by Marie Hall
“I am,” she cried and tried to pull away from him. “I am. Mama said never let a man ruin me. But I did.”
“Mia, we’re married. You aren’t ruined.” Where was she coming up with this? How was it she’d come to believe… “Mia, didn’t your papa tell you to wait for marriage, because a husband wouldn’t hurt you? Wouldn’t ruin you?”
“Aye, but Mama said…” she sobbed again
“What did your mama say?” Mia didn’t talk about her mother. All Devin knew so far was she’d gotten with child out of wedlock and the man who got her that way wouldn’t do right by her. He didn’t think Mia was pregnant, but even if she was, they were wed. He wasn’t going to leave her. “Mia what did your mother tell you about how a man ruins a woman?”
“She said men make you forget yourself. Forget the things you know and how to do the things you do. They make you forget your purpose. They make you useless and weak. Men ruin girls by making them need them, making them want them no matter how terrible and evil they are. They give you pleasure then take it away. Then they give you pain and that never goes.”
It was a rather hateful proclamation against his kind, but Devin couldn’t understand Mia’s application. Her father, rather her papa, never hurt Mia. He loved her, too much if it was possible. But Devin didn’t know how well he’d treated Mia’s mother. He didn’t think the man was anything but good towards the woman he took in and supported. He’d certainly done enough by her child, a child not his by blood. He knew from his own experiences a man who abused his wife wasn’t often restrained from abusing his offspring.
“I’m ruined,” Mia declared.
“How Mia? Tell me how you are ruined. How did I ruin you?” Devin knew his tone was too sharp. But what did she expect from him? She was accusing without merit. When she only shook her head at him he felt the frustration rise. “No, you tell me. You tell me now. How I have ruined you.”
“I didn’t hear the sharks soon enough. I didn’t because I forgot to listen because I was thinking about you. I was angry and thinking about you and not listening and I wasn’t doing anything useful. And the crew and you were there but I wasn’t part of them and it hurt to be by myself and I wanted to go but then, when I went I wanted to be back because I was still alone.”
It came out in a rush, a large wave of information crashing on him. Devin wasn’t sure he took it all in, but he put it together with what Mia said her mother told her. “Mia, I’m sorry I distracted you from listening. I didn’t mean to. I won’t do it again. I know that’s what you do. What you’re good at,” he said and waited. It seemed he waited hours before she lifted her eyes to search his face. “I know that’s how you help the ship and the crew the best. You’re right. You need to be part of the crew. I’m sorry I hurt you by not letting you be part of it. I’ll find a place for you on the ship.”
“There isn’t one, you said.”
“I did say, but I was being lazy. I’ll find something, Mia. You’re not ruined. Maybe you were distracted, but you still heard the sharks,” he said, not even knowing what it meant. How did one hear sharks coming in? But Mia had a gift when it came to the ways of the sea. If she called it listening, he’d call it that, too. As long as she didn’t start boasting she could control the weather and waves, as some aboard already believed she could. “You can be part of the crew and you’ll hear things better.”
“No, because I always think about you. I can’t listen like that.” It still surprised him how quickly her moods could change. A moment ago she sounded hurt and lost, and now she sounded pouty and argumentative. She was rallying back, coming about for another try.
“Mia,” Devin said and laughed as he lay back on the bed and pulled Mia on top of him. “I don’t even know what to say to that. Only, if I can learn to complete duties always thinking about you, I know you can learn to do yours thinking about me.”
“You don’t think about me. Do you?” she asked, shifting to settle on him so her head rested over his heart.
“I can’t stop thinking about you. That is the way of it when you love someone.” He lifted his hand and stroked her hair.
“Aye, maybe,” she agreed and fell asleep not long after. Which gave her more energy to fight about the application of the cream, which she claimed burned terribly.
She’d wailed and cried when he’d applied it to her stern both last night and this morning, but this afternoon something about her complaints rang less true. So as he set his fingers to her ankle and smoothed the concoction over the scrapes, Devin watched Mia’s face. Yes, she winced and bit her lip, but there was a shine in her eyes he knew well enough.
