Once in the car, I rolled down the window to take advantage of the cool evening air. I loved him. It was more of an acknowledgement of something I had known for a long time but tried to pretend wasn’t there. I had tried to accept my father’s explanation it was nothing more than a teenage crush and I would get over it. I had told myself over and over I would find someone else that made my heart sing and my body hum. I hadn’t. After what happened last night, I knew without a doubt I never would. There was no other man that could ever make me feel like he did.
Which brought me right back around to the one thing standing in our way of being happy together. It wasn’t Philip. It was my secret. Technically, not a secret, but I had certainly not been open and honest. I had to tell him about Ellie. Only then would I allow myself to think about a relationship with him. I had spent some time with him, and I did feel like he had changed, matured a lot, and was serious about settling down. I had no real reason not to tell him. He wasn’t violent or cruel and had done nothing to make me think he wasn’t a good person.
I couldn’t expect him to be ready for a kid. Few people had the luxury of actually being ready. I wasn’t ready, but it happened, and it was the best thing in the world. I was hoping that’s how he would feel as well. If he didn’t, if he decided he wasn’t interested in a ready-made family, I would give Philip the green light to run his ass out of town again. This time, I would make damn sure he knew not to come back. I would not let him hurt my little girl by rejecting her. Hell, I wouldn’t need Philip to run him out of town; I would do it myself.
I drove up the long drive to the mansion and parked my car in the garage. It felt weird to be in the apartment alone, but it was probably good that I was. I needed to figure out what to do. Not what to do, but how to do it. I already knew he had to know about Ellie.
I undressed and pulled on the old pajama shorts and shirt and crawled between the covers. I stared up at the ceiling and thought about what Jacob had said about fate bringing us together. Larry had appeared in both our lives at the exact right time. Maybe fate wasn’t finished yet. The idea of sitting back and letting someone else take the reins was very appealing. I liked the idea of fate having some grand plan to reveal Ellie to Jacob. It would be the exact right thing at the exact right time, just like Jacob meeting Larry at that conference and me answering the ad. Those little chance encounters in our lives had brought us back together.
I smiled, content with the idea of letting things unfold as they should. I couldn’t and wouldn’t force the issue. Jacob’s response to the knowledge of his daughter would be right, no matter if that meant he left Burning Butte for good or if he stayed. I had to trust that things were happening for a reason.
19
Jacob
I woke up alone again for the third day in a row. I wasn’t sure what the hell had happened that had scared Erin off in the middle of the night, but whatever it had been, she wasn’t taking my calls and hadn’t come by the office like she said she would. She had sent me one abrupt text with some lame excuse about not being able to come by to work on the project because she had things to do.
It pissed me off and hurt my feelings. I thought we had turned a corner, that we were embarking on a new beginning to our relationship. Clearly, I had been wrong. Getting blown off left me in a sour mood. I had worked on the project myself, making phone calls and trying to get a venue lined up. It wasn’t easy. The moment I gave my name or the name of the company, people were booked up or busy for the weekend.
I had put all my anger and frustration squarely on Philip’s shoulders. I knew Erin felt something for me. I could feel it inside her. I saw it in the way she looked at me. She wanted me as much as I wanted her. We were adults, fully capable of making our own damn decisions, but I knew her brother and father still had some pull over her. There was only one way I was going to be able to make any headway with her and that was to get all the shit out in the open.
Philip could be pissed at me. I didn’t care anymore. So, what, I fell in love with his little sister and we had sex. Big fucking deal. She was eighteen and capable of making her own decisions. God knew he’d been fucking around with a number of little sisters for years. Half the women in the world were probably someone’s little sister. He needed to get over himself, and I planned on telling him just that.
But first, I was going to start with Arthur. Erin had said he’d softened up a little. If I could get Arthur to accept me, it would be a hell of a lot easier to convince Philip I was worthy of dating Erin. I was a man, and I was going to have a man-to-man talk with Arthur. He was the one who had run me out of town and made some pretty serious threats. I wanted to make sure he understood I wasn’t afraid of him, especially now that he wasn’t wielding a badge. There was nothing he could to do to me.
It was a Saturday morning, and I was hoping the old sheriff was at home. There was no time like the present to start working on my way back into Erin’s life. I wasn’t a dirty little secret anymore. She could be proud of who I was and shout about our relationship from the damn rooftops.
I remembered exactly where the house was. I had spent a lot of time there during my youth and after high school. I smiled as I drove past the empty lot where I used to pick up Erin after she snuck out. Old Arthur thought he was so smart, but Erin and I had still found a way to be together.
I immediately recognized Erin’s car in the driveway. Good. I wanted to talk with both of them. I didn’t mind telling Erin what I wanted in front of her father. It would kill two birds with one stone. I was going to need to save my energy to take on Philip. He was going to prove to be more difficult.
I parked my truck alongside the curb and headed up the walk, taking in the few changes, including the fresh paint on the house. It was neat and tidy, just like I remembered. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for some angry words and dirty looks from the old man. I knocked on the door and waited, giving myself a silent pep talk.
