"No, that way," the direction giver said slowly, starting to think his partner was right.
"Can you draw me a map?" Sady asked. "I'm afraid I'll get lost and then someone will call the police and they'll have to send in a whole bunch of state troopers to search the park and..."
"I'll draw you a map!" he yelled. He dug through his wallet for a scrap of paper and pulled a pen from his shirt pocket. "Do you think you can follow those directions?" Sady nodded and smiled. She carefully took the paper from him.
"Can I get your phone number for after my divorce?" she asked. Then she turned to Matt and gave him a dirty look. "You can find your own way home in the dark. Although I bet your family's pheromones are like a cloud drifting in the air, calling you home, you sick bastard!" She heard the men laughing as they left.
"Better luck next time, honey," was the last she heard from them. She stayed and gave Matt a tongue lashing until she was sure they were out of range.
When Matt didn't get up, she looked down. "What?" she snapped.
"You probably broke my leg with those evil kicks," he complained.
"No, I saved your butt from getting busted. Plus, I have fingerprints," she said in a taunting voice. "What did you get out of this?"
"A good time?" he offered with a smile. Sady laughed and threw his shirt at him.
"I'm going to throw a fit and walk around, in case they're watching," she said. "Just duck when anything comes your way." She picked up a stick and threw it at him.
"Ouch!"
"I told you to duck! Now get ready, because the next one is a rock," she warned.
"What's wrong with you?" he yelled as he picked up his flashlight and ran toward the camp. The rock missed him by a good two inches. Sady grinned and picked up the bag rolled in her sweatshirt and chased him. She didn't throw the bag, but held it until they were over a ridge.
"Can we slow down now?" she asked.
"You know how to show a guy a good time, don't you?" he asked sarcastically. "Between the kicks, the curses, the insults, the sticks, and the rocks I think you've guaranteed your future as a spinster. Why don't you go back to the library?"
"This is way more exciting," she said, ignoring his remarks. "And fun. Guess who gets to wake up Harry and CJ? It's the one who didn't get the evidence."
"It just gets better all the time," he griped.
"Doesn't it?" she asked in excitement, hugging his arm again. "Now, back to your family..." She pestered him with questions until they were at the Knight's campsite. "Go ahead, wake them up," she said in a loud voice.
"Whoever it is, this had better be good," CJ yelled through the tent.
"It's good," Sady called back. "At least my end of it."
"Harry, you go," they heard her say. "It's the middle of the night and I haven't had my coffee." Harry poked his head out of the tent with a grin.
When he came out with his flashlight he glanced at Matt. "Why is your shirt on backward?" he asked. "And where's your sweatshirt?" he asked Sady. Sady handed him the balled up sweatshirt.
"This had better be good, Meadows, or you're going to pay," CJ said from behind Harry.
Matt hid behind Sady. "She already made me pay and I've got the bruises to prove it."
"Why is your shirt on the wrong way?" CJ scowled. "Do I need to drag him to the lake and dunk him a few times?" she asked Sady.
"You might need to clean my back," Sady teased. "He threw me down and made me take off my shirt just before he pounced on me."
Harry and CJ both growled and Matt said, "Aw, come on, Sady! Tell them what really happened."
"That is what really happened," Sady said.
Behind her Matt gave a nervous chuckle and hissed, "It's not funny anymore."
"I already told you that." Turning to the Knights she explained, "That's why I had to kick him."
"Good for you," CJ replied. "Harry, do you want to take him to the lake or should I?"
"Don't forget to call Uncle John," Sady reminded them.
"God, you should have just left me to the poachers," Matt grumbled.
CJ and Harry perked up. "Did you say poachers?"
Sady waved the flashlight she tucked into her sweatshirt along with the paper containing directions. "Evidence," she said gleefully. "He helped, I guess," she continued when Matt cleared his throat.
"Yeah, the whole video thing might be a little help," Matt said.
"And my acting skills," Sady said, taking a bow.
"Were you acting?" Matt asked. "Because I thought... Will you please quit kicking me?"
"Do I need to call Morrow?" CJ asked Sady.
"No, I was just kidding," Sady replied. "Mostly."
