BRITS AND YANKS
Never mind that little eighteenth-century tiff when American colonists flipped off the king, resulting in the War of Independence (1775–1783). Now Britain is America’s best friend. Clasping hands in wars and in pursuit of global corporate democracy, the two powerbrokers are united in love of oil, arms sales, and doing whatever they deem proper, especially if there’s a buck or two to be made. Yanks fought alongside Brits in both world wars; had they not been so chummy, Americans may never have entered the European arena, where the arms she shipped and the troops she sent were crucial in evening the score. America and Britain forged powerful alliances such as NATO, standing out as the most vocal “white hats” in the Cold War, and encouraging those under Communist regimes to rise up and rebel (though rarely helping those who did). Recent Anglo-American activities have been most questionable—whether you’re looking at costs, ethics, or motives. Brits fought alongside Americans in 1991’s Persian Gulf War, which drove Iraq out of Kuwait, and the Anglo-American duo continued to fly fighter planes over Iraq for a decade, imposing no-fly zones in that country without international authority to do so. The U.S. and UK jointly launched the “War on Terror” with the 2001 bombing of Afghanistan that dismantled the Taliban (temporarily) and unleashed anarchy in its wake. But their most controversial move ever was the 2003 invasion of Iraq. Framed as part of the “War on Terror” and sold with dire warnings from both President George W. Bush and Prime Minister Tony Blair that Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction (WMD) that it could—and probably would—unleash on their countries, that war, launched despite international protests and millions marching in the streets, made both countries look like warmongering fools when no WMD were found and Iraq erupted in chaos. The leaders’ claims were bogus, and so was the packaging: Bush and Blair had been planning a regime change in Iraq at least eight months before the 9/11 attacks occurred or the “War on Terror” was unveiled. A divisive issue in Britain, where the citizenry split was 50-50 on going to war, the Iraq war triggered serious debate over the benefits derived from loyally and habitually backing us Yanks.
Bush and Blair, both deeply religious, have said that God told them to attack Iraq, leading one to wonder whether they’re both delusional or whether God is not a skilled military strategist with an exit plan.
The UK looks puny now, as compared to the behemoth it was during the nineteenth century, when nearly 40 percent of the planet’s land was stitched into the British Empire’s tapestry. But in many ways, this is Britain’s golden hour—well, at least until you peek under the rug. Forget the 1970s and 1980s, when the British economy was so shaky that the government pathetically cut the free milk program in schools, unemployment hovered around 14 percent3, and the major trade unions crippled the country with continual strikes.
That depressing period triggered more than the birth of angry punk music, as epitomized by the Sex Pistols. Two of the country’s lingering problems emerged then as well: soccer hooligans—who take the game so seriously that they attack people and rip up property after a match—and the increasingly popular anti-immigrant British National Party (linked to neo-Nazis)—an instigator of ethnic violence.
The British pound is one of the world’s strongest currencies, and the British economy is vibrant. Previously aging, stodgy, and dour, leaders are now young, modern, and slick. The media, with its wide-ranging focus, is the most insightful on the planet. Power-wise, Britain hasn’t flexed more muscle since the end of World War II. And, most amazingly, Brits have learned to cook, with celebrity chefs Jamie Oliver, Nigella Lawson, and Gordon Ramsay leading the charge. While many extol the culinary leap that proves that British haute cuisine extends beyond shepherd’s pie, celebrity cooking shows have had an unexpected effect. Many Britons—perfectly capable of overboiling peas back in the days when that was the cuisine—now suffer performance anxiety; over two-thirds have stopped throwing dinner parties due to high expectations.4
Of course there’s a flip side. The strong pound buys luxury on holiday, but life at home is staggeringly expensive. The snazzy bars and designer hotels that helped make Britannia so cool charge $20 for a martini and $500 for a night’s stay. London is creatively rich, but creative types need to be rich to live there. Housing prices are so steep that only writers who’ve nailed Nobels can afford to buy property. A taxi to Heathrow from downtown rings in at $100, a low-key night on the town costs double, at least. And, lately, there’s a national erosion of trust. Tony Blair is now seen as a man who has lost touch, is spouting fountains of misinformation, and won’t relinquish his chair—even to Gordon Brown, the man he’s been promising it to for years (see “Hotshots,” page 81). And Tony’s constant cootchie-cooing with George W. Bush is a serious liability. Thanks, at least in part, to Britain’s always-at-DC’s-side stance, radical Islamists are striking out in the UK—as evidenced by the attacks on July 7, 2005.
