by Hope Ford
I sit back down and nod at her. If my chest was hurting before this feels like a sword slicing through it.
“We got married. You felt it was your duty… the right thing to do.” She holds her hand up when I start to talk. “And you don’t know how much I appreciate that. You saved Eric and me. You’ve given me time with him that I would never have been able to do as a single mom. But lately, I’ve come to resent myself for letting you do this… for giving up your freedom. I realize now that you had never planned on ever getting married… or having kids.”
“I wouldn’t trade Eric for anything and you know that, Jenn,” I tell her and immediately realize my mistake. I should have included her in that, but it’s already out.
She sniffs and wipes at the tears still falling. “I know that, Lincoln, and you are the best dad. I also know that you have taken care of your mom, your brother, your sister… growing up, you were saddled with more responsibility than any young man should have to deal with. And now I did the same thing to you. Well, I think it’s best if I move out for awhile and we can start the d..divorce.”
I get down on my knees in front of her and hold her hand in mine. “Don’t say that. Where is this even coming from? I thought you were happy.”
Her hand goes to the side of my jaw and she holds my face. “I am happy. But I messed up. I fell in love with you, Lincoln, and I know that even though you are a good man, I’m not what you want. I’m not what you need.”
I shake my head. “That’s nonsense and you know it. Are you really going to throw away the last three years?”
Frustrated, she throws her hands up. “Are you honestly going to tell me that a part of you is not relieved by all this?”
I can’t help it, I’ve been responsible my whole life, and a part of me has always wanted to be free from responsibility, but not like this. I stutter, “I…”
“See, Lincoln, I deserve more. We are just going through the motions. That’s it. It’s convenient now. I deserve more… I need someone that loves me back. You deserve what you want too. I’m not putting blame on you… I knew what I was getting myself into.”
I still can’t wrap my head around this. It’s just not right. “Honey, we can work this out.”
I get interrupted when her phone rings. She answers it, “Hey, Mom – is everything okay?”
I soften when I hear her say ‘Mom.’ My mother insisted that Jennifer call her than when we got married. It really meant a lot to Jenn because she’s never had one. Since day one they have been very close.
“No, you don’t have to bring him home. I’ll come over. Maybe we will do a sleepover so he can get more comfortable staying there.”
She listens for a minute and then, before hanging up, tells her that she will see her in a few.
“Uh, Eric is wanting me. I’m going to go spend the night there,” she tells me as she starts gathering her things up. I follow her into the bedroom and watch as she packs a bag.
“Let me drive. We can get him together,” I plead with her.
She keeps packing without looking at me. “No… uh, no, I told her I would just stay the night there with him.”
“Jenn, you’re not leaving me,” I tell her.
Putting her toothbrush and hairbrush in the bag, she slings it over her shoulder. “I’m going to your mom’s house. Nothing is going to happen tonight. We’ll be back tomorrow. I think this is best anyway. We both need time to think.”
I put my hand out to touch her shoulder, but she pulls away. “I don’t want you to leave like this.”
She walks to the door and I have no choice but to follow her. “I’m fine. I’ll text you when I get there.”
She won’t look at me. In fact, she’s looking everywhere but at me. I put my hands on each side of her face and pull her to look at me. “This isn’t over. We are going to work this out.”
She nods, then walks out the door. All I hear in the house is the quiet tick of the clock. I look around the house and it’s so empty. I walk into the kitchen and there’s a note on the counter. “Your dinner is in the microwave.” I sit down at the table and read the note over and over. Even now, she wants to leave but is still trying to take care of me. I put my head in my hands and wait for her call.
5
Jennifer
I woke up this morning and my eyes are about swollen shut. I texted Lincoln when I got here to let him know I made it.
He responded by telling me that we are going to talk tomorrow. I didn’t reply. I didn’t know what to say. I feel like I said it all.
I was able to keep it together until Eric feel asleep. After that I spent a long time talking to Lincoln’s mom. I tried not to burden her with all of it, but she dragged it out of me.
She patted me on the back. “He loves you, honey. Anyone can see that.”
“He doesn’t though. And we both deserve more,” I assured her. It took a while, but I finally convinced her that this is really what he would want. He got burdened with me and pretty much convinced himself to marry me because of the pregnancy and everything. He needs to live the life he’s always wanted… and unfortunately that doesn’t include me.
After a long and restless night, I woke up before dawn in a strange bed with my little boy lying across my chest. I scoot him over and putting the pillows around him, I go to the bathroom to get ready for the day.
I’m a little overwhelmed today, but I need to make it seem as normal as possible for Eric’s sake. He has swimming lessons today and he always loves that. I hear my phone ding from the other room.
When I go to check it, it’s a text from Lincoln. When will you be home?
Sighing, I close my eyes and try to stop the tears from forming. We are going to be with your mom this morning then Eric has a swimming lesson. We will be home this afternoon.
I stare at my phone and I think he is not going to text back but as soon as I start to put the phone on the dresser, I get a text. Flipping the phone back over, I read it. Don’t give up on me yet
I lay the phone down after reading it three times. I refuse to get my hopes up. I know Lincoln and he does things because it’s the right thing to do. I don’t want him to do what’s right. I want him to do what he wants.
