The Power of Moments

by Chip Heath

  and stretch for insight, 131, 133

  length of experience, 8, 12. See also duration neglect

  level-up strategy, 162–65, 194

  Lewis, John, 177, 178, 180, 181

  lifeguards: Grant study of, 219–20

  Lillard, Leo, 178

  Lincoln, Abraham, 175

  Looby, Z. Alexander, 178–79

  Luthans, Fred, 148

  Mac OS 9 project, 35

  Magic Castle Hotel (Los Angeles), 9–11, 54–55, 72–73, 134, 255, 256. See also Popsicle Hotline

  marathons, 173–75

  Mark (example): insight of, 196–99

  marriage

  and connections, 203, 241

  and important events in life of babies, 84

  journal about, 166–67, 255

  and making moments matter, 255

  and milestones, 166–67

  and pride, 181

  and thinking in moments, 22–24, 38

  transitioning from, 22–24

  and wedding ring ceremony, 22–24

  See also weddings

  Marsh, Jessica, 264

  McCullough, David, 171, 172

  McDonald’s: script for eating at, 72

  meaning

  connections to, 207–11, 219–20, 247

  See also shared meaning

  mentors, 121–22, 123–27, 132, 133, 255, 263

  Microsoft, 104, 105, 106

  milestones

  benefits of, 175

  completion of, 174–75

  and “Couch to 5K,” 13–14, 159–62

  and exercise, 13–14, 159–62, 173–75

  ignoring of, 26–27

  and level-up strategy, 162–65

  and making moments matter, 255

  medical, 97–98

  motivational, 195

  multiple, 91, 135, 140, 159–75, 182, 194, 198, 251, 255

  and natural defining moments, 37, 171

  and pride, 27, 91, 135, 140, 159–75, 182, 194–95, 198, 251

  recognition and, 166

  “silo” mentality and, 251

  and thinking in moments, 19, 25–27, 33, 35–36, 37, 38

  See also type of milestone

  military: and courage, 140, 182–83

  Milkman, Katherine, 24–25

  Mint, U.S., 172

  Mistry, Suresh, 260, 262, 263

  mock trial format, 47–53

  moment-spotting habit. See thinking in moments

  “mostly forgettable,” 11, 53, 54, 134, 265

  MRI, 29–33, 43

  Munn, Steve, 82

  Murphy, Michael, 206–7, 208–9

  Mystkowski, Jayson, 183–85

  Nash, Diane, 177, 178, 179, 180

  Nashville, Tennessee: protest movements in, 177–81, 189, 195

  negative feedback, 36

  Nemeth, Charlan, 191

  New Year’s resolutions, 24–25

  Newport, Cal, 175

  nonviolent resistance, 180–81

  northern lights dream, 64–65

  Nusca, Andrew, 104

  “occasionally remarkable,” 54

  “oddball effect,” 85

  O’Kelly, Eugene, 65–68, 88, 257

  Overly, Michael, 75–76

  Pace, Mary Jean, 153

  pain/struggle, 7–9, 214–16, 247

  Palmer, Michael, 106–11

  Panda Garden House (restaurant), 134–36

  parents

  and breaking the script, 77

  deepening ties with, 226–31, 233, 238, 247, 248

  and exposure therapy, 185

  and expressing gratitude, 156–57

  home visits with, 227–31, 233, 238, 247, 248, 255

  and making moments matter, 255

  and practicing courage, 185

  and responsiveness, 232n

  school relations with, 226–31, 233, 238, 247, 248, 255

  and stretch for insight, 127–30

  Pariyadath, Vani, 85

  passion, 171–73, 217–18, 219, 247, 256

  patients

  and baby shower story, 221–22

  children as, 29–33

  connections with, 205–11, 210n, 215–16, 220, 221–22, 234–38, 241, 247, 248

  and creating defining moments, 265

  death of, 118–20

  deepening ties with, 234–38, 241

  giving comfort to, 28–29

  insight about, 118–20

  and making moments matter, 256–57, 258, 263–65

  MRI of, 29–33, 43

  and responsiveness, 234–38

  shared meaning with, 205–11, 210n, 215–16, 220, 221–22

  and snow story, 264–65

