by Dawn Doyle
I tore my mouth away from hers to catch my breath, and pressed my palm flat on her spine, tipping her forward. Her head lifted up as I held her hair in my fist, making her back arch in a perfect position. “Hold on,” I said, then pounded into her, my body slapping against hers as I drove into her over and over.
Shay’s fingers gripped the top of the dresser tightly, her knuckles turning white. “Fuck!” she quietly screamed. “Yes!”
I wanted more, to drive deeper, to feel her tighten around me. I slid my hand from her hip, hooking under her leg and lifting, opening her up to me.
“Fuck,” I ground out between my clenched teeth as I buried myself deeper than before. I grunted as I worked her, slamming harder and harder every time she moaned and cried out her pleasure. “Touch yourself for me.” One hand released from the dresser, and I almost came right then and there when her fingers dipped between her legs. “Tell me.”
“I’m so wet,” she breathed, her tone filled with urgency. “It feels so good. Eastyn, I can’t hold on.” Her voice sounded strained, and as her fingers worked her clit, her high-pitched cries filled the room. “I’m coming!”
Her pussy began to clench around my dick, but I wasn’t ready to finish with her. I released my grip on her hair and lifted her other leg, holding her between me and the dresser with only her grip to keep her up.
The pressure building in my cock was becoming impossible to hold back, and when my balls tightened and my dick began to pulsate, Shay’s head fell back and she cried out as she clamped around me like a fucking vice, squeezing so tight I saw stars. I dropped my head to her shoulder, gently sinking my teeth into her skin as I released into her, my body wracked with tremors that moved in time with each pulse of my orgasm.
I slowly released her legs when I pulled out, holding her tight as she wobbled unsteadily.
“Oh my god,” she panted, turning to face me, her hair wild and her flushed skin making her look sexy as fuck. Her arms lifted and wrapped around my neck. “Kiss me, Eastyn.”
And I did. I took her mouth, gently this time, taking my time to savor every part of her lips and mouth while holding her face in my hands. I poured all of me into her, showing how I felt without saying a word.
Chapter 13
Shay
White foam crested the small waves as they crashed to the sand, leaving small amount of seaweed in its wake. The chilly ocean ran over my toes and splashed up my legs, the icy droplets running back down. I looked around at the deserted beach, knowing that in just a few hours, it would be filled with children playing, dogs running, and parents relaxing back while they watched their families play in the sun while the salty air drifted around them.
The peaceful morning was eerie, as though it was the calm before a raging storm, and with a cruel coincidence, it was.
Last night, Eastyn and I had lain in bed, the unspoken words hanging in the air of what was to come, and as he kissed me, his arms holding me tightly as though he was afraid to let go, I knew what he wanted me to know was going to be distressing.
I’d listened to the heavy thuds of his heart as I lay my head on his chest, feeling the rise and fall as he breathed deeply. I wanted to tell him it was going to be okay, but how could I? I had no idea what he’d been through, or the extent of what had happened to him. But, seeing the scars covering his torso, the physical reminders hidden beneath beautiful roses and deadly thorns, I knew that opening up, even to me, was going to bring up things he’d rather stayed buried.
I checked my watch and saw that his classes would be over soon, and my heart raced as I smiled, excited that I would get to see him again. I walked over to the dry sand, dried my feet on my small towel, and put on my sandals before heading to my car. Once inside, I dug my phone out of my satchel and sent a text to Eastyn.
‘I’ll be there when you get out of class. xx.’
Looking over at the passenger seat, I grinned when my eyes landed on the binder sat there. I’d printed out my Eastyn Woodman inspired story, ready to edit, and pulled my bottom lip between my teeth as I remembered exactly how I’d gotten over my writer’s block, my still-tender core burning at the heat-filled memories of each and every time he’d been inside me, and how he made me feel loved in many more ways than with just his body.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat and made my way to campus, ready to see my man.
