“I don’t see why you felt the need to do this,” Harry grunted as Jane poured his coffee. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”
“I was out here with Oliver earlier and the scene was even more gorgeous,” Jane said. “I think…”
“You know what I think,” Harry said. He lit a cigarette.
Jane’s sigh was audible. She stared at him with a disappointed frown, like a high school principal who’d just caught him skipping class to smoke.
Harry huffed, stubbed it out on the table, and his mouth broke out into a huge smile, which Jane didn’t return. A few tense minutes passed where Jane held his gaze, and those few minutes somehow gaped wider and wider with each second.
Oliver glanced at Ben. Neither man could ignore the awkward tension out on the balcony. Oliver sipped his orange juice, taken aback by the blend of familiarity and affinity that swelled within him.
“I think you’re stuck in the honeymoon phase,” Harry said. “You’ll find out soon enough.”
He directed the last sentence at Ben.
“I don’t see why you can’t enjoy the scene,” Ben said, waving a hand at the beautiful scenery. “I’m sure you can always find time to share moments of uninterrupted romantic bliss. I will always show Oliver affection.”
Oliver smiled and touched his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. He turned to Jane and could see how she seemed to hang on Ben’s every word.
At first, Oliver’s lingering suspicion that Jane wanted to have an affair with Ben was nerve-wracking and scary; he feared he wouldn’t be able to hide his jealousy. He also feared exaggerated friendliness would dangle in his voice and Jane, his uncle and even Ben would see right through his facade.
But witnessing his uncle’s mood caused a mix of sympathy and guilt within Oliver. Jane was clearly having a tough time.
“Affection is not missing. It’s just that I need to focus my energy on other things, not just making her happy every second of the day. She still wants everything to be the same.” Harry spoke in a composed tone. He kept his eyes locked on Ben as if they were the only people out on the balcony.
This seemed to infuriate Jane. She shifted her legs and squinted her eyes. Oliver felt the urge to change the subject just to stop Jane from imploding.
“Are you looking forward to the caves?” Oliver asked.
“Yes, another romantic setting that this island has to offer,” Jane said, almost spitting the words at Harry.
“Fine…I’ll take you to the caves, if that’s what you want,” Harry said.
Oliver observed Harry was probably more attracted to the looks of envy and compliments that he got from being with Jane than he was to her.
“Don’t put yourself out.” Jane sipped her coffee, eyes glittering.
Oliver noted the stiffness in her shoulders, how her body angled away from Harry, the slight tremble in her hand as she lifted her cup.
“Why are you so upset?”
“Because you treat me like crap,” she said, blowing out a hard breath. She suddenly looked and sounded exhausted.
“What do you want from me? I buy you everything you need, and you get to spend my money. Do you know how many girls would be begging to be in your place?” Harry smirked. “You need to stop being insecure.”
“You bastard!” Jane said. She left.
“I’ve got to take care of this,” Harry sighed. He shook his head before he left the table. “Enjoy breakfast.”
“Thanks, but I think we should be leaving. We’re meeting Erica down on the beach,” Oliver said, although that was much later in the day. Oliver got up and Ben followed him.
“Hey, don’t let our little spat ruin your breakfast. C’mon, now. Finish it.” Harry grinned, at them as he lit a cigarette. “This is no big deal. We always fight and make up. Don’t you?”
Oliver shook his head.
“Give it time,” Harry said, blowing out a plume of smoke. “I’ll call her back out and we can finish.”
“I’m afraid we’re gonna have to do this another time,” Ben said.
“Fine, suit yourself,” Harry said.
“I really didn’t see that coming,” Ben said once they were alone. “Do you think they’ll be okay?”
“I hope so,” Oliver said. “I really don’t want to leave all of this food, but I think they’ve got a few problems they need to talk through. It wouldn’t seem right, sticking around.”
“I know what you mean,” Ben said. “Ready?”
Oliver nodded.