  and thinking in moments, 28–33

  and “what matters to you,” 236–38, 265

  x-rays of, 220

  See also specific person

  peak-end rule, 8, 9, 120

  peaks

  benefits of, 78, 88

  building, 45–68, 257

  built-in, 87

  and clothes at peak events, 62

  difficulty of building, 63–65, 257

  heightening, 253–55

  pits turned into, 29–33

  as positive defining moments, 14

  and remembering defining moments, 8, 9, 11–12, 14

  and thinking in moments, 29–33

  and transitions, 78

  See also elevation

  Penner, Menachem, 189

  Perfect Moments/Days, 66–68, 88, 257

  persistence: and stretch for insight, 128–29

  Phelps, Dale, 123–27

  pictures, taking, 63

  Pine, Joseph, 207

  pits

  and elevation, 43, 52, 54–61

  filling the, 54

  and natural defining moments, 37, 171

  and stretch for insight, 120

  and thinking in moments, 19, 27–33, 35, 36, 37, 38–39

  turned into peaks, 29–33

  See also specific pit

  planning: and goals, 167–71

  Pocket (app), 27, 38

  Popsicle Hotline (Magic Castle Hotel), 10, 11, 12, 13, 15, 33, 54, 62, 63, 72, 73, 134, 255

  potholes, paving, 54, 55, 61

  presidents: Ettl’s passion about, 171–73

  Pret A Manger, 38, 73–74, 76

  price: and remembering moments, 15

  pride

  amounts of, 140

  and building peaks, 61

  and celebrations, 166–67

  characteristics of, 13–14, 16

  and connections, 211

  and conquering challenges, 139

  and courage, 139, 140, 177–93, 194, 195, 197, 198, 251

  definition of, 194

  “design” for, 140

  as element of defining moments, 13–14, 15, 16, 43, 91, 135, 157, 197–98

  and EPIC acronym, 15n

  examples of, 181–82

  and gaming principles, 140, 162–65

  and hard work, 139

  and making moments matter, 253, 266

  and milestones, 27, 91, 135, 140, 159–75, 182, 194–95, 198, 251

  missed opportunities for creating, 167–71

  overview about, 139–40

  purpose of, 139

  and recognition, 91, 139, 141–58, 182, 194, 250–51

  “silo” mentality and, 250–51

  and stretch for insight, 121

  and thinking in moments, 34

  and timing of defining moments, 34

  whirlwind review about, 194–95

  Prieto, Julia, 153–54

  protest movements, 177–81, 189, 195

  Provine, Robert, 211–12

  purpose

  and “above and beyond,” 221–22

  and connection, 219, 221, 247

  definition of, 217

  and insight, 219

  and making moments matter, 256

  passion compared with, 217–18, 219, 247, 256

  and shared meaning, 2
17–22

  Rachman, S. J., 182–83

  raising stakes

  and The Bachelor TV show, 243n

  and elevation, 61, 62, 63, 71, 87, 90, 121, 243n, 250

  and insight, 121, 197

  and making moments matter, 254

  “silo” mentality and, 250

  randomness: and breaking the script, 73

  reasonableness: and elevation, 63, 88

  recognition

  authenticity of, 151

  and deepening ties, 234

  defining feature of, 158

  and disjunction, 141–43, 143n, 144, 145, 151, 194

  frequency of, 151

  and making moments matter, 255, 256, 263

  and milestones, 166–67

  and pride, 91, 139, 141–58, 182, 194, 250–51

  programs for, 146–48, 147n, 194

  “silo” mentality and, 250–51

  as spontaneous, 148, 158

  and thank-you letters, 152–55

  thematic gifts for, 150–51

  See also gratitude

  regrets, 256–58

  Reimer, Michael J., 34–35

  Reis, Harry T., 231, 233, 234, 241, 248

  relationships

  central organizing principle of, 241

  “secret sauce” for, 204

  theory to explain, 231–38

  See also connections; deepening ties; marriage; parents; responsiveness; shared meaning

