He changed into the shorts and an old white t-shirt he kept here, wrapping his hands to go a few rounds with the bag so he could clear his head and consider next steps and possible outcomes.
It was possible Oliver loved him, but wasn’t ready to live with him.
Uppercut.
It was possible Oliver still thought Matthew was experimenting and didn’t trust him enough to believe they had a future together.
Left cross.
There was even a small chance that Oliver thought he was protecting Matthew from his family’s judgment. That he wouldn’t be able to handle any comments aimed in his direction.
Right hook, jab, uppercut.
None of those possibilities sounded right or complete, which left him feeling fucking helpless.
When he fell for Oliver, fool that he was, he’d thought he was going to have an ending like William’s or Uncle Shawn’s. True love and happily bloody after.
But what if his story was more like Grump’s or Shawn’s prick of a twin? What if his love was one-sided, and he ended up alone and bitter?
Maybe his brother was the one-off, and he and Kate just weren’t built for long-lasting, healthy relationships.
Maybe you’re talking out of your ass because you’re scared of getting your heart broken.
“Matty.” William sounded impatient, as if it wasn’t the first time he’d tried to get his attention.
“Busy,” he said, his knuckles aching as he pummeled the bag. “Don’t need a lesson today.”
William grabbed the bag, holding it still and studying Matthew’s face. “I’d disagree because your form is a mess, but let’s give it a rest for a minute.”
“What do you want?”
His brother’s glare was a thing of legend, but today it barely phased him. “Since this is my place, how about a little respect for a start, brother?”
Matthew scowled, tearing at the tape on his hands and turning away. “Good point. I’ll go. Sorry.”
William gripped his shoulder and spun him on his heel. “What the hell is going on with you and Calamity today? She keeps calling and hanging up on me, and you show up just to be shit to my face. What have I done now? How have I failed you? I have to be honest, Matty, I don’t enjoy these little walks down Dysfunctional Memory Lane. And I didn’t do anything to deserve it.”
Fuck. Kate. He’d been too wrapped up in his own insecure bullshit to check on her. “Give her some slack, okay?”
“And why should I do that again?”
“Zo didn’t know about your anniversary party. When you told her about it and she realized she’d been left out again, she broke things off with Kate.”
“Jesus,” William swore and rubbed his hand over his face. “That’s why she’s mad at me.”
“Yeah.”
“She okay?”
Matthew shrugged. “She will be. You know how she is.”
“And you?” William put his fists on his hips, as if bracing himself. “What are you doing here when I moved your schedule around because Ollie was coming over?”
“I’m letting off some steam.” Matthew tugged off his damp shirt and used it to wipe the sweat off his face. “And before you start in on me, I already had the family pep talk with Brady.”
“What pep talk?” He scowled. “And why would you be talking to Brady when I’m right here?”
He sighed. “It’s sorted, Billy. I’m handling it.”
But William had never been easy to put off. “What’s sorted? Is this about Oliver not moving in with you?”
Matthew’s eyes widened and William shook his head. “You think I don’t know what’s going on in my brother’s life? That I don’t worry about you anymore, as if it’s something I can turn off like a faucet now that you’re grown? Love doesn’t work like that, Matty.”
“I’m fine,” he said defensively. “And you’ve got enough on your plate now, don’t you? Bronte, Little Wiley, this place. You’ve got a good life now. We can’t all be that lucky.”
Shit. Fuck. Hell. “I didn’t mean to sound—”
“Resentful?” William finished wryly. “The way you did when I wouldn’t let you come to the fights with me because you were too young, and I wanted more for you?”
“That was different.” Matthew walked over to the bench along the wall and sat down. “We were all different then. And you know how much I love Bronte and the baby. How happy I am for you. I’m just feeling sorry for myself, that’s all.”
William joined him. “I’ve been happy for you, too. Until today, anyway. Happy. And worried.”
Matthew’s shoulders hunched. “Because I’m in love with a guy?”
