by Lexy Wolfe
“Okay, okay! Good gods, you’re no fun.”
“I’m Desanti, remember? We don’t have fun.” He sat the cloth covered object on the table with a clunk. “We are far too practical for that.”
“You? Practical?” Her playful retort was distracted, looking at the thing in confusion. “What in the world is this?”
“Yours.” He pulled the cover off to reveal an elegant and dangerous appearing crossbow. “I had it designed to your measurements so you can let it down at your side but hold it comfortably with one hand and brace it against your shoulder. Reloading takes a bit of time, but once you get used to it, you should only need one shot anyway.” His rambling died off and he watched at her with a trace of worry. “Do you like it?”
Bella didn’t answer right away, staring at it with wide eyes. Her hand traced over the steel, wood and cord in an almost loving caress. “It’s beautiful. I have never seen anything like it!” She looked up at him. “What is it called? Where did you get it?”
“It’s a crossbow. They’ve had them in some regions of Sevmana for a few years now. They don’t quite have the range of your bow, but they have some incredible power behind them. I convinced an artisan to come to Sharindel when I came back with Ophilia to teach her techniques to the weapon smiths here.” He brought out a quiver filled with bolts. “When I told her why I wished this commission, she put her heart and soul into it. It is her masterpiece.”
“It really is a masterpiece, isn’t it?” she asked in distracted tones, staring at the weapon.
The man smiled. “I’ll just leave you two alone,” he began, turning away.
She grabbed his wrist to stop him. He looked back at her quizzically when she wrapped her good arm around him and kissed him soundly. When the kiss ended, he smiled, nuzzling her. “Now this is the Bella I remember,” he said in a low voice. He chuckled, letting her push him onto the bed playfully.
Kendle looked out through the dormitory’s glass wall, lost in thought. He turned toward the common room at a sound. With only the low fire illuminating the place and keeping the late winter’s chill from the air, it took him a few moments to focus on the source. When Storm staggered out, he moved to her side.
“Do not touch me,” she growled, glaring at him from the corner of her eye.
“You can barely stay on your feet,” he argued.
“Touch me, and I will rip your throat out with my teeth.” She fixed her glare on him for several minutes until he finally relented, holding his hands up in surrender.
“Do you hate Them so much you would risk incurring Their wrath?” He watched her drop to her knees by the fire pit and rest her head on her crossed arms. “I know despise me.”
Storm’s muffled voice drifted out. “I do not hate you.”
Kendle smirked, carefully making his way around and sitting across the fire from her. He winced, holding his ribs. “Then if what you showed me and the ancient trinity was love, I feel a great deal of sympathy for your lifemate.”
“My lifemate did not give me his word, then betray me, as They did.” She raised her head, her eyes dark with pain, exhaustion, and turmoil. “He did not do anything to knowingly kill me, as you had.” She lowered her head again. “My lifemate is my reason to exist. And They want to take that from me. For eternity.”
The Roylat inhaled sharply, sitting up. “Your family never explained…That is why you are so weak still? You didn’t try to end just your mortal life. You sought oblivion? Why?”
“Things were different before the First Sundering. The divine laws did not prohibit closeness between mortals and immortals, only trying to disrupt a current life with past ones.” She did not raise her head, but her clenching fists betrayed her emotions. “After I was…after the Trisari were punished by the ancient trinity, They limited contact even more. I watched over my mortals still, but it made my heart ache. But Avarian…he was different. He gave me hope.”
Kendle studied her for a long time. “Would Zhekali have chosen mortality to be with Avarian if his soul had not been in peril?” Her shoulders moved in ambiguous answer. “Forgive me. It is impertinent of me to ask.”
“Why apologize now? You have always been impertinent.”
His lips twitched. “I suppose so. Still. I should respect your life and your choices without questioning or judging them.”
“You cannot understand if you do not ask.” She pushed herself up, resting her chin in her palms. “Why did you not join the Trisari?”
