by Dawn Doyle
And so it begins.
“Eastyn, I understand,” she said softly, surprising me. “Talking about things that have happened to you is difficult, no matter who it is that’s asking.”
I tilted my head to the side. “How can you be so patient?” I asked in wonder. “You’ve seen my scars—all of them, and you know how I am with other people. How can you not want to know, right now, why I’m so fucked up?”
Shay walked slowly toward me, and stopped, just like the first time she came to my room. “Because I can see how much it eats at you whenever it comes up,” she explained, then gently ran her delicate fingers through my hair. “I know pain when I see it, Eastyn, and I don’t want you to hurt.”
My parents, Professor Chambers, Caitlin… They all wanted me to share and wouldn’t let up on me, no matter how much they could see it fucking tore me apart to relive what me and many others had gone through. Some didn’t make it out alive, and I was almost one of them, but they all wanted me to talk. I was fucking sick of talking that I wanted them to stop. I wanted them to leave me the fuck alone. But Shay… I wanted her to know, but I was too much of a fucking coward to tell her.
“What did I do to deserve you?” I asked, gripping her hips and pulling her toward me. I pressed my lips to the light-pink fabric covering her flat stomach. “Cos I’m going to keep doing that so I’ll always have you.”
Shay chuckled and held me close to her. “I ask myself the same thing about you.”
“You paid me to kiss you,” I replied with a grin. “You brought it on yourself.” I still wondered why I’d agreed so easily to that day, but I wouldn’t change it at all. Her throaty laugh shook her whole body, and I fucking loved how it sounded. I wanted to hear her laugh and see her smile all the damn time.
“In my defense, that wasn’t my intention when I walked over to the booths.”
I sat back and pulled her down onto my lap so she was straddling me. “So, you’re saying you didn’t want to kiss me?” I stroked her face when her cheeks darkened, heat pouring from her skin into mine.
“Are you kidding?” she asked, placing her hand over mine. “Eastyn, who do you think was the inspiration behind a lot of my writing?”
My eyes bugged. “Me?” Fuck, that was so damn hot, that if I wasn’t already close to busting in my boxers, I’d be pitching a serious tent.
Shay leaned forward and brought her lips close to my ear, her warm breath against my skin making my dick throb painfully. “I have many, many notebooks that you still haven’t seen.” I sucked in a breath and dug my fingers into her skin when her teeth dug into my earlobe. “And that’s not including what I have on my hard-drive. And it just so happens”—she rolled her hips against my hard on, making me groan—“that you’ve surpassed anything my meager imagination could compose.”
Fuck, I wanted her so bad. I gripped her hips, and she gasped when I moved quickly, tossing her down on my couch and looming over her while pressing my cock against her. “I’m happy to be of assistance,” I said, rolling into her. She groaned as her eyes closed, her back arching as I pushed against her again. I slipped my hand under her long, white skirt, and began pushing up her smooth thigh. “But I think we should work on some new material.”
Shay opened her eyes, and her gaze softened. My heart skipped when she ran her fingers over the scar over my eyes and on my jaw, and it was clear the subject was dropped for my benefit…again. “Gotta seize the moment when inspiration hits,” she purred, bucking her hips into my cock.
My dick ached to be inside her again, and I rocked against her soft, warm center as I stroked further up until I cupped her ass, jerking her closer to me. “Whenever I look at you, words can’t describe all the filthy things I want to do to you.”
Shay bit down on her lower lip and moaned, her eyes fluttering when I brushed my fingers over her pussy, then slipped them underneath the fabric to feel her wetness. “I can try,” she whispered. “But I need you to show, not tell.”
Oh, God, she had no idea the things I could show her, and I wasn’t going to stop until I had. Over and over again.
The sun beat down on us like it was trying to set us on fire, yet it was over a month until Summer. I figured that the heat was getting to me more than it would usually because Shay was leaving soon and the thought of her being alone with those people got my blood simmering in my veins. The only thing stopping it from boiling over was knowing she was coming back.
