by Layne, Ivy
For one shining moment I’d had what I wanted, and now I needed more.
Petra.
I’d always imagined having kids. I’d never dreamed I had a little sister, much less that she’d be dumped in my lap. I barely knew the kid, so how had she sunk her hooks so deeply into my heart? Why did I look into her eyes and feel like she was mine?
Was it just biology? We look alike. Maybe my instinct to protect her was only because she was so familiar, with her Sinclair blue eyes and dark hair so much like my own. Maybe she’d only connected with me because I resemble our father so much.
Did it matter? That little girl was my family. My sister. Life had dealt her a shitty hand, mostly due to our asshole of a father. I had the power to make it better. I couldn’t live with making it worse.
The idea of stepping up made a pretty picture, but that was a far cry from the reality of becoming a parent overnight. I work too much. I wanted time alone with Alice now that I finally had her.
A toddler was a bomb dropped in the middle of my life. A great big inconvenience. Was I really going to turn my life upside down for Petra? How could I expect Alice to do the same?
I hated the idea that Petra might scare Alice away, hated it with everything I had.
I wasn't willing to give either of them up.
I might not have a choice.
Would I still want Petra if she ended up being the wedge that drove Alice and me apart? Could I love my little sister the way she deserved if she cost me Alice?
I wasn’t Petra’s only brother. Knox and Lily already had Adam. What was one more kid? And there was Evers or Axel. I wasn’t the only option.
I pictured Petra’s eyes, so like my own, the way she’d reached for me that morning with such pure, innocent trust. The way she’d done the same with Alice when she’d panicked at the store.
I didn’t want to push Petra off on one of my brothers.
I wanted my father, Tsepov, and Agent Holley out of our lives. I wanted Petra settled and happy. I wanted Alice with me. In my arms. In my bed. In my life.
What were the odds I could have all of that, exactly the way I wanted it?
Just ask Alice what she wants, my conscience urged. Or maybe it wasn’t my conscience, maybe it was my balls. Throw me in a dangerous situation at work and I’m all confidence. Not so much when I’m faced with losing the woman I love.
I kept my questions to myself and helped Alice put away Petra's things. I hauled empty shopping bags stuffed with packaging material to the front door over and over until the guest room was slowly transformed into a little girl's bedroom.
Standing side-by-side, we looked at the queen-sized bed, now bracketed by safety railings on either side. “Does she need a kid’s bed?” I asked. “Something smaller?”
“This is probably okay for now.”
For now.
What did that mean? For now, as in we’ll get her a new bed later? Or for now, as in she isn't staying so why worry about it?
Everything Alice had purchased could be packed up and moved. A bed was permanent.
I was making myself crazy. I opened my mouth to ask Alice what she was thinking. “Alice—”
“Hmm?” she asked, rearranging the books on the nightstand.
I lost my nerve. “I invited everyone over for dinner tonight. Evers and Summer are going to bring takeout.”
Alice checked her watch. “Good idea. We should have time to put that high chair together before Petra wakes up.”
“Yeah, that sounds like a plan,” I said, as full of shit as I’d ever been.
I’d faced down my father, forced him to give in to all of my demands, and ended up with everything I wanted.
I’d have to find the courage to do the same with Alice before it was too late.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Alice
Dinner was nice but weird. This wasn’t the first time I’d eaten with Cooper, his siblings, and their women, though it was the first since Knox had brought Lily into our lives. Conversation was easy, touching on things like the repair and remodel at Knox’s house and Emma’s plans at her job when she was back home in Las Vegas. Stuff we might have talked about anytime. Normal.
It would have been great if anything in our lives had been remotely normal. Instead, everything was inside out and upside down, and the longer we went without discussing the elephants in the room, the more on edge I became.
Elephant number one, Petra, sat on Cooper's big couch with Adam, snuggling her stuffed rabbit and watching a movie.
Despite her long nap she still seemed tired. Maybe she was exhausted, or it could be the giant dinner she'd eaten. Every time I put food in front of the kid she inhaled it. Either Maxwell had been starving her or she was going through a growth spurt.
She’d devoured her breakfast, eaten every bite of the snacks I’d brought along for the shopping trip as well as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, and she’d dived into her plate of macaroni and cheese at dinner like she hadn't seen food in weeks.
I always heard people talk about how picky kids could be, but Petra ate whatever I put in front of her until every scrap was gone. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she was eating, but even Lily seemed unsettled by her appetite.
I don't think Maxwell was intentionally withholding food from his daughter, but he wasn't the kind of guy who thought about other people's needs before his own. I doubted a kid’s meal schedule would be the same as an adult’s. I skipped meals all the time and made up for it later, but I didn't think you could do that with kids. Then again, what I knew about kids would barely fill a postcard.
Not talking about Petra was one thing, but it was also odd that no one had mentioned Maxwell. Conversation flowed from topic to topic, all of them mundane, as the tension inside me wound tighter and tighter. Cooper sensed it, sending me worried glances as we ate dinner.
I wanted to reassure him, but I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t bring myself to say I was fine. I wasn’t fine. I was stressed and freaked out. I was worried about Petra, about Cooper having to deal with Maxwell, about the changes in my life, so fast and so huge.