Tiny white waves shimmered in the blue waters on the beach, compelling Oliver to stand and watch. Walking on the beach and watching the waves had an extremely calming effect on him. It had been a long time since he experienced such peace and tranquility. There was a zesty feel to the island, something fresh and alive, like the sparkling sea.
Despite the gorgeous island, Oliver had two huge problems circling his mind. He’d walked ahead of Ben, who was preoccupied playing with Brendan’s niece and nephew. It was at that point that he saw Erica sitting alone on a rock with a puddle of vacant sadness in her expression.
“I should really go and check on her.” Oliver turned to Ben, who caught up to him. “She’s upset.”
Upset was an understatement: her expression told him that she was about to cry. He knew her well enough to know something was wrong. Oliver could tell when his twin was upset, even when most would have been convinced otherwise. She drew her knees up to her body and hugged them.
“We’ve finished our sandcastle, Ben,” called Brendan’s niece. “Come and check it out!”
“Okay, I’ll be right there,” said Ben. “Go and speak with her. I’ll see you later.”
“Good idea. If something is eating her, she’ll be able to open up if there’s just the two of us,” Oliver said.
“It’s probably just pre-marital nerves,” Ben assured him. “Take as much time as you need.”
He watched Ben approach the sandcastle and exclaim in awe. Ben was so understanding, so laid back and easygoing. He wouldn’t interrogate Oliver over matters that didn’t concern him. And unlike the guys that Oliver was used to dating, Ben never forced things.
Ben hadn’t spoken a word of what happened on the dance floor. It was true that Oliver wanted to bring it up; he wanted to know how Ben felt about the affection and emotions expressed that night. Surely it meant something — it was obvious that neither of them was holding back that night.
But Oliver found himself struggling to be in the same room as Ben or hold eye contact. Luckily, this family had kept them busy, and they hadn’t had the chance to discuss last night.
Oliver got closer to Erica, and the subtle signs — her stiff shoulders, her pressed lips — told him that something was definitely up.
“Everything okay?” He sat beside her on the rock. “Do you want to talk about how you’re feeling right now?”
Erica turned to him and blinked rapidly. “I’m fine,” she said, rubbing her left elbow, which meant she was anything but fine.
She shifted her position to face him. She offered him a smile and stopped hugging her knees to her chest. Still, she kept her arm clutched to her stomach.
“Hmm-hmm,” Oliver said. “You know I don’t mean to pry, but I can tell something isn’t right with you. In a few more days it’ll be the happiest day of your life, and I can’t just ignore the fact that you look anything but happy.”
“It’s nothing I can’t deal with,” Erica said.
“I’m happy to listen,” Oliver offered. “Are you getting cold feet?”
Erica closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “It’s just wedding jitters, nothing too serious.”
“Is there anything in particular that you’re worried about?” Oliver asked.
Erica leaned against him. Resting her head on his shoulder, she fell silent. Whatever was worrying her, the problem seemed huge. More than she’d care to admit.
“I’ve always looked forward to my wedding day, but now that it’s almost here, I can barely
look myself in the mirror,” Erica said. “I feel so exhausted and stressed.”
“Aww, Erica.” Oliver hugged his sister. Hearing this broke his heart. “You look beautiful, and I know you’ll look beautiful when you walk down that aisle.”
“I’ve even toyed with the idea of calling it off,” Erica said.
Oliver’s mouth opened, and he peered down at his sister, curled under his arms, as she looked at the sea. There had to be more to her fears than she was telling him.
He wasn’t about to push into revealing her fears, especially as he hadn’t told her about him and Ben.
“Anyway, how about you?” Erica asked, snapping Oliver out of his thoughts. “There’s a lot to enjoy here.”
“This place is truly amazing. I don’t want to leave,” Oliver said. “I’d just love to stay here forever.”
“Yeah,” Erica said. Her voice got quieter until he almost couldn’t hear it. “It’s like time stands still. Like you can just sit here, watching the waves and imagining them washing away all your problems.”