7/7
The fear of suitcase bombs left at bus stops, common in the 1980s, had subsided with the mellowing of the IRA, and it was just another commute to London that Wednesday, July 7, 2005, the opening day of the G-8 summit in London. At 8:50 AM, three bombs exploded, ripping open several subway cars on the underground; moments later, another bomb blew up on a bus, propelling it into the air. Thousands were trapped in the subway for hours, as emergency workers pulled out hundreds of injured and fifty-six dead. Although al-Qaeda claimed responsibility, the government initially denied that the work of the four foreign-born suicide bombers—three of Pakistini descent, and one a Jamaican—was at all connected to bin Laden’s group or offshoots. The official report, released the following May, also skimmed over intelligence fumbling—the terrorist threat level had been lowered a few weeks before the July 7 attacks, and even though two of the men had previously blipped on intel radar, they weren’t monitored. Under immediate heat from the public and media, which dismissed the reports as a whitewash, Downing Street soon announced that indeed there did appear to be al-Qaeda links, making this the first admitted al-Qaeda attack on British soil. The media and public are still pressuring the government to admit that the attack was related to British foreign policy, particularly the war in Iraq.5
The UK is home to some 2 million multiethnic Muslims; about 10 percent are considered radical. Until recently, Britain had extremely liberal asylum laws and welcomed those facing death sentences in other countries.
Although Brits displayed their famous stiff upper lip, and most went back to work the next day—Mayor Ken Livingstone made a point of taking the subway—Britain, where London is a melting pot and the city’s 40 percent ethnic minorities are part of the city’s cultural tapestry, was stunned. Radical Islam had been a growing concern—particularly Abu Hamza al-Masri, the fiery Egyptian imam at London’s Finsbury Park Mosque, who instructed followers to attack and kill politicians, bankers, video shop owners, alcohol vendors, and non-Muslims.6 Arrested in 2004, al-Masri is now serving seven years in prison for racial hatred and incitement to murder, but seeds he planted may still grow.
Predictably, the racist British National Party, which holds Islam to be a “wicked, vicious faith,”7 had a field day. Buses soon carried their advertising banner—with the slogan “Maybe now it’s time to start listening to BNP!”—and in the next general election, the party doubled its seats in local government.
BNP: NAZIS, RACISTS, AND CLOWNS?
The European Parliament described the hard-right, foreigner-loathing British National Party as “an openly Nazi party”;8 founder John Tyndall proudly referred to Mein Kampf as his “bible”;9 and anti-Fascist magazine Searchlight has been warning about the racist party’s rise for fifteen years. Now headed by reputed neo-Nazi Nick Griffin (who denies that description), the party has widened its focus and is now targeting foreign-born immigrants and their descendents. BNP wants to padlock the doors and shove non-Europeans back to the countries of their “ethnic origins,” with an envelope of money as incentive. A fundamentalist Christian party that only allows UK-born
whites to join, the party stirs up emotions. In Oldham (in England’s north), BNP lambasted Asian immigrants one night in May 2001; hours later, neo-Nazis, white hooligans, and other BNP supporters charged into Pakistani neighborhoods chanting, “If you hate Pakis, clap your hands,” and throwing bricks through windows and into faces. Riots erupted, as whites and Asians hurled 700 petrol bombs at each other, looted stores, and torched over sixty cars—causing $14 million in damages in seven hours. By daybreak, hundreds had been arrested, dozens injured, and the streets—littered with scorched car shells and smashed windows—looked like a war zone. Two weeks later, the British National Party took 16 percent of the Oldham vote. While growing support of BNP alarms many, the good news is that once in office BNP politicians are often inept. As Observer columnist Nick Cohen observed: “One [BNP city council member] resigned after smashing a bottle into the face of another BNP member. A second left because he didn’t have a clue about local government—‘There’s meetings that go right over my head and there’s little point in me being there,’ the poor dear complained. In Stoke-on-Trent, the city’s first BNP [city council member] spoke only twice during two years in office (and one of his ‘speeches’ was an interruption to ask what ‘abstain’ meant).”10
Even Brits who aren’t racist tend to harshly judge their own. What to Americans may seem an egalitarian society largely isn’t, say Brits. The English, who for centuries ground down the Irish, the Scots, and the Welsh, do equal time in flicking off fellow Englishmen. One’s accent—the vowels or consonants one swallows, even the way one refers to restrooms (the upper classes say “loo,” those below them say “toilet”)—conveys one’s life story, including income, alma mater, the neighborhood one hails from, and the clubs one belongs to. The class system, ingrained in Victorian times, still plays out today—in opportunities available and in debates over schools and who is allowed entry to the most prestigious universities—making mobility in British society feel tightly restricted.