He supposed the whack on the back of his head wasn’t as hard as it could have been. Still. “Oi.”
“Go on, use that brain of yours for something besides a hat rack, Matty. Because you’re in love with a guy,” he mocked. “Oh, sure and you’re the very first Finn to ever admit to loving another man. I’ve never heard of such a thing. How will the family survive the horror?”
“I get it.”
“It’s not you I’m worried about. You’re in love, your self-defense class is drawing more members every day and you’ll finally be putting your evil genius to work with the proper supervision. It’s Oliver who has me troubled.”
“Why?”
William held up his hands as if he didn’t know where to begin. “Because he looks at you like you’re about to disappear. Because he’s obviously exhausted and you barely see each other, but he hasn’t moved in yet. Because he says he scared that asshole harassing him away, but he’s still wearing the same haunted look I saw when I gave him his membership. Pick one.”
“Hell.”
“See? My plate might be full but that doesn’t mean I’m blind to what’s going on around me.” He grimaced. “Except when it comes to our sister, apparently.”
“Kate’s complicated, Billy. It’s not your fault.”
Matthew had been blind when it came to Oliver. He knew William was telling the truth, but he’d been too involved to see it clearly. Oliver was running himself ragged trying to make everyone happy. His family, his dance company and Matthew.
He was giving everything to the people who loved him, except the ability to prove they loved him back. To take care of him for a change. To think about his happiness.
Had Matthew been so greedy for time with him, and so focused on what he wanted that he’d missed that?
He leaned his head back against the gym wall. “Do you remember that time I came home bloodied up and wouldn’t tell you why?”
William scowled. “Vividly. I thought someone was sending me a message until Calamity swore it was a schoolyard thing. She said you’d handled it. Was that a lie?”
“Not a lie.” Matthew closed his eyes, seeing it fresh in his mind. “A boy.”
“A boy?” He could feel William’s confusion. “I thought you were into girls until Oliver.”
“I was. I wasn’t trying to date him or anything, I was only ten. He came from another school for one semester of an accelerated computer class, and we got to talking. I liked him, so when he invited me back to his to check out his new game system, I agreed. It was a crack, until his older brothers came home and found out what my last name was. That I was one of those Finns from that part of town.”
His brother cracked his knuckles beside him and swore. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You kidding?” Matthew chuckled. “Even then, I knew what you did for a living. I didn’t want you going to jail for killing some stuck up sixteen-year-olds.”
“You could give me their names now. I’ll text them to Tanaka. He won’t mind.”
They shared a smile before Matthew’s faded. “That’s not why I’m bringing it up. That kid I was best friends with for an afternoon? He never talked to me again. He’d liked me, but because of his brothers’ opinions, he started believing I wasn’t good enough to be in the same classroom. To breathe the same air. Just like that.”
He snapped his fingers.
“They were assholes, Matty. The world is full of them. Tell me you know that.”
“I do,” Matthew assured him quietly. “But sometimes I think I haven’t pushed with Oliver because I’m afraid of that happening again, when it matters. If his family doesn’t approve of me, if they make him choose, then I’m fucked, aren’t I? I’m just that bad seed again. Not good enough.”
“Ah, Matty.” William sounded pained.
“Don’t hug me or anything. We’re in public.”
“Fuck off,” William said as he wrapped his arms around him, ignoring the cooling sweat on his bare chest and squeezing him tight enough to steal his breath.
“Get a hold of yourself, man. Think of your reputation.”
William’s laugh was choked with emotion. “What I’m thinking is that I wish you hadn’t had to go through half the things you did growing up. I wish I’d gotten you away sooner. But most of all, Matthew Finn, I wish you knew how full of shit you are.”
“What the hell?” Matthew untangled himself and leaned back in disbelief. “This is why I didn’t ask you for a pep talk.”