“Next foot if you please,” he told her and she switched up with little hesitation and again he watched her. She hissed and flinched when the cream was placed on a nastier scuff, but she didn’t pull away. And when Devin bent to blow over what she claimed burned, her moan was distinct. Sitting up he pressed his lips together to keep from smiling and giving away what he knew now. “Wrists,” he said, then cleared his throat when she looked at him oddly. “Hurry or we’ll be late.” She thrust both arms at him. He was gentler here. He’d tied those bonds well and she’d hung from them for several minutes. He followed each stroke of his fingers with a soft blow from his lips, still keeping an eye on Mia’s expression. It took nothing to know what he’d discover when she valiantly protested his next command. “Over with you, keel up.”
“Devin, no. We don’t have time and I don’t want to,” she pouted and looked pleadingly at him.
“Over, Mrs. Winthrop,” he said and tapped his heels on the floor. “Snap to and we’ll be done in short order.” He managed to hide the smile until she bent with a hiss and settled over his lap. “Forward heading,” he said and chuckled when she huffed but adjusted herself further over his knees. He pulled his handkerchief from his coat and wiped his fingers before taking a grip on the soft muslin that made up her dress.
“Don’t make a mess of my dress,” she complained right on cue.
“Of course not,” he assured her, then pulled until the hem was to the small of her back. He anchored it there with his left arm and dipped the fingers on his right hand into the jar again. The first touch made her yelp, “Hold steady,” he soothed but eased up some as he smeared the sticky mix over her stern. When her hands took hold of his leg, he could tell by her flexing fingers when he caused pain and when he caused pleasure. Tipping his head a bit so not to be obvious, he glanced between her thighs. Another pass over some tender spots and her juices started flowing. He watched her clench, trying to hide the fact she was becoming aroused.
He laid that strop down as punishment and made sure she’d felt it as such, but now, if she could find some pleasure in all the hurt he’d not discourage her. Though given the hardening of his cock he needed not to encourage her too much at the moment or they wouldn’t just be late they’d miss supper altogether. He made a few more passes, then lifted his arm from her back.
“There you are, ship shape,” he said and waited for her to collect herself and stand. She took several deep breaths before she shoved off and stood careful to hold her skirts away from her ass until the last layer of undergarment was in place. The cotton shift wasn’t going to be ruined by the cream. She took another breath, swallowed, then made her way to the door. “No drawers tonight, Mrs. Winthrop?” Devin asked as casually as he could, then burst out laughing at Mia’s glare. Standing and slapping his hands together he headed towards her. “No drawers then.”
Chapter 23
Mia sat as still as possible on the hard chair and listened to the men talking. Once again not one man mentioned either her poor behavior or Devin’s correction of it. Only when they’d first entered the dining area did she have to acknowledge they all knew, all witnessed the shameful consequences she’d suffered. The cushion was once again in her seat, but Devin made a public point of removing it, refusing her its minor comfort and admonishing his officers for allowing it. Past that strained moment, it was as if nothing un
toward happened at all.
The meal was served with complaints and laughter about needing to resupply before they were all left chewing the fat. Some discussion about if any new orders were waiting and then conversation turned to what they’d encounter as the season stretched on. It was nearing the time of year when storms, even hurricanes, could kick up. Ships in this region had two options when they did. Find ports or harbors or run deeper out to avoid being caught on reefs and shoals. Mia knew several safe coves to take shelter and she wanted to say she did, but she didn’t want to again get in the habit of being part of the crew. At least not until Devin proved he meant what he said about finding her a sure place.
As the conversation became more heated, it became more difficult to bite her tongue and every time she knew the answer not saying so frustrated her to the point of anger.
“But to drop anchor is to risk both having the ship turned on point and dipping the bow. Perhaps a heavier ship,” Mr. Wilshire was saying as he slapped his hand on the table.