“Jacob,” Arthur said looking at me with surprise.
“Hello.”
“What are you doing here?” Arthur asked, looking a little uncomfortable.
Good. I wanted him uncomfortable. I wanted him to have to look me in the eyes and face me as the man I was and not the scared kid I had been. I wasn’t so easily intimidated. “I wanted to talk. Do you have a minute?”
“Talk?” Arthur asked, clearly stalling.
“Yes. I want to clear the air. I want to talk about what happened eight years ago and what I hope will happen in the future. I think there’s a lot that was left unsaid. I want to get that all out of the way so we can all move forward,” I said, keeping my voice steady.
Arthur looked behind him before looking back at me. I sensed resignation, like he might as well get it over with. That gave me confidence. He had softened a little over the years. Eight years ago, he would have slammed the door in my face. It was progress. He stepped aside, opening the door wider and gesturing for me to go inside. I stepped through the door, figuring I better talk fast if I wanted to get out what I had to say.
“Jacob,” Arthur started, and I cut him off. I knew I only had about a minute before he told me to get lost.
“Arthur—Mr. Maxwell—I know things weren’t great between us in the past. There was a lot of hostility on both sides, but I’m really hoping we can leave that behind us. I am back in town, and I don’t want to live in the past. I was young and dumb and did some stuff I wasn’t proud of, but maybe we could find a way to move past that,” I said, trying to sound reasonable.
Arthur was nodding his head. “We’ll have to figure something out I suppose,” he said, rounding the corner and heading for what I knew was the dining room in kitchen area. “I promise, I’ve changed. I’ve grown—” I stopped talking when I saw the same little girl from the ice cream shop sitting at the table.
I looked at Arthur, wondering why in the hell the Welsh kid was at his house. Erin appeared from the kitchen, carrying a plate with a sandwich cut in half on it. She froze when
she saw me, sheer terror on her face as she looked from me to her father, silently accusing him with her eyes.
It wasn’t exactly the reaction I was expecting. I had thought we had a good time the other night. I knew she enjoyed herself. I was ready to plead with her to let me take her to dinner for a real date, but the look on her face told me I was the very last person she wanted to see. “Hi,” I said, hoping to diffuse whatever it was that was happening just then.
Erin stood staring at me, frozen with the plate still in her hand. “Jacob,” she whispered. “You’re here.”
I nodded. “I am.”
I looked at Arthur, who had that same expression on his face, the face that said, “Oh shit.” They were both acting like I had just caught them committing a crime. What the hell had I walked into?
The little girl turned around and looked at me, a smile spreading across her face. “Hi,” she said before looking up at Erin. “I’m hungry. Can I have my sandwich, Mommy?” the little girl asked.
Erin’s eyes were locked with mine before she nodded and put the plate down in front of the child. Mommy? Erin was a mom? I should have seen the resemblance earlier, I supposed.
Arthur cleared his throat. “Jacob’s here,” he announced as if that were needed. I was pretty sure that had been established, but his comment only furthered my belief I had walked in on something I wasn’t supposed to.
“I see that,” Erin whispered, her face paling considerably.
The little girl sat in one of the chairs at the table, swinging her legs back and forth as she took a bite of the sandwich, clearly oblivious to the atmosphere in the room. Arthur stepped back, standing against the wall of the dining room as if he were a referee.
“We were just sitting down to lunch,” Arthur said, his voice tight as he looked at me, then Erin.
“I see. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” I mumbled, my eyes going back to the little girl.
She looked back at me. “We’re having tuna fish. Do you like tuna?”
I nodded. “I do.”
“My mom puts pickles in it. Mackenzie doesn’t like it with pickles, but I do.”
“Me too,” I agreed, offering her a smile.
I guessed she must be about seven years old and very smart. I couldn’t believe Erin had a kid. She never mentioned the little girl was hers. I had made the assumption she was a Welsh kid or a friend of the family. I was disappointed she hadn’t told me herself but assumed she was probably embarrassed by the situation. She certainly wouldn’t be the first single mom on the planet.
Hurt and jealousy were creating a fiery pit in my belly as I accepted the fact she was a mother. She had a child. There was only one way that happened. I knew it had been naïve to think she would have remained celibate after I left, but a part of me liked to think that. It made it easier to get through the days to think of her living like a nun. I couldn’t stand to think of another man touching her and chose to believe it never happened.
I took a deep breath, realizing I was staring and being rude. A kid shouldn’t change how I felt about her. She was still the woman I loved. I couldn’t blame—
My eyes darted back to the little girl. A flurry of clips and vignettes from the encounter at the ice cream shop flashed before my eyes. My hazel eyes. The little girl had hazel eyes. I stared at the profile until the girl turned and looked at me. I took a step back, realization slamming into me like a powerful force. My mouth dropped open before I turned to look at Erin, waiting for her to tell me I wasn’t looking at my little girl.