"Sady, just shut up or Morrow's going to put out a hit on me! I'll explain," Matt said, grabbing his bag from the sweatshirt. He gave the Knights a slightly edited version of their encounter with the poachers.
"He used an ATM slip for the directions," Sady laughed when she looked closer. "Complete with the name of the bank and time stamp. I hope he smiled for the camera."
Harry bagged the flashlight and ATM slip. "Good work, Sady," he told her with a smile. He narrowed his eyes at Matt, then relented with another smile. "You too."
"Gee, thanks," Matt said. "Make sure she tells you about the log and the boulder she threw at me."
"What did you do to make her defend herself like that?" CJ asked and Sady snickered.
"I give up," Matt sighed in defeat. "I'm going to my tent... alone!" he added with a grumpy look at the Knights.
"Make sure your mother's not looking through the cracks," Sady called after him. He flipped his finger and said something under his breath.
"You've got his feathers ruffled," CJ grinned. "Now explain that last remark." When Sady finished CJ said, "Let this be a lesson on what kind of things it's okay to confess. He's never going to hear the end of that one!" Sady yawned and CJ pushed her toward the tent where Amanda still slept. "Sleep in," she advised Sady.
"Yeah, I wish," Sady replied as she headed to her tent and crawled in.
Chapter 7
She felt like she had just gone to sleep when Amanda shook her.
"Hey, here comes that hot DNR officer," she said. "You gotta come take a look." She dragged Sady to the entrance of the tent and called a greeting to the man walking past their site. Sady and the man stared at each other. It was one of the poachers.
"I see you made it back," he said. He gaped at Amanda with her beautiful black skin and scratched his head. "I guess your husband's family tree has a few more branches than I expected."
"His grandmother's Chinese," Sady told him, trying not to laugh at the look of consternation on his face. "The family likes to travel." She elbowed Amanda to keep her quiet.
"Uh, I just saw him down at the lake with a gray-haired woman. That would be..."
"His mother," Sady smiled. "She's half Chinese."
"Well, that would explain the martial arts beating he was getting. And the bald guy who was standing to the side laughing?"
"His dad. He's half Portuguese," Sady said with a straight face. The poacher did a double take at Amanda.
"Then how... never mind! I don't even want to know." He looked puzzled and rushed down the road before she could say more.
"Amanda, you have to follow him," Sady said, pushing her out of the tent. "He's one of the poachers."
"Huh? He doesn't work for the Department of Natural Resources? I should sue him for impersonating an officer. And there's no way I'm gonna follow him now. That's a dangerous criminal and I'm not trained for that. Besides, I haven't had a granola bar yet. I need one of those just to make it to Harry's breakfast. Go find Stubbles and tell him to chase the guy. I don't get paid enough to take those risks. And I want the story- now! What happened last night?"
Amanda insisted on all the details. When Sady finished Amanda patted her hand and said, "Thanks, you just made my day. I'm gonna go enjoy my breakfast now, even if it is powdered eggs."
Amanda stepped out of th
e tent and Sady heard her yell, "Hey, Stubbles! Wait up. I hear I'm not the only one who jumped off the matrimonial cliff." Matt cussed, and she laughed, knowing Amanda would enjoy breakfast more than Matt. CJ might not appreciate being his half Chinese mother though. She'd get the details from Amanda later. Right now she needed more sleep.
She felt a tapping on her shoulder. "Go away," she mumbled. "Whoever told you I missed curfew lied. I was in the bathroom half the night. Now let me sleep."
"Oh, I know that's a lie Sandy-Sue! There's no way you spend any more time in the bathroom than necessary. Plus, I know exactly how you spent half the night." Sady cracked an eye to see Matt's blue eyes smiling at her. "Feel better?" he asked. She nodded and sat up.
"What time is it?" she asked.
"Almost time for lunch."
Sady rolled her eyes and said, "You should have let me sleep longer."
"Harry's fixed a special lunch, in honor of our good work," he told her. "Come on, sleepyhead!" He forced the reluctant Sady out of the tent. Their bird watching neighbor strolled by with a newspaper. He nodded a greeting and kept going toward the vault toilet.