“You’ve been on such ships in stormy seas I reckon,” she heard Mr. Brinks say. “What do know of it, Mrs. Winthrop?”
Mia started at the address. She’d not been much part of the conversations this night. That frustrated as well, as did not knowing how much she’d be able to add without offending anyone. She kept her eyes on her lap and shook her head.
“Mia, will you actually tell me you’ve not been in a storm at sea?” Devin asked with a dismissive laugh.
“No, Captain. I’ve weathered a few,” she told him vaguely, and tried to blink back tears. She could add to this but she wasn’t a part of the crew.
“Enlighten us then, ships heavy or ships light, anchor down or no?” Devin pushed.
She shrugged. “Depends.” She watched the tear hit the linen of her skirts in her lap and be absorbed.
“Are you crying, Mrs. Winthrop?” Mr. Asher asked, sounding horrified.
A hushed silence fell over the room so to her the sniff sounded unnaturally loud.
“Mia, why are you crying?” Devin asked, but when he reached for her she leaned away.
“Mrs. Winthrop? Should I fetch the doctor, Captain?” Mr. Quiggly asked pushing back from the table.
“No,” Mia and Devin both shouted at the same time.
“No, Mr. Quiggly, it’s quite all right I’m sure,” Devin said, then reached over and pulled Mia towards him. “Why are you crying, Mia?”
She sniffed and shook her head, hoping, rather greatly, they’d let it alone. But she could feel them all staring at her and she could feel the swell in her chest threatening to explode if she didn’t release it. “You can’t use me like this,” she finally told them.
“Use you?” Devin snapped.
“Yes, you can’t, can’t just make use of me when it’s to your convenience. Pick my brain when your limited experiences don’t give you satisfactory answers. If you want someone with such knowledge, then find someone and make them part of the crew and use them at will. But don’t think to use me when there’s not a lick of sense among the lot of you.”
“Mia I told you, you could be part of the crew,” Devin said as he took hold of her chair and dragged it closer to him.
“You told her she could be? Hasn’t she been from the start?” Mr. Brinks asked.
“No, I haven’t. I have no place here, serve no duty, no purpose. And when the sun comes up tomorrow that won’t have changed,” Mia shouted. She tried to rise only to have Devin yank her down so she yowled when her ass hit the seat.
“You serve this ship as part of the crew Mrs. Winthrop,” Mr. Quiggly said baffled.
“No, no she doesn’t. Damn fool woman,” Lieutenant Coventon said, banging his cane on the planks of the table and standing.
“Lieutenant,” Devin snarled.
“No, no, it’s time she took stock of the facts.” The man made his way to her end of the table, lifting something as he passed the cabinet. “It’s time she stops trying to be some common midshipman and starts behaving like what she is,” the man said, then leaned down to face Mia from across the table. “You’re completely correct, Mrs. Winthrop. On this ship you’re completely useless. Day to day you serve no purpose at all. Day to day there’s nothing at all you can do to better serve.”
“Lieutenant,” Devin said, rising to his feet.
“Day to day not a man here would miss you,” Coventon went on sticking a finger in her face. “But in a crisis, men here would’ve died without you. In a crisis, there’s no man aboard better suited to complement the captain. In a crisis, you read the sea, and the waves and even the goddamn bloody fish like no man ever born before you. In a crisis, I’d rather have you than most anyone I could think of. And if you don’t stop trying to lower yourself to our level then to the captain I say…” Coventon straightened then threw a strap down between them, “beat her again. Beat her until she knows she’ll never just be part of the crew. Until she understands fully she’s the very heart of it.”
Dead silence followed and Mia swallowed hard as the tears rolled down her face. If the pounding she was hearing wasn’t her heart she wasn’t sure what it might be until the room erupted in cheers and applause.
“God save you, man,” Devin said with a nervous laugh. “I thought I was going to have to beat you to death,” he finished, holding out his hand to Coventon.