*****
“Hey, Justin,” I said when I couldn’t find Eastyn where he would usually be after class. I’d walked to our bench, but when he wasn’t around, I headed toward the food hall, but the guys’ table was empty.
“Hey, Shay,” he replied with a huge smile that lit up his dark-blue eyes. “How’s it going?”
“Great…” I scanned the area one more time, double checking the direction Eastyn would be coming from if he were late. “Have you seen Eastyn? Classes finished fifteen minutes ago and I can’t find him.”
“Try his psych class,” he said, pointing in the direction of the lecture halls as he glanced down at his phone screen. “I know Professor Chambers talks to him a lot, so he might still be in there.” He pushed himself away from the stone pillar and waved to somebody behind me.
“Hey,” Casey greeted us, then playfully winked at me. “Have you seen East?”
I shook my head. “No, I was just looking for him. Justin said he might be talking to Professor Chambers.”
Casey’s expression dropped and his eyes widened, making him seem uncomfortable. “Possibly, yeah.” He cleared his throat as he glanced down at the black cuffs he and Justin wore, then grinned again as though that hadn’t happened. “I’m starving, dude. Wanna grab lunch?”
“Sure, Max texted to say he’ll meet us there with Linc and Will.” Justin lifted his hand in a small wave. “See ya, Shay.”
“Yeah, I hope you catch up with East,” Casey said, then took off with him, glancing at me over his shoulder as he walked away.
I checked my phone once more, then walked in the direction Justin had pointed.
“Psychology, room one-oh-seven,” I whispered to myself when I reached the lecture hall.
I slowly pushed open the door, and spotted two people at the bottom of the steps by the huge wooden desk. I looked around, checking the blue seats facing the enormous board for anybody else, but nobody else was there.
“I can’t express how difficult this must’ve been for you,” the professor said. “But as I’ve read through your evaluation, I understand the reasons for your choice.”
Eastyn nodded his head. His back was to me and, from the way he stood, I could see he was uncomfortable, his shoulders lifted and his posture stiff, making his muscles bunch. I took a few more steps toward them, when he spoke.
“I wanted it to help.”
“And did it?”
He nodded again. “More than I thought.”
Professor Chambers placed her hand on his shoulder and patted him. “Your…subject,” she said, then took a deep breath, “has made a lot of progress. I see here, that there have been fewer episodes of hostility toward others, and an increase in communication—a positive in every way.”
My steps faltered as her words sunk in. And like some sick desire to hear the details, I froze, unable to move until it was perfectly clear what they were discussing.
“Things have been better lately,” Eastyn said, and I snapped my eyes from the back of the professor’s head, to his. “It was a struggle to begin with, but once I got through the first barrier, it got easier.”
No, he wouldn’t.
Every word out of their mouths was as if I was hearing them talk about me, but how could that be? Why would Eastyn be discussing my personal problems with Professor Chambers?
“And that’s how it should be,” she said softly, patting him again. “I’m proud of you, Eastyn. Not many people would be able to take on this kind of evaluation, but you did.” She rustled some papers, then turned her head. “And the compulsive behavior has improved.”
My pulse sped s
o fast that their words blurred with the deafening thud of my heart, and I put my hand over my mouth to stop my quick breaths from echoing around the vast emptiness.
Eastyn shrugged. “A little, yeah.”
No. No, no, no!
It made so much sense. The last time I’d frantically scrubbed my hands was… I couldn’t remember. I’d wanted to when telling Eastyn about Ross, and again when I shook the senior partners’ hands, but I hadn’t. I never thought about it again until right then, when everything I thought was perfect had been a lie all along. God, I wanted to throw up, I wanted to scream, I wanted to tear into him and yell in his face, demanding why he would do this to me—to anyone—without permission.
“You’ve made so much progress, Eastyn, and I want to thank you for staying behind to discuss your evaluation with me.”
“No problem, but I do have to go,” he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket and glancing at the screen. “Shay’s been waiting a while for me, and I need to talk to her.”
