Texas Sun

by Sara York

  Lafferty took his hand and led him over to one of the machines. “I’ll buy you a week pass.”

  Lafferty punched the buttons and slid his card, purchasing a week pass. Andries’ heart squeezed. He hated how he needed charity. Lafferty handed him the card, and he shook his head.

  “This doesn’t really fix the problem,” Andries said.

  The screech of metal on metal filled the area as a train pulled into the station. Lafferty tugged him along, and they both swiped their cards to enter the station. The odors of the subway, pungent and sharp, filled his nostrils, and he flinched. He’d spent weeks at a time down here in the winter. So many memories struck him as they loaded onto the train. He had loved his father at one point, but the pain of being homeless hurt more than his love.

  Lafferty turned to him and leaned in. “No, it doesn’t fix the problem, but he doesn’t have a way to contact you since he has my number, and you can choose to never see him again if you wish. And if you do go over there and he asks about me, you can tell him I was a prick, and you left my sorry ass.”

  “You make everything sound so easy.” Andries’ stomach churned as the train lurched forward.

  Concern shined on Lafferty’s face. “Just let me do this. Let me take the fall with your dad. It will make things easier for you.”

  Andries shut his mouth, knowing if he said anything else, Lafferty would blow up. It wasn’t fair how money, among other things, made this much of a difference in life. It wasn’t like all he ever did was drugs and drink his life away. He’d tried working, but once they knew he was homeless, they didn’t want him around. The manager or other employees would accuse him of stealing though he never had. If he worked at a restaurant, he did eat food they were planning on throwing out, but he had a good excuse because he was starving. It was hard to work around food when all you ever wanted was to eat.

  They rode the rest of the way in silence because there were too many people around. At the stop close to where his dad lived, Lafferty took his hand. The gesture was kind and made his heart ache. They weren’t even really friends, and here Lafferty was doing more for him than any other human had done in years.

  “When you’re ready to leave, we’ll go.” Lafferty’s eyes were wide, and his eyebrows raised.

  Andries’ heart clenched. “Fuck, man, you’re being too kind.”

  “When I was homeless, someone was this kind to me. I’m being how we’re supposed to be. People are supposed to care for each other.”

  “God, I don’t know what to say to him.” Andries stepped over a half-eaten burger in a yellow wrapper. Before finding Lafferty, he would have picked it up and eaten it.

  Lafferty took his hand as they climbed the stairs to get out of the subway. “I don’t know. But you’ll think of something.”

  “I can’t tell him I’m homeless. I already fucked up there. And do I really want him to know I have no home? Hell, I don’t have a job, I’ve got nothing.”

  Birds chirped, and traffic whizzed by. People walked and talked all around them. They weren’t in Manhattan any longer, but the area had a similar feel.

  “Hey.” Lafferty stopped walking, and he slowed then stopped, turning to look at the man who before yesterday was a total stranger. “Just take it slow. You don’t have to say anything at all. Let him do most of the talking. He is the one who has the explaining to do.”

  “You’re right. You’re totally right.” Andries took off toward the address but stopped and turned around. “I don’t know where we’re going.”

  “Make a left up here, and it’s on the corner.”

  Andries blew out a breath and waited for Lafferty to catch up. The buildings looked nice. His father had been living in what he would consider luxury while he’d been slumming it.

  “Why are you sticking with me on this?”

  Lafferty shrugged. “Let’s just get through this and find out what happens.”

  Andries’ lips quirked up as he side-eyed Lafferty. “You didn’t answer the question.”

  “I like you, okay?”

  The answer brought a smile to his lips. “Okay.”

  The joy he’d felt at Lafferty’s answer died fast when they stopped in front of his dad’s building. His stomach twisted in knots. How could he face the man who’d kicked him out and tried to ruin his life? He’d spent nights sleeping in alleys, not knowing where his next meal would come from. He’d been forced to do degrading things with men who treated him like shit. Countless hours had been spent afraid, hungry, and lonely. He’d been beaten, fired from jobs, and treated like trash. Now his dad had invited him over for dinner. What did he want?