He leaned back, grimacing until he no longer pulled on his injuries. “I admired their intellectual drive, but it was so cold. Knowledge for the sake of knowledge just felt hollow. If there was any joy in acquiring anything new, I never noticed it.
“Of course, the Totani weren’t really much better. Oh, sure, they were driven and passionate about their art. But their disdain of anything that did not involve a punch in the nose was rather off-putting.” He gave her a wan smile. “Then there was you.”
She made a disgruntled noise and put her head back on her arms. “I was still a Totani.”
“A Totani that valued intellectualism. You were always unique, but that…I admired. Foolish of me for hoping you would feel the same way about me.” Bitter self-loathing soaked his voice. “Unforgivable for trying to force what was not there.”
He looked at her in surprise when she spoke. “Hope is not foolish. The untrained heart can overwhelm good sense. Even one trained. They can also be blind to others’ hearts. I am sorry I hurt you with my blindness. I did not know you felt more than friendship toward me until this life.”
Kendle stared at her for several minutes, dumbfounded. “You are perplexing, you know that?” She shifted to look at him with one eye. “How is it you react with such passionate anger at first, and then turn around and there is…ah…”
“As Emil would say, one minute I am a raging bitch and the next I am cool as a cucumber? Whatever a cucumber is.” He could hear the smirk in her voice. “Is that not how it has always been between warriors and mages? We react swiftly; they, after consideration? My heart always reacts before my mind. That is why Zhekali was Totani. And why I do not kill in anger. Except once. But there was no other choice. Sumalen’s raiders would have kept coming if I had not. I could not wait until I was not angry.”
“To protect Almek and your future tribe. Given the situation, it was a reasonable course of action.” He watched as she rested one hand on the hot coals, unharmed by the fire. “Why are you out here and not resting in the company of your lifemate and that other pair? I know you have had no desire to see me.”
“The others have sensed where it is we need to go. They do not speak it aloud because they want to protect me. But I know.” Before he asked, she stated, “Desantiva. That is where we must go. I want to go home. I need to go home. But I cannot because I am forbidden. Father ordered me to remain in Forenta and teach the foolish treewalkers about us warriors.
“I had defied him once by leaving Forenta to come here. He had forgiven me that. I cannot defy Him again. I cannot bring Him shame.” Her voice grew softer as she spoke, exhaustion dragging her back to sleep unwillingly. “But I am too weak…to reach Him…or Thandar. I need…”
Kendle’s shoulders sagged and he shook his head. “Ah, my friend. How you torture yourself.” He forced himself to his feet, pulling a blanket from the back of the couch and draping it around her. He dropped near her, leaning back and closing his eyes. “You should be more forgiving of yourself before forgiving the likes of me.”
He did not notice the blanket Terrence laid over him before he and Ash disappeared down the tunnel.
If any others in Sanctuary were awake, the pair of Forentan mages did not encounter them. They walked in silence, lost in their thoughts as their feet led them to the empty Desanti racial archives. Ash turned to look at his younger counterpart when he stopped a few steps in, tilting his head. “What troubles you, Terrence?”
Struggling to find the words, he finally blurted out, “
I cannot believe Storm tried to commit suicide! No, it would have been more than that. Her soul would have survived that, albeit with a stain of shame haunting her. As fiercely as she clings to Desanti mores, how could she attempt to destroy her own existence out of spite to the gods?” He looked at his former master in anguish. “Why aren’t you angry with her? Doesn’t it bother you at all?”
“Of course it bothers me,” Ash replied, his composure unruffled. “But I am not angry with her. I can’t even begin to comprehend what she is going through right now. Just the glimpse of her world is mostly incomprehensible.”
Terrence stared at Ash a heartbeat, at a loss for words. “What are you talking about?”
The man sighed, tucking his hands in his robe sleeves. “During our testing to become Guardians, the Roylat were tasked with reviving our past lives’ memories. Especially for Storm and I, so the task we had given our word to the Timeless One we would complete could be. The ancient trinity allowed one of the divine laws about touching on mortals’ previous lives to be broken to save us.”
