by Cilla Lee
“You don’t need that shit, you live here,” he tells me
“I can’t live here,” I tell him (I need to start my life)
“Why not?” he asks me drinking his coffee and lifts one of his eyebrows
“Because I need to get on with my life, I just… can’t” I try and explain why, but Blaze walks in shirtless, and I almost choke on my spit (damn, he’s gorgeous) his shirtless form making my body react to him, but I dampen it down
“Can’t what?” Blaze asks, walking over and getting a coffee and I see the large tattoo covering his back
“Ella here thinks she’s moving out,” Saint tells him, and Blaze turns and looks at me
“You wanna move out, to where?” I shrug my shoulders, not sure where when and looking at him why
“I don’t know I just…” (god I can’t concentrate with him standing there like that)
“She has to start her life,” Saint tells him what I said, and Blaze just stares at me
“So, start your life here with us.” two of the women walk in half-naked as usual, so I look down not sure where to look, just another reason to move out. So, I don’t have to see naked women or men having sex or walking around like its ok that everyone can see what god gave them
“Just ignore them,” Zoey tells me, but I have to get out of here away from Blaze, from these women, it’s all too much
“I’m going to my room,” I tell them and leave as fast as I can. As I make my way through the main room, I see a few of the guys leaving and wonder what the guys do here, do they work. I know that Brayden used to work at the Strip club that the club own, but what do the others do. I look back towards the kitchen and wonder what Blaze does for a living, does he work at the strip club.
As I walk to the stairs Bliss walks around the corner, bumping into me “Watch where you're walking” she says pushing me back
“Sorry I didn’t see you.”
“So, when are you leaving? all the others are gone,” she looks me up and down, smirking, and I want to cover myself, but I purposely leave my hands at my side. “Or are you going to stay on as a club-whore, not that you’d fit in your too fat,” she mocks me smiling like all the other women I’ve come across in my life and a husband who constantly told me I was a fat bitch and was never good enough. I frown at her looking down, and that worthless feeling comes over me, and I cover my stomach and go to walk past her but stop (you’re a survivor) I tell myself feeling a burst of confidence.
“I have more respect in myself than to let a bunch of guys fuck me for a roof over my head” I smile, feeling proud but bad because I tried to make her feel like shit, she gives me the stink eye stepping forward, and I step back my back to the wall all confidence gone
“Don’t think you're better than me cause you’re not, yeah, I fuck the guys, but I do it because I like it especially Blaze. When he fucks me in the ass, or when I come all over his face as he licks me out umm...” she tells me smiling, and I step back needing space from her, and she laughs. “Or when he ties me up and fucks me hard, shoving that big cock of his in every hole,” she taunts me, smiling and I push past her out the door of the clubhouse, Bliss’s cackling laughter pissing me off (god I need to get out of here).
“Hey Ella”
“Hey Steven, can you let me out please?” I ask him a little shaken from my encounter with Bliss (Bliss what sort of a name is that) “fucking Bitch” I mumble
“Who’s a fucking bitch?” Steven asks me, and I look up at him
“What?” I ask, and he chuckles
“You said Fucking bitch? and who fucked you off?” he asks me, but I shake my head stepping closer to the gate
“No one” I lie, and he nods
You sure you’re ok?” he asks, and I look up at him smiling, trying to ease his expression
“I’m fine, I just need a walk is all.”
“Alright, well, be careful and don’t be gone too long.” I nod as he opens the gate and I turn right and walk away from the clubhouse.
I make my way to the cemetery again and find myself staring at two filled holes and lay between them like last time. “Hey Bray, I miss you so much.” I stare up at the sky as birds fly over, clouds make all sorts of shapes, and the sun shines down. “I’m finding a lot out about your club big brother and to say I’m a little shocked is an understatement.” I laugh thinking about Zoey and Saint’s faces, they look so happy, and I want that. I want to be that happy with someone who only looks at me. “Hey Bray, I know I should have told you more often, but I love you so much, and I’ll come and see you all the time ok.” I stand up and notice the graveyard looking a little messy and see the older gentlemen that was here last time and I make my way over to him
“Hi,” I say, and he turns to look at me
“Hello,” he says
“Um… I’m going to be coming around a lot, and I was looking around; would you like some help with the gardening?” he looks at me confused
“You want to help me?” I nod
“Yep”
“I don’t have any jobs going.”