“Unpleasant thing to do on a full stomach, Captain,” Coventon said like he was maybe realizing he’d taken more than some liberties and a good risk in his remarks. But had he meant them? Mia didn’t know until the men around her shifted so Coventon could take a seat. If he was shaking in fear of the captain or with the stress he’d put on his healing leg, it hardly mattered because he sat down hard then with a deep breath turned to her again and said. “Well which is it? Do heavy or light ships fare better in weather and how does the anchor play in?”
Mia stared at him a minute more, then sniffed and tried to wipe her eyes and nose with her sleeve. “Mia,” she heard Devin say. “Well damn me. I left my ‘kerchief in my quarters.” Mia sniffed again and that was all the time it took for five fine, soft, white handkerchiefs to appear before her face.
“Thank you,” she said taking one with a good deal of joy and pride as she glanced toward Coventon who raised a brow in anticipation of her answering the question before them all. Clearing her throat, she took a deep breath. “Well, first you must consider the storm and the wave surges,” she began.
“Go on,” Devin said and leaned back in his chair. Mia nodded and through a good portion of the night they spoke about the different impact on different kinds of ships, with different cargos by various conditions on the seas. She taught them a good deal and learned something in return and when Devin tucked them in to bed and put out the lights she fell asleep satisfied she belonged. She wasn’t ruined and as the ship turned west along the ninetieth parallel her skills and abilities again made her quite valuable.
Chapter 24
Mia shielded her eyes and looked up to the topsail. Several men were stationed well high in the rigging working at the lines and canvas. The calm winds and seas made it a good day for it. The sun was bright and warm but last night blessed them all with a light rain that was caught and stored. Some of the men looked ready to drop nets for fish and some were grumbling as they scrubbed the decks. She dropped her gaze and scanned the waters as far as the horizon. Nothing stood out, but that didn’t mean something wasn’t there.
“Do you want to go aloft?” Devin asked sneaking up behind her and setting his chin on her shoulder.
She gasped at the question. “Can I? Please, Captain.”
“We’ll climb up together,” he said coming around to stand before her. “I think you’ll have to find something better suited for climbing than your dress and it needs to be decent.”
“Oh, bother that,” Mia said with a laugh and bending over she reached under, grabbed the back hem of her dress and pulled it front then up as far as her waist where she then tied the ends a
round. “Gird your loins, Captain, I’ll race you to the top.” She didn’t even wait for him as she scrambled for the shroud.
“Go no higher than the main, Mia.” She looked back down and he was barely off the deck. “I mean it; don’t you climb the topmast.” She laughed, gave him a chance, then started her climb again. He caught her with only a few feet left. “Naughty pirate,” he told her as he used his superior reach to make the top first.
“Old, slow captain,” she shot back and stepped over to the platform.
“Mutinous wench, you must need another spanking,” he said, shifting to put her between him and the mast.
Mia inhaled sharply at his words. Perhaps because she knew he teased or maybe because she wasn’t sure he did her whole body flushed hot. This morning when he’d put her over his knee again to rub in the cream his every touch sent a spark through her. She was no longer able to hold off and hope he hit something painful enough to distract from the experience. Worse, she knew he knew how she felt. He’d called her a hedonist right before he stuck two thick fingers in her channel pushing her overboard into the sea of bliss. She was shocked then when he set her on her feet and stood. But his next words again made her need to clench her sex.
“Tonight, Mia my love. Attend your duties first and tonight I’ll pleasure you properly.”
Her duties, as it turned out, were book work. Payrolls and bills for supplies needed, but she didn’t mind. It was good work and left her free most of the day to wander on deck. She made sure to tell both Mr. Cruise and Mr. Potter she was sorry for making them faint and for the injuries they sustained when they did. All they could manage back was their sustained disbelief she’d actually jumped from so high up. Mr. Coventon saved her then, telling them they should cultivate such a brave or mad heart, before he winked at her and walked away. Everything only served to make her comfortable. Not something she’d thought she’d feel on a Royal Navy Ship.
