Bad Boy’s Secret Baby

by Black, Natasha L.

  “You were mad I left, mad I didn’t take you with me, so your way of getting back at me was to have my child and never say a word about it. Were you going to let me live here and have my daughter right under my nose and never tell me? What kind of shit is that? I thought I knew you. You are not the woman I thought you were. You’re cruel and vindictive, two things I never would have expected from you,” he said, getting to his feet.

  “Cruel and vindictive? Not even close. I wanted to tell you. I did, but I didn’t know how. I was afraid you would turn tail and run. I couldn’t do that to Ellie. I couldn’t tell her she had a father only to have her father abandon her,” I told him, getting up and following him into the living room.

  He scoffed, turning to look at me with disgust on his face. “That’s bullshit and you know it. I would never do that.”

  “How would I know that? I haven’t seen you in eight years!” I shouted before remembering Ellie and my dad weren’t more than twenty feet away.

  “And we both know why that is. Your dad got to raise my daughter. I’m sure Philip is the doting uncle. They made sure I wasn’t around. They cut me out of my child’s life. If you’re pissed at anyone, be pissed at them. They did this and you let them. You went along with it, and I’m not talking about back then. I’m talking about right now. You let me talk to her at the ice cream shop. Did that make you feel good, Erin? You sat there while I looked my daughter in the eyes and said nothing. It’s unforgiveable,” he said before walking out the door, not bothering to close it behind him.

  I followed him out to the end of the walk. “Jacob, we need to talk about this.”

  He stopped and looked at me over the hood of his truck with such anger I actually shirked away. “I think it’s a little late for that.”

  He got in his truck and sped away. I stood there for several seconds before rushing back inside and heading for the bathroom. I closed the door behind me before turning on the faucet and flushing the toilet. I wanted to drown out my sobs. I couldn’t let Ellie hear me crying in the bathroom. I let myself cry for several minutes before washing my face and patting it dry.

  “Oh Erin, you really did it now,” I whispered, staring at my puffy red eyes in the mirror.

  I had this stupid idea we could work through it. I had expected some anger and resentment, but then I thought he would forgive me, and we could move on. But he hated me. The look in his eyes as the evidence of my betrayal stared him in the face had physically hurt me to see. I couldn’t imagine the pain he was feeling. I had never wanted to cause him pain or grief.

  I wasn’t sure if we would ever be able to make things right between us. Nothing would ever be the same again. I had ripped his heart out, and I didn’t see a way for him to ever forgive me. I wasn’t sure what it meant for our future. Would he want to be a part of Ellie’s life? Would he give up the job he’d been working so hard to save and run away just to get some distance between us?

  I shook my head. I had no idea what he would do. I had never seen him like that. The fear of the unknown had me breaking down into tears all over again. I flushed the toilet a couple more times before I managed to pull myself together and return to the kitchen. The tuna was still sitting in a bowl on the counter. The sight of it made me ill. I quickly covered it and stuck it in the fridge before cleaning up the rest of the mess.

  I walked into the garage and found Ellie and my dad carefully painting the trim on the bird apartment complex. My dad’s eyes met mine and I could see he was apologetic. I didn’t want to hear it just then.

  “Ellie, it’s time to go,” I said, my throat raw from the sobbing.

  “Don’t go,” my dad said, looking at me.

  I shook my head. “I need to go,” I said firmly.

  He sighed and nodded before walking to me and pulling me in for a hug. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry for my actions back then, but I think when Ellie gets a little older, you might one day understand.”

  I pulled away from him. “I doubt that because I trust my daughter. I know I’ve raised her right, and she can make her own decisions.”

  “I did my best with you,” he replied.

  “Maybe you did, but we can’t change what happened, can we? I get to live with it,” I told him.

  Ellie didn’t look happy to be leaving her project, but she followed me anyway.

  “I love you,” my dad called out as I headed out the door.

