by Dawn Doyle
“I-I’m sorry,” Shay said, her face pale. “I have to go.”
“Shay, wait!” Lara said, standing quickly. She attempted to round the table, but Will’s arm shot out to stop her.
I got up to follow Shay out of the food hall, trying to avoid the people standing around so I could catch up to her.
Shay
I’d officially lost my mind. The moment Elise had tried to lie about Eastyn, I’d already gone over the edge, but when she’d spoken to me like a child, the ledge I’d been gripping onto gave way. Slapping her had given me a rush of elation, the kind only besting your opponent could give you. But, the second she turned to leave, the reality of the situation came falling down around me, crashing into the ground and hauling me out of my defensiveness.
I hit her… In front of everybody!
She’d deserved it, I couldn’t deny that, but I’d never wanted the differences between us to come to violence. Hell, my parents had made sure I understood that words were the greatest weapon you could have, and using your fists would only serve as your downfall.
“Shit,” I whispered as I shoved the doors open and stormed outside. The fresh air and mid-Spring heat hit me all at once, and I stopped, taking in the warmth, hoping it would ease the tension in my shoulders and spine.
“Babe,” Eastyn said, coming up beside me and pulling me to him. “What’s wrong?”
I swallowed hard, then took a deep breath, giving myself a moment longer so I wouldn’t blurt everything out in one long incoherent sentence. “I hit her, Eastyn. I hit her right across the face.” I scrubbed my hand over my mouth. “Then I went for her again.”
“Yeah, you did,” he said, and I swear I could hear a smile in his tone. “She’s had that coming for a while.”
I looked up and saw that he wasn’t smiling at all. His brows were pulled together in concern, his lips slightly pursed, and his entrancing eyes searching mine. “I shouldn’t have done that, though,” I countered. “I should’ve just let her continue to dig herself into a deeper hole. She was already making a fool of herself enough before I hit her.”
His hand slid up my back to my head, and he held me close to his chest, his heat and scent calming me right away. “You stood up for me this time,” he said into my hair then kissed the top of my head. “When she tried to lie about what happened, I saw it in your eyes that she was going to pay for what she said.”
I shook my head against him. “I don’t know what happened,” I said, then blew out a controlled breath. “I’m not a violent person, I swear. The last time I wanted to hit someone so bad, I…” I clamped my jaw shut, refusing to speak another word of what was about to fall out of my mouth.
“What did you do?” he asked softly.
I shook my head again. “It’s nothing. It was a long time ago, and it’s not worth repeating.”
Eastyn pulled back and cupped my face, holding me in his hands while gazing right at me. “You can talk to me, Shay. I know something’s bothering you. I don’t care how long ago it was, I can tell it’s still on your mind.” My shell weakened, and my need to get things off my chest intensified as he continued to scan my face. He dipped his head and pressed his lips to mine in a gentle kiss. “I’m not trying to rush you.”
I released my grip on his shirt and took a step back while nodding. “I want to, Eastyn, I really do. What happened to me is nothing compared to…” I trailed off due to the other people around us. My eyes roamed over his covered torso. My experience was inconsequential in comparison to the whomever had caused those scars on Eastyn’s body. “I want us to be able to open up to each other.”
“I’m not ready,” he said, his voice so quiet I barely heard the words. “But I do want to share with you. I have to, Shay, or it will just tear me apart—I know that. Actually”—he dropped his hands and looked down to the ground—“It might tear us apart when I do. There are only a few things that scare me, and one of them is you leaving.” He stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers and I leaned into his touch.
What the hell? How would me knowing who caused his injuries break us up?
“Eastyn, that won’t happen,” I assured him. “Nothing you could tell me would make me leave.”
He kissed my forehead, and I closed my eyes at the sweet contact. “You say that now,” he said against my skin. “But you couldn’t possibly know what’ll happen after you find out everything—about what I did.” His pain-filled tone caused my heart to ache for him, the need to take care of the guy who shut himself off from almost everyone.
