like me could ever have.” Rachel finally took a breath.
Kyle chuckled, her happiness was contagious. “I’m glad you liked it, Rachel.”
“Liked it? I loved it! And all that stuff you two did for mom, dad, and the baby too. You should have seen them when we got home. They cried, Kyle. I couldn’t believe it. I have never ever seen my dad cry before, but he cried today. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Rachel devolved into another irrepressible group hug with Aubrey and Kyle. She couldn’t contain the joy she felt.
Aubrey wanted to know, “where are your mom and dad?”
Rachel pointed off to her left. “Over there.”
Aubrey and Kyle both looked in the direction Rachel pointed until their eyes picked Eric and Jenna out of the crowd. Eric waved at them. Jenna blew a kiss. Kyle waved back. Aubrey blew a kiss back.
Rachel continued with her nonstop barrage of gratitude. “Anyways, as soon as I saw you guys, I just had to come over and say thank you.” She looked at the stage where signals were being given the performance was close to beginning. “I think the show is about to start now, so I’m going to go back and sit with mom and dad.” Rachel began to run away. She didn’t make it three steps, however, before she turned around and came back to give them one last group hug. After that hug, she took off for the place where her parents waited.
Kyle called after her retreating form, “Merry Christmas, Rachel.”
Aubrey added on to this, “tell your mom and dad Merry Christmas too.” Aubrey then turned to Kyle, “do you think there’s any way she heard us.”
Kyle shook his head. “Not a chance.”
Aubrey laughed. “We better take our seats, I think Rachel was right. The show is about to start.
Aubrey and Kyle sat beside their moms and Mr. Clarke just as Dolly took the stage dressed as Ebenezer. There was a large block of wood stationed at the top of her stage. She strode toward the block, full of the natural ebullience of confident youth. She gracefully jumped on top. A born thespian, her voice easily carried through the crowd.
“Good evening to all and to all a good evening.” The crowd gave a small laugh of approval. Dolly started on the right foot with her misappropriation of Santa’s closing lines in The Night Before Christmas.
She allowed a couple of moments for the laughing to die before she began again. “A few public service announcements before we get to the main event. First of all, if the dress rehearsal I subjected my family to earlier today is any indication, the show should run around an hour. If you need to use the bathroom during that time, you’re going to have to run up to the house. If you go through the front entrance, it’s the second door on the right. If you’re more adventurous, there is always the first door on your left,” Dolly pointed into the Christmas tree wilderness, “it has a few thousand port-a-potties available with no wait times.” The crowd engaged her with bigger laughs.
“Just so you all know, I’ve tested this bonfire as heater idea three nights this week. I should have it perfectly timed to burn hot enough to keep us warm for the next hour. But, if anyone does get cold, just go stand next to the fire. Wikipedia says the average bonfire burns at more than two thousand degrees. If that’s not warm enough for you, you should probably see your family doctor.” More laughs greeted her from her audience.
“Lastly, thank you all for coming. I hope you enjoy the show.” Dolly disappeared behind the sheet for a moment as someone in her family turned on the spotlights they hooked up to shine on her stage during the performance.
What transpired after that was Dolly putting on an ingenious interpretation of the short novel A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. She hit on all the classic moments. There was Dolly as Scrooge telling his imaginary nephew, ‘Merry Christmas! What right have you to be merry? What reason have you to be merry? You’re poor enough.’ Followed a little later by Dolly as Marley telling a now imaginary Scrooge, ‘I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it link by link and yard by yard.’
Dolly brought her interpretation of Dickens to its apex. It came when Dolly, as Scrooge, spoke to an imaginary Ghost of Christmases Yet to Come and delivered his most iconic lines. ‘Are these the shadows of the things that Will be, or are they shadows of the things that May be, only?’ It was exactly in this moment, one of the floodlights illuminating the stage went out.
Dolly did what any decent actor must. She ensured the show went on. Kyle leaned over to Aubrey. “I’m going to see if I can find the source of that problem and fix it for her.” Kyle stood up, moved to the center aisle, circled around the back of the homemade amphitheater, and ended by skirting the bonfire.