  I took a breath through my nose, having a very good, personal understanding about how a person could be in your life one minute and gone the next. I wasn’t Philip. I didn’t do grudges. I turned around and looked at my dad, seeing the sadness in his eyes. “I love you too, but right now, I don’t want to be here.”

  He nodded. “I understand.”

  Ellie waved goodbye and got into the car. I turned back to make sure she was buckled and saw what Jacob would have seen—his eyes staring back at him. That realization had to have been a huge blow. He deserved to be angry. I would let him have the anger and try to talk to him once he cooled off.

  21

  Jacob

  It had been a week, and I was still struggling to get my head around the idea of being a father. Every day that passed, I kept thinking I was losing more time with a little girl who didn’t even know I existed. I knew what I had to do, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it just yet. My head was a mess. None of my thoughts seemed to flow coherently, and my work was suffering because of it. If I didn’t pull my shit together and fast, I wasn’t going to have to worry about trying to save my job because my ass was going to be fired before Western Energies could even get off the ground.

  I glanced at the notes and various printouts I had collected for the ice cream social. I hadn’t even been able to think about that damn thing. Every time I looked at her neat handwriting on the page, the feeling of being stabbed in the heart bubbled to the surface. I was likely feeling extra emotional due to my lack of sleep. Sleep had been a joke; every time I closed my eyes, I either thought about making love to Erin or I thought about her betrayal. Either option left me sleepless and spending the night tossing and turning. I looked rough. That’s what Larry had said when I came in to work today. It wasn’t a surprise. I had given up shaving a couple of days ago, and the bags under my eyes were drooping low, reminding me a lot of Droopy, one of my favorite cartoons from about a million years ago.

  I wasn’t going to spend another sleepless night. I was going to drink my sorrows away and hopefully knock myself out. A few stiff drinks were exactly what I needed to dull the pain enough for me to get some sleep as well as much-needed peace from my thoughts. I checked the time, figured it was after five somewhere, and called it a day.

  I was going to get shitfaced. That was my goal. I didn’t care that I would be drinking alone. I did a quick search to find the local cab company, which was really just a dude who had a few cars and worked from home. I didn’t care. I needed a ride. I drove to my rented house and waited for the cab to swing by and pick me up.

  The four-door sedan pulled up to the curb. I hopped in the front seat and asked to be taken to the Old Flame Saloon. I was hoping Erin wasn’t there. I didn’t want to see her, but I wanted to get liquored up and I didn’t want to do it sitting alone in my house. I wanted the noise and distraction of a lively bar to help drown out the thoughts.

  I walked in and took myself right up to the bar, pulling up a seat and planting my ass, ready to get started on my night of drinking.

  “What’s your poison?” a woman asked, sauntering over to me.

  I looked at the woman with the striking green eyes and reddish-brown hair pulled back from her face. She was pretty, and maybe with a few more drinks, I might feel like flirting with her, but just then, I wasn’t in the mood. Erin was still heavy on my heart and mind.

  “Whiskey. Double shot,” I said.

  She raised her eyebrows. “Now that’s a man-sized drink.”

  I didn’t answer. I watched as she poured the drink before sliding the glass
to me. I picked it up and downed it with one quick gulp. I slid the glass back toward her. “Another. Please.”

  She stared at me before grabbing the bottle and refilling the glass. “Maybe you want to take this one a little slower.”

  “I don’t.”

  She pushed the glass toward me. I did the same thing, letting the whiskey slide down my throat, burning a trail all the way down to my gut. Without a word, I pushed the glass back to her. She let out a long sigh, slowly shaking her head as she refilled my glass.

  “Whiskey doesn’t drown the demons,” she said in a solemn tone.

  “We’re going to find out,” I retorted. It was then I realized she was very familiar. “I know you,” I said, trying to place her.

  She nodded. “Probably.”

  Then it hit me. “You’re Erin’s friend.”