“But they’ll be waiting for us once we get home,” Oliver said. His voice was calm, but the magnitude of his emotions was carried in them. There was no hiding his worries. He was worried that his friendship with Ben would never be the same when they returned home. He was worried that he would not be able to accept it being all over.
Why else would he accept Grant’s number?
“Oh, sweetie, what’s wrong?” Erica asked. She took his hand and squeezed it. “You’re doing so well. You’ve got a great career, you’ve settled in D.C., and most important of all, you have Ben. He’s not just hunky, but it looks like that you’ve finally found the perfect boyfriend.”
Oliver squeezed her hand a little tighter. A knot formed in his stomach.
“Well, not exactly,” Oliver said.
Erica lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him. “What do you mean?”
“I haven’t been honest…about Ben,” Oliver said. How could he even begin to tell her the truth?
He felt lost, like the time he got separated from his family when they took a trip to the farmer’s market and he found himself separated from them. At the age of five, he felt suffocated by the crowds of people and smells around him. That was, until Erica found him and guided him back.
The tension in Erica’s face softened as she waited.
“Ben and I…we’re not really together,” Oliver said. “We’re not really a couple,” he amended.
He hadn’t wanted Erica to worry about him, and that was why he planned on waiting until after the wedding to tell her. But now that he had, all he could do was give her the whole story.
He forced his arm to remain around Erica’s shoulders, despite his itch to bite his nails. He was jumping details like a rabbit hopping through a thick meadow, eager to get back to his burrow, only having to backtrack to collect the hay that he had gathered.
He told her everything that occurred over the past few days. It was difficult to discuss, and as he spoke, he suddenly felt like his fake relationship with Ben was like stepping into a steel trap that would leave both him and Ben to gnaw their own feet off.
This whole thing is going to damage our friendship.
It was a depressing thought, one he immediately felt guilty for. From what he’d learned over the past few days, Ben wanted to show him the best time ever.
“And you’re just friends?” Erica asked. “He doesn’t feel the same way about you?”
“I don’t think so… Well, I don’t exactly know,” Oliver said. “Look, I’m sorry I lied, and I’m sorry I’ve dumped this on you. I should have told you what we were planning from the beginning. You’ve always seemed to have it all, you know. You’ve got the perfect lover, who just happens to be your best friend. I’ve always envied the look in our parents’ eyes whenever they look at you, the pride in their voices whenever they talk about your accomplishments.”
“Oh, baby bro,” Erica said, lowering her head to his shoulder and squeezing him. “I never knew you felt like this.”
Oliver rolled his eyes and smiled at her referring to him as baby bro.
“I feel silly. This is your wedding, you’ve got—”
“Now stop right there, I’ve always got time for you,” Erica said. “And to be honest, I don’t exactly want to think about my problems right now.”
This confirmed Oliver’s suspicions that there was a lot more on his sister’s mind than how she’d look on the day. But he chose to ignore it as he acknowledged that his sister seemed more interested in hearing about his relationship, or non-relationship, with Ben.
“I have feelings for Ben, which has really complicated things.”
“Why not speak with him?” Erica said. “I’m sure he has feelings for you.”
“Believe me, I doubt it’s the same, sis. He’d have to be gay or bi to feel the same way,” Oliver said.
“Or maybe he’s just into you. Maybe all of this pretending has made him come to realize that he’s more attracted to you than he’d cared to admit, even to himself. Or maybe he is gay, but it’s taken this romantic time on the cruise to know that he can be attracted to a guy. And there’s no better guy than you to have in his corner. You already share the good times and bad times. You’re already each other’s sounding boards when you need advice. Baby bro, you’ve found someone to complete you. That is a treasure that you shouldn’t pass up. You should talk to him before you decide for him.”
Oliver smiled. His hearted lifted at her excited and optimistic tone. He could almost hear the cogs turning as she tried to work out the solution in her head.
“Last night, I met a guy and took his number,” Oliver said. “I deleted it, but still…I took it.”