  The door to the building opened, and his dad stepped out, his arms open and his smile wide. “Andries, Lafferty, thank you for coming.”

  Andries froze. How could he forgive this man? Then Lafferty’s hand was on his shoulder, calm flowing. He glanced over. Lafferty’s smile warmed him. He could do this with Lafferty by his side.

  “Come in. I have food ready.”

  “Thank you, sir.” Lafferty’s voice was strong, leaving Andries feeling like a total dick for lying. He should have told his dad he was a homeless bum with no money or decent clothes. That his last four pairs of shoes had been fished out of the trash can behind the YMCA.

  They entered the building, and he glanced around, taking in the little white tiles on the floor and the yellow painted walls. The place looked nice. A pang of jealousy hit hard. He trudged up the stairs, wondering if he would ever recover. He had no job and no ability to get a job. He didn’t even have an ID since his last one had been stolen. He was a nobody who ate food from the trashcan, and his dad was living in a beautiful building with plenty.

  “I’m so glad you two came over. Andries, I wanted to see you for years. I was wrong. I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”

  Emotions the size of a hurricane welled up. Tears filled his eyes, and he wanted to lash out. Pain and anger clashed, leaving him desperate. The desire to punch his dad grew, but he didn’t let his fists fly. Instead, he drew in a ragged breath and let it go.

  Dad flashed a smile at Lafferty then at him. “So when did you meet? I want to know everything.”

  “No, you don’t get any details,” Andries said.

  The smile fell on his dad’s face. He wanted the man to hurt. It still stumped Andries how his dad could have kicked him out? The only thing keeping him from lashing out was Lafferty holding his hand.

  “I think Andries deserves an explanation.” Lafferty’s voice was so calm and pure. “How about we sit and then you can tell him everything. Maybe next time we get together, Andries will be able to talk about his life.”

  Lafferty was saving him. Surely, if the man wasn’t here, all hell would break loose. His dad nodded and moved to the kitchen, pulling plates from the cabinets. Andries had barely paid attention when they’d entered the building, and now he glanced around, seeing the place. His anger was coming back. His dad had a safe place to live, and Andries had been living in shit holes, trying not to be attacked too many times.

  Andries moved closer but still had to keep a certain distance from his dad, or he would go off on him. He didn’t want to do anything violent or harmful to his dad, so he kept quiet and let Lafferty do the talking.

  An uncomfortable air surrounded them as they sat. He feared meeting his dad’s gaze. The truth was bound to come out. He shouldn’t have popped off, telling his dad they were married. Hell, he didn’t even know Lafferty. When he’d first seen his dad, the pain had been too much. Emotions overrode his good senses, and he wanted to hurt his father. He felt showing the man he could make it on his own was more important than telling the truth. It had been a stupid impulse that made him say he was married. Now he had to pay the price for his stupidity. Eventually, the truth would come out, and his dad would figure out he’d lied.

  His dad brought over plates filled with food. Andries fought to remain calm. Lafferty’s hand on his shoulder helped. They sat at the table with Laff
erty moving his chair closer to Andries. He held the fork, his hand shaking.

  “We were wrong. I was wrong,” his dad said after he took his first bite and swallowed. “I can blame this on Idella, but in the end, it was me who didn’t stand up to her. I listened to her and believed her over you. Then when I realized I’d made a huge mistake, it was too late. I searched, but I couldn’t find you.”

  “How long?” Anger and bitterness laced his words. He glanced up and saw the surprise on his dad’s face, then he looked at Lafferty and calmed.

  Andries took a bite of food, praying he could at least eat a little without getting sick. His stomach twisted, and his heart raced. How could they be sitting at the same table, eating food like nothing happened? The whole of his adult life so far had been difficult because of this man.

  “It was a week later. I felt so wrong about kicking you out. I went to church. I asked question after question. The final answer was I shouldn’t have kicked you out. Idella was lying. My actions were wrong. I’m sorry.”