  remembering

  defining moments, 6–16

  what we do, 83–86

  reminiscence bump, 83–86, 88

  responsiveness

  and baggage, 240–41

  benefits of, 232

  as central principle of relationships, 241

  characteristics of, 232–33

  and deepening ties, 231–38, 239–41

  and health care, 234–48

  intimacy and, 241–46, 248

  and making moments matter, 254, 256, 257

  and parenting, 232n

  of partners, 231–38

  See also caring; understanding; validation

  restaurants, 70, 71, 134–36. See also specific restaurant

  retail banking: missed moments of, 37–39

  retirement, 35–36, 44, 84, 213

  “reverse wedding” story, 22–24

  Rhodes, Sonia, 205–6, 207, 209, 210, 212

  Ridenour, Richard, 119–20

  Risinger, Keith, 148–49, 150, 194, 234

  risk, 127, 130, 131, 133. See also failure

  rites of passage, 34, 44. See also specific rite

  rituals, 13–24, 204, 214–16, 222. See also specific ritual

  Ritz-Carlton Hotel, 207. See also Joshie the giraffe

  “roaming the grounds” exercise, 90, 92

  Rodean, Kathy, 209

  Rodgers, Jen, 236, 237–38

  role-playing, 91, 188–89

  Roosevelt Middle School (San Francisco), 34–35

  Ross, Darren, 55

  Rubin, David, 83–84

  sanitation, 97–102, 103–4, 105, 106, 132, 255. See also CLTS

  Saturday Surprise, 78

  Schank, Roger, 71

  Schaufele, Nancy, 261–62

  Schlee, Clive, 73–74

  Scholar Academies, 224

  school

  and creating defining moments, 265

  and deepening ties, 223–31, 233, 238, 247, 248, 255

  and DonorsChoose projects, 151–55

  and elevations, 87

  ethics education in, 186–88

  first day of, 34–35

  and important events in life of babies, 84

  and making moments matter, 255, 256

  and parent-teacher relations, 226–31, 233, 238, 247, 248, 255

  physical environment of, 223–24

  and pride, 140, 141–43

  and recognition, 141–43, 151–55

  and stretch for insight, 122–23

  and thinking in moments, 34–35

  transitions in, 34–35

  Ugly Ducking story about, 144, 256

  See also graduations; specific school

  self-understanding. See insight

  Seligman, Martin, 155–56

  Senior Exhibition (Hillsdale High School), 41, 52, 62

  sensory phenomena: and remembering defining moments, 13

  service. See customers

  shared meaning

  and connections, 92, 198, 204, 205–22, 247, 251, 252

  and contributions, 220–21

  making moments matter and, 254

  pain/struggle and, 214–16

  and purpose, 217–22

  rituals and, 214–16, 222

  “silo” mentality and, 251, 252

  and synchronizing moments, 198, 211, 212–13, 216–22, 247, 251

  Sharp HealthCare, 206–11, 210n, 212–13, 215–16, 221–22, 234, 247, 255, 263

  Signing Day

  for football, 1–2, 6

  for YES Prep School, 2–4, 6, 11, 15, 43, 62, 63, 255, 263

  “silo” mentality, 249–52

  Simpsons (TV show), 147n

  Six Sigma, 124–27, 132

  Slocum, Ed, 143n

  Sloop, Kira, 141–43, 143n, 144, 145, 151, 194

  Sloop, Ross, 143n

  snow story, 264–65

  solutions: and “trip over the truth,” 105–11

  Southwest Airlines, 74–76, 78, 207, 255

  Spanish, learning, 140

  Spanx (Blakely business), 128–30, 133

  spiders/arachnophobes story, 140, 183–85

  Sreenivasan, Ranjani, 124–26, 127, 132

  Stajkovic, Alexander D., 148

  Stanton Elementary School (Washington, D.C.), 223–31, 238, 247, 248, 255

