by W. C. Jasper
He stood on the huge rock and lifted his head to peer over the waterfall at the moon. After about 20 seconds of silently standing on the rock, peering at the moon; he sat down, hugging his legs bent in front of him. The waterfall was deafeningly loud, so Queen Maomi moved closer stealthily and hid at the foot of the rock that the Prince was sitting on. The waterfall’s noise was still too loud for her to be able to hear anything, so she moved to the right end where there was another rock which was about 10 feet tall. She climbed onto that rock silently and realised that the acoustics in that spot created an effect which allowed an unnaturally loud reception of the Prince’s voice in that spot. She could also see the Prince from here, and the Prince was too lost in his own thoughts to notice anything in his surroundings anyway. Jiraai stood at the left beyond a few more rocks about 20 feet out. Jiraai himself was lost in grief as well, and hence did not smell or feel Queen Maomi’s presence there.
Hugging his bent legs, the Prince sat staring at the moon for about two minutes and started speaking as if he were speaking to the wind, “I know I’ve said this far too many times, but I will say it yet again… It’s unfair.” His voice paced gradually faster as he continued, “It’s unfair that the better parent that Jeniah deserved was taken from her… It’s unfair that someone as undeserving as me is as loved as I am… It’s unfair that… Why was… I hate that I have to continue living without you… Although… It’s not as if I have a choice. Jeniah needs me.” He sighed heavily and hung his head as if his neck had reached the limit of its strength and continued in a hush and broken voice, “You should have been here…” His voice gave away his tears as he continued, “She is the best human being to have ever been born… She has all of your best qualities, and all of mine too… You remember how Jeraa-aani always looked at me as something perfect? You remember how I was always “perfection personified” in Jeraa-aani’s eyes? I can finally see how Appa and Jeraa-aani saw me as such… Except… She actually is perfect!” He raised his head and stared straight at the waterfall with eyes flooding with overabounding tears and spoke through excessive sniffling like a sobbing child. This was no longer the speech of a Prince, but the weeping of a child, “I can finally—*sniffle* see—*sniffle* how Appa—*sniffle* and Brother—*sniffle* have seen me all my life—*sniffle* I am finally experiencing—*sniffle* a love—*sniffle* greater than that—*deep sniffle* I had for you, Appa, and Brother…” His voice involuntarily burst into a loud cry, “And you are not here!!!”
He exploded into a tremendously loud sob, a voice so loud that it sounded unnatural, a voice so broken that it sounded like it originated from the tearing of his lungs. Jiraai rushed to him at once and brushed up against him, coiled his neck around him, and licked him profusely. Prince Jared’s sobbing did not wane as he embraced Jiraai and kissed him. Prince Jared shoved Jiraai away gently asking him to leave, but Jiraai pushed his forehead even more strongly on the Prince’s forehead as Jiraai’s tears flowed from his shining emerald eyes like a steady stream now. Prince Jared wept bitterly for several minutes as he hugged him tightly.
There was no dignity in the way he wept. It was a grotesque weeping that would have brought tears to anyone who even looked at it. Jiraai whimpered and whined in such a manner that it was very obvious to the Queen that their souls were bonded in a way that Jiraai felt every grain of the Prince’s pain. After several minutes, he forced himself to stop weeping and said to Jiraai with a recovering voice as he looked into his eyes like looking into the eyes of a child, “I am going to need a while to myself… please?” Jiraai licked him exhaustively, howled with agonising mourning and walked away with a defeated gait. Queen Maomi wiped away her tears that were flowing like violent, mighty rivers without the tiniest sound as if the sound had been turned off by God’s remote control.
Prince Jared peered over the pool and spoke with a hush and broken voice once again, “Do I carry a curse…?” His sobbing could be heard in his voice once again, “Is it because of me that my mother died giving birth to me and you had to die giving birth to Jeniah? Have I brought some wretched curse into this family? I am clearly the only common factor here…” He buried his face in his hands as if trying to push his hands to the other side through his face and wept with whimpers that sounded like it took all his might to keep his insides from imploding.