  Andries drew in a sharp breath and shook his head. He shoved more food into his mouth but didn’t taste anything. They sat in silence for a long moment. He ate a few more bites, and then his dad glanced up with a smile on his face.

  “But it seems like everything has turned out okay. I mean, you’re happy now, right?”

  The question from his dad made him want to vomit, and then he wanted to pick up furniture and start chunking it. Anger and fury filled him as the desire to destroy everything he saw grew. He shoved his chair back as he stood. Lafferty got up too and took his hand. The anger was too much, and he really wanted to tell Lafferty to go to hell, but he wasn’t being fair. Lafferty hadn’t done anything wrong. It was just anger riding him. Instead, Lafferty had done more for him in the last twenty minutes than his dad had in years.

  He swallowed over the rage and focused on what he wanted to say. He had to get this right. If he sounded like a madman, his father would dismiss his words, and he’d never have another chance to tell his dad exactly what he thought and what he needed.

  “I slept in alleyways, eating food from trashcans. I had nowhere to store clothes, so I wore the same rotting shirts and pants for months on end. I got my shoes from the trash bins at the gym. I spent winters freezing and summers boiling hot. I tried getting jobs, but no one wants to hire a homeless person. I was raped in shelters. I had to suck men’s dicks for food. Don’t tell me everything is okay now. It’s not okay. Whether or not I’m happy at this moment doesn’t take away the pain, the humiliation, the fear, or the terror I lived in while you were comfortable. You—”

  He was going to say something he would regret. He couldn’t handle this anymore. It wasn’t worth it to spill it all out and give his dad the power of knowing he was still a totally broken man who had nothing. He would walk out of here with his head held high, even if it was a lie.

  Lafferty took his hand and led him to the door. It was like the man knew what he needed, and they hadn’t known each other for more than a few hours. Their connection was odd, but exactly what he needed.

  “Wait,” his dad called out.

  Andries wanted to tell him to go to hell, but he held his tongue. Lafferty squeezed his hand then turned to face Andries’ dad so he didn’t have to look at the man again.

  “Let me give you this envelope. It has some stuff in it. Stuff you probably need.”

  “Thank you,” Lafferty said before turning and leading Andries outside into the fresh air where he could breathe again.

  Neither of them spoke on the way back to Lafferty’s place. Once there, Lafferty grabbed a beer.

  “Want one?”

  Andries blew out a breath and nodded, words were too hard to say. Eventually, he got out a “thanks,” but only after Lafferty handed him the open bottle of beer.

  They settled in the den, him on the beanbag, Lafferty on the chair. He drank more than half his beer before he said anything.

  “I shouldn’t have gone to talk to him.”

  Lafferty’s lips curved up in a sad smile. “I don’t know, it’s a start.”

  “A start on what? He kicked me out. The only reason he didn’t find me smelly and desperate is because, for some unknown reason, you took pity on me. I’m some homeless jerk who is five minutes away from being on the street again, smelling like shit, eating food from the garbage bin all while I fight for survival. I’m not even sure why I’m struggling to survive. It’s not like it’s going to get better. Day after day, week after week people spitting on me, calling me names, using me like trash, it’s easy to see why people go crazy on the streets.

  Lafferty didn’t answer. Instead, he sipped his beer as he stared at some spot on the floor as if it held all the answers. Andries was on the verge of losing it. He knew he was asking too much of this man who had already given so much.

  He should grab his things and head out, but if he did, he’d be truly lost. Lafferty would have no way of finding him. His situation was hopeless. And why hadn’t he told his father he was still homeless. Could he go back and live at his dad’s house? No, there was too much anger inside.

  “I have to head back to Houston soon. I have a meeting in the morning here in New York.”

  Andries moved to stand, struggling to get out of the beanbag. “I’ll get out of your hair.”

  Lafferty stood, his hand halfway to reaching out to Andries before he stopped. “No, you don’t understand.”

  “What?” Andries fought the urge to yell and scream. His anger wasn’t directed at Lafferty. There was just a tsunami of hate at his situation about to spill out, and Lafferty was the only one around to catch it.