  “Steps Toward the Ripening of Relationship Science” (Reis), 231

  Stevenson, Susan, 223, 226

  Strattera (drug), 149–50

  students. See school

  Studer Group, 207

  studying abroad, 116–17

  successful people: habits of, 175

  surprise, 13, 71–72, 74–78, 85–86, 87

  synchronizing moments, 198, 211, 212–13, 216–22, 247, 251

  Talbot, Betsy, 261, 262

  Talbot, Warren, 261, 262

  teachers. See school

  thank-you letters/notes, 152–55, 169, 210

  therapeutic rituals, 13–24

  thinking in moments

  clinic for, 37–39

  and connections, 39

  definition of, 19

  and milestones, 19, 25–27, 33, 35–36, 37, 38

  and pits, 19, 27–33, 35, 36, 37, 38–39

  and transitions, 18–25, 26, 33, 34–35, 37–38

  36 questions, Aron’s, 243–45, 248

  time

  and breaking the script, 84–86, 88

  and connections, 243–45, 247, 248

  and intimacy, 243–45, 247, 248

  perception of, 84–85, 86, 88

  Time Warped (Hammond), 84

  Tooley, Frank, 75–76

  transitions

  and elevation, 44

  as natural defining moments, 19, 37, 171

  and peaks, 78

  and remembering defining moments, 9

  ritual for, 23–24

  and thinking in moments, 18–25, 26, 33, 34–35, 37–38

  See also specific transition

  trauma, 14, 120. See also death

  “treasure chests,” 15–16, 172–73, 266

  Trial of Human Nature (Golding Trial), 47–53, 62, 63, 64, 78, 87, 263

  “trip over the truth”

  and CDI, 106–11

  and cloud computing, 104, 105

  crystallization of discontent and, 103–5

  definition of, 103, 105, 106, 132

  insight and, 13, 91, 96, 97–111, 132, 196, 197, 250

  and sanitation, 97–102, 103–4, 105, 106, 132

  and “silo” mentality, 250

  and solutions
, 105–11

  and support for good ideas, 105–6

  Twain, Mark, 181

  Ugly Ducking story, 144, 256

  understanding: and deepening ties, 232, 233, 234, 239, 241–42, 248

  unheralded achievements, 36

  University of Pennsylvania: positive-negative study at, 60

  University of Pittsburgh Medical Center: MRI at, 31

  University of Virginia: CDI at, 106–11

  validation: and deepening ties, 232, 233, 234, 239, 241–42, 248

  Valle, Mayra, 3, 4, 5

  “variety is the spice of life,” 86

  VF Corporation, 78–83, 87–88

  Vitello, Paul, 188

  Vivian, C. T., 179

  Vocation Vacations, 114, 114n

  Ware, Bronnie, 256–57, 258

  Washington, George, 172

  water trials: remembering painful, 7–9

  WaterAid, 98

  wedding ring ceremony, 22–24

  weddings

  and connections, 213

  cost of, 62n

  as defining moments, 19, 78

  and elevation, 44, 62, 62n, 87

  reverse, 22–24

  and shared meaning, 213

  See also marriage

  weight: goals and, 168–69

  West, Ben, 179

  “what matters to you,” 236–38, 248, 265

  whirlwind review

  about connections, 247–48

  about elevation, 87–88

  about insight, 132–33

  about pride, 194–95

  Wiley, Carolyn, 145–46, 194

  Wiseman, Eric, 81

  World War II, 45–47

  Wrzesniewski, Amy, 218–19, 221

  Wu, George, 173–74

  Xygalatas, Dimitris, 214, 247

  Yair, Gad, 144

  Yang, Angela, 134–36

  Yeager, David Scott, 122–23

  YES Prep School, 1–4, 6, 11, 15, 43, 62, 63, 255, 263

  Yeshiva University, 188–89

  Yu, Soon, 79, 80, 81, 82

  Zapata, Eddie, 3

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