"Please tell me he's not doing what I think he's doing," Sady whispered. "How can he read the newspaper in there? Is that what happens to people when they camp too long? If so, I'm never camping again. Or do you think they ran out of TP and he's just taking the newspaper for backup?" Matt shook his head with a grin.
"There's a true nature lover," he told Sady.
“Is it contagious?” she squeaked. “Let me know which one he uses so I can use the other!”
Matt tugged her still braided hair. "Harry's waiting," he reminded her. "And Amanda's probably ready to pull us both over there by our hair." He was wrong.
Amanda looked at the plate in front of her and she raised a brow. "What did you say this is?" she asked Harry.
"Lake trout," Harry said proudly. "Freshly caught."
"So it's fish?" Amanda asked as Matt laughed and Harry nodded with a frown.
"Handsome, let me tell you something about fish. It comes two ways. One is served at an expensive restaurant with complementary side dishes and garnishments. It's called salmon. The other is in a square shape, breaded and deep fried. It comes on a bun with cheese and tartar sauce. That's fish!"
"Well, I've got a can of beans in the tote if you don't want the fish, Amanda."
She glared and ate the fish. "Is there any left?" she asked and Harry grew suspicious.
"Listen, I didn't come on this camping trip to waste away to nothing. I'm surviving on starvation rations and my family won't even recognize me when they see me," she complained.
"Just start talking," Matt suggested.
Amanda ignored him and continued. "I have a reputation to uphold, you know. The men I date expect a little meat on these bones- no offense, Sady."
"Well, keep it up, Amanda. I'd guess that when you lose another fifty pounds, you'll have a little meat on your bones," Matt commented. "No, I was wrong. Make it sixty."
"You make sure and tell your mama that she won't need to worry about grand-kids, ugly or not. Because the only way she's getting them is by adoption! Handsome, where's the knives? I'm in the mood for a little creative sculpting. Yes, Stubbles, you heard me... I said little," Amanda growled. "When I'm done with you no one's gonna call you Stubbles, or even Stubby! You're gonna look like you got a Brazilian bikini wax with super glue!"
"What's a Brazilian bikini wax?" Matt whispered to Harry.
"Dude, wax and bikini? Don't go there," Harry warned. "I don't think we want to know!"
"Harry, I think it's time to split them up," CJ suggested. "Meadows, you just volunteered for clean up duty while the women relax." Matt complained while Amanda smiled.
"Make sure you do it right," Amanda told Matt. "Because I'm going to stay right here and watch you."
"No, you're not," CJ replied firmly. "You and Sady are going to relax at your site." She grabbed Amanda's arm and pulled her from her chair.
"She's amazingly strong for a little woman," Matt commented to Harry.
"Nice try! You're not dragging me into this one," Harry laughed.
"Chicken," Matt taunted.
"You're darn right. And smart!" he said. "Now start cleaning before CJ decides I need to help you."
CJ pushed Sady and Amanda out of her campsite. "I don't care if you're bored," she told them. "Take a walk and enjoy nature." She ignored Amanda's derisive snort and turned her eagle eye on Matt. "Don't dump those scraps in the bushes," she scolded him.
Less than five minutes later they heard Sady and Amanda screaming. Matt grinned. "Get ready for the binary girls," he warned. Sure enough, they came running down the road still screaming when they entered the Knight's campsite. "Oh, they switched it up," he commented. "This time they are 01." Amanda stood on Sady's right side.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked, concerned.
"There's someone in our tent," Sady panted, her eyes big with fright.
"He's eating my bag of chips," Amanda gasped. "I heard him."
CJ covered her smile and Matt didn't bother to hide his laughter. "Hey, Harry. Do you need some help with the intruder?" he asked. Harry took their arms, preparing to lead them to their tent. He just tilted his head and gave Matt a look.
"What did you leave in your tent, ladies?" Harry asked as he walked them back.
"What do you mean? We left everything in the tent because there's nowhere else to put it," Amanda exclaimed. The women stopped at the edge of the site and refused to get closer to the tent. Harry smiled at the sounds coming from inside as he headed for the entrance and went in. Sady gripped Amanda's arm in worry. They both screamed when Harry shooed the raccoon out of their tent. The raccoon still clutched chips in his paws.
"You didn't read the warning page CJ printed, did you?" he asked. Sady shook her head in shame and Amanda examined her fingernails.