“Oh…” Erica stopped. Seeing the look on Oliver’s face she instantly knew his thoughts. “You’re trying to prepare yourself to move on when you get back.”
Oliver nodded.
“It feels inevitable that we’re going to move on. This little fantasy that we’re living right now will come to an end.”
“Were you into this other guy?”
Ben shook his head. “He was everything that I’ve come to realize that I need to get away from,” Oliver said. “Even though we’re not in a real relationship, dating Ben has helped me see that I deserve a man who’ll treat me right.”
“You shouldn’t settle for less,” Erica said. “And you need to talk to Ben. I know it’s going to be terrifying to open up to Ben about how you feel, how you really feel. But I don’t think you can put it off any longer.”
“I know, I know,” Oliver said. “Why can’t this can’t be easy?”
“If it were any other guy, I might be worried,” Erica said as she rubbed his shoulder. “But this is Ben we’re talking about. He’s the sweetest, most kind and understanding friend that you could have. What do you have to fear?”
“Reality.” Oliver felt a lump in his throat.
Ben had never rejected or denied him. It never occurred to him that Ben could hide anything from him or hold something back. It just didn’t seem possible. But then again, Oliver had been holding back his feelings for Ben for many years. Why was it so difficult to imagine that Ben had been doing the same?
Oliver heard children giggling, and he looked across the beach to see Ben running away from Brendan’s niece and nephew as they chased after him with handfuls of sand. The sight was heartwarming and amusing. Oliver chuckled as Ben collapsed into the sand and threw his hands up in surrender. Ben always had natural charisma.
The kids loved him. The family loved him. Everyone loved Ben.
Oliver loved Ben.
15
Ben
“I surrender, I surrender,” Ben said. “Don’t sand splat me!”
“Should we spare him?” Brendan’s nephew, Tom, asked his sister, Jess.
People always marveled at how quickly children took a shine to him, but Ben never found it unusual. The great thing about children was their love of life
. Children had a willingness to explore new things and have fun in the moment, something Ben found fun and refreshing. He got the same feeling when he was around Oliver.
Brendan’s niece took Ben’s hand and helped him get up. “We forgive you,” Jess said. “Can you help us make a bigger sandcastle?”
“Sure. It’ll be really easy with the three of us working together,” Ben said.
“What about Erica?”
“I think she’s busy right now, but maybe later.” Ben could see that Erica and Oliver were still sitting, talking. He looked over at Oliver. At that point, his heart picked up a couple of beats and accelerated until it was pounding.
He wasn’t sure if it was because they had grown intimate during the cruise, but ever since this morning, all he wanted to do was squeeze Oliver in his arms. To hold Oliver, chest to chest, and listen to their hearts beat together.
He wanted to kiss Oliver.
Last night was ready-made for seduction, and he wanted to experiment, but he chickened out of his first gay experience.
Erica said something to Oliver, drawing his attention away from Ben. Smiling, Ben turned back and helped the children build their sandcastle.
He couldn’t ignore how Oliver’s behavior had changed since last night. They hadn’t been in the same room together longer than a few minutes before Oliver rushed off into another one. Ben also noticed that Oliver seemed to be having trouble looking him in the eye.
Ben wondered if their dance was more unnerving than it was exciting for Oliver. He worried that Oliver was feeling weird about what happened and was starting to regret it.
Grabbing Oliver’s ass on the dance floor had stoked his arousal to a fevered pitch. Heat had sparked in the pit of Ben’s stomach and slowly ventured down to his cock. That night, he desired to take their dance a step further. He wanted to experiment with Oliver.
Ben bit his lip as he tried to push through years of memory to arrive at one that he had discarded. He suddenly found himself filled with feelings that he never expected to have again.
Back in high school, he’d watched as guys had to deal with bullying or insults because they were thought to be gay. Ben protected the victims and saw to it that the bullying stopped immediately. Because everyone respected him, they often listened when he told them to back off a guy.
Wedding Fever Page 12
