‘Well, if you fix me up and give me a painkiller I’ll be on my way.’
‘Back to the gym?’
‘Well, yes. Vee’s shift has just finished and mine doesn’t start for another hour and she rarely goes to the gym.’
Doctor Liana’s frown was back with a vengeance. ‘For heaven’s sake, Nathan. You need to have a conversation with your wife. Tell her why you’ve been avoiding her or she’ll assume the worst.’
‘What worst?’
‘That you don’t want to be with her, of course.’ The doc sounded exasperated. ‘That maybe you believe, as do others on this ship, that your wife has had something to do with all these incidents that have been happening.’
‘That’s crap. Vee knows I don’t believe any such thing.’
Doctor Liana shook her head at me. ‘Your joining will fail if you and Vee don’t find a way to communicate and I’m not just talking sexually.’
‘Doctor!’
‘Oh, please. I’m a doctor and a married one at that. D’you want some advice – from one joined person to another?’
Something told me I was going to get her advice whether I wanted it or not. ‘Go on then,’ I said churlishly.
Doctor Liana glared at me, her lips pursed at my rudeness.
‘Sorry,’ I muttered. ‘What I meant was, yes please, Doctor Liana, I’d love to hear your advice.’
Doctor Liana smiled reluctantly. ‘Don’t overdo it, Nathan. My advice to you is to talk to Olivia, share the good and the bad stuff, and more importantly, listen – that’s if you want your union to last.’
‘Of course it will last.’ I frowned. ‘I’ll make sure of that. I’m not going to lose her.’
The doctor gave me a studied look.
‘What?’ I frowned.
‘You sound like you mean that.’
‘Of course I mean it.’
‘Just as long as you’re not a fair-weather lover. Olivia deserves better than that,’ said Doctor Sheen.
‘A fair what?’
‘I mean someone who stays around when things are going well but then disappears when the going gets tough.’
‘How can I disappear on a ship?’ I asked.
‘Don’t pretend to be dense, Nathan. It doesn’t suit you,’ the doctor said impatiently.
‘Doctor Liana, I’m really uncomfortable with this conversation. I’m not into all this emotional touchy-feely stuff,’ I said. And certainly not with the ship’s doctor, for goodness sake.
‘You’re human, Nathan, therefore you’re into it whether you want to admit it or not,’ said Doctor Liana. ‘Stop excluding Olivia from what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Talk to her.’
‘I’m not avoiding Vee because I like it, Doc. Far from it. I’m just trying to keep her safe. Besides, I’m not the only one keeping secrets.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘Nothing,’ I sighed.
Doctor Liana looked thoughtful for a moment. ‘On the day of the accident, why were you down in the engine room? I thought you were permanently assigned to the bridge.’
‘I was, but Mum got the hump with me for being late and sent me down there to work with Darren,’ I said. ‘Nothing I do pleases her at the moment.’
‘When you got to the engine room, had you already been assigned to the conduits?’
‘No, of course not. Darren didn’t even know I was coming. He just told me to take his place in the conduit and help Corbyn, but then he changed his mind and told me to sort out the engine coolant flows—’ A light had finally switched on in my head. ‘Oh my God!’
Doctor Liana raised an eyebrow, looking at me pointedly. ‘The crew’s assignments are usually entered into the ship’s computer twenty-four hours before they’re given out.’
‘So I wasn’t necessarily the target,’ I realized.
‘Exactly.’
‘That means someone was after Darren, not me.’ I beamed. ‘Doc, I could kiss you.’
‘I doubt if Darren will feel quite as joyful as you when he realizes he was the intended target,’ the doctor said drily. My grin faded. She had a point. Doctor Liana placed a hypo against my ankle and a moment later the pain there had lessened considerably.
I leaped off the bed and onto my feet. There was no pain at all now.
‘Doc, you’re a miracle worker.’ I told her.
‘If only I could bring the dead back to life, eh?’ she said, her voice tinged with sadness. Sometimes I needed reminding that I wasn’t the only one with inner demons to face and fight.
‘Doctor, are you all right?’ I asked.