Damn, I’d gotten so attached to her it was almost an obsession. I didn’t give a shit; I knew the reason why I craved her so fucking much. I was in love with her. Every part of Shay Michaels had gotten under my skin, and I loved it—I loved her.
“You took your time,” I said when Casey finally sat his ass down next to me on the bench. The other guys were doing drills on the newly treated field, so we’d decided to catch up while we had a break between classes.
“Needed food,” Casey replied before taking a huge bite of his sandwich. He swallowed before adding. “Everything’s fine. How are you and Shay doing?” I couldn’t stop the smile spreading across my face at the mention of her name. “Yeah, it’s like that, huh?”
“You could say that.” I sat forward and rested my elbows on my knees. “Shay’s in classes this morning, so she’ll meet up with us for lunch.” Where I would usually keep my shit to myself, this time, I couldn’t. “She’s driving home tomorrow.”
Casey leaned forward, matching my position, his brows knitted with concern. “Why? Something going on?”
I huffed out a sharp breath. “Her parents want her to have dinner with some other lawyers in their firm,” I said, then told him what Shay had told me about the conversation with her mom.
“Fuck, that sounds like a racket,” he said sarcastically, running his hand over his head. “Are you going with her?”
I shook my head. “She hasn’t asked me to.”
“Damn, I wonder why? Not that I’m complaining, but you’re always together.”
“I don’t know.” In my fucked up head, I imagined Shay hadn’t asked because she was ashamed to be seen with me—a tall, tattooed guy with a bad attitude. But, from what I’d seen and heard, I’d begun to doubt that was the case. “I think it’s possible her parents would give her a hard time, and she doesn’t want me to see that.”
Casey tipped his head to the side. “What for? For having her boyfriend with her? Why the fuck would they have a problem with that?” he asked, shoveling more sandwich into his mouth.
My knee bounced in frustration and my knuckles cracked as I squeezed my fists over each other.
Before we’d left for class this morning, Shay was on edge. She assured me she was fine, but I knew it had something to do with her trip home. It was as though she’d taken a step back and become the introverted woman I’d seen around campus before I gotten to know her. She didn’t talk much, seemed to be in a world of her own, and hugged herself tight whenever anybody spoke to her.
Shit, they’ve fucked with her head this much even without her going anywhere.
I shrugged. “Whatever it is, I can’t get it out of my head that she’s throwing herself to the fucking sharks, and I won’t be there for her.” Casey grinned. “What?”
“Nothing,” he said around the lettuce hanging from between his teeth, then crunched it into his mouth. “But I have noticed something.” I rolled my hand for him to elaborate; my patience was wearing dangerously thin. Thinking about Shay had me wound tight. “You talk.”
“Yeah, I learned that skill when I was young. How about that?” I said in the same sarcastic tone he’d used earlier.
Casey deadpanned. “Nah, you know what I mean.” He bumped my shoulder with his. “Since you’ve been with Shay, you’ve been less…ass-ey.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Excuse me? Ass-ey?”
He nodded quickly. “Yeah. You know I love you like a brother, East, but you can be a damn asshole at times.” He lifted his hands when my eyes widened and I sat straight. “I say that
with kindness. Fuck, I know if I were anybody else and said that, I’d be nursing a broken nose, but I’m just saying what I see. Since you’ve been with Shay, you talk more. Hell, I think this is the longest conversation we’ve had since I’ve known you, and I’ve never seen you smile so much.”
“I guess she’s a good influence,” I mumbled, relaxing back to my previous position and dropping my head down.
“So, have you had the talk?”
“No,” I replied curtly.