  She winced. “Guilty as charged. Marianne Wilson, and you’re Jacob Miner.”

  “Damn right you’re guilty. I suppose you knew as well. I’m sure the whole fucking town knows,” I growled.

  She looked properly guilty. “It wasn’t our business to say anything. This is between you and Erin.”

  I scoffed. “Apparently not. It was between Erin and everyone except for me—the father of the child.”

  “Look, I’m sorry things are strained, but there’s nothing you’re going to say that is going to get me switching sides. I’m Team Erin all the way. She has her reasons. I’m not saying I know all of them, but I do know she was a young girl left to raise a baby on her own,” she said pointedly. “The father of her child took off and never looked back.”

  “I was looking back the whole damn time,” I snapped.

  “Were you?” she questioned, obviously not believing me.

  I nodded. “I was. I was working on a plan to come back and sweep her off her feet and give her the life she deserved. I had no idea she was raising my child. A child I don’t even know.”

  Marianne shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know what to say. There were mistakes made on both sides. Shit happens. It’s what you do from here that really counts.”

  I looked into those green eyes that vaguely reminded me of a cat. “I guess that’s easy to say when you’re not the one who missed out on eight years with a woman he loved and his child.”

  “It isn’t easy, but it’s the truth.”

  “You don’t have a child out there that you missed watching grow up.”

  Marianne reached for the bottle of whiskey and plopped it down in front of me. “You’re right. On the house,” she said and walked away.

  I stared at the back of her head, watching as she interacted with other customers. My eyes moved around the bar that was slowly beginning to fill up with people getting off work and in need of a stiff drink. I refilled my glass and sipped the whiskey. I wasn’t completely numb, but the first two drinks had taken the edge off.

  I wondered how many of the people in the bar knew who I was. Then, I wondered how many of them thought I was a world-class asshole for running off after knocking up the little princess of Burning Butte. The revelation I had a kid certainly explained some of the dirty looks I had been getting since I had come back to town. I didn’t know if they were aware of the full story, but I didn’t see a point in trying to explain myself either. It was nobody’s business. Hell, apparently it wasn’t my business either. I was just the sperm donor.

  I finished the third double shot and started to pour myself another, when I realized I wasn’t in the mood. I was too pissed. I didn’t want to end up giving some dirty looks and getting in a bar fight. There was only one person I was pissed at. I had a few things I wanted to say to Erin, and she was just going to have to sit there and listen. In my opinion, I was the wounded party in the situation. I was sick of apologizing for being run off by her damn father.

  I whipped out my phone and called the cab driver and ordered a ride. I poured a single shot, slammed it down, and dropped a fifty on the counter. I wasn’t a charity case. I didn’t need shit on the house, especially from Team Erin.

  I walked out of the bar, noticed the sun was just beginning its slow descent from the sky, and took a deep breath. The air was thick and humid, suggesting a storm was on the way in. That was perfect. I wanted something violent and loud. I wanted to hear the sky rage and protest. I wanted someone to acknowledge how I felt and just give me a minute of sympathy. I didn’t need a lot, just someone to ease the ache I had been feeling since I had found out.

  The cab pulled up. I got in the back seat for my second ride and ordered him to take me to the Welsh mansion. When he dropped me off at the closed gate, I realized I had a bit of a conundrum. I wasn’t necessarily drunk, but I had been drinking and I was sure the whiskey was strong on my breath. I didn’t want to see Larry. I wanted to see Erin. I waited until the cab pulled away before following the fence line down about thirty feet before reaching into my old box of tricks and scaling the fence. I knew it was ridiculous, but I was desperate to see her.

  I walked across the manicured grounds, heading for the garage. I went around the back and looked up, seeing Erin walk past one of the windows. I waved my arms, trying to get her attention. She didn’t notice me. I bent down, picked up a small pebble, and threw it at the window. It was a flashback to our youth when I had done this exact same thing on several occasions, albeit, on a ground floor window.