Queen Maomi rushed to him and held him in his arms as Prince Jared sprung up to his feet, wiped away his tears and miraculously managed to stop all his weeping in a couple of seconds. He cleaned his face and put on a smile, a smile that in no way seemed fake. It was the same joyous face that Queen Maomi had seen the entire day during the celebrations. No one could have seen the pain behind that masterful mask. Not even the greatest visual prowess could have seen through that mask. Only love and intimacy could. Until now, only King Jeraash and General Thayman could see beyond it.
Queen Maomi asked in her mind, “How many aeons did you have to practise to perfect this artificial smile to match it exactly with your true smile? Or… Was even the one in the palace your artificial smile? Have you been using your artificial smile for so long that it has replaced your true smile? Have you forgotten how to truly smile, child…? Have you sacrificed your true self for the sake of survival? Surviving for your daughter? Have you abandoned the truth of your own smile? Have you been living in an unceasing stage play…?”
Queen Maomi stood marvelled and heartbroken at how skilled this young Prince was at hiding his pain as he smiled gleefully and asked, “My Lady! What would you be doing here? Do you frequent this beautiful waterfall too?” Queen Maomi’s heart crumbled as she witnessed that the real tragedy of his sorrow was that he chose to relive it every day, hiding it from the entire world; all the while masterfully acting like the carefree Prince, playing the clown who brought laughter and joy to everyone around him. She noticed that in a moment of being caught in his nakedness, even the Prince’s intellect had suddenly become foolish enough to make him believe that there was at all a chance for him to act it away and attempt such a preposterous act at trying to convince the Queen that he had not been caught in his utmost broken and naked state.
She embraced him as tightly as he only remembered his father and brother embracing him. The broken Prince instantly ruptured into sobbing and the Queen caressed the back of his head and kissed his temple. Queen Maomi spoke as he continued sobbing in her arms, “If you are my husband’s child, that makes you my child too. This imaginary curse you speak of that kills the mothers who give birth is now broken. Because here I stand - your mother, alive and well to see you as a grown man, to see you be the best father I have ever seen, a father as great as my husband himself. So never again will you call my son cursed, never again will you speak anything bad of my precious child.” She drew his head back with her hands and kissed his forehead and peered into his eyes with such affection that could have surrounded the circumference of the infinite universe. Prince Jared burst into bitter weeping once again and strugglingly said, “I don’t deserve any of this.” Queen Maomi slapped him gently (well… somewhat gently) and said in a soft voice, “I know what my son deserves. I did not ask for your ‘expert’ opinion. And I know what you are about to say, but I am not leaving. I know that you weep on your brother’s shoulder all the time. But it is only fair that I get to console my child too.” She kissed him on his forehead with a long kiss and asked him to sit beside her.
Prince Jared sat on her right-hand side with his head on her shoulders as she caressed his head. After a while, he spoke with a voice like that of a child who had been soothed after a long night of sobbing, “This world will never make sense to me… I do not deserve any of the love and affection I get… You know? Wardiela was a lot like you… Fiercely strong, I mean, frighteningly powerful, and yet divinely kind… She was also as beautiful as you…” He suddenly broke into weeping again as his cries almost stole the voice away from his throat.
Queen Maomi held his head tighter and kissed the top of his head yet again and rocked him gen
tly. Prince Jared forcibly calmed his weeping and spoke with a struggle, “I’m glad Brother found you, he truly deserves you. And you deserve him too…” He drifted off into a long silence and continued after a deep breath, “One of the things that brings me great sorrow is that Wardiela would have made the perfect mother… just like you! And now Jeniah…” Queen Maomi turned to him and smiled sweetly as he continued to stare at the moon and said, “I am not being kind to you when I tell you this. I do not say this because you are my child; but verily, verily do I say this - While Jeniah might be missing out on Lady Wardiela’s embrace, she is not lacking anything. You might not see yourself as perfect, you might feel that your father and brother see you as perfect only because of their love for you. But consider this: There is nothing in this universe greater than love. The greatest power, the greatest force in all of existence is love. It is the one thing that can shake the mountains, make the rivers run uphill, that can reroute destiny… the one thing that can lead to redemption and salvation even the most wretched souls. And for all of the flaws you think you possess, for all the wretchedness you think you carry, even you will admit that your love for Jeniah is perfect… faultless… absolutely and wholly pure, will you not?” He nodded gently.
