“Boy, you have got it bad.”
“Kitty …” She only stops short of burying her head in her arms because of the plate in front of her. I can tell she wants to.
“This is actually fun. I get to be you in this conversation for once.”
“Great. Maybe I’ll get to be the one to say something to embarrass us in public this time.”
“Okay, that’s a hit below the belt.”
Her face falls. “I just don’t know what to do.”
I have to admit, it takes me a second. Longer than a second. Longer than it should, for sure. “You really have feelings for him already. This isn’t just a crush. You’re falling for him—for real.”
She looks down at the table, drawing invisible patterns with her finger. “Maybe. A little.”
My heart sinks, though it shouldn’t. But I can see where this has been going all along. “He’ll have to go back to LA at some point, won’t he?”
Her head slowly bobs up and down.
“And you don’t know what will happen once the day comes.”
Again, she nods, looking down at the table.
“And maybe you’re kinda, sorta considering going out there with him.”
“No.” Her head pops up, eyes bright. “No, that’s not what I want to do. This is where my life is. This is where my family is. This is where you are. I’m not going to move across the country.”
“And what does he think? What’s his name?”
“Nicholas. He knows he’s going to have to go back eventually, and whenever I try to bring it up, he changes the subject. I finally asked why, and he told me it’s because he doesn’t want to think too far past today. He’s very much that sort of person. He doesn’t want to waste what we have today by worrying about tomorrow.”
“I can understand that. Although …”
As usual, she reads my mind. “Trust me, I’ve done my homework. Some digging with the girls in the LA office. He really is single, and he even goes home regularly for Sunday dinner with his parents.”
I let out a sigh and put one hand over my heart. “That right there earns him points.”
“I know, right? He’s not one of those cutthroat types you see all the time in my business. He’s smart, he’s sharp, but he has integrity. I think that’s what set him apart from the beginning. He always wants to do the right thing even if it means leaving some money on the table. He’s even super precise when it comes to his billable hours. And when we’re working, we’re working, not talking about us or about anything else—even if it’s not that easy to keep our minds on work all the time. It wouldn’t be fair to the client otherwise.”
“I like him.”
“So do I. A lot.”
So, why does she look so miserable? Staring down at her folded hands, chewing her lip.
“Hey. Look at me.”
She does, though it takes a second for her to raise her head.
“Listen, all I want—all I ever want—is for you to be happy. For you to have what you need, what you want. And if you want him, then there’s no reason why you shouldn’t go for it.”
“But—”
I shake my head, emphatic. “No buts. I’m serious. You deserve something for yourself. You’ve worked so hard, tirelessly. It’s obvious Nicholas has woken up something else inside you, something else you need. None of this sort of stuff was important to you before you met him, and maybe that’s because he’s what you’ve been waiting for even if you didn’t know you were waiting. Maybe you’ve finally found someone worthy of you.”
“Great, and he just happens to live across the country.”
“You want my advice?”
She nods.
“Don’t turn away from this just because of surface problems. And that’s all this is—a problem on the surface. Self-imposed limitation. Do you honestly think that if Nicholas wanted you to come out there with him, anybody in your life would slow you down or hold you back? If you were able to work out of that office instead of this one, here in New York, I would be the first person to help you pack.”
She snickers. “Thanks.”
“I mean it. I’m not kidding around. I would miss you like I’d miss my right arm, but I’d get over it because what I want more than anything is what’s best for you. You need to feel fulfilled. And if this is part of what you need so you can feel fulfilled, I’m right here, cheering you on.”
She wipes a tear from the corner of her eye with a sheepish smile. “I guess that’s why I was in a mood. Because here you are, with Matt right in front of you, and you’re still playing guessing games with yourself.”
I try not to bristle at that since it sounds sort of dismissive, and I don’t enjoy it very much. But I know she didn’t mean anything negative by it. “Let me ask you something. If all the stars aligned and you were granted a transfer, and Nicholas invited you to move back to LA to be with him, and your family and everybody else was completely behind you, what would be standing in your way? Would you have any other hesitations?”
Understanding dawns in her eyes. “Yeah, of course. I would be worried about what would happen if things didn’t work out. Could I just uproot my entire life, so I could be with somebody things might not work out with?”
“There you go. It’s not exactly the same thing, but it’s close. If things didn’t work out between me and Matt, I don’t think I could handle living across the hall from him. I would have to move. There are just too many feelings involved, you know? It would be like walking on eggshells for the rest of the time I stayed in my apartment and he stayed in his.”
“I get it. I really do.” She chews her lip before shrugging. “Well, I guess we both have to be brave, no? Sometimes, you have to put aside your fears and go for it. Otherwise, you could be missing out on something incredible.”
She makes it sound so simple.
CHAPTER TEN
“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather go out for drinks with the rest of the team?”
Luke shakes his head as we climb the stairs leading up into my building. “No way. I see too much of them as it is.” He trails off with a bit of a chuckle, but I hear the truth in his words.
“I guess I should just consider myself lucky you have time to spend with me at all.” I give him a grin as we start climbing to my floor.
