by E Hall
My shoulders immediately relax when we get outside. I want to be away from the Fae Court dance. Not because it has to do with fae but because while on the dancefloor it felt like I was compelled to spin round and round...and round. It was like I could lose myself in the movement and not in a good way.
We go to one of the classroom buildings and up several flights of stairs to the roof. In the distance, the gold and ruby lights of the city sparkle.
“I don’t like this,” I say.
“Is this a multiple choice? There’s an assortment of things you could be referring to.” Lea taps her chin like she’s going to start listing items.
I gesture between us. “I don’t like whatever is happening.”
“Me neither.” She gazes at her hands. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too. Feels like we’ve been saying that to each other a lot since we got here.”
“The thing is, I’ve never felt understood. And that’s partly my fault because I’ve never understood myself. Being here, well, meeting Amelia and Emeric, I feel like they get it, they get me.” She lifts her eyes to meet mine. They almost match the night sky.
I know what she’s saying has merit and is important, but I understood her. Well, as much as she’d ever let me. “This isn’t easy.”
“Again, you could mean anything.” But her tone suggests she knows I mean us. Her gaze lifts to the sky. “If we could see the stars, I’d say make a wish.”
She shifts and her arm brushes mine. Warmth. Comfort. Home.
Her eyes twinkle against her dark lashes in the low light. It fills me with sadness and I have the sudden urge to kiss it away.
I only hope that when this is over, we’re okay and life goes back to being us.
If I were to close the distance between Lea’s lips and mine every question I’ve never asked would be answered. We have an undeniable connection, and my entire body vibrates when I’m close to her. But I think that right now we both just need a friend.
“What about Jasmin?” Lea asks.
My eyes close. My mind hops and spins. That’s not the girl I want to think about. “She ambushed me and pulled a pout. ‘Take me to the masquerade ball tonight?’ Although I think it was more of a statement than a request.”
Lea gives me a look I’m not sure how to interpret. Disappointment? Disgust? Triumph? Pleasure?
“And Emeric?” I don’t finish the sentence. What is he to you? Boyfriend?
One black eyebrow arches in response. “I don’t expect you to understand.”
I grip Lea’s shoulder to face me. “Don’t be so sure about that.” I know what it’s like to be completely enamored by someone. To do everything in your power to protect them, treat them well, show care, love, and gratitude. My brother would say I’m a mushy sap. It’s true.
Lea shakes her head. “Sometimes, it’s as though something primal, almost wicked comes over me, Tyrren. I can’t explain it. I’m filled with the urge to—” She swallows hard. “To do bad things.”
There’s no way she’s behind the spray paint. It’s the X-Crew or copycats.
“Like steal cars. There aren’t any here, but I’m sure we could stir up some trouble.” I tease her with a wink.
“No, much worse than that. We’ve learned about unseelie fae in class—” She lets the suggestion dangle. “When I’m with Emeric, it’s like he replaces that longing and I feel...peaceful, at ease.”
“Yeah, that I get.”
“You can’t possibly. You don’t belong here. You’re not fae. You don’t belong—”
“In your world,” I finish for her. “Newsflash, this is our world. We’re here, in Terra or whatever. Believe me, these last days have shocked me. If I were anyone else, I’d probably—”
“Freak out?” she finishes for me this time. “You’re not that kind of guy.”
“No, because I’m with—” You. She doesn’t finish for me. I inhale deeply. “Lea, I would like to dance with you. I want—”
She crushes her palm against my mouth, stopping me from saying more.
Obscuring her face is a mask with crystals and rubies fixed into the metal. Beneath that her eyes fill with liquid then she rushes toward the stairs.
The red feathers appear from the folds of her asymmetrical and edgy gown as if to remind me, and me alone, there’s a kind of softness beneath the exterior hardware that constructs Lea. To anyone else’s eye, the feathers might look like blood or flame, puncturing an otherwise black dress.