Lincoln
I barely slept last night. All I could think about was what Jennifer said. Yes, a part of her is right. In the beginning, I convinced her to marry me because I knew it was the right thing to do. But we’ve had three years and a son together. I thought everything was fine. I had no idea she was unhappy.
The house is empty without her and Eric. I can’t stand it and end up going into work over an hour early to get away from the quiet. I get immersed in work all morning to try and get my mind off things. I don’t even notice when my assistant walks in the office later in the afternoon. Bailey gasps when she looks at me and comes around to the side of my desk.
She puts her hand on mine. “Damn, Captain. You look like hell. Are you okay?”
I look down at her hand on mine and instantly feel guilty. Not because I feel anything for her but because I know that no woman should be touching me besides my wife. I pull my hand out from under hers and rub my chest, and that feeling of loss overpowers me again. “I’m fine, Bailey.”
She squats down beside my chair and puts her hand on my knee. My gaze instantly goes to her exposed cleavage. “Are you sure, boss? Because I can help you with whatever… problem you have.”
My gaze goes back to her eyes and I see the lust in her eyes. I push my chair back and get away from her. Right as I do, my sister knocks on the open door.
I look over at her and surprise is written all over her face. She looks at Bailey disgustedly. “Am I interrupting anything?”
I stand up and go to usher her in. “No. No, Officer Johnson, you’re not. Please come in. She was just leaving.” I don’t even look over at Bailey. I can’t. I feel like I need to go home and take a shower to wash off all the dirtiness she brought into the room. I will be looking for her replacemen
t by the end of the week.
Sitting back in my chair and lost in thought, I barely acknowledge my sister when she says, “She’s a beautiful woman, Linc. Is this what’s really going on with you and Jenn?”
I shake my head. “I guess you talked to Mom?”
“Yep, she called me on my way to work this morning. Said that Jenn is asking for a divorce because you don’t love her.” She’s still looking at me with disgust in her eyes and I know she thinks there is something going on here with Bailey.
“Sis, Chrissy… you know I’m not like that. Nothing happened with Bailey except she hit on me. I’ll take care of it. I would never betray Jenn like that.”
Appeased by my answer, she asks, “Okay, so what is going on then?”
I huff, not wanting to talk about it but knowing that I need to figure it all out. “She said that I was forced into marrying her because it was the right thing to do. She knows that after my past… uh, that what I really want is freedom. But…”
She interrupts me. “You mean your past… that you gave up everything to take care of Mom, Jase and me and had more responsibility on you than any man that age should have. Is that what she meant?”
I shrug. “I never resented any of you because of circumstances we couldn’t control. Yes, I never planned to get married or have kids, but I wouldn’t change it.”
She leans across my desk and says, “Good… good. Did you tell Jenn that?”
I look at her sheepishly. “Well.. she caught me by surprise. I told her I wouldn’t change anything with Eric.”
She slaps her hand across her forehead. “Are all men stupid? Because I’m beginning to think so. That’s ridiculous. Did you at least tell her you love her?”
I feel my face heat under her scrutiny. “Uh, no. I didn’t tell her.”
“Why the hell not?” she demands.
“Look, I’ll admit in the beginning, before Eric was born, I thought of them as a burden. I didn’t want to be tied down. But these past few years… well, I wouldn’t trade them for anything. She has to know how much she means to me… that I love her.”
She gets up and paces the room. “Well, have you ever told her you loved her?”
Ashamed now, I hang my head. “No. Once I realized it, we just didn’t have that kind of relationship. She’s never told me… not until last night. And well, I’ve never told her. I just assumed she knew.”
She scoffs. “You can’t be that stupid, Linc.”
“Hey—” I start to defend myself.
“No. Listen, if Dad dying taught you anything, it should have been how short life could be. If you love her, you have to tell her, you have to show her. She’s been living the last three years of her life taking care of you and your son. And I know you. You are all about work. She probably feels like she’s your roommate more than your wife. If you love her, you better prove it to her… or you are going to lose her.”
Her little speech hits home and probably for the first time I’m speechless. I think back to all the times I’ve come home late from work and she’s had dinner on the table waiting for me. She’s never complained once. I think about all the times that I thought she’s looked beautiful, but didn’t tell her. And I think about all the times I’ve worked hard all week, ignoring her in the process and still her willing to please me just because I was in the mood. I hang my head in shame thinking about how much I’ve taken advantage of the love she’s freely given me. I can’t say that I blame her for wanting to walk away. She’s right when she says she deserves more.
“What time is it?” I ask Chrissy and then look at my phone. “Shoot, if I hurry, I can make Eric’s swim lesson. I’ve got to go.”
I jump up and stop to give my sister a hug. “Thanks, sis. For everything.”
She pats me on the back and then shoves me toward the door. “Go get her, Linc.”
6
Jennifer
I haven’t been able to get Linc off my mind all day. His mom tried to get my mind off things as well as she could. Finally, it was time for Eric’s swimming lesson.