  She came to the window and looked down. Her mouth dropped open. She quickly slid the window open and stared at me. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “I want to talk to you,” I answered, sounding perfectly reasonable.

  “Oh my god! You’re going to get us both fired.”

  “I’m not leaving until we talk,” I told her.

  She growled, mumbling something under her breath as she disappeared from the window. I stood, waiting to see what she was doing. I half expected Larry to appear and chase me off the grounds, or Philip waving his badge around.

  “Dammit, Jacob, what are you doing here,” I heard Erin say and spun around to see her coming out of a side door.

  “I want to talk.”

  “I’m taking you home before someone sees you. Come on,” she grumbled, snatching my hand and dragging me through the garage toward her car.

  “I don’t care who sees me anymore,” I told her, flopping into the passenger seat of her car. “The only reason I took this stupid job was to come back for you. It doesn’t matter anymore. The secret you kept from me changes everything. Nothing is the same.”

  Erin was quiet as she pulled out of the Welsh driveway and headed down the road. “Jacob, you’ve been drinking. I’m not going to have this discussion with you right now.”

  “Yes, you are. I’m not drunk.”

  “Whatever,” she said, shaking her head.

  “Everywhere I go, I can feel people looking at me. This whole time I thought they were looking at me with anger and disgust because of the trouble I got into before I was run out of here. Now I realize they’re staring at me because they know. Everyone knows! Everyone knew except for me! And they think I left because of it,” I said, my voice rising.

  “No one knew.”

  “Bullshit! You know the way people talk around here.”

  She sighed. “They suspected, but I have never once talked publicly about Ellie’s father.”

  I scoffed. “As if you had to. Your dad and Philip made damn sure everyone knew how much they hated me. That bullshit started before I even left. They were already working at turning people against me before I even got a chance to defend myself. And then this. You had our child, raised her,” I said, unable to keep talking. It still baffled my mind.

  She was quiet, saying nothing as she drove me home. I began to wonder if she had anything to say. I didn’t know what she could say that would make any of it any better.

  22

  Erin

  I parked my car in his driveway alongside his truck. I was thankful he had been smart enough not to get behind the wheel. I turned off the car and loo
ked at him. He was glowering at me. “I’ll walk you in,” I said in a soft voice.

  “We’re going to talk,” he said, determination in his tone.

  I nodded, grateful that Ellie was having another “sleep over” in Mackenzie’s room. “We’ll talk, after you’ve had some coffee.”

  He threw open the car door, stomping up the walk and fumbling with his keys until he managed to get the door open. I followed behind him, knowing he had a right to be upset, but hoped he could have a rational conversation. Our last one hadn’t gone so well.

  It didn’t take me long to find the K-Cups for the coffee machine. I quickly made him a cup, not really thrilled to be drinking coffee after eight, but figured I may as well. I could be up for a while. I wanted to talk through the situation, and hopefully the two of us could come to some kind of understanding. We had a child to think about and couldn’t let our feelings get in the way.

  Jacob had stomped into his bedroom the moment we had come through the door. I hoped he hadn’t passed out. He was the one who demanded we talk. I picked up both cups of coffee just as he was coming down the hall wearing nothing but a pair of sweats slung low on his hips. He looked dangerous. The scruff on his face combined with his hair that was just a touch longer than he usually kept it gave him an edgy look. In his youth, he’d had that same edge, but it looked far darker and a hell of a lot sexier now than it had back then.

  “Here,” I said, holding out the cup of coffee.

  “I’m not drunk,” he protested.

  “Fine, but you’ve been drinking.”

  “I needed to.”

  I followed him to the couch, sitting on the far end. It was hard to be near him and not touch him, especially looking the way he did. I had thought I was over the bad-boy thing, but hot damn, seeing him like that was making me all warm and squishy inside.

  “Thank you for being willing to talk about this. I know it’s been tough for you. It’s been hard for me as well,” I told him.