We were sipping on coffee and after-dinner drinks, finishing the crumbs of the cake Axel and Emma had picked up from Annabelle’s, when out of nowhere, Knox said, “Dave Price sent over the paperwork.”
Beside me, Cooper went solid, every muscle in his body locked tight. I leaned closer, my own muscles going stiff with tension when I realized he wouldn’t meet my eyes. What paperwork?
Fortunately, Summer asked for me. “What paperwork? What did you need Dave for?”
Dave Price was their family lawyer. All at once I knew, before Evers answered his girlfriend’s question. “Cooper strong-armed Dad into agreeing to sign papers terminating his parental rights to Petra.”
I glanced over my shoulder to make sure the kids weren't listening, even though I knew the surround sound speakers would drown out any conversation from this side of the room.
My head spun. Maxwell agreed to sign papers terminating his parental rights. Evers hadn't said who would get custody of Petra. Somehow, in all my mental back and forth about Petra, it hadn't occurred to me that Cooper had three brothers, one of whom was currently raising a child not much older than Petra.
It hadn't occurred to me that she might not end up with us.
My stomach clutched. My heart ached with a stabbing pain. I didn't know what I was getting into, didn't know if I was ready, didn't know if I'd be any good at this, but the thought of packing up that bedroom, of handing Petra over to someone else, sent panic arcing through me.
I bit my lip to keep my mouth shut, wanting to shout into the room, No! She's ours.
I couldn't do that. She wasn't my little sister. I hadn't even talked to Cooper about it. Cooper wasn't meeting my eyes. Had he decided Petra was better off with one of his br
others? What if none of them wanted her? Were we just going to give her away, abandon her like her father had?
No, of all the things to worry about, that wasn’t one. I knew these men. They would not abandon that little girl. No way.
I wanted her. I had no right, but that was how I felt. I saw Lily and Knox looking at each other, having a silent conversation, and my heart kicked up in another rush of panic.
They were going to offer to take Petra. I knew it. I shouldn't even argue. Lily was already a mother. She knew what she was doing. Wouldn’t Petra be better off with Lily and Knox?
In desperation, I looked at Cooper. He was watching me, his eyes wary yet hopeful. He raised an eyebrow and my heart leapt. In a low voice that no one else could hear, he said, “Do we want her?”
The shortest of questions, but there was no time for anything else. I'd already cataloged all my doubts, all the reasons to say no.
I did the only thing I could. I said, “Yes.”
Cooper's eyes lit with incandescent joy. He reached to take my hand, squeezing it hard, pulling it to rest on his leg, his fingers wrapped around mine as he said to his siblings, “We want her to stay with us. Alice and I want custody.”
Surprised expressions from everyone at the table but Lily. My heart still pounding, Cooper's hand the only thing anchoring me in place, I barely heard Evers when he said, “How's that going to work? Is Alice going to quit? Alice can't quit. We had three days without you this week,” he said to me, “and the place is about to fall apart. I don't want to be an ass—” a quick glance at the kids on the couch and he lowered his voice. “I don’t want to be an asshole but—”
I rode a roller coaster from joy to dismay. I wanted Petra. Cooper wanted Petra. We wanted to give her a home, love, and safety. But I didn't want to quit my job. Cooper couldn’t. He ran the company.
It's not that I have anything against staying home with kids, but I love what I do. And Evers was right, my leaving would affect a whole lot more than just Cooper, myself, and Petra.
I looked at Cooper to see his eyebrows knitted together with worry. He squeezed my hand again and said to the table, “We'll figure it out. Alice doesn't want to leave her job, and we need her there, but we can get creative. Before we know it, Petra will be ready for preschool, and maybe at that point, we can look into a nanny. With everything she’s been through, I don't feel right putting her with strangers during the day. Not for a while.”
“Then what?” Knox asked.
“We could do half days,” Cooper offered. “I can scale back, you guys can pick up some of my client work and team management so Alice and I can switch off, one of us working in the mornings and the other in the afternoon. Part-time with both of us is better than one of us leaving.”
Lily leaned forward, and everyone looked in her direction. Quietly, looking a little nervous now that the entire table was staring at her, she said, “I’ll watch Petra during the day. I think you're right, for the next few weeks maybe both of you doing half-time or figuring out how to take some days off would be best. That scene at the store today—”
Lily shook her head, her eyes dark with concern. “It was bad. She needs time to settle in. I can come over during the day here and there while she gets comfortable, and once she’s ready she can spend the days with me.”
Relief was sunshine in my heart. Lily was a great mom, and once she married Knox she'd officially be Petra's family. Still, Adam had just started kindergarten and she was still getting used to a new city. Full-time childcare is a huge commitment.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Unless anyone can think of a reason that wouldn’t work—” Lily waited for an objection.
Knox kissed the side of her mouth before saying, “I think it’s a great idea.”
With more confidence, Lily went on, “To be honest, the house is a little empty—a lot empty—now that Adam is in kindergarten. Knox and I decided—” Lily sent a questioning look at Knox, who gave her a reassuring smile.