“I know.” Terrence flushed, averting his eyes. “I found out I used to be your and Storm’s youngest son. They have not…quite faded. It is rather confusing. I feel like there is another person in my head.”
“I do not think those memories will fade until we pass from this mortal life. Not now that the boundaries have been purposefully eroded. But because of that confusion, I now understand the reason behind at least that divine law.” He shook his head sharply. “Ghosts of past lives have little place in the present.”
“But what does that have to do with Storm trying to kill her soul for eternity? Death is bad enough but—”
Ash fixed Terrence with a stern look. “Can you even comprehend what eternity means? We Forenten can grasp centuries because many of our own live well beyond a hundred years. Perhaps a millennium. Desanti don’t often think beyond tomorrow, and if they do, they might be able to imagine a person enduring for fifty years. If they are lucky, which most are not. A century boggles their minds.”
Terrence crossed his arms in irritation. “What does that have to do with anything?”
Ash put his hand on the other’s shoulder. “Think about what Aelia and Kendle were saying as they spoke. She asked him why he did not choose to be Trisari.” The other frowned, struggling to understand. “The war between the Totani and Trisari was during the First Sundering. So long ago, we have no written records. No knowledge of how long ago it was.”
Pale blue eyes widened in shock. “Storm is that old?”
Ash smirked. “Who but the gods themselves truly know how old our souls are? We may very well be older, but we are likely younger. However, I am sure our awakened memories are only of the lives we lived during that particular lifetime. Yours of the years afterwards. Only Avarian and Tristan.”
Terrence turned away, pained by the memory of witnessing the death of his former life’s parents and his newborn wails when the soul bond to them shattered. “So many people have come and gone since then. She never forgets…” Ash waited until he looked up with a sense of horror in his expression. “Zhekali’s life began before the First Sundering.”
The man nodded grimly. “How many lives has she seen come and go? How many slipped through her fingers and how many did she have to stand by and watch go? Or even take so the balance remained intact. How much has changed? And were all those changes for the better?”
“When you consider the Great War,” he answered with bitterness, “I think the answer to that is no. Not all of it was for the better.”
Ash moved toward the stairs to the lower level, pausing to consider Terrence. “Avarian had given Zhekali hope. Hope she so desperately wanted to preserve, she was willing to sacrifice her own existence to mend his soul.” He looked at the stairs a few heartbeats before walking down. “I give Aelia a reason to live. To look to the unknown future with hope instead of a very long past filled with grief and a habitual Desanti view of a lack of any future.”
Terrence remained silent as they walked through the rows and rows of empty shelves toward the altar in the back. “You are right. I cannot comprehend how Storm would see the world burdened with Zhekali’s memories. Or think oblivion is any option at all.”
The older mage looked at him, deep sadness in his eyes. “One day, you will feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and believe that all your efforts were meaningless. And for just a moment, the unbearable desire to escape make the unthinkable seem reasonable. Until a hand reaches for yours to pull you back to a better place. If you are fortunate.”
“…You felt that way once?” Ash only glanced at him. “Oh. Forgive me, Master, I didn’t know.”
“They are dark times I prefer not to dwell on. But I can only imagine what I remember is but a fraction of what Aelia has been struggling with.” He smiled sadly, regarding the bas relief of the dragon god and the Totani. “She thinks she hides it from me completely, but I know. I know it will hurt her pride if I try to talk to her before she is ready to discuss it.”
“And she talked to Kendle?” Terrence crossed his arms in disapproval. “He would be the last one I’d think she’d speak to.”
“They had been friends, they share a common background, and are slowly coming to an understanding.” Ash lowered himself to one knee before the altar. “Don’t be offended on my behalf. I am not bothered, and I am not worried I might ‘lose her.’ I trust her as she trusts me.” Terrence opened his mouth to argue, then shut it again, disgruntled.
