I just hope that Abbott will be part of it.
Chapter 19
Abbott
“Welcome to your home, little girl,” I say as I carry the car seat into the apartment.
Rory makes a small sound but doesn’t wake up, not even when I set the car seat down on the kitchen island and start to unbuckle her.
London is beside me, and she rests her head against my shoulder. “It’s so good to have her home.”
She had to stay in the hospital for three weeks after London was discharged. It was hell on London, not being able to bring her little girl home. But now she’s here, and everything is perfect.
Or almost everything.
There are still so many things I need to talk to her about. But I know right now, all her attention needs to be on Rory.
Mine too.
It’s incredible how quickly I fell in love with her. Maybe it’s because I know she’s a piece of London and Kyle. It kills me that my friend isn’t here to meet his daughter, but the first time I held her, I’d made a promise that I’d do everything I can to be the father he would have been to her. I don’t know what that’ll look like, but I know that I’m not just trying to be a better man for London anymore. I want to be a man that Rory can be proud of. A man who I hope she’ll one day call daddy.
I pick Rory up and place her in the crook of my arm.
London is smiling at me.
“What?” I ask.
“You look good holding her.” She gives me a teasing smile. “If I didn’t just have surgery a few weeks ago, I’d be dragging you into the bedroom and—”
“Hey now,” I say chuckling, pretending to cover Rory’s ears. “There’s a child in the room. You’re going to have to keep the bedroom talk in the bedroom from now on.”
She laughs. “Is the Beast of Port Clover giving me parenting advice?”
I just grin. It’s the first time since she had Rory that she’s teased me like that. Sure, she’s spent every night in my bed, cuddled next to me, but until now she hasn’t really been able to relax.
“We haven’t talked about that,” she says, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.
“About what?”
She hesitates before saying, “Bedroom stuff.” She sighs and her cheeks turn pink. “Now that Rory is here. I just...things might change. We never really talked about what you and I...” She shrugs. “What we’re doing.”
I frown, not liking where she’s going with this. “Are you having second thoughts about us?”
When she doesn’t say no, a knot starts to form in my throat.
She opens her mouth to say something, but Rory lets out a cry, and her little face turns bright red as she squirms in my arms.
“She’s probably hungry.” London takes her from me. “We can talk later. Okay?”
I lean on the counter and nod, that unsettling feeling making me antsy.
What the hell did she mean that things might change?
I rub the back of my neck and answer my cell when it rings. “Yeah?”
“Good, you are alive,” Moody says, chuckling.
“Shit. Sorry, man. I meant to call you. My...uh...” What the hell do I even call London. Is she my girlfriend? Fuck, I don’t know what to call her, so I just say, “My roommate had a baby, and I’ve been trying to be here getting things ready, and—”
“Your roommate, huh?” he says like he can read deeper into my words. “Well, I guess congratulations?”
“Sure.” I rub the back of my neck. “What’s going on?”
“I need you at the club in a half hour.”
“Oh...” I glance toward the door that leads to the living room. I really don’t want to leave London, not today when she just got Rory home, but this is my job, and I’ve been MIA for the last week already. “Sure. I’ll be there.”
“You’ve got to get your head in the game for the next few weeks, Abbott. This fight is a make or break it deal. I need to know you’re serious about this.”
“You know I am.” I roll my shoulder. Even though it doesn’t ache right now, I know this fight is going to take a toll. Worse than the pain I know is coming, is the ache knowing I have to be away from London and Rory. But this isn’t just about making a few extra dollars, it’s about setting them up for life. “I’ll be there in twenty.”
I hang up, and rough a palm over my jaw and sigh, before finding London.
She is in the living room, nursing Rory when I come out of the kitchen.
I stand there watching her for a moment, something in my chest stirring. It takes me a moment to realize what it is - love. God, I love the woman. Both of them. I thought that when I told her about what I’d done, about the fire at the church that she’d never want to speak to me again.
Instead, she forgave me. And maybe she’s right, maybe I’m not to blame. But it doesn’t change all the shitty things I’ve done over the years. I never thought I was redeemable. Never allowed myself to even hope that London could be mine.
She is mine, my heart pounds, even the brain still can’t quite process it.
London gives me a hesitant smile. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I rub the back of my neck. “Moody just called, and I have to go to the gym for a few hours.”
She frowns, studying me. “Okay.”
“I don’t want to leave when we just brought her home—”
“It’s fine.” She gives me a small smile, but I can see the concern in her eyes. “I’m exhausted. I’m going to try and sleep when she does.”
I press a kiss to the top of her forehead, inhaling her scent, and it kills me when I have to pull away.
“Abbott,” she says when I’m at the door.
“Yeah?”
“Are you sure, you’re all right?”
I nod. “I’ll be back later. Text me if you need me to pick anything up.” If I don’t leave now, I know I won’t go. Because there isn’t a cell in my body that wants to leave her.
But I still have things I need to do. Things I need to prove.
Chapter 20
London
“She’s getting so big,” Quinn says, leaning over the stroller, and giving an audible sigh.