They both turned toward the stairs where I found myself standing, the tears I hadn’t felt falling from my eyes dripping off my chin.
Eastyn’s face paled. “Shit, Shay, what’s wrong?” he asked as he rushed toward me, but I held my hand out for him to stop.
“Shay, are you all right?” Professor Chambers asked, her concerned eyes narrowing behind her glasses.
“No, I’m not,” I sobbed, glaring at Eastyn. “How could you? After everything I told you, you were doing the same damn thing.”
Eastyn reached for me, but I stepped back. “Doing what? What are you talking about?”
“Excuse me.” Professor Chambers headed up the stairs, giving us privacy, but it didn’t matter anymore.
“Don’t try to deny it,” I snapped. “I heard every goddamn word you both said. Evaluation?” I snorted a sarcastic laugh. “Is that all I was to you? A grade on your fucking paper? A subject to analyze and report on?”
“Babe—”
“Don’t!” I yelled. “How was I so stupid to have not seen it?” My chest ached as a stabbing pain pierced my heart and kept on going when Eastyn’s jaw hardened, and his eyes steeled on mine. “I started this. I kissed you at the booth, I kissed you in your dorm, and in my apartment…” God, I’d been the one to make the first move—to take things further between us. I curled forward as agony ripped into me, my insides shredding to pieces. I wrapped my arms around my burning stomach, and held my other hand over my mouth as my sobs grew louder. “You never really wanted me, did you? I was just an assignment.”
“You think I used you?” he asked through clenched teeth. “That I just wanted to get access to what makes you tick?”
“I heard everything!” I screeched, flinging my hands out toward the table where Eastyn’s grade-A paper still sat, with his deception printed on every page. I wiped my eyes and stood straighter while Eastyn never deviated from the emotionless appearance he portrayed so well. “I never thought you would have the ability to hurt me as much as you have, so well done, Eastyn. I hope you’re as proud of yourself as Professor Chambers.” I couldn’t look at him anymore without another searing pain cracking my heart open wider. I began to take the stairs when I heard the familiar rumble of his voice.
“I guess we used each other,” he growled, but I refused to turn around. “An assignment for me, and a fucking novel for you. Win-win.”
My face twisted in agony as my eyes lost focus, my sight drowned in scorching tears before they broke, flowing quickly down my face. I held back the painful sobs before they could erupt from my throat, but I couldn’t stop the tiny squeaks from escaping as I tried to breathe. I grabbed the binder from my satchel and threw it to the ground, not giving a damn about it any more.
I burst through the doors, people staring at me as I ran through campus, and even when I heard my name being called, I didn’t stop until I reached my car. I didn’t want to hear another word; I just needed to be alone, like always.
My hot breath saturated the tiny space around me, but I wasn’t ready to come out from my sanctuary. My duvet provided the warmth I needed to heat my body, but my limbs continued to shake even after the hours I’d spent huddled up in my personal cocoon.
I could smell him, his skin, his scent, his body wash… Even after wallowing in Eastyn's ghostly presence for one last time, I couldn’t make myself get up. I knew if I did, he would be truly gone—and I hurt all over again with the realization that the love I felt for him couldn’t be washed away as easily.
But I could try.
I curled up as tight as I could while I sobbed, attempting to rid myself of the pain ravaging me by allowing myself to feel—to feel everything he’d given me the past couple of months, and I knew, right then, I’d never known unequivocal love before Eastyn. If I had, I would’ve felt the same when Ross’ plan had been exposed, but I didn’t. Jayne’s betrayal hurt, but this… This was crushing me from the inside.
“I…loved him…so much,” I whispered, choking on air. I pressed my face into the fabric and inhaled him again.
I kicked back the covers and shot out of bed, snatching the duvet and stripping the covers off, taking the pillow cases next. I stuffed them in my laundry basket before hurrying to my kitchen, opening the cupboard under the sink to pull out the supplies I needed.
