by S. E. Rose
I shake my head, blushing. “No, just really happy and excited,” I say because it’s true.
He nods. “About five more minutes, guys, and then we need to get back on The Matilda,” he calls out to everyone. I look up to find Chris helping Mia feed a ray. She also giggles with delight as my brother tosses his head back with laughter. Pete, who has grabbed Chris’s camera, snaps a photo. I reach over and steal the camera from him.
“Take a photo of all of us, will you?” I ask Thomas, handing him the camera.
“Sure thing,” he replies. We all gather around with ray wings flipping out of the water around us.
“You too, Logan,” Chris says. He comes over and Pete wraps an arm around his shoulder, pulling him in close to our group.
Thomas snaps a few photos before turning around and taking a selfie of us all. We applaud his photography skills and slowly make our way back on board.
After another amazing dinner, I meander back up to the cushion on the deck that I have essentially claimed as mine. I lie down and stare up at the night sky.
“I think we’re going to have to put a plaque with your name on it above your cushion,” I hear Logan say.
I laugh. “I was just thinking the same thing,” I say. I turn as he walks over and sits down next to me.
“Enjoying yourself?” he asks.
I sit and nod. “Oh, yes! Today was…magical! This whole week has been so great, everything, really. Spending time with my brothers, no paps, no pomp and circumstance, just being ourselves. I wanted to thank you and your crew for that. You’ve all made us feel like family and like…well, for a lack of a better phrase, normal people,” I say pausing. “We don’t get that very often. And honestly, I think we needed it.”
He smiles at me. “I’m glad I could be of service,” he says.
Chapter 11
After a morning of walking around a rural part of the island, we are back on the boat eating a lunch of fried fish and chips and waiting for Thomas to get back with Auggie and Nico. Everyone is chatting about the shark we saw in the water when I hear a familiar voice up above.
“Any party people in the house!?” Auggie yells. I laugh and fly up the stairs and into his arms.
“Hey,” I say smiling. He kisses my forehead.
“Where’s my drink?” he asks.
“Get it yourself, bro. This isn’t the Queen Mary,” my brother says to him.
Auggie laughs. “Well, fuck you very much too, brother,” he says as he claps Chris on the back and walks down into the kitchen. He re-emerges a minute later with a beer in his hand. He takes a long sip of the drink and sighs. “Much better,” he declares. He sits down and looks around at everyone. “So, what’s on the agenda today?”
Logan comes over and introduces himself. “We were planning to head back out this afternoon and sail to the furthest point on our trip. It’ll take us till morning, and then we can slowly make our way back to Nassau,” he explains. Chris and I understand completely because he showed us everything on the map, and Auggie clearly doesn’t give a shit. We all venture up on deck after Logan’s tutorial.
“Yep, sounds good, mate,” Auggie says to Logan as he swigs his beer. Watching Auggie swig a beer from a can is thoroughly amusing. I’ve almost never seen him with a can of beer, minus a few breaking-the-rules nights at camp.
Nico emerges from the boat where he must have snuck on while I was busy hugging Auggie.
“Anna,” he greets me.
“Hey, Nico,” I say to him.
I sit down next to Auggie as Nico sets a cooler down next to us. He lifts the lid and tosses me a can of beer. I make a face, and he laughs.
“Come on, Anna, try it,” Auggie teases.
I roll my eyes and force myself to drink the cool liquid. It’s actually not as bad as I thought it would be, but it’s still not my drink of choice.
I hand my beer to Chris as he sits down on my other side. “All yours, brother,” I say to him as I pat his leg and stand up, walking toward the helm.
“Show me how to steer this thing,” I say to Logan.
He grins. “Have you sailed before?” he asks me.
I nod. “Yes, at camp, a long time ago. Occasionally, a friend with a boat will let me steer it, but that’s about it,” I say.
He shows me what to do, standing with his front against my back and his hands over mine. I can smell his cologne and my mind goes to places it should not. Just when I’m thinking I need to get out of his grasp, he steps back from me. I both grimace at the loss of his body touching mine and at the need for him to stay away, but he doesn’t seem to notice.