I pull off my sarong and get in the pool with Eric. I say hello to a few of the other parents and hold on to Eric as he splashes around waiting for the class to start. He has been working on treading water and I think he almost has the hang of it.
“Hey, Jennifer, how are you doing?” a father next to me asks. He is a handsome man that started talking to me last week. He’s nice enough, but I don’t talk to him much. I don’t want to encourage him in any way.
“I’m good,” I tell him and then go back to splashing with Eric.
The class flies by and it isn’t long before it’s time to get out of the pool. This is always a struggle, because Eric always wants to stay and play. I carry him over to the ladder and help him out of the pool before I pull myself out.
“Dada,” he hollers and toddles over to Lincoln. Lincoln lifts him up in his arms and puts him on his hip. He’s not in uniform and honestly it’s been a while since I’ve seen him out of it. I love how he looks in uniform, but he looks just as good in his faded jeans and white T-shirt. He helps me out of the pool, puts a kiss to my forehead and turns to the man following me up the steps.
“Hello. I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Jennifer’s husband.” He shakes the man’s hand firmly and I look between the two of them.
The man’s face turns a bright shade of red, then he picks his son up and walks away.
“What was that about?” I demand of Lincoln.
“He couldn’t take his eyes off your ass, honey. Is he at all of these classes?”
I look around embarrassed when he says that, but realize no one is paying attention to us. “Yes, his son’s in the class.”
“Well, I guess I will be coming to the classes with you for now on.” He bends down when we reach my bag and hands me a towel, then wraps Eric in one too.
“That’s ridiculous. You can’t miss work for swimming lessons.” I scoff at him. I can’t even believe he’s here now in the middle of the afternoon.
“Things are about to change. So how about you get dressed, because honestly even with me here that man can’t take his eyes off you and I would hate to have to kill a man.”
I glance across the pool and he’s right, he is still looking our way. However, I don’t think he’s looking at me. I just think he’s trying to figure out what’s going on.
When I don’t move, he growls, “Eyes on me, honey.” I flick my eyes back up at him. “Go get dressed. We can go get an early dinner and then head home. We have a lot to talk about.”
I walk off toward the locker room while he stands there and tries to wrestle Eric into his clothes. I am stumped at Lincoln’s behavior. Before today I would have said that Lincoln’s never had a jealous side to him. But today he proved otherwise. I decide the best thing I can do is try to be as normal as possible with Eric around. He’s too young to understand what’s going on. I grab my bag and go back out to meet them in the lobby.
Lincoln
I wasn’t joking. I wanted to kill that man. I arrived a little early to the pool and watched her in the pool with Eric. She is the best mom. And she was totally oblivious to the man in the pool that couldn’t take his eyes off her. She barely acknowledged him, even when he repeatedly tried to strike up a conversation with her. When I saw his eyes on her ass the whole time she was climbing out of the pool, I wanted to end him then. And even though I held myself back, I made a point to make sure he knew that I was in fact in the picture.
I watch her walk toward the locker room and I can’t take my eyes off her. She really is beautiful and I’m going to make sure I tell her when she comes back out. She’s self-conscious of her hips and her stomach since she had Eric, but honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more sexy, curvy body in my life.
I’m holding Eric in my arms waiting on her in the lobby. We are doing one-handed patty cake when she walks toward us. She has her hair in a ponytail and a sleeveless dress on. Her jean jacket is folded ove
r her arm and she looks at me nervously. I can’t stop myself from pulling her in to me and wrapping my arm around her and kiss her on the cheek. “You look beautiful, Jenn.” She looks at me with surprise in her eyes, but I just smile appreciatively at her.
I walk with her to her car and help her get Eric into his seat. Then I have her roll her window down and ask her where she wants to go for dinner.
“Eric will probably be asleep here shortly. He missed his afternoon nap. I can just fix something when we get home,” she assures me.
“No, I don’t want you to have to cook tonight. How about I stop and grab a pizza and a movie?” I ask her.
She shrugs her shoulders. “Uh, sure, okay. But we still need to talk and… don’t you have to catch up on some work tonight?”
“Not tonight. And I’m turning over a new leaf. I’m going to quit working so much while I’m at home.”
She looks at me with surprise and a little disbelief. I just lean in and kiss her before I walk back to my car. I want to kick myself, because I’ve probably kissed my wife more this afternoon than I have in this past month. I’m going to have to do better.
7
Jennifer
When I got home, I carried Eric into his bedroom and then took a quick shower to get the chlorine off of me. I’m standing in the bedroom in my bra and panties, putting lotion on when Lincoln walks into the room. He stands in the doorway, just watching me. I stand up self-consciously and stop what I’m doing.
“Don’t stop on my account,” he tells me as he reaches down and adjusts his cock in his pants.
I put the lotion bottle down, grab my shorts off the bed and start pulling them on. Before I can get my shirt on, he walks over toward me and stops me by caressing my shoulder. I look up at him and can’t help but gasp at the heat I see in his eyes. “I promised myself that we were going to work this out tonight. But if you don’t get dressed, I’m going to throw out the idea of talking.”