It was not longer than the span between heartbeats when the stone dragon moved, fixing gleaming eyes on the mage. Where is My daughter? the dragon god demanded with a growl.
“She rests, Lord Desantiva,” Ash replied, eyes lowered in respect. The lack of greeting or ritual did not bother the mage as it once might have, having grown used to the more abrupt natures of their Desanti companions. “She recovers from an incident that left her greatly weakened.”
The dragon god continued to growl, his head lowering to catch the mage’s eyes. What sort of ‘incident’ would leave My Storm so weak she cannot reach out to Me and I cannot sense her? Ash hesitated, trading uncertain looks with Terrence. Do not try to conceal things from Me. Speak! Where is my daughter?
“The Unchanging One thought to convince Storm to return to her place as Zhekali,” Terrence began, flinching back when the dragon focused on him with a snarl of growing displeasure.
Ash put his hand up to stop his companion “She is not…ready to lose her family. When Kendle brought the message, the perceived betrayal by the ancient trinity…distressed her.”
‘Distressed’ her? The Raging One’s snarling quieted to a growl as He regarded the kneeling mage. You have a gift for understatement, Ash Avarian. I know what she tried to do. There is only one act that could rob her of that much of her strength, dim her soul’s glow so much it may as well not exist at all. She would not have sought out oblivion if she did not feel it was all that was left to her. His growl deepened. Order has much to answer to Me for.
Ash raised his eyes to meet the god’s. “Lord Desantiva, we have been tasked by the ancient trinity to seek someone to hold Zhekali’s place until she is ready to return. We feel that entity lies within Your territory’s borders. We intend to come to Your land to seek out this entity. We do not want to abandon Storm.” The growl quieted. “Would You give her permission to return to Desantiva?”
No.
Both Terrence and Ash blinked in surprise. “But my lord,” the younger mage began, earnestness in his voice.
No! The stone that made the dragon began glowing dully with heat.
Ash stood, his azure blue eyes flashing with anger, fists clenched at his sides. “Why not? Don’t you care about Aelia?”
Do not question me, son of defilers!
“Do you want her to suffer? To consider destroying herself and succeeding next time?”
Silence! Flame washed over both men from the glowing sculpture’s mouth.
Clothing
singed, both were otherwise unharmed due to the strange effect of the na’Zhekali tribal bond that made them immune to fire. Ash’s fury matched the god’s own as he shouted back at Him. “I will not be silent! Aelia loves and respects You. So much, she is willing to suffer unbearable heartache to avoid what she sees as a betrayal of Your command. And You are callous enough to let her suffer?”
You took My daughter from Me and you mock Me now with her at your side and no longer at Mine?
“Storm left to free you!” the mage countered. “She was going to return and I had accepted that. You are the one who forbade her from returning.”
The dragon snarled. I commanded her to remain in your land, so you could free her of her curse, keep her by your side, and you speak to me thus, you ungrateful wretch?
“I would speak to the ancient trinity thus and tell Them what They can do with Themselves for hurting Aelia!” Ash shouted at the dragon. “The journey demands we go to Desantiva, and we will not abandon her. I will not abandon her! Nor will I ask her to disobey the father she loves.” The statue’s eyes narrowed. “Give her Your permission to return. Now!”
The two glared at each other in the oppressive silence. The air pressure in the room turned ear-popping with the intensity of their passions.
The Desanti god broke the silence first. Very well, Ash Avarian. My daughter may return to the land of her birth. As the statue returned to its normal position, the god rumbled, But do not think I will easily let her go again.
“Ash,” Terrence whispered into the echoing silence. “Are you insane? How could you confront the Raging One like that? He could have killed you!”
“He could have. He still might one day.” The older mage closed his eyes, shaking as the fear he suppressed flooded through him from facing the god. “But I trusted He would never risk Aelia’s happiness. Or her wrath.” He looked at Terrence with a wan smile. “And Storm did once say meekness is offensive to Him. I took her at her literal word.”
“You are still insane. And lucky.”