Queen Maomi continued, “She has the love of a father AND of a mother in your embrace. She is as loved by you as you are loved by your brother and me. Add to that how much we love her. She has everything!” The graveness of her voice grew as heavy as a mountain as she continued, “The one thing that would be bad for her is the poison that your guilt and shame could pass to her. So, if you cannot do this for yourself, if you cannot do this for your brother, your father, for your beloved wife, and for me… then do this for Jeniah. Leave your guilt and shame behind. And please do realise that I know that you are hiding something from me yet. I will not push you to reveal to me anything that you do not feel completely ready to share. But I also know that you will yourself do it soon, I can see it. I might not be a prophet like Uncle Thayman, but love is not limited by time. It has the power to peer into the future. I know that you will one day share every naked part of your soul with me. But until then, do not harm your soul with all this guilt and shame. They only invite darkness… Guilt feels like the ‘right’ thing to feel, it feels like the ‘correct’ and ‘appropriate’ response. But it does not lead you to absolution, and it certainly does not lead to redemption. It is a vicious cycle that only keeps consuming you into an infinite void of darkness.”
Prince Jared lay on her shoulder for 40 more minutes or so as neither of them spoke anything. They sat silently, peering at the waterfall and the moon. Eventually, Prince Jared spoke with the voice of a heart that was finally consoled and comforted, “Thank you. Thank you for simply being with me… in silence… in stillness… This is what Appa and Brother always did for me… Not expecting any ‘doings’… rather just… being…”
Queen Maomi kissed him on the top of his head and said, “We should go home, your brother would be worried.”
Prince Jared replied, “You should go ahead of me and tell him I will be late. I wish to lie down a little longer and stare at the sky… The stars are abundant tonight, and I also see a splendid sky-dance and rain coming.”
The night was seldom dark in the days of SHAR, and the night sky in that ancient Earth had far more stars and celestial bodies visible than what we can see today. Queen Maomi asked with faint confusion, “I myself am quite an expert at reading the weather. And while I can see the sky-dance coming, I do not sense any rain coming.”
Prince Jared smiled ever so gently and responded, “It always rains on my birth anniversary…” With a crooked smile and a gentle head-tilt and soft shrug, he added, “It’s almost ritualistic…”
Queen Maomi lay down on her back and replied, “If you are staying, so am I.”
Prince Jared howled, and Jiraai came running in about 25 seconds and leapt onto a smaller rock nearby and then on the rock they were on and sat down beside Prince Jared. Prince Jared tore off a very small piece of the Queen’s clothing from her loose flowing sleeve, tore a small piece of clothing from his own robe, and gave it to Jiraai and told him, “Go tell Brother that Queen Maomi and I are together and are fine.”
Queen Maomi asked, “How will he do that?”
Prince Jared answered, “Well, when he hands him the pieces of our clothing, that should be enough because of Jiraai’s calm demeanour. With Jiraai being that calm, it would be obvious that we are fine, and I’ve also used such messages before. And if Brother asks him questions to confirm, he will nod and let him know.”
Queen Maomi said to Jiraai, “You can stay there once the message is delivered, we can ride back on Rorin.”
Prince Jared kissed his forehead and Jiraai set off running.
The Prince and Queen lay on the rock for over an hour, enjoying the sky-dance. Mesmerised in its beauty and losing themselves in its wizardry, they lay as restful as ever. All of a sudden, with no forewarning, just as the Prince had predicted, the heavens started pouring. The Queen and Prince sat up as she looked at him with an impressed expression. Prince Jared smiled crookedly with a shrug and proceeded to get to his feet and extended an arm to the Queen. Queen Maomi locked arms with the Prince as they walked over to the pool. With his hands locked in hers, he looked at her walking beside him and wondered if that is what his mother must have looked like.