Maybe all of this back and forth isn’t good. Perhaps I don’t understand her. What if up here on the rooftop is our last chance together? What if I’m supposed to let the gulf between us broaden until it’s too wide to cross. She could be better off without me. With her people. The ones who understand her. Doubt creeps in. Animosity aside, maybe the division between vamps and fae is for good reason.
“Wait. One last dance.” I almost choke when I realize what I’ve said.
Lea stops and turns. Her lower lip falls. But she remains standing there as the strains of music filter from the common quad. “One last dance.”
My chest aches, but my hand lands on her low back and the other clasps hers in a fit so perfect it’s painful.
We sway and glide, and she only steps on my foot once. She doesn’t apologize, which is a promise that even though things are changing, that hasn’t. When I spin her around, her dress flairs out like she’s a bird on fire. A phoenix. We float across the roof until the space between us disappears. I feel the beat of her heart against my empty one. When the song ends, we remain like that, holding each other and overlooking the shoreline of the island, pricked with lanterns and flushed pink and apricot against the near darkness.
Her face goes slack. “We’d better get back.”
The pulsing, blazing energy of everyone in costume must point toward the Fae Courts of old. It must mean something to Lea. We hurry to the ball as drums beat out a steady rhythm. Once there, Lea’s hand slips from mine and she’s lost in the throng of satin, chiffon, and tailored cloth as everyone dances.
Headmistress Jurik appears in the center, wearing a poison green gown with ornate beaded trim. A plume of feathers juts from the sides of her mask like whiskers.
“Welcome to our annual Fae Court Masquerade Ball. Our work here at Riker’s is to reform your wicked ways and help you better learn how to live among natural mortals. For staying out of trouble, our gift is to honor one of the Fae Courts of old. In this way, you’ll see how the past shaped who we are and awaken you to the future, where, along with the natural mortals we can live side by side in peace and harmony. This year, we recognize the famed Southlands. The Court of Fire and Iron.” She raises a goblet.
I stand shoulder to shoulder with two girls I don’t recognize in their masks.
Headmistress Jurik goes on about taking a sip from the ceremonial goblet. “With a sip of stijl, you’ll soon know your purpose. There is no beginning and no end. You are here to awaken to your shadow.” She grins broadly, lizard-like.
The music swells. The dancing resumes. I scan the room for Lea. She’s with Emeric. For a moment it appears as if he’s whispering to her then they pass behind a few other dancers. When they come back into view, her eyes are glazed over and enamored. I’ve lost her.
A slight smile accentuates the smugness in Emeric’s eyes that comes from knowing he won the girl.
Lea is going to do what she’s going to do. She’s always been that way. I stuff down the disappointment that she’d dance with me and then fall back into his arms.
I sneak away from the ball. Lea’s probably right. I don’t understand, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting answers.
The administration building is dark. Of course, the front door is locked. Four small archways, on either side of the main domed entrance, coordinate with a crinkle of scalloped cutouts. Carvings and tile are set in stone. I’ve spent enough time with Lea to pay attention to easy access points. None here.
A utility door around the back has
a flimsy lock. I pick it without trouble. Paintings line the walls and polished wood gleams in the dim light. I creep down the hall toward a heavy wooden door with the headmistress’s name on the front—the one I’ve now visited a couple of times. I turn the handle and hold my breath. Lea was always better at this stuff than me. I was just the accomplice.
Muted light filters through the windows. I have no idea what to look for other than the folder on Jurik’s desk when she’d called Lea and me in here. The Nefral Weapons crime was either bogus or perhaps I’ll find clues about what it is.
A wide oak desk is tidy with little more than a phone, container of pens, and a computer. It’s unlikely the headmistress would leave anything of importance out in the open. I click the computer on and open and close drawers while waiting for it to come to life. Of course, it’s password protected.
I sigh, troubled by my lack of discovery and slouch in the office chair. What would Lea do? She’d ransack the place and dump confetti everywhere...she’d also think like someone who has something to hide.
I don’t know which is worse, having the students or administration as enemies.
