by Kelly Utt
“Okay. Tell me what?”
“It’s been nearly two weeks since you and Liam left Tahoe to drive down to Nellis Air Force Base in Las Vegas.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. That can’t be right.
“No,” I say, growing agitated. “You must be mistaken. I just talked to Nicky…”
“Buddy, I spoke with Nicky last night. He hasn’t been able to reach you since a couple of days after you left. He said he spoke with some psychologist at the base over there. He’s been trying to follow up, but hasn’t been able to get her or anyone else on the phone. He’s getting radio silence.”
“That can’t be right.”
“I’m afraid it is. Your mom has been on the case, too. She called some office in Binghamton trying to find out where you were. They wouldn’t tell her anything. She’s been worried sick. I need to let her know you’re okay. I’m gonna text her right now, while we’re talking.”
“Probably Tom Busbee,” I say. “He’s with the Office of the Service Secretary for the Air Force.”
I’m glad to know that I can still remember details like that. At least, part of my mind is intact and functioning properly.
I hear more rustling on Duke’s end of the line. It sounds a little different this time, like paper being shuffled around.
“Checking your notes?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he replies. “You’re right, my friend. Tom Busbee. The guy has been nice enough, but he won’t divulge any information.”
“It’s par for the course during a mission like this. Is Mom still in Tahoe with the rest of the family?”
Duke is strangely silent. He doesn’t respond. I don’t like it.
“What?” I ask, growing frustrated.
“Haven’t you heard?” Duke tries, cautiously.
“Damnit, Duke,” I say forcefully. “For Christ’s sake, just tell me everything you know.”
He pauses, but finally goes ahead. “Okay, well, first of all, your family isn’t in South Lake Tahoe anymore. They all went back to Ithaca.”
“Are you serious right now?”
“Yes. Completely.”
“When? How…?” I stammer. “I thought Ali was too weak to be moved. I knew Dr. Wong was hoping she’d gain enough strength, but I didn’t know we were there yet.”
“She did,” Duke confirms. “She and the boys… I’m sorry… I mean, Ali, Leo, and Will all moved back to New York more than a week ago now. Marjorie stuck close by them and is staying at the house. Your mom is in and out, but she’s staying at her own place with Joe.”
“It’s hard to imagine Ali leaving Tahoe without Ethan…”
“Our sources believe Ethan is in Upstate New York. Most likely Ithaca. That intel helped Ali make the decision to return home.”
“Wait… She knows about Ethan being missing? Last I talked to Nicky, he hadn’t told her.”
“She does.”
The weight of his response settles down on me like lead. It’s incredibly heavy.
“Wow,” I say. “How did she take it? And how is she? Is she speaking now?”
“She’s speaking, yes. She has actually made a pretty miraculous recovery. Home health workers come in every few days to do physical therapy with her at the house. She’s managing. It’s a huge difference as compared to when you left.”
My brow furrows and I tap my foot again. The implications of this news are working hard to connect in my mind. If Ali is better and home, why hasn’t she tried to get in touch with me?
“You okay, man?” Duke asks when I’m quiet for too long.
“Trying, I guess,” I reply. “I don’t get why she hasn’t called me. You say Mom has been trying to get in touch with me, but not Ali?”
Duke coughs nervously, which is very strange. He’s not the nervous type.
“Duke?”
“Yeah. I’m here,” he says, through what sound like gritted teeth.
“What is it now?”
“I don’t know,” he says. “I shouldn’t get in the middle of your marriage. That’s not my place.”
“What are you even talking about? The middle of my marriage?”
He hesitates again. I’m growing more and more impatient by the minute. Colonel Becker could call me to leave on the raid any minute. The rain and wind are howling outside. And I just want to know what’s going on with my family.
“Come on,” I prompt. “It’s me you’re talking to.”
“I know, buddy. I know,” Duke says. “But my wife is Ali’s oldest friend. Jen might kill me if I tell you anymore.”
“Okay, now I need to know what the hell you’re holding back. We’re friends, Duke. You know what I’ve been through. You know where I am. And Liam is missing, and Roddy is gone…”
“What? What did you say about Liam?” Duke asks.
The connection is beginning to fade as the rain comes down harder outside. The storm is probably affecting the signal somehow. Maybe it’s a satellite connection. I can barely hear Duke now.
“What?”
“Liam… What is…? He’s what?” Duke sputters through the increasingly choppy signal.
The missing details come back to me in a flash. That’s right. I completely forgot. I never told Nicky that Liam was missing. Ava got on the phone and we never continued our conversation. Colonel Becker said something about informing Estella when he first told me that Liam was missing in action and presumed dead, but she might not have told anyone else. She probably figured I would, so she didn’t have to. I can understand that. Liam had told her about Ali being in the hospital and everything that happened with us when he called her just before we left Nellis. Estella probably figured Ali had enough on her plate. Hell, Ali wasn’t even awake last Liam would have talked to Estella. I don’t fault her in any way. But apparently, everyone at home thought Liam was okay this whole time.