I was just heading out for a walk with Rory when her SUV pulled to a stop in front of my building. It’s not the first time she’s stopped by, in fact, all of the Savages have taken turns dropping in. Always bringing gifts and food and diapers and...more love for my little girl than I could ever have hoped for.
I know I’m not part of their family, but they’ve made me feel like I am. And the more time I spend with them, I realize why Abbott is so special - even if he still doesn’t see it.
My own mom has only come by once, and that was when Rory was still in the hospital. She’d barely looked at her. She’d handed me a potted plant and made a comment about how my dad should be there.
I’d just sighed and given her a hug. I’ve spent enough time grieving and feeling guilty over something that was just a terrible accident. But I’d realized in that moment, how alike my mom and Abbott are. Both holding onto something they can’t change. One needing to blame, the other needing to be blamed.
“I love you, Mom,” I’d told her, wishing that she could let go of the past, but knowing there’s nothing I can do to make her.
It’s the same with Abbott. Until he lets go of the guilt, he’ll never fully live in the here and now.
“God, she’s so freaking cute,” Quinn says.
“I’m probably biased, but I think so too,” I say, grinning like a fool at Rory. She’s six weeks old now, and is smiling and cooing and doing a million other adorable things that I’d never thought would make my heart explode with love.
“I know I should have called before just stopping by.” Quinn straightens and looks at me. “But I was in town and—”
“You can stop by anytime. I like the company. But if you’re looking for Abbott, he’s not here.”
He hasn’t been here much at all since we bro
ught Rory home. But when he is here, he’s incredible with her, preparing bottles, changing diapers. And each night he slips into bed beside me, and wraps an arm around me, his mouth nuzzling my neck.
Still, I can’t help but think something is wrong.
Maybe it’s just an old habit, to worry about him. But he’s been so mercurial lately, and I know something is bothering him. He’s been training for the big fight coming up, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s more. If he’s having second thoughts about...everything.
Other than chaste kisses and hugs, he hasn’t tried to touch me.
“Hey.” Quinn places a hand on my arm. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah.” I smile. “I’m just tired. Rory still isn’t sleeping through the night.”
“I remember those days,” she says, sympathetically. “So you’ll come?”
“Where?”
She chuckles. “You are sleep deprived. I asked if you and Abbott wanted to come to family dinner this Sunday.”
“I’ll ask him and get back to you. He’s been really busy lately.”
“Okay.”
I give her a hug before she gets in her SUV and drives off.
Rory starts to whimper, but as I push the stroller, she stops fussing.
And I try to push my insecurities down. Abbott has been so great with Rory when he has been around. I’ve caught him reading to her, and singing lullabies in the middle of the night. Heard him telling her stories about Kyle, and how great he was, how he’ll always make sure she remembers him.
My heart swells thinking about those moments. And I know in the deepest part of my soul that he’s trying.
That he’s mine.
But I have been consumed by Rory lately, maybe I haven’t given him enough attention.
I smile, knowing what I need to do. I make a quick stop at Rosa’s Cafe and pick up two cotoletta sandwiches and walk the extra fifteen minutes to the gym. It’s almost lunchtime, and I’m hoping to surprise Abbott with his favorite.
When I get there, I struggle with the door and stroller. A giant of a man, with his hair piled on top of his head in a man bun, opens it for me.
“Thank you,” I say, wrinkling my nose at the smell of sweat and leather.
“Are you looking for someone?” he asks.
I glance around, there are two men in a cage fighting, another outside yelling instructions, but I don’t see Abbott.
“Um, yeah, is Abbott here?”
“You must be London,” he says, smiling down at me. If it wasn’t for his smile, the man would be intimidating just due to his size. But then his face goes all soft when his gaze lands on my daughter. “And this must be Rory. She’s beautiful.”
I smile, a little smitten by the giant of a man. “Abbott told you about us?”
He chuckles. “Yeah. Not much else he talks about.” He holds out his hand. “I’m Moody Brock.”
“London,” I say, shaking it. “But I guess you already figured that out.” I hold up the bag with the sandwiches. “I brought him lunch. Do you know if he’s here?”
“Yeah. He’s in the back office. I can keep an eye on this little one if you want.”
I hesitate, but he’s already unbuckling her and picking her up.
“Don’t worry,” he says. “I have lots of practice.”
And I admit, he seems like a natural with her.
“The office is the third door after the water tank. I’ll let you know if she starts fussing.”
“Thank you.”
He chuckles. “I think it’s my wife who’ll thank you. She’s been talking about having another baby lately. I think holding this little sweet pea just seals the deal.”
I smile, and it’s not hard to imagine him with a brood of children hanging off him.
It’s crazy that I haven’t been here until now. And I feel bad for not coming sooner, to see what Abbott is doing. My chest swells with pride at the changes he’s made in just a few months.
There’s a poster on the wall with Abbott’s picture on it and the date of his big fight. He’s in a fighting stance, his dark eyes focused, and my body instantly warms. He looks so freaking sexy. His biceps are flexed, the ladder of abs look good enough to lick, and I’m almost tempted to ask Moody if I can take the poster home.