She snapped out of her reverie to give me a smile. ‘I’m fine. Now go be with your wife and stop beating up the gym equipment.’
61
This was ridiculous, not to mention undignified. What the hell was I doing skulking around in the hydroponics bay? Aidan had told me to enter the bay by the port-side door and to wait behind one of the hybrid fruit trees on the port side of the bay. So here I stood, waiting. Or should I say, hiding. And for what? Aidan insisted there was something I needed to hear. I looked around. Was I really going to do this? Was this really the level to which I had sunk?
Sod this! I needed to get back to my room and once there I’d try to figure out where I’d mislaid my self-respect. The moment I took a step away from the tree trunk behind which I was hiding, the starboard hydroponic bay doors slid open. In walked Aidan and Anjuli. I ducked back behind the trunk, hating myself.
‘Why are we here, Aidan?’ Anjuli asked.
‘I needed to speak to you in private.’
‘About what?’
‘I want to help out with this situation between you and my sister,’ said Aidan.
‘Why?’ asked Anjuli, eyes narrowed.
Aidan’s eyes widened. He was thrown by the question, but he soon recovered. ‘Trust me,’ he said with an easy smile. ‘I only want what’s best for Vee, and that’s for you and my sister to be friends again.’
‘So you reckon you can get me back on the bridge?’ asked Anjuli hopefully.
‘I’m sure I can, with a little help. D’you mind me asking, how are things between you and Nathan?’
Anjuli looked puzzled at the question. ‘The same as ever. Why?’
‘I just want to make sure that we can count on Nathan’s help.’
‘Of course he’ll help. Nathan would do anything for me.’ Anjuli smiled. ‘He owes me.’
What did she mean by that?
‘Which brings us to why I asked you here tonight,’ said Aidan.
‘Oh yes?’ Anjuli was immediately on her guard.
What was Aidan doing? I thought he wanted me to witness something that I should know. Aidan leaned in close to whisper something in Anjuli’s ear. Something I couldn’t hear even if I wanted to, which I wasn’t sure I did.
‘I just thought you should know that he’s telling anyone who’ll listen how revved he is that the two of you have started up again from where you left off.’ Aidan’s voice was back to normal.
A moment’s silence and then Anjuli burst out laughing. Aidan watched her, not joining in the joke. Anjuli’s laughter ended abruptly, to be replaced by a look of outrage. ‘Oh my God! You’re serious?’
‘He can’t help bragging about the two of you together. Apparently you’re the best he’s ever had. He’s going to try and come to your quarters tonight, as his are always occupied. You’ll both need to be discreet for a while longer though. His words, not mine.’
‘Discreet? Is he for real?’ Anjuli spluttered, incensed.
‘He said that once he’s free again, he might even consider going through a joining ceremony with you. Once he’s free,’ said Aidan.
‘Are you cracked? Is he? He must be! Once he’s free? God, but he’s such a lying whoremeister. Any man or woman stupid enough to join with him deserves everything they get. On Callisto he worked his way through every woman who looked at him twice and he’s still at it on board this ship.’
‘T
here are those on board who’ve crawled into his bed eagerly enough,’ said Aidan. ‘And I should know.’
‘More fool them. Once he’s had his fun, he’ll move on. That’s what he always does. He’s a user.’
‘So you won’t be waiting for him in your quarters later?’
‘Are you kidding me?’ Anjuli dismissed. ‘I have standards, even if some women don’t.’
I couldn’t bear to hear any more. I was turning around to leave when Aidan’s next words halted me in my tracks.
‘That’s an interesting pendant,’ Aidan said. ‘I haven’t seen you wearing that before.’
Anjuli glanced down at the pendant hanging from a platinum chain and lying against the pristine white T-shirt beneath her open jacket. A jolt of recognition flashed through me. I knew that pendant. I’d know it anywhere.
‘Isn’t it beautiful?’ Anjuli said with pride.
‘May I see it?’ Aidan asked. He didn’t wait for an answer but pulled the pendant towards him for a closer look. ‘You’re right. It is beautiful.’
‘Yeah, it was a present,’ Anjuli beamed.