I begin to panic as the timeline comes to the forefront again. If it’s been two weeks since we left Nellis, and the first raid happened as soon as we arrived at Camp Shorabak... That means-- just like Ethan-- Liam has been missing a lot longer than I thought. It’s bad news for both of them. I know the statistics on missing persons. After the first twenty-four hours or so, the chances of finding a missing person alive become extremely slim. And that doesn’t even take into consideration the war zone Liam was left to fend for himself in. I refuse to consider that he was killed in one of the blasts. It doesn’t seem like a fitting end for all that my uncle is and does. And as for Ethan… I can hardly bring myself to think about it. I sure hope Roddy is with him, wherever he is. I shudder at the thought.
“George? Are you there?” Duke asks, the signal coming in a little stronger. I can hear most of his words.
“Tell me about Ali,” I implore. “Quick, before we lose the connection.”
Duke seems to be willing to tell me now. Maybe he spend the time with the crackly interference considering the options. Or maybe hearing about Liam made him more sympathetic to my troubles. Either way, I can tell he has become more receptive. Thank God.
“Fine,” he says. “I’m not saying I know any specifics or that anything untoward is going on, but George…”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t think Ali is too happy with you. She has Clive Roland staying at the house with Ali and the… with Ali, Leo, and Will…”
I leap up and stomp both feet down hard beside my bed. Anger surges through me. I was not expecting this. Not in any version of my reality.
“Is this some sick joke?” I ask, knowing full well it’s not.
“Of course, not,” Duke replies. “I’d never…” The signal fades again and I hear static. “Maybe there have been some misunderstandings. She thinks you…”
“Duke? Duke!” I yell into the phone. As if egging me on, the rain pours even harder outside. The pounding on the roof is so loud, I can barely hear myself think.
He’s gone. The call dropped. I try him again, but it goes immediately to voicemail.
“Damn
it!” I exclaim.
Here I thought I knew the lay of the land. I thought I had some sense of what I was facing. My wife and I have had such a good relationship. I never thought that would be in question. Or in jeopardy.
I frantically try to call Ali. I hadn’t even thought about trying her phone before, but now that I know she’s awake and at home, it’s the obvious next choice. It rings a few times, then goes to voicemail. Tears sting my eyes as I hear my wife’s voice on her outgoing message.
“You’ve reached Alessandra Davies. You know how this works. Leave me a short message after the beep and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Okay, then. Bye bye!”
I debate whether or not to leave a message. I’m not sure what to say. But I decide to go ahead. The mission I’m going on tonight is dangerous. There’s a chance I won’t make it through to talk to my wife again. Liam probably didn’t think the call he made to Estella would be his last… And now I’m thinking of Liam in the past tense. I tell myself to get it together and act calm, even though I’m far from it.
“Ali, babe,” I say on the recording. “I hear you’re home and doing much better. I’m so glad. I can’t wait to see you, my love, and to wrap my arms tightly around you and kiss your soft lips. I’ve missed you so much. Listen, I’m going on another mission tonight. Things might get hairy. Nomatter what happens, please know that I love you and our boys dearly. More than life itself. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for you. To protect you…”
A robotic voice interrupts to tell me I have ten seconds left.
“Okay, that’s all the time I have for now. I’ll call you as soon as I’m done and on my way home to you. I love you, again. Always. Goodbye.”
I end the call, wishing I hadn’t said goodbye. I should have said something that didn’t sound so permanent.
I clench the phone in one fist, then pull it to my forehead. If only I could be there now. I’d explain whatever I needed to and things would be back to normal. As normal as they can be while our son and my uncle are missing, that is. I’m so tired of all the problems. It’s not fair. Not fair at all. I keep thinking about the concept of fairness. I’m now convinced that such a thing doesn’t exist. There shouldn’t even be a word for it. It’s a cruel tease that begins to taunt kids before they’ve even gone into the big world to find out what it means. Nothing about my life is fair.
I glance at the door again. It’s still closed and no one has come for me, so I decide to keep trying to reach people back home. Marjorie is in the house with Ali, so I’ll try her. To hell with Mom feeling slighted. I need to find out why Clive is at my house and anywhere near my wife and kids. If I’m honest with myself, I know why. But I don’t want to face it. I can’t.
Thankfully, the call connects and my mother-in-law picks up after the first ring.
“Hello? Marjorie Dyer speaking.”
“Marjorie! It’s me.”
“George! Oh, it’s so good to hear your voice. I knew you’d get in touch as soon as you could,” she says.
“Same. It’s great to hear your voice, Marjorie.”
She makes happy noises into the phone as if she’s doing a little cheer in the background. Maybe a dance. It makes me feel loved. Marjorie always has had a knack for staying positive, even when times are tough. I even remember her being that way in Ancient Greece. I’m glad to know her.
“Where are you right now?”
“Afghanistan. One more mission tonight, and I’ll be headed home.”
“That’s so good,” Marjorie says, although she now sounds like she’s whispering into the phone.