I’d had merely a glimpse into Eastyn’s private life which barely scratched the surface of what made him keep people at arm’s length. Just like I did. But I didn’t have a valid reason to—not like him. Nobody had physically hurt me, nobody had caused me to have to sleep with the light on or ensure that my door was locked, and nobody had caused me to cry out as my dreams tortured me through the night. I still didn’t know why, but that was okay. I could be patient.
God, I’m such an idiot.
Eastyn had to know the reasons for my outlandish behavior, and I still had to explain myself for asking if he was playing me. Not to mention, he’d called me his girlfriend in front of everybody. I warmed thinking about how he’d said it with such conviction, and not one of his friends reacted as though it were a surprise. Well, not that I saw because I was too busy seeing red.
“I’ll tell you, but not here,” I said, stroking down his arms and taking his hands in mine.
His handsome smile spread across his talented lips and he turned away from the food hall. His hands gripped mine while we walked along the stone pathway around the green. “Your place?” he asked as he led me toward the parking lot.
“Yeah.” We had more privacy there, and even though his dorm was only a few minutes walk on campus, the journey would give me time to go over what I had to say. Eastyn was going to find out everything that had made me the crazy person that I was.
“I feel so stupid,” I said, breaking the silence, but Eastyn just looked at me as we sat together at the small table. He reached over and took my hands in his, instantly putting me at ease. “I was young and naïve—ignorant to the lengths people would go to, to get what they want.”
Eastyn stiffened, his shoulders becoming rigid and his jaw tensing. “What?”
I quickly shook my head, my hair falling over my shoulders as I did. “Oh, not like that,” I assured him. “It was in a different way. My parents had always wanted me to excel in everything that they thought that mattered, and as soon as junior year of high school came around, they grew worse. If it had anything to do with me becoming a lawyer like them, then I had no choice but to be the best I could possibly be.” I paused, recalling the times my father would give me a firm nod when I aced a test. No words, just an acknowledgment. “Nothing less than a perfect score was acceptable in their eyes, and they would push and push for me to study as much as I could, leaving me no time for a social life.”
“You didn’t hang out with anyone?” he asked, his brows furrowing and his eyes narrowing.
I smiled dryly. “Actually, I did, but it was mostly during school hours. Even though I was a little shy, I had a groups of friends that I loved.” I snorted a laugh. “Any free time I had, the seven of us would hang out. The way I spoke never seemed to bother them, and they understood my parents’ strict rules about my education. They were great friends that way. However, when a guy in senior year, Ross, asked me out, things began to change.” I pulled my hands out from Eastyn’s and stood on shaky legs, needing to grab a drink to wet my parched throat. I stood at the sink and gulped down a glass of water, then felt heat at my back before strong arms wrapped around me and held me close.
“Babe,” he whispered into my hair, but said no more.
I put the glass down and turned in his arms, then took a deep breath. “My best friend, Jayne, became distant when Ross and I began dating. Whenever I called her to hang out, she was busy most of the time. When I was with Ross,
she would be more than happy to hang out with us for a while. I didn’t think anything of it until halfway through my senior year. Ross had gone to college and was home for Spring break.” Eastyn’s arms tightened around me. “We went to a birthday party for one of his friends, and all of us were invited. The house the party was in was enormous, yet it was still so tightly packed with people that most of us got separated.” I tilted my head back and saw Eastyn’s soft gaze, but I didn’t see pity. It was evident he had a fair idea of what was coming next, but instead of sympathy, I saw something stronger. He looked at me as though he was reading every emotion on my face, absorbing my hurt and wanting to keep it away from me. “I found him an hour later. He came across the room and his clammy hand wrapped around mine as he leaned over and kissed me. I expected to taste alcohol on his lips, but it wasn’t. I tasted another girl.”