‘From someone who obviously cares a great deal about you. Look, I hate to be rude’ – Aidan ushered Anjuli towards the door – ‘but I’ve just realized I’m late for another meeting.’
Within moments the two of them were out the door and I was alone.
Minutes passed as I stood in the hydroponics lab, unable to move a muscle. I replayed the conversation I’d just heard over and over in my head. I must’ve misunderstood or misinterpreted what I’d heard. I didn’t even have to close my eyes to recall the image of the pendant hanging around Anjuli’s neck. There had to be a reasonable explanation for why Anjuli now had it.
But I couldn’t for the life of me come up with one.
It wasn’t just the words that I’d overheard – people said all sorts of things for all kinds of reason – but it was what I’d seen with my own eyes. My joining gift to Nathan, the pendant I’d given to him with all my love, the pendant he swore he’d never take off, was now hanging around Anjuli’s neck.
62
Where the hell was it? I’d turned the bed and the whole damned room upside down looking for the thing and it was nowhere to be found. The pendant Vee had given me had disappeared. I tried to think back to the last time I’d had it.
Was it at dinner tonight?
I definitely had it when I had my shower this morning. At least, I think I did. I distinctly remembered taking it off and putting it on the desk before stepping into the shower cubicle. Or was that yesterday? Damn it! I went over to the desk again, picking up books, data tablets and everything else on the table. Then I examined the floor. It hadn’t somehow dropped on the floor and been vacuumed up by the cleaning robot, had it? I picked up the cleaning robot from the side of the room and emptied its dust bales onto the floor, before dropping to my knees to search for the pendant with my bare hands.
Nothing doing. The only thing in the dust was dust. The moment I turned the cleaning robot the right way up, it set off across the floor having detected the dirt I’d just scattered everywhere.
Damn it! Where was it?
If Vee found out it was missing she’d never forgive me.
I meant to get round to fixing the clasp, I really did. I closed my eyes, resigning myself to the fact that I’d probably never see it again. That thing could be anywhere on the ship. I could’ve dropped it anywhere – in the engine room, the astro lab, the gym, the bridge, the corridors. Anywhere.
If I didn’t find it before Vee noticed it was missing, there’d be hell to pay.
63
I don’t know how long I stood still and alone in the hydroponics bay. My arms were wrapped around my waist as if to try and contain all the anguish I was feeling, but it did no good. If I moved my arms, my whole body would crumble to dust.
My brother. I needed to see my brother. I stumbled out of the hydroponics bay and made my way to Aidan’s room. I pressed on his door alert. The moment the door opened and he saw me, he stepped aside to let me in.
‘I take it you saw what Anjuli was wearing?’ he said without preamble.
I couldn’t speak, couldn’t even nod, but Aidan already knew the answer. I collapsed onto his bed, my whole body shaking. Slowly, inexorably, I was dying inside.
My brother sighed. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner, Vee. I wanted to but I didn’t know how.’
‘How did you find out?’
‘Erica told me. Everyone knew about the two of them – except you,’ said Aidan. ‘They’ve all been having a good laugh at you behind your back.’
Everyone was laughing at me . . .
I closed my eyes against the battering misery inside. It did no good.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ I asked. ‘You should’ve told me.’
‘Would you have believed me?’
My brother was right. I would never have believed anything Aidan or anyone else said against Nathan. I was still having trouble believing the evidence of my own eyes.
I scowled at my brother. ‘I hate you right now for what you’ve done to me.’
Stunned, Aidan’s mouth dropped open.
‘You never did like Nathan so you must be loving this,’ I continued bitterly. ‘Go on then. Say it. Gloat about how you tried to warn me but I wouldn’t listen.’
Aidan glared, absolutely furious. ‘Well, if this is what I get for being honest and for trying to protect you, then forget it. I wish I’d kept my mouth shut. In fact from now on, I think I’ll do just that or better yet, lie to your face like everyone else does on this ship.’
I closed my eyes and sighed. ‘I’m sorry, Aidan. I’d rather you were honest. In fact, you’re the only one I can trust to always be honest with me. I’m just so confused.’