“I don’t want a job, well, I need one, but I’m offering for free,” he looks me up and down
“In those clothes” I look down at my jeans button-down shirt and ballet flats
“Yep” he smiles
“You sure?” he asks, and I nod
“Yep, what would you like help with first?”
“You know how to mow a lawn?”
“I do indeed.” I had to do everything after Brayden left home, so helping Grammy around the garden was always something we did, hence my love of flowers eventually becoming a florist
“Than the shed’s down there, help yourself.”
“Ella,” I tell him holding out my hand, and he looks at it than wiping his hand on his overalls shaking it back
“Mac”
“Well Mac, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” he smiles, shaking his head and I can only imagine what he’s thinking (a screw loose here) I walk off towards the shed and find the ride on mowers and start her up getting on and start to mow the lawns of the cemetery.
Chapter Seventeen
Blaze
I watch Ella walk back into the clubhouse a few hours later and grind my teeth “What the fuck have you been doin’?” Cuff asks her, and I notice she’s dirty as fuck, mud, and dirt all over her clothes and her hairs a mess, Ella stops and looks at us
“I was gardening,” she tells us, and I frown at her (gardenin’)
“You were gardening” he repeats her answer, and she nods, Bliss comin’ over and sittin’ next to me rubbin’ her tits all over my arm and Ella blushes walkin’ off
“Hey, where the… fu” he calls out to her, but she keeps walking, not lookin’ back “What the fuck was that shit,” he asks, but I just shake my head as Bliss rubs my legs, but I push her off of me
“Fuck off Bliss, I’m not in the fuckin’ mood.” she huffs gettin’ up. I am however in the fuckin’ mood to go upstairs and tan little miss Ella’s ass.
She comes down about an hour later as I’m sittin’ at the bar and I see she’s changed and all clean, my dick gettin’ hard thinkin’ about her upstairs showerin’ naked. All the water cascading down her body, over her huge fuckin’ tits, down her slim waist to her gorgeous ass that I plan on holdin’ on too tight as I fuck her hard (fuck). She walks over to Zoey who’s sittin’ on one of the sofas readin’, and I watch as they sit and talk
“Hey handsome, want some company?” Lila asks rubbin’ my leg, and I grab her wrist before it goes up any further (what is it with all these bitches touchin’ me lately)
“Fuck off,” I tell her, and she huff like Bliss did, and storms off and I shake my head but watch Ella and Zoey through the mirror
“Asshole” I hear her whisper as she walks off. I watch as the girls get up and head over to the pool tables and Zoey shows Ella how to hold the pool cue. They play a few games laughin’ when Ella misses a shot or when she hits the felt. When Ella leans o
ver the table, I almost groan at how fuckin’ hot she looks in that position my dick gettin’ hard at the sight. Saint walks in sittin’ next to me, and I notice the familiar white box in his hands
“Yo man, what ya up to?” he asks me
“Nothin’,” I tell him keepin’ my eyes on the girls
“Not workin’,” he asks me, and I shake my head takin’ a drink of my coffee and look down at the box
“That what I think it is” Saint nods smilin’ like an idiot
“It sure as fuck is.”
“Damn, that’s fast, don’t you think?” I ask, but he just shakes his head
“Nope, not at all,” I smile at the fuckhead
“Always knew you had a thing for her,” I tell him, and he looks at me a confused look on his face
“How?”
“After that ride, we went on years ago, I saw the way you looked at her.”
“You never said anything.”