Casey slouched against the backrest and sighed. “Don’t you think she should know, you know, before she sees—”
“She knows enough right now,” I snapped, then closed my eyes. “Sorry, Case.” I slouched back with him and relaxed my head against the rest. “She’s seen the marks they left, she knows a little about the guards, and she’s heard me…” I frowned, not able to say anything else, even though he knew. He knew every fucking detail that had happened, including the shit after my release.
“Your nightmares?” he asked quietly. When I nodded, he continued. “And your wrist?”
“No. Shay’s got enough to deal with right now. The last thing she needs is my sob story right before she goes to see the people who were supposed to take care of her.”
“What happened to her?”
I turned to stare at my best friend. “They failed her, Casey. Her ex and best friend fucked her over, and when she needed her parents the most, they did nothing.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“Does she know about your assignment?”
This again.
The less Shay knew about that, the better. She would ask too many questions, and I wouldn’t be able to answer them, not without her getting upset. I shook my head. “It’s personal. My case study is my business, okay? It’s difficult enough writing everything down, figuring shit out by myself that’s changed, and coming to a fucking conclusion.”
“In hindsight, do you think it would’ve been better evaluating someone else?”
I shook my head in determination. “I wanted to do this, and I have to see it through, even if it opens wounds that should’ve been left the fuck alone.” I turn to him again and looked right into his eyes. “Like I told you before, it’s for her benefit as well as mine.”
Casey slapped me on the back and stood, waiting for me to join him. “Well, we both know you’re gonna go off the rails when she’s gone, what do you say we head out to the beach tonight and smoke the night away?”
A slow smile formed on my lips, and I found myself nodding. “I’ve still got some of the good stuff left.”
Casey rubbed his hands together. “You said the magic words, my man.” His smile dropped, then he placed his hand on my shoulder. “You know she’s gonna be okay, right? If anybody can handle a pack of wolves, it’s Shay.”
“Sure.”
I just hoped he was right, because not insisting I go with her made me feel like I was sending her to the wild dogs myself.
*****
I watched as Shay shoved a few things into a small suitcase, her lack of enthusiasm evident as she slammed them down. “Just one night, right?” I asked as I lay across her bed on my stomach, noticing she’d packed just one change of clothes.
Shay sighed. “Yeah.” She turned away from me and picked up the large stuffed panda that usually sat in the middle of her bed. It was roughly the same size as the Pikachu I tried to give her at the fundraiser. “One night too many, in my opinion. If it weren’t for the long drive and the reservation time for dinner, I would drive right back.”
I reached out and took her hand that was stroking over the panda’s head. “What would they do if you didn’t go?”
Shay’s eyes widened, her lashes almost touching her brows. “They’d go ballistic,” she said as though it was ridiculous to even suggest it. “If I were to stay here and stand them up—their employees too—they’d regard my behavior as an act of defiance. Considering how our last conversation went, their assumption would be quite accurate.” She closed her eyes and her head dipped.
“Babe,” I said softly. “Come here.” I held my arms out for her to join me, and she lay down next to me, nestling against my chest.
Her eyes lifted to mine. “I’m going to tell them that I won’t be taking the LSAT’s because I’m not going to law school.”
I lifted my hand to brush her soft hair away from her face, and stroked down her back. “How do you think they’ll take it?” I asked, but I already knew the truth. Shit was going to hit the industrial sized fan and would explode everywhere. My gut churned knowing Shay would be right in the blast zone and there was not a fucking thing I could do about it. My jaw ticked as I thought of all the times I had no control over what happened to me, and I was beginning to feel the same way all over again thinking about her being forced into a corner and not being able to fightback, just like I had.
“I don’t care anymore,” she replied, pulling me out of my darkening thoughts. “I never wanted to be a lawyer, but they wouldn’t hear it. When I get to the restaurant tomorrow, they’re going to listen to what I have to say whether they like it or not. I’m done with their expectations of me and them ordering me around like I have no say in what I do.”
I kissed her gently, and then brushed my mouth across hers. Her sad sigh damn near choked me, and it was worse than having a man’s hands around my fucking throat. “Don’t let them get to you,” I whispered against her lips.