"It's a wonder you didn't have more visitors," Harry told them. "You can't leave food in your tent, ladies. At night we put the totes in the vehicle."
"Did he eat the cookies?" Sady asked.
Harry nodded. "You're going to have to dispose of everything edible in there, unless it's bottled or canned. I think your raccoon had a party while we ate."
"As long as I have my booze," Amanda said. "Next time that's all I'm packing!"
"Are you sure it's safe?" Sady asked Harry. He smiled and held open the tent flap.
"Safe, but a mess," he warned them.
Sady took a look and yelled, "If those poachers are trapping raccoons I want to hire them!" She and Amanda spent the afternoon cleaning the tent.
Matt paused on the road to watch for a few minutes. "Is there any scat?"
"Yeah, he was doing an Ella Fitzgerald number, Stubbles, as he crammed my chips down his throat!" Amanda said sarcastically. "I bet he's over at the RV right now pulling a jam session with the Chipmunks! Why don't you leave and go find out?"
"No, ladies," CJ said a minute later. She handed them a bottle of disinfectant. "Scat as in poop, feces, droppings..."
Sady shot Amanda a horrified look. "I didn't see any, did you?"
Amanda shook her head and asked, "When did you say this overtime paying nightmare will be over? Because I've had all I can take! As soon as this tent is back together, I'm spending some quality time with my booze!"
CJ handed Matt the bottle. "You'd better go look," she told him. "They might mistake it for a candy bar." He took the bottle with a smile and checked their tent.
"Scat free," he confirmed, but he misted the tent with the disinfectant. "Give it an hour to dry and air out."
"Give me an hour and I'll be singing How Dry I Am," Amanda retorted.
"Are we still chasing poachers?" Sady asked.
CJ shook her head with a smile. "We turned over the video, the flashlight, and the ATM receipt this morning. The State of Michigan conveys its thanks for a job well done."
"Does it come with a reward?" Amanda asked. "I'd settle for a
night in that moldy old motel we passed. The one that looks like a log cabin built by Abe Lincoln. At least it has electricity... and probably running water."
"I think the place was raided earlier," CJ laughed. "Our poachers were staying there."
"So why was the good-looking one walking through the campground?" Amanda asked.
"Probably because he was poaching here!" Matt replied. "What made you think he was a DNR officer, anyway?"
"He just looks like one. He's got that Dudley Do-Right chin going for him... and a nice butt," she added. Matt shook his head in disgust and Sady giggled. Only Amanda would pick those qualities to identify a man.
Sady looked at CJ hopefully. "Is the lake any warmer? Because I really need to wash up, especially after cleaning the tent." She sighed when CJ shook her head. "Any chances the leeches have migrated south to warmer waters?" Another head shake.
"Hey, I'll be glad to go with you," Matt grinned. "You were going to show me that bathing suit one slip away from indecent, remember?" CJ slapped his head. "You can't blame a guy for trying," he defended himself, unabashed.
"Yeah, you wait right there, Stubbles, while Sady and I change," Amanda told him. "Because I have one of those suits too... and you're escorting us to the lake. It's not safe for innocent young girls to be out here with wild animals, bloodsuckers, and criminals on the loose. Come on, Sady. Let's change."
"How did that happen?" Matt griped to CJ.
"Don't even bother trying to figure that one out, Matt. Just take the ladies and have a good time," she advised.
"I'd like to take the lady and have a good time. But the rude alcohol loving one's gonna put a damper on those plans!"
"I guess you're roughing it with the rest of us," CJ told him. "Don't let Amanda drown you."
Matt complained as he escorted them to the lake, but he smiled when they each took one of his arms. At the edge of the lake Sady looked at Amanda with trepidation. "On the count of three?" They ran screaming into the lake, washed up, and ran out still screaming. Matt laughed as they rushed for their towels.
"You two get faster every time," he teased.
"Just check for leeches, please!" Sady begged.
"That was not bathing," Amanda chattered. "That was an initiation into the Arctic ice cube club! How those stupid worms survive that temperature is beyond me." Sady nodded in agreement, too cold to speak. Even Amanda ran back to the tent to change.
City Girls Don't Camp Page 6