“You’re doing great, Anna!” he says enthusiastically.
He stands by my side and shows me where to direct the boat as we head out into open waters. I stay there enjoying the power I have over the direction of all our lives for just a few minutes. It steadies me and gives me the strength I have been searching for over the past week.
At dinnertime, I finally give up my captain duties and head down below to eat.
“You did really well today,” Logan says to me as we dig into a lobster mac and cheese.
“This is amazing, Vicky!” Auggie moans as he helps himself to a third serving.
“Thanks!” she calls from the galley. “It’s actually my grandmother’s recipe.”
“Well, your grandmother can cook for me any day, and so can you,” Auggie says. “Mia, make sure to get this recipe before we leave.”
Chris glares at Auggie. “Get it yourself. Mia is enjoying some time off,” he says.
Auggie laughs. “Oh, right. Is that what you call it?” he says. Chris punches him in the arm, and Auggie glares back at him.
“Will you two cut it out?” I say loudly. They both turn and look at me. “I mean it. I’ll call Dad.”
Chris cracks his neck and goes back to eating, and Auggie flicks me off. I smirk and wink at Mia who smiles her appreciation at me. I nod at her. I like Mia. She comes from a fairly normal family. Her parents are both doctors as is her sister. How exactly she came to work for my brother…well, it’s a bit of a mystery to me, but nonetheless, she seems like a great person, and she definitely can keep my brother in line. I notice her hand on his knee under the table, and I wonder if that’s the only thing keeping him from pummeling Auggie.
I turn in early after a round of cards following our meal. I win two out of three hands and call it a night.
I toss and turn for quite a while until sleep takes me. I wake early again the next morning. After a quick shower, I grab a coffee and head out to find Logan at the helm again. I look around and see a few islands in the distance.
“Is that where we’re going?” I ask him, pointing to the horizon.
“Yep, that’s it,” he says.
“What’s on the agenda for today?” I ask.
“Sharks,” he answers.
“Sharks?” I ask.
He nods. “Sharks,” he confirms.
“Well, that’ll be interesting,” I say to him.
He laughs. “Don’t worry. We’ll likely only see reef sharks and nurse sharks, similar to the other day. We’ll be fine,” he declares.
He squeezes my shoulder. “I promise, I’ll protect you from the sharks, Princess,” he says with a wink.
“Oh, ye brave Logan, what would I do without your protection?” I say, teasing him with a wink of my own.
“Does that mean I get to be knighted?” he asks.
I laugh. “Uh, no,” I answer.
He gives me a pouty face and chuckle. I look around and find a snorkel. I pick it up and tap his shoulder.
“Kneel,” I say playfully.
“Well, if the lady demands,” he says with a devilish grin.
I blush and nod as he kneels.
“By the power vested in me, by the great country of Norddale, I hereby proclaim, Logan Winters, as knight of the…what’s the name of your boat, again?” I whisper the question, and he laughs.
“The Matilda,” he says.
I clear my throat. “Of The Matilda,” I say as I flop the snorkel on one of his shoulders and then the other. “Rise, dear knight, and here unto forth you shall be responsible for the safety of all on board.”
He laughs, and I hold out a hand to help him up.
“Better?” I ask.
“As the lady wishes,” he says with a grin. We stand in silence after that, both watching the islands that come into view.
“What’s after sharks today?” I ask.
Logan launches into our agenda for the next two days. It’s more snorkeling, some hiking on islands, and fishing. I perk up when I hear fishing.
“We’re fishing today?” I inquire.
He grins. “Sure,” he says, looking up at the sky. It’s cloudy and a few raindrops have already landed on the deck.
I jump up and down with excitement. “I’ve never been fishing,” I tell him.
He raises an eyebrow. “Is that a princess thing?” he asks.
I roll my eyes. “No. My dad used to take my brothers, but my auntie Lara always made me come visit. So, I never got to go. She said it wasn’t ladylike,” I pout.