Aubrey watched as Kyle and Marcus met in the shadows twenty feet behind, and to the left of, the stage. She saw Marcus gesture toward the barn several hundred yards beyond the stage. Kyle shook his head and marched off in the direction Marcus indicated. Aubrey inferred the two men decided Kyle would investigate the problem, which both men seemed to think would be located in the barn, so Marcus could watch the rest of his daughter’s performance while Kyle saved the day.
“I’m going to see if I can help him,” Aubrey leaned over and whispered to her mother. She stood up and began tracing Kyle’s path through the crowd and toward the barn. She didn’t imagine she would be much help. However, she also reasoned, if this were one of those cases when an extra pair of hands would be all that was needed, she wanted to be sure her hands were there for the offering. This didn’t mention the fact, she was, technically speaking, his apprentice—at least until she found another job. Besides, they had worked so well at problem solving that afternoon, she thought tonight might be the perfect encore.
Chapter Fifteen
As Aubrey crossed the darkened space between the stage where Dolly concluded her rendition of A Christmas Carol, and the barn where Kyle disappeared, her mind cultivated the peace that the cold Christmas Eve air inspired in her. She knew what she must do. The time was now. The night was perfect.
She had just told Kyle a few hours ago she would wait, but the feeling which bloomed inside her wouldn’t let her wait. If she had to lose him again because he couldn’t find it in his heart to tell her what she needed to know in order to be with him, then what could she do to stop him. As her father always said, ‘you could lead a horse to water but you can’t make her drink’. What she did know, what she was sure of, was she couldn’t love him this much without knowing why he let her go to begin with. The possibility of feeling that pain again was more risk than she wanted to take without perfect knowledge of what caused it.
And that was it, wasn’t it? There was the question she really wanted an answer to all dressed up in a present-sized box of convenience. How could he have let her go? She felt they had been so happy, almost an exact replica of the way she felt this week. Back then it had been like a dream. It was the kind of dream where two people so complete each other there is no possibility of bitterness or regret. The type of subject matter poets write poems about and artists paint pictures of. Being with him back then was, in short, beautiful. Until, one night when she had been dressed up like a princess and he had… just let her go without giving her an acceptable reason.
She remembered the heartache of the nights that passed after that. The nights when she saw him in her room when her light was off and her eyes were closed. How he appeared to her outlined in the bumpy texture of her ceiling. Those had been such long nights of crying herself to sleep.
She hadn’t allowed herself to be vulnerable since. As she thought about it now, that was more than a fair explanation of why she chose to become engaged to Walter in the first place. He was the anti-Kyle. After all, a person can’t harm you if you don’t have any feelings for them to harm. The attraction to Walter was that he was so incapable of loving anyone but himself there was no chance he could ever harm her by withdrawing that love.
Oh my, the thought made her heart skip a beat. She put it all together. It exhilarated and frightened her at the same time. She wanted to see if a future with Kyle were possible, but in order to get there, he would to have meet her half way. Aubrey was a strong and confident woman. She was also a master at controlling her feelings—a fact which he was partially responsible for. If she had to extinguish the spark growing inside her for Kyle before it raged like Dolly’s bonfire, she would do it. No matter what, Aubrey was determined not to be hurt like that again. She decided as she entered the lights of the barn, she would have her answer. She would have it tonight.
Aubrey approached Kyle from behind. He moved a sawhorse, with a saddle perched on it, from in front of the barn’s electrical panel. She called out to him from several feet away so as not to scare him. “Right behind you, Kyle.” In spite of her best efforts, he was startled. She couldn’t help drawing a comparison between this time when she had scared him and the last time she had been at the Peterson farm, when she had not. “How about that,” she said. “I guess I can sneak up on you after all.”
Kyle turned to face Aubrey with a big smile on his face. “See, Timberville is good for you. We’ve already increased your stealthiness.” He stepped to one side of the electrical panel as Aubrey drew up beside him. “You can do the honors if you like.”
“What’s the problem?” Aubrey asked.
“Tripped breaker.” Kyle replied. He pointed at the switch that needed to be reset.