A small table by the window hosts a crystal decanter. I sniff it. More of the stijl passed around? I open the drawer in the top of the table. Napkins. Glasses. Nothing. I tap my hand against the underside of the table and sure enough, an envelope drops.
Somewhere in the building, footsteps echo on the marble floor—security.
My pulse races. I pull the papers out. On the top is a biography with Lea’s name printed in bold. Her photo is paperclipped to it. Next, there’s Amelia and several other fae girls. I flip through and reach Aaron. His face is crossed out.
The beam of a flashlight rises and falls on the wall in the corridor. I bolt across the room and hide behind the door. The flashlight illuminates the office and lands on something glinting by the small table under the window. The security officer enters the room, pads across the carpet, and bends over to pick that something up. He inspects a paperclip before setting it on the desk. With his back turned, I dash into the hall. The plush carpet mutes my footfalls. I go back out the way I came and don’t bother stopping back at the dance.
I enter my room and pull out the files. With shaking hands, I recognize the names and faces of many of the other students. It isn’t only Aaron’s photo that is crossed out. There are three others. The only thing I can come up with that they have in common is that they’re all fae...and I’m not. Yet, at the bottom, there’s my bio and photo. Under my name, it says, vampire.
Focused on what this could mean, I don’t react quickly enough when someone shoves my door open, sending me stumbling over the stuff strewn around my room. My attacker smells like smoke and the inside of a Brooklyn trash bin on collection day.
Chapter 13
Leajka
The liquid from the goblet slides smoothly down my throat like water, but it has an airy quality. It doesn’t bubble and fizz like Amelia’s Irn-Bru, nor does it taste like nothing. It’s woody, like the earth, but when it gets to my belly, a warm fire smolders.
When the goblet reaches Amelia, she downs the last drop. A smile beams from her face, but her eyes are lost to vast impenetrability.
Tyrren has vanished in the crowd, but Emeric’s arm is around me and the other grips my palm firmly. Once more, I’m swept into his presence. It’s like nothing else matters. His hungry lips tell me he wants me. His eyes consume me.
Longing radiates from my belly to my chest to my mind. I feel wild and on the edge of leaning in for a kiss. It’s dangerously exciting.
A whisper enters my mind, a warning of the dangers of dancing with the fae. Wandering into a fae ring brings mischief or madness. Traps and tricks. Confusion and curses.
But I’m also fae so what should it matter?
I close my eyes as we dance, letting myself slip away.
The light behind my eyes is yellow, then orange, and fades to crimson as shadows creep in around the corners. I feel weightless like I’m falling away from everything I’ve ever known. I listen for my breath, but there is only the sound of fire crackling. There is no ticking of the clock, no minutes or hours creep by.
It’s as if I’ve danced right into another realm, a place where nothing matters except merriment and mayhem. Glorious mayhem. My true nature pushes past all the confines I’ve created to be a good girl. It’s getting darker behind my eyes now.
I want other people to dance and dance and dance with me until they too lose themselves to the shadows.
Loud cries surround me from this distant place, belonging to people who’ve danced in the fae court and never returned. They drown in fear and sorrow. Part of me likes the sound of their desperation. I want to hear the people plead and lament.
They continue to sob. Their panic doesn’t pierce me. I’m on the edge of darkness. I am the darkness.
I’m awakened to being unseelie fae. There is no way for me to hide or escape this truth. There is no stopping me. It also explains my reckless behavior. I can no longer deny my nature.
The shadow inside grows, leaving little more than a pinprick of light, as small as a distant star in the sky. Inside of it, there are memories. I have the urge to glimpse them one last time.
Me crying. My mother leaving. I’m alone like I’ve always been. That singular sound makes me feel the sorrow of the world and everyone who’s ever been lost to the dancing court. My own eyes fill. I cry.
It’s like my mother is suddenly here, extending her hand for me to take. I do. At last, she’s returned. She wants me to go with her. I’m not alone after all.