“I would have if you touched her, but you didn’t so there was nothin’ to say,” I tell him and he looks a little relieved
“Still”
“We all have our crosses to bear,” I tell him still watchin’ Ella
“What’s your cross brother?” he asks me, and I look at him
“That’s my business.” he laughs slappin’ me on the back and gets up
“Chance wouldn’t mind man, you’re a good guy,” he says, and I turn lookin’ at him as he walks over towards the girls (Chance would kill my ass if he knew what I was thinkin’ about doin’ to his sister). I watch Saint walk up to the girls and they both turn smilin’, Saint yells out
“BLAZE” and I turn lookin’ at the three of them
“What?”
“You don’t mind taking over for Zoey do you?” I stand up and walk over to the three of them (fuck no I don’t)
“Not at all,” I tell him, and Saint hands me Zoey’s pool cue
“Thanks, Brother” I watch as they both walk off towards the stairs and Ella looks up at me blushin’
“So, you wanna play?” I ask her, and she looks around the room, noticin’ where the only two here
“Um”
“Come on, one game loser buys dinner.” she bites her lip, and I want to grab her and kiss her “one game,” I ask smiling, and she rolls her eyes
“Fine”
I set the balls back up “You wanna break.”
“Um… I’m not really good at this”
“What’s to know, you aim and smash the balls apart.”
“Smash the balls apart, I think there’s a little bit more to it than that,” she says smilin’, and I love it
“Not on the first go, go on lean over and smash away,” she smiles and moves to the end of the pool table and leans over takin’ her shot and the balls explode around the table and I look at her
“Impressive, you got in both strips and solids which one do you want,” she looks confused, “You got in a strip and a solid, so you choose which one you want to play”
“Stripes,” she says
“Well, try and sink as many as you can.” We have a few games, and I even let her win one, but she’s that bad that it’s hard to lose
“So, what do you want for dinner?” I ask her
“No, I lost, so I pay what do you want?” she asks, and I smile at her, she blushes lookin’ down “so,” she says as she takes a deep breath lookin’ at me
“How about Chinese,” I say makin’ her smile and damn if my heart doesn’t skip a beat she’s so fuckin’ beautiful
“I like Chinese.” I walk over and grab one of the menus, and she sits on the sofa next to me
“So, what do you want?” I ask her as Cuff and Oki come over
“What’s goin’ on?” Cuff asks lookin’ at the menu. “Oh yes, you orderin’ out” I want to punch the fucker in the face, but I move closer to Ella lookin’ over her shoulder, Oki laughs lookin’ at me, and I frown at him
“What the fuck are you laughin’ at?” Cuff asks him, but he shakes his head
“Nothin’, I gotta get to work” Cookie’s still leanin’ on Ella, when I push his hand off of her he looks at me
“What?”
“I’m sure Ella doesn’t want you pawin’ all over her fuckhead.”
“Fuck off, I was lookin’ at the menu.”
“Fuckhead, you know that menu by heart, now get the fuck off of her” I warn him, and he moves over
“Fine, order me a large fried rice and sweet and sour pork… Large” I shake my head
“Fuckhead if you’re hungry, get your own,” I tell him
“You’re already ordering it!”
“So”
“Fuck, don’t be a dick, Ella you’ll order it for me, won’t you,” he asks her tryin’ to look all sweet and shit
“No, she fuckin’ won't,” I tell him
“It’s fine Blaze, where ordering anyway,” she tells me, and I narrow my eyes at Cuff, but the fucker smiles givin’ me the finger. Everything in me wants to get up and beat the ever-lovin' fuck out of this dickhead, but I keep my ass on the seat not wantin’ to scare Ella
“Give Ella the money,” I tell him
“Can I give it to you tomorrow Ella?” he says all sweet
“No, you fuckin’ can’t, so give her the money,” I tell him
“Damn man,” he says pullin’ out a twenty
“That’s not enough cockhead, give her another twenty.”
“Fuck off, it won’t cost that much”
“It will with delivery.”