Aubrey pushed the breaker all the way to the left and then back to the right, resetting it. “And then there was light,” she said.
Kyle smiled at Aubrey again. “You belong up there on that stage with Dolly. You know that, don’t you? You were Timberville’s first superstar.”
Aubrey inched as close to Kyle as their heavy winter clothing would allow her to get. She looked very much like she was ready to have that kiss they had strenuously avoided. She did not allow herself to give in to the temptation. She had to have her answer first. It was time to clear this air, once and for all. “Kyle?”
“Yes?” Based on the tone in her voice, he dreaded what might follow.
“These last few days have been the best I’ve had in my life in at least,” she thought about it for a moment to arrive at a realistic figure, “ten years. I left a job that wasn’t right for me. I left a fiancé that didn’t love me. And I have practiced the true spirit of Christmas this holiday season by giving myself to others without thought about reward.” Aubrey closed her eyes. She braced herself for the hard part.
“I’ve done all those things because of you,” she continued. “When I boarded that plane in New York City, I thought this first Christmas without my father would be horrible. But it hasn’t been horrible at all. Because of you.”
Aubrey put both her hands on Kyle’s shoulders. She used her body language to show him how invested she was in this idea they both nourished. This idea of the resurrection of them as a couple. “But, I cannot go on with this. I can’t commit to being with you, if you won’t tell me why you abandoned me.”
“Aubrey,” Kyle struggled to control his emotions, “forgive me for what happened in the past. I am begging you, with all of my heart, for forgiveness. And after that, please trust me. You don’t know what you’re asking for.”
It was now Aubrey’s turn to try and control her emotions. “This hurts me, Kyle.”
Kyle clamped his eyes shut tight. The idea he was hurting her smashed against the dam of feelings inside him. It was not alright to allow himself the luxury of crying. It would not have been respectful to the pain he caused her twelve years ago. After a moment, he was able to secure the flood which wanted to exit him through his eyes. “Can’t you see I am nothing but remorse, Aubrey? Can’t that be enough? At least for now?”
Aubrey’s eyes pleaded with Kyle for release. “I don’t understand why you won’t tell me.”
“Name the thing you want, Aubrey Wilson. I will get it for you. Anything. That is not an idle promise. I would split the world if it meant you would decide to be with me.” Kyle searched the roof of the Peterson barn as though it migh
t contain the words to let him explain himself to Aubrey in a meaningful way. “But, I can’t give you the reason. It is not my reason to give.”
Aubrey shook her head, she was so confused. “I just don’t understand.”
“I don’t know how to explain it better. You have to trust me.” As Kyle spoke the words ‘trust me’ a shovel on the other side of the barn fell to the floor with a muted clatter.
Aubrey turned to see… “Walter!” The shock of seeing him in this setting caused her to back out of Kyle’s grasp.
“Merry Christmas,” he said with little conviction.
“What?” Aubrey didn’t know why he would start with that.
“I got you a Christmas present.” Walter made the ‘ta-dah’ motion with his hands.
Aubrey didn’t get it. “What are you talking about?”
“Me. I’m your present.” Walter made the ‘ta-dah’ motion again with his hands as if she would appreciate it now that he had explained it better. When she didn’t act impressed, he regrouped and tried again. “I mean, you were so upset on the phone because you thought I didn’t get you a present. But, this was always my idea. I wanted to surprise you here in Timberville on Christmas Eve.” Walter allowed himself a self-congratulatory look of smugness. He was really quite proud of himself for having found a workable solution to the not getting Aubrey a present dilemma.
Aubrey didn’t buy it for a second. “Oh, Walter.”
“What?”
“You are such a horrible liar.” Aubrey shook her head at his silly story. “More importantly,” she began again, “how in the world did you know I was here?” The mystery of how he knew she was standing in the Peterson barn, at this exact moment, defeated everything else Aubrey wanted to say to him right now.
Walter had an easy explanation. “You never stopped sharing your location with me on your phone.” He looked embarrassed by what he was about to say given the fact he had just seen Aubrey in Kyle’s arms. “I foolishly took it as a sign you wanted me to come find you.”
First Christmas Page 19