“I know it’s not easy, trying to date somebody like me.”
“Remember, I’m probably the only person who fully understands what it’s like to work so hard and have a schedule so unlike everybody else’s.”
“True.”
“Well, at least you’re doing a job you like. It plays to your strengths.”
All he does is groan. “You should see some of the parents. I swear, if their kid didn’t score the winning goal in the last game, they want to know how I failed.”
I chuckle.
“I’m not kidding,” he insists. “At first, I made the mistake of not including a disclaimer in my contract. I can only promise so much. And some of the kids … I’m sorry, but not everybody is meant to be an athlete.”
“It makes me sad for those kids. They must want it so badly.”
“Honestly, a lot of them don’t. Which also puts me in an awkward position. I can’t exactly go up to their parents and tell them their child has no desire to ever do this for the rest of their life. These poor kids want to please their parents so badly. But a lot of them, their hearts aren’t in it.”
“That really is sad.”
“I know. But everybody needs to make a living too, right?” He groans, frustrated. “I can’t wait until I get called up. If you want to know what drives me, that’s a big part of it. The idea of not having to work a day job to make ends meet. Being able to give hockey my full attention.” He sounds downright wistful, and I guess he is.
At least our conversation has given me something else to think about besides the nervous flutter in the pit of my stomach. He’s coming to my place, which, of course, means I spent a good chunk of time today making sure everything was
clean and tidy.
We’ll be really and truly alone since we started seeing each other a week ago. Aside from that date at the bar, which ended abruptly, we’ve only gotten together under the context of practice and then meeting up with everybody afterward.
I’m fine with things being the way they are. We haven’t rushed into any sort of physical relationship, and I’m okay with that too. I would rather take it slow, get to know each other, and fill in the sexy details later. Even if it means making things up for the sake of the book—and I’ve done that on more than one occasion—I can say that the real, important writing I’m doing is based in reality. The meat of the story, the thoughts and concerns and fears of an athlete trying to be their best.
Still, there’s something about inviting someone to your place even if we aren’t stripping off our clothes.
I open the door and wave an arm with a big flourish. “Welcome to my home.”
Luke blows out a long, low whistle. “Wow. This is gorgeous!”
“Thanks. I like it too.” I stand in the doorway and watch, fidgeting, as he walks around the living room. “At least the cave I live in is pretty.”
“A cave? This is what you call a cave? Shit, I’d work from home all the time if I lived here.”
I really am fortunate, and just about every guy I’ve dated has reminded me of that. I’m a lucky girl, and I know it. But, sometimes, it's awkward when they make a big deal about it.
The sound of a door opening behind me chills my blood. Darn it, I should’ve shut the door. I should’ve gone inside and shut the door and maybe installed soundproofing foam over the walls earlier today.
“Hey! I thought I heard you over here!” Matt doesn’t even bother excusing himself before sliding past me and heading straight up to Luke, where they do their bro-hug thing.
“Is your apartment anything like this one?” Luke asks him, looking around again.
“Yeah but in a slightly more masculine color.” Matt slides a look my way from the corner of his eye. “But otherwise, the layout is basically the same.”
“Damn, I should’ve gotten into your line of work then.”
Matt offers a wry chuckle. “Still teaching hockey clinics?”
“I’ve moved into more of a one-on-one training business.”
I might as well not be here at all. It’s like they’ve both completely forgotten I exist.
Matt turns to me. Either he heard my thoughts or felt the heat of my stare against the back of his head. “Sorry, I was rude to barge in like that.”
I plaster on a sickly-sweet smile. “Oh, do you think so?”
He elbows Luke. “We sort of wander in and out of each other’s apartments sometimes. Don’t worry; I don’t make a habit of it.”
Luke laughs. “I was gonna say, you’re making me wonder if I have some competition.”
Before Matt has a chance to say something obnoxious, I jump in. “You have no competition, Luke, just like how it is on the ice.”
Bingo.
Matt goes stiff for a second but recovers quickly. “I was just about to put on a football game over at my place. Just got a new TV, and the picture is so clear, you would swear the players were right there in the room with you.”
I see where this is going, and I’m about ready to scream.
Luke’s brows lift. “No kidding? Can I come over and take a look?”
Damn him. If I argue, it’ll look like I’m being childish, won’t it? And it isn’t like we were coming back here for the express purpose of taking our clothes off … though honestly, I was hoping to at least make out for a while.
Matt turns to me with a gleam in his eye I’ve seen way too many times to count. He knows exactly what he’s doing, the jerk—though I have to wonder why. What does he hope to gain by this?
“That okay with you? I’m sure there were other things you were hoping to do tonight …”
“He’s only going over to take a look, right? Besides”—I give Luke my most flirtatious smile—“you didn’t give me the time to chain him to the radiator and keep him all to myself. Next time, I’ll be quicker.”
“I don’t hate the sound of that.” Luke kisses my cheek in passing. “Be right back.”