As they both sat under the rain, with their feet in the pool, looking up at the towering waterfall and the moon above, Prince Jared lay his head on her shoulder and painted a sketch of that moment in his mind in an effort to ensure he never lost hold of it. As Queen Maomi kissed the top of his head, he asked, “The priests teach from the scriptures that those who die as righteous people rest in Sathyam’s bosom. And that when we die, we all will get to meet the righteous people we have lost… Do you believe it?” Queen Maomi took a couple of seconds and answered in a comforting voice, “I know that you don’t believe in a lot of the things that the temple teaches, but yes, I do believe this to be true. But, even if you don’t believe in it, you will always have me.” She kissed his hand and continued, “You know that I never got to see my parents either. So, all these years I fantasised about how I would love and cherish my own children. And I vow to you today, I will love you more than any mother has ever loved her child.” She kissed his hand once again and they continued to enjoy the rain with their feet in the pool.
After thoroughly enjoying the rain, they both rode back to the palace on Rorin. It was nearing midnight when they arrived at the palace. Prince Jared’s face was as fresh as ever with no trace of all the crying; for the laughs and the pleasant time he shared with the Queen as well as the rain had washed it all away. Prince Jared and Queen Maomi headed straight to Prince Jared’s room as they knew that the King would be there with Princess Jeniah. They found King Jeraash reading a book, sitting on the floor beside the bed with the Princess sleeping peacefully. King Jeraash spoke in a hushed voice and a low pitch with a compassionate expression, “It’s good to see that you had company in your weeping today.” He immediately turned to Queen Maomi and requested, “Will you please be with Jeniah while I spend some time with him?” “Of course! Even in her sleep, she is a pleasure to be around. Do send me some towels,” replied the Queen. Prince Jared kissed the sleeping Princess’ forehead and hugged Queen Maomi tightly and kissed her on the cheek before exiting the room with the King.
The King and Prince headed to the massive terrace which was on top of four tall floors. They sat on the eastern fence of the terrace looking at the city. The rain was reasonably mild now and the moonlight was much stronger than before. The King and Prince sat on the fence with their legs hanging on the outside and admired the gorgeous rain-ornate view of the night. Prince Jared sat with his head on his brother’s shoulder in complete silence without uttering a single word for an hour or so. An entire hour that was meant for nothing but silent companionship. They sat through the 24 bells for midnight with no reaction.
At about 40 minutes into the first hour of the day, when the rain had finally stopped, King Jeraash caressed Prince Jared’s head and spoke in a soothing voice, “Do you want to talk?” Prince Jared answered in a serene and blissful voice, “Thank you… Not only for taking over Appa’s job but also for marrying Lady Maomi. You are truly blessed to have her. She is every bit as noble, kind, and strong as Wardiela. You know, Brother? I always get this sense that Amma was just like Wardiela and Lady Maomi… I wonder what she was like…” He shook his head with an inaudible chuckle, “Anyway, Lady Maomi was definitely destined to be a part of our family… Let’s go, you two need to sleep. And I too am missing Jeniah.”
The next morning Akini and Prince Jared reported to King Jeraash’s workshop in the Royal Palace at the dawn of the eleventh hour of the day. Akini had been under Prince Jared’s tutelage for a little while now. They entered the workshop to witness King Jeraash’s shirtless back, chiselled like the perfect human body with beautifully carved back muscles. It was evident that he had been working hard for a long time based on his profuse sweating. As they entered, King Jeraash spoke without turning back, “Good Morning. You’re early. It’s nice to see that at least my brother’s punctuality is rubbing off on you.” Prince Jared picked up a few strange looking throwing knives and started inspecting them, throwing them in the air, and playing around with them. He tried to understand them by caressing and feeling every part of it.