He laughs at that. “Well, Auntie Lara isn’t here, so we will be fishing,” he says.
I happily contemplate catching my very own fish for dinner as we pull up to an island.
“Let’s go get some breakfast, and then we’ll head out,” he says.
“Wait, we aren’t catching fish on the boat? And what about the rain?” I ask him.
“Whoa, slow down there. First, the rain helps hide us from the fish, so it’s the perfect day for fishing. Second, we’ll use the dinghy to get to a small reef I know. There’s always good fishing on the edge of it,” he explains.
“Oh?” I ask, curious about the entire process.
“Mia’s not feeling great, so I think we’ll stay back and catch up on some stuff,” Chris says as he pops his head up out of the salon.
Auggie winks at me, and I giggle.
“Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?” Auggie ribs him.
Chris gives him the middle finger.
“Now, now, dear brother, is that behavior becoming of the next in line to the throne?” he says in a mocking tone.
“Fuck off, Augs,” Chris says as he disappears below deck.
I turn back to see Auggie smirking as he helps Thomas get the dinghy set up.
Ten minutes later, Logan, Pete, Auggie, and I set out to the nearby reef. Logan takes his time teaching me how to cast a line. His arms are wrapped around me as he teaches me the proper technique. His chest feels warm against my back in the cool drizzle. I can feel his breath against my hair, and I try to quell the desire to lean back against him.
“I think you got it,” he says proudly. “You’re a natural.”
I sit and wait and wait some more and then my line jerks. “I have something!” I yell excitedly.
Logan is back behind me as he helps to hold my rod. His other hand closes over mine and together we reel in a fish. It’s small and silver.
Logan applauds me, and I bow, while propped up on my knees. Auggie takes a photo of me, and I grin.
“Here, let me unhook him. He’s a little too small to keep,” Logan says.
He reaches for fish and grabs it trying to remove the hook from its mouth.
“Bugger,” he finally says and cuts the hook, tossing the fish back in the water. A moment later my fish floats back up to the surface.
“Damn,” he says. “It must have gut-hooked him.”
I look down at the fish. Out of nowhere, I’m suddenly overwhelmed by an avalanche of memories.
Newton, my pet fish, is floating in the tank. I tap on the glass.
“Newton!” I cry out, but he doesn’t move. I run out of my room. “Mommy! Mommy!” I yell.
My mother rushes out of her room. “What’s wrong, Anna?” she asks as she runs toward me. My nanny, Tessa, comes rushing out of her room as well. “It’s alright, Tessa, I got her.”
Tessa nods and my mother turns back to me. I grab her hand and drag her to my room. I point to Newton. I see her grimace.
“Come here, sweetheart. Have a seat,” she says. She pats my bed, and I jump up next to her.
“Newton’s not moving,” I say.
She pulls me against her and looks down at me.
“Remember when my roses died,” she says to me.
“The ones on your desk?” I ask. She nods.
“What did I tell you?” she asks.
“That flowers don’t live forever. And when they finish their life, we must let them go,” I repeat.
“That’s right,” she says proudly. “Newton has finished his life. So, we must let him go too.”
“No!” I cry. “I don’t want you to throw Newton away!”
“How about we find him a nice box, and then we can have a funeral for him?” she suggests.
“What’s a funeral?” I ask.
She ponders her answer for a moment. “It’s when you say goodbye to someone you love,” she says.
“Can I kiss Newton goodbye? Won’t he be lonely in the box?” I ask.
“We can put in some things to keep him company and bury him in the rose garden,” she says. “Then you can visit him, and he won’t be lonely.”
“But I want Newton in my room,” I say to her.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but Newton can’t stay in your room with you. It just doesn’t work that way,” she ways.
She opens my closet door and rifles through some packages. She pulls out a small box that held costume jewelry that had been gifted to me. She walks over to Newton and scoops him up in a net and lays him on the soft padding in the box.
“What shall we put with him?” she asks.
I find a small pebble and a coin and place them in the box. I touch him. She puts the lid on and walks me out of the garden where she asks a staff member to dig a hole. I place Newton’s box in the hole, and the man covers it up.