“I’ll try not to,” she whispered back. “The only thing keeping me sane right now, is knowing I’ll be coming back to you.”
She buried her face into my chest and gripped my black T-shirt in her hands as though she didn’t want to leave. “Yeah, you will,” was all I could manage because the huge fucking lump in my throat was becoming a permanent fixture, and it was the only thing from stopping me from telling Shay how I felt about her, how being with her had done more for me than she could imagine.
Not like this.
I had to wait until she came back, and then I’d lay my fucking heart out for her, to let her see everything I hadn’t told her, the sickening details, the night-filled terrors, and the fucked up embarrassment I was until my older sister took action. I wanted her to finally see me for who I was, and who I am.
I was ready.
Chapter 12
Shay
Tears flowed down my face like a river that had burst its banks the moment I’d left the parking lot. Eastyn hadn’t said a word, but seeing the apprehension on his face, the way his eyes bore into mine as though he was concentrating so hard to keep himself under control, and the way his brows twitched as they pulled tightly together, had me bawling my eyes out.
“I’ll miss you,” I’d said, kissing him once more before getting in my car and driving away.
I’d held onto him until I couldn’t stay any longer, his arms trapping me against him as though he wasn’t ready to let me go. My phone buzzed with an incoming message from my mom, reminding me, once again, not to be late. Oh, the irony.
As I pulled onto the highway toward home, my stomach somersaulted so hard that my mouth filled with salt-water, preparing for me to vomit. Not just because I was about to be thrown in the lion’s den, but because my gut knew Eastyn would’ve come with me if I’d asked. God, how I wanted to, but if he were with me, there was no telling how my parents would react. I couldn’t put him in that position—not a chance. I’d tried to block out any thought of going home until absolutely necessary, and when the day finally came, I realized that I’d made a mistake by shutting it out. I should’ve talked to Eastyn about it, I should’ve told him I didn’t want to go without him, but it wouldn’t have done any good. He’d be sitting in my car, unknowingly putting himself up before the firing squad, right beside me.
The closer I got, the more I wanted to turn around and go back.
It shouldn’t be this hard. I shouldn’t be afraid to voice my opinion for my own future.
But I was. I was monumentally petr
ified because I knew, without a doubt, how my parents would react.
Orange light reflected on the clouds as the sun set, casting a glow across the sky that had me stopping to marvel in its beauty. Romantic scenes formed as an imaginary couple sat on the beach together, wrapped in each other’s arms while they watched the sun disappear and the stars to come out, twinkling in the night sky. This was what I was meant to do, what I loved; what I breathed every day.
I remained leaning against my car door for a few moments longer, enjoying the kaleidoscopic beams of light shining through the tall trees surrounding the hotel parking lot. Once I’d had my fill, I wheeled my case inside and checked in.
If this night would turn out as predicted, my stay at Four Peaks Hotel was a wise decision.
I slid the keycard into slot outside room forty-one, and pushed it open when the light turned green. When it closed, I locked the door behind me, a habit I’d gotten used to since being with Eastyn.
“God, I miss him already,” I whispered into the void. My brows drew close and the bridge of my nose stung as I thought about how happy I’d been with him. For the first time since I can remember, I felt wanted, I felt needed, I felt…loved.
I got out my phone to send him a text, and saw I had one from him already.
‘Be careful, babe. Don’t let them drag you down, okay? Stay strong and fight for what you want.’
I slapped my hand over my mouth at his words. I read it over a few more times before I replied.
‘I will—I promise. I miss you. This hotel is empty without you.’
‘I miss you too,’ he replied instantly. ‘When you get back, you can tell me all about it, and we’ll talk more about other stuff, too.’
My insides flipped upside down, my nerves tingling as I wondered what he meant, but I had a fair idea.
‘I’d like that. I’ll be on my way back first thing in the morning.’