But I have the real thing curling up in bed beside me every night.
And I realize how much I want him. Need him. Those large, calloused hands, his soft, kissable lips. Every hard inch of him.
I walk toward the office, wanting to tell him that, to let him know how proud I am of everything he’s doing. It’s been weeks since we’ve been intimate, but my body is healed now, and there’s nothing I want more than to be consumed by him.
I’m smiling when I open the door, ready to throw my arms around him and tell him all that.
But I freeze, ice filling my veins when I see him. See her.
At first, I don’t want to believe it.
Abbott’s shirt is off and he’s sitting on the desk, a deep rumble of a laugh filling the room. But it’s the woman who’s beside him, her hands on his shoulder, touching him, and leaning close, a matching smile tugging at her lips, that causes a whimper to escape my lips.
She’s gorgeous. Long blonde hair, a face that could easily be on the cover of Cosmopolitan, and it’s clear what they’re doing.
I drop the bag with the sandwiches, and Abbott’s gaze lands on me. He smiles, but then it disappears, and his eyes go dark. “London—”
I don’t wait for an explanation. I practically trip as I back away from the door, then turn and dart back to where Moody is holding Rory.
“I need to go,” I tell him, reaching for my daughter, and trying not to cry.
“What’s wrong?”
I don’t trust myself to answer him, I just take her and strap her into the stroller, then struggle with the door.
“London,” Abbott shouts at me, and from the corner of my eye, I see him stalking toward me as he tries to get his t-shirt over his head. The blonde follows him, and I catch her frown.
Looks like she didn’t know about me either.
I’m out the door, and half a block away before Abbott catches up with me.
“Jesus, London, stop,” he shouts, grabbing my arm.
The tears are streaming down my face now, and my anger is past the point of boiling over, it’s exploding from every cell in my body.
“Leave me alone, Abbott,” I warn him, knowing I’m not in control of what I’ll say if he doesn’t.
“I know what that looked like, but—”
“What it looked like?” I laugh, bitterly. “God, Abbott. All these years. I’ve defended you. Believed in you. But you really are the son of bitch everyone thinks you are.”
“London—”
“No. No more. I’m done, Abbott. I want your stuff out of the apartment. I want you out of my life and I never want to see you again.”
There’s fear in his eyes, but right now I don’t care. I can’t care. His hand is still on my arm and I shrug it away.
“God, I thought I knew you. I thought...”
“Yeah,” he says, a flash of anger in his eyes. “I thought you knew me too. Thought you believed in me. What do you think you saw back there, huh? You think I’m fucking her?”
“I don’t care anymore,” I shout, feeling numb. “Go do what or whoever you want, Abbott. It’s obviously not me.”
He laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “Everything is about you, London. Every thought. Every breath. Every fucking thing I do or have ever done has been about you.”
“That’s why you’re sleeping with someone else? No wonder you haven’t touched me—”
“Stop. And listen to me.” His fingers grasp my shoulders, and he holds my gaze. “That woman, she’s Izzy Brock, Moody’s wife. And she’s a doctor. She was examining my shoulder.”
I suck in a small breath, hearing the truth in his words.
“And I haven’t touched you, because you just ha
d a baby, London. You think I haven’t wanted to be inside you? You think it hasn’t been torture not to lose myself in you when you’re sleeping right next to me. I haven’t touched anyone else. You are the only person I want.”
My throat squeezes tight as I realize the mistake I’ve made. “Abbott—”
“No. You need to make a choice, London. You trust me, or you don’t. You don’t want me living with you, then I’ll respect that. I’ll come home tonight and pack my things. I’ll be there for you and Rory whenever you need me. But...if you want me to stay, then that’s it. You trust me. Do you understand that?”
I nod, words sticking in my throat.
He studies me, his jaw bouncing, eyes dark. “Tonight, London. I need your answer tonight.” And then he drops his hands, and turns, stalking back to the gym. I catch his gaze one last time before he opens the door, then disappears inside.
Chapter 21
Abbott
I half expect to find my stuff in boxes when I return to the apartment. My heart had stopped when London had opened the door, and I saw the accusation in her eyes.
How the hell does she not know that she’s the only woman in the world for me?”
I’d asked Moody that question when he’d interrogated me after London left.
“From what you told me, you’ve spent most of your life pushing her away. It takes time, and sometimes grand gestures to make up for the hurt we’ve caused. Trust me, buddy, I know from experience.”
“What kind of grand gesture?” I asked. I’ve always sucked at all that romantic bullshit. But for London, I want to be better.
“Something that proves you’re committed.” He shrugged. “I can’t tell you what to do. It has to come from you, or it’ll just seem forced.”
After walking around downtown for an hour, I knew what I wanted to do. No, what I needed to do. But as I stand in front of the apartment door, fidgeting with the ring box in my pocket, old insecurities creep up.
She’s not good enough for you.
You’ll find a way to fuck things up.
Beast: Savages and Saints Page 11