“You’re fucking kidding me?” Eastyn ground out, recoiling, his face twisted in disgust. “He fucking cheated?”
“Yeah. She was all over his face, his hands… I could taste her on my lips and smell her on my hands where he’d touched. I had no idea who it was until she walked over to me with a smile, her face flushed… It was Jayne—my best friend.” I dropped my head as I shook it.
“He’s a fucking disgusting scumbag,” Eastyn growled. “Her, too.”
Before he could continue shooting off bad names for them, I continued. “He didn’t even look guilty, Eastyn. He looked pleased with himself.” Ross’ smug face as he looked at a satisfied Jayne was one I wanted to forget.
“What did you do?” he asked, lifting a hand to cup my face.
“When the reality of what happened came flooding back, I ran to the nearest bathroom and threw up. I washed my hands and face over and over, but I couldn’t get the scent of her off of me, or the feeling of his skin. I felt nauseated, filthy, and once I’d finished in there, I left that house and made my way home to shower.” His hand rubbed over my arms as they trembled with anger at the memories. “I couldn’t get clean, Eastyn. I thought of all the times they must have done that, and then he’d come to me. How many times had he put her on me? Who else had he had on his hands whenever he touched me?” I gripped my hands together, feeling the desperate need to scrub the past away all over again.
“Is that why you’re always cleaning your hands?” he asked, halting my fingers as I scratched against my palms. I didn’t know I’d been doing it.
I nodded. “Jayne called me the next day, asking why I’d left. I told her that I knew what they’d done, and she didn’t deny it.” I cringed, remembering how she sounded on the phone that morning. “She sighed, then asked how I hadn’t seen the signs sooner. When I asked her how long it had been going on, she admitted that they’d been hooking up since before Ross and I were dating, and continued when he’d gone to college. She’d been secretly visiting him but made the excuse that she was staying with family. I trusted her—trusted him.”
“What the fuck?” Eastyn asked, his voice gravelly and tight as though holding himself back from yelling. “What kind of friend does that shit?”
I felt sick to my stomach at his words because I thought the same thing back then. “Ross never wanted me in the first place, you see? I later found out that it was because of what I could get for him.”
Eastyn pulled me close and pressed his lips to the top of my head. “He’s a fucking asshole,” he ground out. “A worthless dick who didn’t deserve even a second of your attention, and that fucking bitch…”
I wrapped my arms around his waist, savoring the feel of him against me, pressing myself further into his embrace, the need to clean everything in sight dissipating more and more. I took a deep breath and shared the last piece. “He used me to get to my parents. He thought that being with me would get him an ‘in’ with the firm once he started college. His aim was to get his first-year Summer internship. He wanted to speak to them during that Spring break—to try to win them over and secure his place.”
“I hope to fucking God that your parents turned him the fuck away,” Eastyn spat, his tone menacing. “And I hope your brother kicked his ass.” He tensed after he said that, but quickly relaxed.
“Mason wanted to, believe me, but he’s a lot older and would’ve gotten into so much trouble—more with my parents than anything.” I laughed a little before I said, “My parents believe the misconception that studying pre-law is akin to taking the easy path, and they won’t give a second thought to anybody who goes down that route.” I shrugged a shoulder. “Ross had gone to all that trouble to use me as a stepping stone, and they would’ve said no anyway. They’ve always said that reputable degrees are the only acceptable path to law school.”
“Is that why you take English and History?” he asked, his eyes narrowing.
I grinned. “Yeah, but they don’t have to know that those qualifications are a perfect match for what I really want to do.”
“So, what did your other friends say. Did you tell them?”
I stiffened in his arms, my smile dropping like a rock in water, and I looked away. “They already knew,” I muttered.
“Seriously?” he barked, darting back and holding me at arms’ length to stare. “They all fucking knew?” The anger rolling off of him was palpable in the air, his growing rage causing the muscles in his jaw to tick.