Brits, particularly the English, are painfully polite (as illustrated in the hilarious cultural critique Watching the English by Kate Fox), but there’s also the problem of “yobs,” who step beyond drunken buffoonery. According to the government, every year some 125,000 Brits have their faces slashed, their eyes blackened, or their noses and jaws bashed in bar brawls—including 5,000 or so “glassings,” when bottles and champagne flutes turn into weapons.11
Social problems don’t stop there. Recent reports show that many Brits can’t read—or at least not much beyond the Sun’s page 3, the best-read page in the UK, since each day it features a pinup of a topless gal. (Tellingly, Rupert Murdoch’s paper claims the highest circulation in Britain—nearly 4 million.)
CN U RD THS?: LITERACY MATTERS
British politicians are persuasive debaters whose words and delivery are crafted by years of study and rhetoric at fine institutions. The British media is brilliant: sharp analysis, snappy style, and reporters in far-flung corners give the news here an edge unrivaled anywhere. The education system is often considered one of the world’s best, with Oxford and Cambridge being the gems that add luster to the British claim of intellectual superiority. British writers are perhaps history’s most gifted and revered; the elegant words of Shakespeare, Dickens, Austen, and the Brontës are still held dear centuries after the paper they scribbled on has crumbled to dust. So it’s particularly disturbing that reports indicate that Britain has a very high “functional illiteracy” rate: 24 percent can’t read this sentence, having trouble reading much more than “Stop,” “Go,” and “Vote here.”12
Forty percent of Britons never read books, and 13 percent of Britons say they simply never read anything whatsoever.13
Those who can read have certainly noticed that once-popular and hugely influential global player Tony Blair is sinking, and taking his New Labor Party with him. The prime minister’s approval rating in May 2006 dropped below 30 percent, largely due to disgust with his wartime politics. The New Labor Party, for the first time in a decade, took second place in the country’s local elections—being beaten out by the Conservatives, aka Tories. Blair reacted by rearranging his cabinet and tossing Foreign Minister Jack Straw. According to the Washington Post, insiders link the surprising dismissal of Straw (who’d just visited Iraq with Secretary of State Condi Rice) with the minister’s comments about Iran. An attack on Iran was “inconceivable,” said Straw, and the prospect of the U.S. launching a nuclear attack on that country, said Straw, is “completely nuts.”14
History Review
Romans and Vikings, druids and dragons, knights and magicians, murderous queens, loony kings, and torturous deaths—British history has them all pressed into its pages, along with wars with the French, wars with the neighbors, and battles against poverty and disease, which, given the bone-dampening weather, always seemed to be more deadly here. But regardless of what the territorial holdings were that year—an island or an empire—the common thread of British history has been the continuing monarchy, a rule unbroken except for five years, when harsh Oliver Cromwell stepped in after the civil war to serve as lord protector (1653–1658) and act like the cruelest of kings. (See “Ireland,” page 117.)