“You’re an asshole,” he says makin’ me smile, and he walks away, and Ella turns to me
“It was fine Blaze,” she says, and I shake my head
“Trust me, baby, if there’s one lesson I’ve learned in life, it’s get the money up front,” I tell her and hand her my phone.
Chapter Eighteen
Ella
As we sit and eat dinner, I tell Blaze all about helping Mac today “So, you went to the cemetery and helped the groundskeeper tidy the cemetery?” I nod, but Blaze frowns at me
“What?” I ask him
“Baby, don’t leave the compound without tellin’ anyone where your goin’” I frown at him, sick and tired of people, ‘well men’ telling me what I can and cannot do. I stand up and look down at him
“Blaze, if I want to go to the god damn cemetery, then I’ll go to the god damn cemetery whenever the hell I want. No one and I mean no one will ever tell me what the hell I can do from now on. This is my life, and if I want to go and help Mac, then I’ll god damn do it do you hear me.” he stands up, and I look up at him, his face expressionless making me gulp and he leans down closer to me
“I said, do not leave the fuckin’ compound without tellin’ anyone where you're goin’ not that you couldn’t go,” he says, and I step back, but he grabs me around the back of the neck and leans in more. “You speak to me like that again baby, and I’m gonna tan that gorgeous fuckin’ ass of your till it’s red as fuck you hear me.” I push him away from me and stare at him then walk off up to my room not saying another word to anyone and especially not that arrogant ass.
*
I toss and turn all night remembering the feel of Blaze’s hand on my neck feeling confused that it didn’t horrify me. When Joe used to grab me, he did it to hurt, but the way Blaze done it, it felt possessive but erotic at the same time as his thumb rubbed my neck gently making my nipples hard. After the years of being with an abusive partner, I never thought I would feel things like the way Blaze makes me feel. He looks at me with lust filled eyes that scare me but excites me at the same time, and the thought of sleeping with him doesn’t make me feel dirty fat or gross. He makes me want to look at myself; differently, he looks at me like he wants me but it still confuses me, scares me even. Whenever Joe would touch me, I would cringe, and in the later years of our marriage, the thought of him inside me would make me feel ill. And it wasn’t like that at the beginning, we used to love each other. But I should have re
alized that things weren't all that it was supposed to be I mean my wedding night was a complete and utter disaster. Joe was so drunk that we didn’t even consummate our wedding until two days later and even then, it was him climbing on thrusting a few times, and that was it. I always regretted never sleeping with Joe before we got married, losing my virginity to my husband made me realize that Joe was never worthy of me. Every time he wanted sex, it was him climbing on, thrusting inside me until he came then he’d climbed off going to sleep. To say that I had an unfulfilled marriage and sex life was putting it mildly, I’ve never even had an orgasm, I thought I came close once, but it fizzled as Joe rutted inside me going straight to sleep once he came and me lying there looking up at the ceiling.
*
Waking that morning was hard, my eyes felt so heavy, but I knew I couldn’t sleep all day. I needed to get up, look for a job and start my damn life. I had a quick shower and headed to the kitchen, this was definitely a strong coffee morning. “Good morning,” Zoey says, and I look at her as I grab a coffee and sit across from her “Sorry about leaving you with Blaze yesterday,” she says, but I shake my head
“It was fine, he was ok, a bit moody, but pleasant sort of” she looks at me
“Blaze was pleasant sort of” I nod not wanting to say anything or think about Blaze right now, I got shit to do, and Blaze is not a part of it
“Yeah,” I tell her
“Ok,” she says, lifting her coffee cup up and I notice the huge diamond ring on her finger
“Is that a…” she nods, smiling holding out her hand
“Saint proposed this morning,” she beams, her smile lighting the room
“Oh my god, congratulations,” I tell her genuinely happy for her
“Thank you, you’re the first person I’ve told” I look at her surprised
“Really!” I asked surprised that she hasn’t rung the girls yet
“Yeah, I want to do it in person with the girls, so they're all coming for lunch, and I’m gonna tell them” I nod at her smiling, young love so cute
“Wow”
“When are you getting married?” I ask her