I nodded slowly. “When I turned to them for even just a little comfort, they sided with Jayne.” I lifted my hands and pressed them against Eastyn’s chest, staring at my fingers as I slowly traced the outlines of his pecs while I spoke. “They blamed me for ruining Ross’ career opportunities when I told my parents what he’d done, as though it was my fault they wouldn’t even consider him.” I lifted my eyes to his. “Eastyn, they wouldn’t have, no matter what. My parents never budge when they make up their mind, and nothing I could’ve said would’ve made a difference, but the others didn’t care. For the remainder of my senior year, Jayne and Ross were openly dating, the other girls stayed with her, and I was alone. I went from having a group of friends and a boyfriend, to having no-one.”
The depressing thing was, I was devastated at losing my friends; not losing Ross. Us not being together afterward had felt like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders, but finding I had no friends after that was so much worse. I felt truly alone.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Shay,” Eastyn said, pulling me against his hard chest, and I settled into his arms as though nothing could reach me from inside there, and that’s just how it felt. My safe place. “People like them are the worst leeches out there when they want something. It’s so much easier to take from somebody else than working for it yourself.”
“Thank you.” I tilted my head back and lifted on my tiptoes to kiss under his chin.
“For what?”
“For listening,” I replied. “I never thought I would feel better after discussing what they did, but I do, because of you.” I looked up at him and he dipped his head toward mine. I pressed my lips to his and let the feeling of Eastyn being with me wash away all of the thoughts of the past to where they belonged. I just hoped that when he was ready to open up, he would feel the same liberation that I did right then.
“I’m here for you, no matter what, babe.”
“You’ve proved that over and over,” I breathed out against his lips. “Now it’s time to stop talking.” I ran my hands down his torso, over the defined ridges in his abs until I reached his belt. I backed away, pulling him with me toward my bed.
Chapter 11
Shay
I lifted my head and saw the best damn sight in the world. Eastyn was at the counter, his gloriously naked back to me, and wearing only his boxers that smoothed tightly over his strong and defined thighs. I couldn’t see what he was doing, but right then, he could’ve been planning global destruction and I wouldn’t care.
I let my gaze move down his body, taking my time to appreciate every sculpted muscle, then down to his perfectly toned ass that I’d had the pleasure of
gripping onto as he drove into me again and again.
I clenched my thighs together and sighed dreamily as he shifted his weight onto one leg and reached behind him to lightly scratch his lower back. I was going to miss being able to just stare at him when I went home, even though it was going to be for one day only. I didn’t want to go, but I had to; I’d never hear the end of it. I put those thoughts to the back of my mind and continued to stare at Eastyn’s wide back and his spectacular ass.
“I can hear you,” he said, humor lacing his tone. “And if you keep making noises like that, then breakfast will go to waste.” He turned to look over his shoulder and smiled, winking at me before he turned back to where his attention had been prior to my ogling.
God, he was phenomenal. Not only had I gotten the pleasure of seeing a different Eastyn to what he allowed others to see, but I also got to experience the softer side to him as well as the thorny exterior, and I loved every infinitesimal piece.
His muscles tensed and lightly shook when he moved his right arm as though he were cutting something.
“Can you blame me?” I asked seductively. “The view from here is spectacular.”
Eastyn’s head dropped back and he laughed, startling me. The happiness in his deep chuckle, and the way his shoulders jumped at the same time, made my heart clench tight.
“You okay?” he asked, turning around, revealing a large bowl of fruit.
“Yeah,” I choked. “It’s just, uh…”
“What?” He placed the large bowl down on the round table, between two smaller ones, and began to walk over toward the bed, his smile disappearing.
“I’ve never heard you laugh before,” I admitted.
His brows dipped in confusion. “I’m pretty sure you have.”
“Yeah, but this time sounded so different. The last time—” I paused, choosing my next words as carefully as I could. “You didn’t sound like you meant it all that much, but just now, you sounded happy.”