“Marjorie?”
“Yeah?”
“Why is Clive staying at our house with Ali and the kids?”
“Whoa,” she blurts. “Who told you that?”
“Duke did. But don’t be upset with him. I practically had to threaten him with bodily harm to get him to spill what he knew. And then the signal went fuzzy and we didn’t get to finish our conversation,” I explain.
She takes a breath. “Look, George, a lot has happened since you’ve been gone. I assume you know about Ethan? And Roddy?”
“I do. At least, I think I know what you mean. I’ve been told that Ethan was taken from Roddy at the Bi-Mart. And that Roddy has gone off grid looking for him.”
“That’s right,” Marjorie confirms. “We’re all pretty torn up about it. I’m willing to sacrifice my husband for our grandson because that’s what we’d both want if we had to choose. But I’m worried about Roddy. He hasn’t been feeling well…”
“I know that, too,” I say. “He told me about the colon cancer.”
“Oh,” Marjorie says.
It seems like she wasn’t aware that he’d shared his diagnosis with me. I thought she and Roddy told each other everything. Maybe there hadn’t been time.
“Then you understand how complicated the situation is,” she confirms.
“More than you realize and more than I probably should,” I say, alluding to Roddy’s status as an active British Intelligence agent.
Surely, Marjorie knows about that. I definitely won’t say the words now. Not over an unsecured phone line.
“Okay, then,” she continues. “You can imagine what Ali has been going through. Her husband, son, and father are all in grave danger. She hasn’t been able to talk to any of you, and she’s trying to cope with painful physical therapy and bone deep exhaustion from everything her body has been through.”
“I get that,” I say. “We’re all struggling with our own issues. I was shot and had surgery for a shoulder injury. And Liam is missing in action and presumed dead.”
“Oh, my word!” Marjorie exclaims. “I trust you’re okay now, but Liam?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “I want to try and find him. I can’t reveal details of the mission that went badly… where we lost him…”
“You think he’s out there somewhere?”
“Maybe. I hope so.”
“I’m so sorry, George. You’re spread just as thinly as Ali. I don’t mean for you to think otherwise. I can only imagine what you’re going through.”
A smile spreads across my face. Even though I’m sad and stressed beyond belief, it feels so good to talk to someone who loves and understands me.
“But Clive?”
Marjorie takes another breath. “There’s so much to say, but in a nutshell, George, Clive is being a good friend to Ali. She needs a friend right now.”
“What about Jen? Or Isabel? Or any number of other people?”
I shouldn’t have said Isabel’s name. She is merely an acquaintance in this lifetime. I forget that our connection in Ancient Greece hasn’t been fully realized or discussed. At least, I don’t think it has. Not by me, anyway.
“Look,” Marjorie continues, talking in a hushed tone. “Roddy told me about Clive’s paternity claim. I know it’s painful for you to think about, but Clive brought his concerns to Ali and she says he may have a legitimate reason to think he’s Ethan’s father. You know how she woke up on his couch that morning with no memory of what had happened the night before…”
It feels like my stomach is flopping around inside of me, a fish out of water. I don’t know how to get comfortable with the possibility of Clive being Ethan’s biological father. I’m not sure I ever could, no matter what a DNA test revealed. He’s my boy. That’s the end of the story. Only for Ethan and for Ali, maybe it’s not.
“I know,” I say. “But…”
“George, she’s also… different. Since she woke up, I mean. They say it happens sometimes from being in a medically induced coma for so long…”
“What?”
It’s all too much. I can’t process it. Although, I try.
“She’s just… sort of rough around the edges. She angers easier. She has a short fuse. I hate to say it, but she isn’t the sweet, easy going Ali we all know and love. Not yet.”
“Can I talk to her?”
I expect Marjorie to say no. I don’t know why, but
I feel a disconnect with my wife. The thought of Clive there with her in our home makes my skin crawl. I can’t imagine my Ali allowing it. And if she isn’t my Ali anymore, or she isn’t right now, then I don’t know how to talk to her. I’m not sure I want to talk to her. What would I say?
“Sure, I’ll go get her. Hold on.”
“Okay,” I say, surprised that this is really going to happen. “You don’t have to tell her about Liam yet if you don’t want to. Or my injury. Maybe one thing at a time?”
“I hear you,” Marjorie confirms. “Let me see what frame of mind she’s in. I’ll be right back.”
I take shallow breaths as I wait for my wife’s voice to appear on the other end of the phone. I debate whether I should mention Clive. I’m not sure what to do. There’s no rulebook for the situation we find ourselves in. Our world has been rocked to the core. I’m not sure how to navigate to safety.
Minutes pass as I wait expectantly, tapping my foot the entire time. It’s my new nervous habit. It helps a little. After what feels like an eternity, Marjorie returns to the phone, her voice somber.
“George, I’m so sorry. I tried. She says she doesn’t want to talk to you.”
6
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Part III
Dead Men Can’t Tell
7
THE END.
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