“You’re getting it anyway.” William’s lashes were wet, but his expression was hard. “You are brilliant, you bloody idiot. Clever and kind and more than worthy of being loved for exactly who you are. If his family can’t see that, too bad for them, because you’ve got a bigger family and we could take them in a fight. And if your opinionated, strong-willed, stubborn Oliver lets any of them make his decisions for him? Then he’ll be the one not good enough for you and I’ll admit that I’ve been wrong about him. Do you hear me?”
“I hear you.” He felt better. Fuck. How had he done that? “I stand corrected. I think Brady could take a few lessons from you, brother.”
“Yeah?” He liked the sound of that. “It wouldn’t hurt him to get in the ring a bit more either, now that you mention it. He’s still too slow to land a proper punch.” He hesitated. “Are you good now?”
“I think so.”
“Ready to deal with Oliver?”
“I hope so.”
William pursed his lips. “Think Kate would let me in the house to talk things out if I brought pizza?”
“Hell no. Not this week, anyway. Complicated, remember? We’re not at the gifts and groveling stage yet. There’s a process.”
“Enough said.”
Chapter Three
Matthew was still in bed the next morning when Rory called.
“It’s almost noon. Half the day is gone, my little shillelagh. Are you sick?”
It was entirely possible. When he’d gotten home, ready to talk, only to have Kate tell him Oliver had gotten a phone call and left, he’d been disappointed. Later, when Oliver still hadn’t answered any of his text messages, he’d moved from frustration to full-on depression.
Luckily, his Calamity was right there with him. She hadn’t asked for details, instead inviting him to join her, and they’d spent the night slaughtering zombie hordes and eating cheese puffs and pizza rolls. So yeah. His shoulders ached from his afternoon at the gym, his heart hurt from Oliver’s silence and his stomach wasn’t all that happy with him at the moment. Sick.
“What do you need, Barbie?”
“Nice mood. And here I am trying to be your Fairy Gayfather again.”
Matthew pushed himself up into a sitting position, grimacing at the orange-stained shirt he’d fallen asleep in and the vile taste in his mouth. “Feel like explaining that comment? Slowly please. I had a rough night.”
The eyeroll was audible over the phone. “I had a rough night, Shamrock. I have an incredibly adventurous sex life, as you know, and even I can’t believe what some people are willing to do to themselves to get off. In a furry costume, no less. Zippers can be dangerous things. So can chew toys.”
“If I let you win this will you stop telling me about it?”
“Maybe.”
“You win.”
“Smart man. Anyway, my guys decided to take me out for breakfast, since I’m too keyed up to go home, and we were sitting around catching up on all the family gossip I missed on my double shift. First of all, Zo is a humorless brat who cheats at Catan—which isn’t easy to do—so tell Kate she’s better off. Also, did you know that Wyatt got picked for—”
“You had something to tell me specifically?” Matthew rubbed his head, glancing over at the side of the bed where Oliver should be. Would have been, if he hadn’t left him alone yesterday.
“I was working up to it. I heard about your problems with Legs McGee.”
“What? How did you—Brady told you?”
“He did. Well, he told Younger about your visit. Younger told me.”
Solomon? The police chief didn’t seem like the type to tell tales. “It’s been less than twenty-four hours and that wasn’t meant to be shared. Is there a Finn group chat I haven’t been told about?”
“Probably,” Rory said apologetically. “But I’m not on it. People just tell me things. Plus, they know I’m the one that set you two lovebirds up.”
“Oh yes, it was all you. I keep forgetting.” He ground his teeth together. “Well, that’s just grand. It’s good to know my personal problems are giving the relatives something to talk about. If that’s all you called to tell me, I’ll go pack my suitcase and head back to Ireland now. At least Grump knows how to keep his mouth shut.”
“Don’t be like that. And if that was all I called to tell you, I’d be a dickhead. I’m not a dickhead. What I am is the only one not willing to leave the newest member of our club to flounder on his own. Not when I know exactly what you need to do to fix your problem.”
Matthew flopped onto his back with a groan. “Sure you do. Can’t wait to hear it.”