Matt’s behind him, and the relief of not having to keep a happy, pleasant expression anymore is palpable. There’s no chance of him misunderstanding the utter disgust I’m feeling right now when it comes through in the way I scowl at him, turning away before he can say anything that I’m sure would only twist the knife.
What is his deal? Why is he acting like this? I want to ask him right now regardless of whether it makes me look petty and childish in front of Luke. Luke doesn’t know our history—heck, half the time, I’m not even sure of our history. I certainly didn’t expect Matt to kiss me. How many signs have I missed?
Instead of storming over there, which I really want to do, I settle for texting Hayley. You’re not going to believe this. Matt totally just cockblocked me.
Hayley sends back a string of emojis, all with surprised faces. You don’t usually talk like that! What did he do?
Luke’s over there with him right now, checking out his brand-new TV with a football game on, instead of being over here with me.
Rather than texting back, she calls. “That dick! He invited Luke over?” She’s practically screeching, which makes me feel a lot better. Like I’m not overthinking this.
“Yeah. Flat-out came over when he heard his voice and asked if he wanted to check out the TV. I mean, it’s an amazing TV, don’t get me wrong, but still.”
“This is definite cockblockage. I mean, I’ve wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt up until now, but there’s no way to misconstrue what he did. The man went out of his way to wedge himself between you two. That’s not cool.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know.” I chew my thumbnail, staring at my open door. The door to Matt’s place is open, too, giving me a look inside. “Son of a bitch, they’re sitting down on the sofa.”
“Wow. You don’t usually break out the profanity. That’s much more my department.”
“This is a unique situation. Focus, please. I have no idea how to navigate this.”
I hear murmuring in the background. Male murmuring. Immediately, I smack my palm to my forehead. “You’re busy with Nicholas. I’m sorry.”
“No, no. We’re just hanging out, but hold on a minute.”
I hear more murmurs and giggles. Who is this woman? My happy best friend—that’s who.
I’m still fuming when I see Luke relax back into the sofa.
“Kitty, are you there?”
“Yes,” I huff.
“Nicholas thinks Luke is out of his mind if he’s watching football instead of being with you.”
“I think I like this guy. You know I’ll have to meet him soon.”
“Sure, sure. So, what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to go give that cockblocker a piece of my mind.”
“Go, Kitty. Meow,” Hayley cheers before hanging up the phone with a giggle.
I rap on Matt’s open door and stride in before closing it behind me. Both guys look up in surprise.
Oh, they thought I’d just sit idle while they watched the game. How cute.
“Matt, could I have a quick word with you?”
“Uh, sure.” He looks to Luke like a child who’s about to get into trouble.
He has no idea.
“What’s up?” he asks once we get in the kitchen, out of earshot of Luke.
“What’s up? What’s up? For starters, you just barged into my home, uninvited, and then kidnapped my date, and now, you’re watching a football game together. What the actual hell, Matt?”
“I just wanted to show him my new TV. I had no idea he’d stay.”
“And you didn’t think to send him back over?”
“No. I thought that would be rude. He’s my friend.”
&n
bsp; “Huh, a friend who you wanted me to meet so I could date a hockey player for my book. So, what’s with the cockblock?”
“Cockblock? Already? That’s pretty fast for you.”
I throw my hands up in frustration. “That’s not what I meant. I just meant that we were supposed to be getting to know one another, and you brought him over here. So, I ask again, what the hell?”
“Kitty, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I haven’t seen Luke in a while.”
“Well, if you would so kindly help get him back over to my place, I would appreciate it.”
“You could always join us and watch the game,” Matt adds in a hopeful voice.
This is not at all how I saw this evening going, but I refuse to let Luke see me upset.
“Fine. You win,” I growl.
“Great.”
Matt strolls out of his kitchen with a carefree attitude while I shoot daggers out of my eyes at the back of his head. Men are so frustrating.
I follow him back into the living room, and I settle in next to Luke.
“Kitty’s decided to watch the game with us. Is that cool with you, bro?” Matt asks Luke.
“Yeah, that would be great. Now, I can spend time with both of you.”
“Let me grab you a beer. Kitty, do you want anything?”
I’m not sure Matt has enough alcohol to get me through the rest of the night, but I take a beer as well. While he gets them from the fridge, I pull my feet up on the couch and curl up next to Luke. If Matt wants to play dirty, I can play dirty too.
For the rest of the game, we drink and talk. Actually, I drink, and they talk about hockey and football. I’m surprised they can even follow the game. At least I can follow football because I used to watch it with my dad when I was younger.
I also try to make sure Luke knows I’m here by rubbing his neck and gently stroking his arm and hand. At some point, he wraps his arm around my shoulders, and now, my head is resting on his chest. He’s so warm and comfortable; I almost fall asleep until I’m startled awake when their team wins on the last play of the game. I yawn and sit upright.
“Wow, it’s late. I need to get going, so I can practice in the morning. Thanks for the beers, Matt. That TV is amazing. I felt like we were watching from the sideline.”
Kitty Valentine Dates an Hockey Player Page 7