Erin’s face was contorted with guilt. She looked away, unable to look me directly in the eyes. I turned to look at Arthur. His solemn expression also filled with guilt confirmed my suspicion. Erin had been keeping one hell of a secret from me. I felt numb. My legs felt heavy, but numb, like they were disconnected from my brain. I didn’t know what to say or think. I was just dumbfounded. My mouth opened and closed as I took in the sight of the girl, happily eating a tuna fish sandwich as if nothing had changed.
But it had. My entire world had changed in an instant. I could actually feel the world tilting on its axis and spinning. Holy shit.
They were the only words I could think. Holy shit. A daughter. Erin had been pregnant. She had a baby. A baby that was now a kid, walking, talking, and with a vibrant personality.
I was a father.
20
Erin
I had heard the term about a person’s life flashing before their eyes but had never fully understood what it meant until that very moment. I knew I wasn’t facing uncertain death, but judging by the look on Jacob’s face, I was facing the possibility of losing a man I loved. I couldn’t believe he was standing in my father’s house. I figured I would be safe at my dad’s, which was why I had taken the day off and come to hang out with him. I had been worried Jacob might show up at the Welsh place to try and talk.
I never expected him to show up at my dad’s, and I certainly hadn’t expected my dad to invite him in. It was like I had been sucked into some alternate universe and nothing made sense. I looked at my dad, silently begging for help. He was partially to blame for the mess I was in.
“Jacob, why don’t you have a seat?” he said.
My eyes widened. That was not the help I was looking for. Jacob was stiff was he pulled out one of the chairs and sat opposite Ellie, staring at her while she ate.
“Ellie, why don’t we go see if that paint is dry on the birdhouse,” he said.
“I’m not finished eating, Grandpa,” she protested.
“You can take it with you,” I said.
She frowned, clearly not happy with the suggestion, but did as she was told. She grabbed the other half of the sandwich and stomped through the kitchen and out to the garage. I took the seat Ellie vacated, folding my hands on the table and looking at Jacob.
He said nothing. He wouldn’t look at me. There were so many things I wanted to say but didn’t know how to actually get the words out. I could see the hurt and anger and knew I had screwed up. Fate wasn’t on my side this time. I opened my mouth to say I was sorry but realized just how weak that would have sounded. Sorry wasn’t quite enough to fix the situation.
He finally looked up at me. “Would you have ever told me?”
“Yes,” I answered.
“When? How long were you going to keep this secret?” he asked, his voice low and gravelly, revealing his pain and anger.
“I don’t know,” I confessed. “I didn’t know if I would ever see you again. When I found out I was pregnant, I did try and find you, but I had no idea where to look. You vanished off the face of the earth. You deactivated your Facebook; your cell phone was off. I had no idea how to find you and tell you.”
“And now? I’ve been back for over two weeks,” he reminded me.
“I didn’t know if you were here to stay. I didn’t know if you were just blowing through town and would up and leave like you did before.”
He glared at me. “Don’t you dare put that on me.”
I held up a hand. “I know. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“A daughter. You had my baby. A baby I didn’t get to see grow up. I didn’t get to see her first smile or steps or say her first words. Why would do you that to me?” he asked, the words infused with anger.
My hackles went up. “Do it to you? Really, Jacob? I was the eighteen-year-old girl alone and pregnant with no job, no boyfriend, and a very angry father. I asked everyone who knew you where you went. You could have reached out. You could have stood up to my dad and tried to talk to me. You left me! Don’t you dare put all of that on me! I know what they said, but I also know you! You are so much stronger than that. You could have tried harder!”
“So I could go to jail on some bullshit charge your dad made up? I don’t think so. They made it clear I would never be allowed to see you. You knew the trouble it would cause if we got together, but that didn’t stop you from chasing me!” he seethed.
My mouth dropped open. “You
ass! You were into me just as much as I was into you.”
“I told you it was wrong. I told you it would ruin my friendship with Philip. I was weak. I caved. I couldn’t deny you. You should have left it be, Erin! Now I find out you had my child and didn’t even bother telling me,” he said, shaking his head with disgust.
I glared at him, just as pissed as he was. “I’m sorry, between being eighteen, a child myself, trying to go to college classes and raising a baby on my own, I didn’t have a lot of extra time to launch a manhunt. I guess you should have thought about the possible consequences to those nights out. You were the older one. You should have known better,” I spat, repeating the same thing my father had told me about the situation.
He raised an eyebrow. “You were there too. You could have said something.”
I waved a hand through the air, dismissing the whole idea. “It doesn’t matter. That isn’t the point anyway. I love Ellie. I would never change a thing that happened.”
“You see, that’s the thing, you know our daughter’s name. I didn’t even know her name until two minutes ago. We’ve spent time together. You don’t think you could have mentioned her then? How about when I told you I wanted to be with you, that I had never stopped caring about you? You don’t think you should have said, ‘Oh, hey, by the way, we have a little girl together,’” he snarled.
“It wasn’t that easy,” I argued.
“Really? You seem to be able to speak pretty freely when you want to. I don’t get it. What was your endgame here? Is this some kind of revenge?” he asked.
“Revenge? Revenge for what?” I asked.
Bad Boy’s Secret Baby Page 11