“We’re not ready to start trying for another child until Adam's had more time to adjust to the last year. He’s doing great, but losing his dad and then moving…it's a lot all at once and he’s only five. We have time to add to our family, and by then Petra should be starting school herself.”
Lily looked at Cooper and me. “Just because you guys are taking custody doesn't mean we all shouldn't pitch in. She has four brothers, you know?”
I let out the breath I'd been holding. If Lily would watch Petra, if we could do what she suggested and ease her in so she was comfortable with everyone before Cooper and I went back to work full time… That solution would be just about perfect. I leaned forward to catch Lily’s eye. “You really wouldn't mind? It's a lot to ask.”
“We’re family, aren't we? This is what families do. That little girl is attached to you. I saw it today. She didn't want me, she didn’t want Griffen. She wanted you. I've already seen her with Cooper tonight. You both genuinely want her, and she clearly wants you.
“And honestly, I'm at loose ends right now. I don't want to get a job I don't really need just to fill the time. I love kids, loved being with Adam when he was Petra’s age, but I don’t want to take care of a stranger’s kids. This is different. If it doesn't work out, I'll tell you and we’ll find another solution.”
“If you really don't mind,” Evers said, “you'd be a lifesaver, Lily. Because seriously, if we don't have Alice at the office we’ll all end up killing each other.”
“What about me?” Cooper cut in with mock offense. “You can’t live without Alice, but you can live without me?”
“Exactly,” Knox rumbled, his face straight but the gleam of humor in his eye. “But seriously, Evers and I can fill in for you if we have to. Alice? No way. The interns and new hires do their best, but they fuck up half the stuff we throw at them.”
“A few suggestions,” Axel interrupted. All eyes turned to him. “Alice needs an assistant. You have room in the budget, and it would mean that if she has to take off work the office has coverage and Alice isn’t coming back to a mess. Knox and Evers can cover for Cooper, but you don’t have anyone to cover for Alice. My office manager has an assistant and it’s worked out for everyone.”
Cooper turned serious eyes on me. “That’s a good idea. Do you want an assistant?”
My knee jerk response was to insist I could handle it all on my own. Then I thought about the days I’d worked through being sick, and how I couldn’t do that when it was Petra who was sick. Or had a doctor’s appointment. Or Lily had something going on and couldn’t watch her. Cooper would handle some of those, but if he had commitments he couldn’t reschedule…
“I want to sit in on interviews and have veto power on whoever you hire,” I said.
“Obviously,” Evers said with a grin. “Can you imagine if we hired someone you didn’t like? You’d eat him for breakfast.”
“Another thing,” Axel interrupted, “You might want to touch base with Vance and Maggie Winters. Their Rosie is almost three, and they’re still on the search for a new nanny. The girls might like playing together, and bringing in a nanny would give Lily some relief when she needs it.”
Cooper let go of my hand and wound his arm around my shoulder. I scooted my chair closer and leaned into him, content despite the challenges we had yet to face.
Not one person sitting at this table was perfect, but they didn’t have to be. This was family, pitching in together to make things work. This is what Maxwell and Lacey didn’t get. Family was everything, and we were going to give this to Petra.
We couldn’t erase her past or give her back everything she’d lost, but we could give her something good. Something real. And we would. I thought again of Petra’s mother, dead far too young, and silently promised, We’re going to do right by your daughter. I swear we will.
Petra didn’t want to go to bed after e
veryone had left. She asked for Maxwell, crying, “Daddy, where Daddy?” until Cooper’s jaw was tight and I wanted to march downstairs and bitch-slap Maxwell for abandoning his daughter.
If he was going to continue the life he’d been living, then leaving Petra with us was the right choice, but for now, he was just an elevator ride away. How could he bear to ignore her, knowing she had to be scared in a new place?
Cooper and I finally got her down by lying on either side of her, me rubbing her back and Cooper telling her story after story until the rumble of his voice lulled her to sleep. We crept out, hoping she’d stay asleep, and made our way to Cooper’s room.
Torn by conflicting needs, I turned apologetic eyes on Cooper. “Just so you know, I totally want to have sex with you.”
“But…”
“But I feel weird about locking the door when she had such a hard time falling asleep.”
Cooper closed his fingers around my wrist, pulling me into the circle of his arms. His mouth dropped to mine in a long, sweet kiss that left me lightheaded by the time he straightened. “I don’t know, you wore me out between the cabin and last night. I think I need a day off to recover.”
“Like I believe that.” I smacked the back of my hand against his rock-hard abs and had second thoughts about locking the door. It would be okay for a little while, right?
“Will you move your things in tomorrow?” Cooper asked, changing the subject. He’d asked me that earlier, but I’d been thinking about Petra and her freak-out at the store and hadn’t really paid attention.
“It’s important to you, isn’t it?”
“It is. I want you here, Alice. I want to know you’re staying, that you’re in this with me.”
Winding my arms around his waist, I leaned back to look up at him, hoping he could see my heart in my eyes. “I’m in this with you, Cooper. All the way. I didn’t think moving my things was that important, but if it means something to you, I’ll start bringing stuff up.”
“I’ll make room in the closet,” Cooper said, brushing my hair back from my face.