  Their gazes met, and Andries flinched. No one had looked at him with interest in ages. The way Lafferty looked at him made him think maybe he was worth something other than a fuck for a fifty or a blow for a twenty. Lafferty was looking at him like he was a human, not just some sex toy to toss away after finishing.

  “This apartment, I have it for about nine more months, and most of the time, I’ll be in France or Italy or maybe Texas.” Lafferty drew in a slow breath and let it go. “Do you think, like if you had a stable place, you could get a job? Then you could figure out a way in those nine months to get off the streets.”

  Andries’ head throbbed. Was this guy for real? They hadn’t had sex, and he hadn’t done anything for Lafferty, and yet he was being offered a place to live. How had this happened?

  “Would you be okay with living here?” Lafferty asked. “I don’t want to pressure you. I know—”

  Andries’ throat closed, and tears burned his eyes. He threw his arms around Lafferty and pulled him in for a sloppy hug. Sobs were the only thing coming out. He had a chance at living again. He could find a job, and he would have an address. It would be tough, and he knew he’d have to change from being a street person to having a place to live. This apartment wasn’t much, but it was more than he’d had in years.

  He pulled back, his eyes searching Lafferty for any deception. Was there some other hidden agenda? Would Lafferty want sex? He prayed this wasn’t some weird plan where Lafferty would use him. He knew guys who got sugar daddies who ended up being much worse than johns on the street. Sugar daddies usually wanted everything, including your soul.

  “Hey.” Lafferty reached up and wiped his cheeks. It felt like the man cared for him, and more tears came. “I know a few people in town. What jobs have you done?”

  The question took him by surprise. “You’re serious.”

  Lafferty flashed a smile. “Yeah, I am.”

  “And you’re not doing this so you can get kinky sex in some dungeon you plan on locking me up in.”

  Lafferty snorted out a laugh as he stepped back. His cheeks were flaming red. “You can see my dungeon really is like a lame college dorm.”

  Andries let out a harsh laugh. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be an ass. I just never had the chance to go to college. Actually, I barely finished high school. I graduated, but I was homeless at
the time and never saw my diploma, so I can only assume I got it.”

  Lafferty sobered. “Jesus, man, that really sucks.” Lafferty held up the envelope and lifted his eyebrows. “We should open this.”

  Pain hit hard. “You do it.”

  He watched as Lafferty opened the envelope and spilled the contents out over the table. He swallowed as he saw his old ID and other items.

  “You got a diploma,” Lafferty said.

  Andries bit back a harsh laugh and moved to stand at the one window, staring out at the street level where people walked past. He could live here. It wasn’t like his old room at his parents’ house, no, this was better. He didn’t have to pretend to be someone he wasn’t.

  He spun and caught Lafferty watching him. “A job. Places don’t like to hire homeless, and there is no way to account for the last three years.”

  “I know some people who own businesses. I can get you in the door, then all you have to do is impress them.”

  Doubts surfaced. He’d been living on the streets, forced to exist in a subculture no one liked to see or know about. “I don’t have money for clothes.”

  “My clothes mostly fit you. I know you’re shorter, but we can go out and pick up a few pairs of pants tomorrow after my meetings. We can also buy a few better fitting shirts. Mine hang off you like a sack.”

  “They aren’t so bad.”

  “No. You do need new clothes.”

  Andries sucked in a breath. “You’re too nice.”

  Lafferty shook his head. “No, I’m normal. This is how people are supposed to be. You never should have been kicked out.”

  “How do you know I’m not some druggie who’ll take advantage of you?”

  Andries watched Lafferty’s face, looking for some sign he was speaking the truth about all this and wasn’t going to turn Jeffery Dahmer or something.

  “I’ve seen your arms, and you don’t have track marks. Also, you haven’t tried for a hit, and when I washed your clothes, you didn’t pull out a stash of drugs or pills. You haven’t consumed all my beer or alcohol. I’m sure you’ve done some street drugs—”