‘I should’ve been wiser and kept my opinions to myself,’ fumed Aidan. ‘Then at least you wouldn’t have turned on me.’
‘I’m sorry. It’s just I close my eyes and I keep seeing Dad’s pendant hanging round Anjuli’s neck.’
That one image hacked through me, leaving destruction in its wake.
Nathan and Anjuli.
Lovers.
Anjuli was better than me. At least she was smart enough to see Nathan for what he really was.
‘I still don’t understand,’ I murmured, replaying the conversation I’d overheard in my head. ‘If Anjuli despises Nathan so much, why take his pendant as a gift?’
Aidan shrugged. ‘The chatter on board says she’s determined to make him earn his way back into her bed on a permanent basis. He knows that, so he gave her the pendant as a present. You’re still captain of this ship and therefore an obstacle, so naturally they have to be discreet.’
Aidan’s words were torturing me.
How was it possible to feel this much pain and still be conscious? I toyed with the idea of just giving them all what they wanted, the ship’s command code, and letting them do what they wanted to me. How much easier would it be to just let go?
‘You could always share him,’ Aidan suggested.
At my look of outrage, he raised his hands in apology. ‘Tell me, would you be happy for Nathan to have sex with anyone he wanted as long as you didn’t know about it?’
‘No, I wouldn’t,’ I replied vehemently.
Though, to tell the truth, there was a part of me that wished to God I hadn’t found out.
‘Careful, Vee. Beware the green-eyed monster which mocks the meat it feeds on,’ said Aidan.
‘So I’m supposed to be happy that Nathan is screwing someone else, am I?’
Aidan shrugged infuriatingly.
‘Why would he do it?’ I whispered.
‘You wouldn’t hand over the ship to them,’ Aidan pointed out. ‘Commander Linedecker probably felt she had no other course.’
‘The commander is behind this?’ I asked, aghast.
‘Sounds reasonable to me.’
‘So what was the plan? To have her son seduce the ship’s
command code out of me? He was so good I would’ve handed it over believing it was my idea, not his,’ I said bitterly.
It had nearly worked. It was just a matter of time before I would’ve told Nate anything and everything.
‘It’s not your fault. Like Anjuli said, Nathan is a user, that’s all, and he used you to get what he and the rest of the refugees want – which is this ship.’
‘I told them I’d take them to Mendela Prime—’
‘But playing devil’s advocate, you could’ve changed your mind at any time,’ said Aidan. ‘You might’ve decided to alert the Authority to their whereabouts at any of the outposts we would’ve passed on the way. As far as they were concerned, the safer option was to have complete control.’
Gullible. Naïve. Incredibly stupid. Reckless. The list of my better qualities went on and on. As if anyone could fall in love and want to spend the rest of their life with me, let alone after such a short acquaintance. I’d been dancing through a fairy tale and the music playing had drowned out all rational thought.
But now the music had stopped.
Nathan and the others must’ve hatched their plan soon after coming on board. Maybe it was after I’d refused to hand over my ship to the commander that first time. Had it been so obvious that I was attracted to Nathan from the moment I saw him? It must’ve been and they’d decided to use that against me. And idiot that I was I’d swallowed every kind word, every touch, every caress had deigned to thow my way. That was the hardest thing of all to bear, just how easy I’d made it for Nathan to deceive me.
I realized something at that moment which squeezed my heart until I could hardly breathe. I’d been so desperate for love, had longed so much for someone to share my life with, that I hadn’t taken very much persuading on Nathan’s part to go through the joining ceremony with him. It wasn’t desperately romantic as I’d originally thought, it was merely desperately pathetic.
But the truth of it was, I really had fallen for Nate.
Love at first sight.
Before I met him, I thought such a thing only happened in the films and stories, but the first sight of Nathan had made my heart beat faster and my mouth go dry and made me very aware of my erratic breathing. Talking to him, being with him, making love with him after that had made those initial feelings deeper, more solid, much more real – or so I’d thought. It was love built on shifting sand.
Chasing the Stars Page 24