Two hours later, my entire apartment was almost perfectly clean, the strong smell of bleach burning my eyes and nose, but I wasn’t done. I couldn’t move from the spot as I looked down at the counter where he’d placed me before spreading my thighs and tasting me. I ground my jaw, refusing to cry again. I slapped the scouring sponge on the hard surface, and scrubbed until my fingers were numb.
Eastyn was gone, and I had to get rid of anything and everything he’d left behind.
My front door rattled as a loud banging came from the other side. My heart hammered in my chest when it happened again. I walked slowly toward it, ready to peer through the peephole to see who was on the other side, my hands trembling at the thought that Eastyn would be here.
“Ah!” I squeaked when whoever it was beat on my door again and again.
“Shay, I know you’re in there, so open the goddamn door!” a male voice yelled.
“Casey?”
“Yeah, now open the fuck up before I break this fucking thing down,” he threatened, his tone violent and commanding. “Shay, I fucking mean it.”
I tried to slid the locks, but I dropped the chains a few times, and I could hear Casey’s impatient huffs coming from the other side. “One minute,” I said, my voice shaking. I turned the final lock and the moment I grasped the handle, it spun in my hand.
“What the fuck did you do?” Casey spat, his thunderous expression burning into me when he barged through the door. He slammed it behind him. “I’m not kidding around, Shay, what the hell did you do to Eastyn?”
My jaw fell open in disbelief, and all heat ran straight out of my body, an ice-cold chill taking its place. “What did I do?” I asked. “I didn’t do a damn thing, Casey.”
He laughed dryly, his head tilting back as he walked in a circle. “That’s just fucking great.” He jabbed his finger toward me. “You fuck him over, then you deny it.”
I stiffened at his words. “Excuse me?”
“You fucking heard me, Shay. He won’t fucking tell me a goddamn thing except that you got what you wanted, then left.”
“That’s not what happened!” I yelled. “I’m not going to allow you to accuse me of something I haven’t done!”
“Well, how you can explain my best friend shutting down on me, huh? He’d taken ten steps forward, and now you’ve thrown him twenty steps back.”
“How?” He wasn’t making any sense in the slightest. Eastyn broke my heart, yet I was to blame? “He wanted me for his assignment, Casey, okay? I heard him talking to Professor Chambers about it.” Casey froze, and the same look that I’d noticed earlier flashed across his face. My stomach rolled. “Oh, my god, you knew, didn’t you? You knew he was
secretly analyzing me for his project.”
Casey’s head tipped to the side as though confused. “Is that what you think?”
“I heard them talking about me like I was a fucking test subject!” I threw my hands up in the air. “And to think you were in on it…”
“Wait, wait, wait,” he said, waving his hands and shaking his head. “You actually thought it was about you?” He laughed again.
I reared back as though I’d been slapped. “It-it wasn’t?” Had I got it wrong? What I’d heard had spelled it out clearly, and every word made sense.
“Eastyn did a psych evaluation, yeah, but you were never his subject,” he snapped, grabbing my attention. “He was. He used himself.”
My breath caught in my throat as I sucked in sharply, my gasp disappearing as it became lodged. “What are you saying?” I managed to get out.
“I’m saying that if you had any fucking sense—any at all—you would’ve seen that since being with you, he’d begun to open up a hell of a lot more, but I guess you had your nose buried too deep in your own self-pity to notice.” He shook his head as he looked me up and down in disgust. Without saying another word, he walked out and slammed my door behind him.
I stared at it until my eyes burned and my mouth had dried up from being open too long. My heart shattered, my chest crumbling as Casey’s words repeated over and over in my head.
What have I done?
Eastyn
“Hey, East, are you coming to Stampede tonight?” Will asked as they sat around the table.
“No.” There was no fucking way I was going anywhere. I’d spent all fucking night raging in my dorm, so the last place I wanted to be was in a room full of people getting wasted and in my damn face.
“Are you sure? Man, I could use a few beers after the game yesterday,” Linc added.