“Oliver won’t deal with this until he has to, no matter how much he wants to take things to the next level. I get it, too. Family drama is the worst. My brothers and I managed to avoid talking about anything important for most of our lives, though now that we have, we’re closer than ever. But it took a tragedy to get that ball rolling, and we don’t need any more of that. So instead, you need to help Oliver take that first step, Matthew. He’s put a mountain of anxiety up between you and your future happiness. You need to climb that mountain and stick your sexy flag in it.”
“How exactly do I go about doing that, Rory?”
“Well, the first thing you need to do is drop that attitude, shower and put on something nice. And by nice, I mean no holes or stains. Then you’ll go to the address I’m about to text you, where they’re currently serving a delicious brunch menu I’m planning to Yelp about later.”
The idea of leaving his bed held no appeal whatsoever. “And why would I be making a decision like that when I have leftover pizza rolls waiting for me right downstairs?”
“Because I’m staring at Oliver and what looks to be most of his very large and demonstrative family as we speak. And if they stop hugging each other long enough, they’re about to be seated.”
“What? What?”
“I think that means you’re glad I called. Say I’m the GOAT. Go on. Say it.” Matthew heard the sound of Rory’s partners, Rig and David, laughing before his cousin said, “Shower. And hurry.”
He stared at the disconnected phone for a solid minute, his heart racing. This couldn’t be happening. What were the odds of Rory being in the same restaurant as Oliver and his family? He supposed if he took the time to calculate the size of the city and his sheer number of relatives, it might not be that astronomical, but still.
Oliver was there with them now. Alive and brunching, despite his radio silence. What was he supposed to do with that information? Rory’s idea was shite, wasn’t it? Showing up at the restaurant to surprise his boyfriend’s family?
Yes. Bad idea. Horrible idea.
He kept trying to talk himself out of it as he showered and dressed. Rory had just worked a double, hadn’t had any sleep and wasn’t exactly known for his well-thought-out decision making on his
best day. No way would anyone else tell him this was a smart move.
But what were his other choices? Waiting for Oliver to eventually answer his phone so they could pick up where they left off? With him coming and going whenever he had a moment free and Matthew waiting for him to feel secure enough in their relationship to take the next step?
Fuck, this was crazy, he thought as he started his car and entered the address into his GPS. But he was feeling crazy. Yesterday he’d come to the realization that settling for pieces of Oliver wasn’t enough for him. That he needed to confront the situation head on, instead of pretending it didn’t exist.
Now fate and his interfering relatives had given him an opening. A mountain for him to conquer. Either he’d end up like Kate’s girlfriend, walking away with the knowledge that despite his claims to the contrary, Oliver wasn’t really in love with him. Or he’d make him realize that he didn’t have to choose between keeping his family happy and being happy.
One way or another, Matthew would get his answers.
He made it there in record time, psyching himself up in the car before he headed toward the restaurant. The door opened and he was instantly hit by a wall of laughter and loud conversation that he usually associated with the Finns.
That it came from the Garcia family wasn’t a question. Oliver had mentioned his family was big, but damn. It looked like they took up most of the restaurant.
They had several tables pushed together like crowded planets orbiting a central figure—the lovely older woman in the middle, who happened to look a hell of a lot like the man Matthew loved.
For the children playing around her, the beefy men with tattoos and dark mustaches and a few women who reminded him of his middle school teachers, Olivia Garcia was clearly the star attraction. They kept cheering and raising their glasses to her and—shit. Was this a party for her? Had he decided to make his last stand on this nice old woman’s first birthday since her stroke?
And as quickly as that, his kamikaze mission was officially canceled. He needed to leave now, clinging to whatever dignity he had left.
Something hit the back of his head and he turned, seeing Rory placing another cube of ice on his spoon for aiming while David tried to snatch it from his hand. He got to their table in two large strides and slid in beside Rig. “This isn’t happening.”
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