A FEW MEMORABLE MONARCHS
King Arthur: First mentioned in a Welsh poem from AD 596, Arthur and his Round Table may be merely a myth; most “history” about them was written seven centuries after the Round Table disbanded.
King John (b. 1167; King 1199–1216): In 1215, he was forced to sign the Magna Carta, the first document giving rights to the common man.
Henry VIII (b. 1491; King 1509–1547): Married six wives but had to start his own church to do it.
Mary, Queen of Scots (1542–1587): Never sat on the English throne, but Catholic Mary tried to snatch it from her cousin, Protestant Elizabeth I; when the plot was revealed, she was beheaded after paying the executioner to make it a clean chop. He didn’t.
Elizabeth I (b. 1533; Queen 1558–1603): Who knows if she was really chaste (she so loved to flirt), but the Virgin Queen—as she was known, since she never married—pointed British navigators to far parts of the globe.
James I (b. 1566; ruled 1603–1625): The Scottish king first united Scotland and England when he inherited the English throne too. Demanded adherence to Anglican religion; dissenters fled first to Holland and then to North America, where they were best known as the Pilgrims.
Charles I (b. 1600; Ruled 1625–1649): Unpopular Charles so angered everybody that Britain fell into a forty-eight-year civil war, which led to Oliver Cromwell and cronies taking over.
King George III (b. 1738; King 1760–1820): Afflicted with insanity-causing porphyria, Crazy King George battled more than mental demons; he also fought in the French and Indian War, which zapped the treasury and caused him to raise taxes in American colonies, which led to the Revolutionary War, which led to more wars as other colonies tried to wrest free. During the last nine years of his rule, he was blind and so bonkers that he was imprisoned in his own castle.
Queen Victoria (b. 1819; Queen 1837–1901): Her offspring and descendants married or became crowned heads across Europe (even Queen Alexandra, of Czar Nicholas fame, was related) but the longest-reigning British monarch is best known for Britain’s colonial acquisitions and technological advances.
Considering they’re surrounded by water, Brits were sure slow in hopping onto their ships, entering the colonization race a century after Portugal and Spain. They set up colonies from snowy Canada to balmy Florida, then hit the Caribbean, snatching up small isles. When they reached South America, the Spanish and Portuguese had gobbled up almost everything; the British grabbed but one tiny tract (British Guiana), before planting the flag in Central America, including Belize, from which they depleted nearly all wood. By the mid-1700s, they were shoving the French, the Dutch, the Portuguese, and the Spanish out of the way and grabbing whatever they could in Asia. By the 1800s, the sun no longer set on the British Empire, which included land on every continent.
A few who took to the seas:15
Sir John Hawkins (1532–1595): Charming chap; introduced the slave trade in Britain and looted Spain’s treasure-laden ships, bringing Spain and England to war.
Sir Francis Drake (1540–1596): Pirate and slave-trader Drake could do no wrong by Queen Elizabeth I, especially after he sank the Spanish Armada in 1588, when it sailed into the English Channel.
Sir Walter Raleigh (1554–1618): Poet Raleigh, legend has it, gained favor for tossing his cloak over a puddle that lay in the Virgin Queen’s path. Looked everywhere for fabled El Dorado, where rivers flowed gold, from Spain to America’s east coast starting the colony at Raleigh, North Carolina, along the way. Later a royal spy, he penned books about travels and world history.
Captain James Cook (1728–1779): Sailed to Tahiti to calculate size of the solar system, then mapped Antarctica and the northern Australian coast; died in Hawaii fighting with natives over a stolen canoe.
David Livingstone (1813–1873): Scottish missionary, physician, and early slavery abolitionist Livingstone explored nearly a third of Africa, then disappeared. The New York Herald sent explorer Henry Stanley to find him, which he did in 1872, after two years of searching, greeting him with the famous line “Dr. Livingstone, I presume?”
Richard Burton (1821–1890): Military man and spy, Burton sniffed out secrets in India’s souks and explored Arabia and Egypt, writing breathtaking books about an exotic Muslim world unknown to the West.
What Every American Should Know About Europe Page 9