The darkness recedes and light fills my awareness. There’s good in me too. I hope.
I blink open my eyes. There’s a hand in mine. Anticipation builds. She’s back.
But the person gazing at me is neither my mother nor Emeric.
Amelia’s face comes into focus. Sandpaper lines my throat as I try to swallow. We’re in the corner of the ballroom. I try to sit up but am heavy, cloudy. Amelia helps me.
“Are you okay?” she asks gently. “You were dancing, spinning, not stopping, then you collapsed.” Concern rumples her features.
My head throbs. “Emeric and I were dancing and—”
She shakes her head slowly. “You were out for a while. It scared me. There were rumors that there were demon attacks on campus—boys’ dorm, ours. Demons have never been on campus until now. Rumor has it that it must be the new vamp—they’re always working with demons.”
My thoughts drift to Tyrren. I want to defend him. I sit up and hold my head in my hands. “Tyrren probably left when he saw me with Emeric.” I have a sudden urge to find my best friend.
“I haven’t seen either of them,” Amelia says.
“Not all vamps lead demons. In fact, some of them vanquish them from the world.” But I’m angry with my uncle and don’t know what to think. I do need to find Tyrren though. He’s the easy target. “Thank you for helping me, Amelia.”
“You had an intense experience. Usually, the dance lasts all night, but in light of things if you’d like we can head back to the dorm.” She scans the room, probably looking for Aaron.
I want to relay what Tyrren said but now probably isn’t the best time.
We make our way slowly along the glistening sidewalk. Clouds mask the stars and moon. It’s as if they’re also obscuring something else, something that I’m right on the edge of knowing—other than that I’m unseelie fae.
Back in our room, Amelia twirls in the mirror. “I’m not a girlie girl, but I don’t want to take this gown off.”
I’ve already changed and am resting my head on the pillow. “Has anything like that ever happened to you?” I ask.
“Danced so much that I collapsed? Typically, it’s something that only happens to humans in the hands of unseelie fae.” Amelia smooths her dress.
“It was like I was having a strange dream or entered a different reality.” I describe the shadows and then the light. I fear it’
ll fade.
“That could mean you’re unseelie fae. If so, just try to stay in the middle.”
“When I was there, I didn’t want to. I liked the shadow side and...it scares me.” My voice is faint.
Amelia reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze.
I think of my mother. Of the light.
“I don’t know how to explain it, but the more you resist it the stronger it will get. Instead, you have to let it exist inside of you. The thing about fae is we’re paradox, opposites, light and shadow. Even unseelie choose which to act on. You don’t have to do bad. Unless, you know, you want to end up in jail.” She grins at the irony.
An argument builds in my mind. Like shadow and light want to do battle. “Why didn’t I know all of this? Shouldn’t there be an instruction manual on how to be fae?”
“Our parents are supposed to teach us. After the Wicked War, when so many died or fled the Borea realm, schools like this one were started.”
“But now we’re the ones being punished.”
“Good thing Emeric is going to help us bust out of here.”
“Like a jailbreak?” I ask.
“Like the fae rising up against the nats and even the vampires. We’re going to finally get some respect.”
The unseelie in me likes that idea. The rational, reasonable girl that was raised around natural mortals and vampires alike doesn’t understand why we all can’t peacefully coexist. The split causes a heaviness to sit in my bones.
I want to tell Amelia how whenever I’m around Emeric, it’s almost like I’m entranced. When I’m not around him, I think of him with a warm fondness. When we’re together, it’s more of a burning desire. Then there’s the inner conflict with Tyrren. He’s capable and confident, careful and caring. Amelia told me to live in the middle. Is that where my heart is?
Instead, I say, “Lately, I wake up feeling like a different person. Like the girl I’ve looked at in the mirror all my life was just a placeholder for who I’m becoming. I’ve switched from being concerned with school, friends, and work to a wickedly bad girl to someone who wants to do the right thing and now back again. The truth is, I’m sort of afraid of myself.”