“Would you like to say something about Newton?” she asks.
“I will miss you in my room, Newton. But I promise to come to visit you, every day,” I say.
“Anna?” I hear Auggie’s voice.
A strong hand wraps around my arm. I shake my head.
“Hey,” I hear Logan’s voice in my ear. I turn and his concerned face stares down at me. “Hey, where’d you go?” he asks in a soft voice.
I feel tears well in my eyes as my body trembles.
“Anna, it’s just a fish,” Auggie says. “It’s not like—” He freezes when he suddenly realizes why I’m freaked out. “Newton?” he asks.
I nod. “I’d forgotten…” I trail off as I watch the dead fish float away to its watery grave.
I turn back to see Logan staring at me in both concern and now also confusion. I don’t have time to explain before Auggie does.
“Three weeks before our mom died, Anna’s pet fish died. And then the week before, her bunny, Chomper, died. Anna was petrified of things dying after Mom was killed. It took her a long time to understand that not everything around her was going to die,” he explains. He reaches over and pulls me into a hug. “I got you, Suzy Q. I got you,” he whispers as he presses a kiss to my forehead. “Just breathe.”
I take a few breaths and, eventually, I feel calm again. I lean back and wipe my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I say to them. Pete looks at me with as much concern as Logan had. “I’m OK. I…I think I just had a flashback,” I try to explain.
“Should we…” Logan trails off and looks toward Auggie and Pete. I hold up my hand.
“No, absolutely not. We are finishing fishing,” I say to them.
“Are you sure, Anna?” Pete asks.
“I can take you back to the boat if you like?” Logan offers.
“No, really. I’m OK. I’m sorry I scared you all,” I say. I cast my line back out and take in a deep breath. Fortunately, the next fish I catch doesn’t get gut-hooked, and we release it. I don’t end up catching any that we c
an keep, but Pete and Auggie both do. We head back in at lunchtime, and I excuse myself.
I curl up on my bed, and sometime after contemplating how and when I’ll tell Logan about everything, I fall fast asleep.
The listing of the boat is what wakes me. I can hear the wind howling outside. I stumble to my feet and throw on my raincoat. In a matter of seconds, I’ve pushed open the hatch and am on deck. I see Thomas securing lines and Vicky and Nico are assisting him. Nico is the best sailor of our bodyguards, so it makes sense he’s out here helping. Logan is at the wheel.
He sees me and his look is fierce. I grimace as I’m probably just in the way, but I do have some experience with boats. I square my shoulders and walk toward him. I huff as I notice my useless brothers are still below deck.
“You should be below deck!” Logan calls out over the wind. “It’s not safe up here, Anna.”
“I can help!” I respond. He gives me a hard look. And I give him one right back. He’s not the boss of me.
“Fine, hold the wheel,” he says.
I go to grasp it and the boat lists again, sending me right into Logan’s arms. He grasps me hard, pulling me against his body. I grip his jacket and steady myself. For a moment, I don’t want to move. It feels safe in his grasp, but I will myself to grab the wheel, to make myself useful.
“You, OK?” he calls out, his arms still holding me. I nod, and he gives my waist a squeeze before heading over to help Nico.
Keeping the boat straight on its course is easier said than done. The waves are large and push us around like a bottle in the sea. I use all my muscle to keep the jerking wheel in place.
Water rains down my face, but I don’t dare try removing a hand from the wheel to wipe it away. I know one hand won’t have enough strength to hold it in place.
A minute and then two go by, finally Logan’s back at my side. His arms come around me, and he grasps the wheel.
“You can let go,” he whispers in my ear, his hot breath caressing my skin. “I got us.”
I stay there for a moment, relishing in the warmth of his body pressed securely against mine. I feel as though I’m in the heart of a tornado. Everything is whipping around us. The crew yelling at each other as they secure things, the roaring wind, the crashing waves, but here in our embrace I hear nothing but Logan’s breath on me. I feel nothing but his heat against my body.
