Needing something to help ease my nerves, I replied, “Wine would be good. Thanks.”
The apartment smelt of Harley. His aftershave and whatever else made up his unique scent.
A truck picture, similar to the one he’d given me an orgasm against, hung on the wall opposite. I recalled Trudy walking in on us. Aside from that embarrassing moment, it had been so hot. If she hadn’t arrived, I knew we would have ended up in Harley’s bed. I wouldn’t have stopped him.
Recalling the sex at my place, I’d never experienced such a heated connection with a man. Perhaps comparing him to Nick wasn’t a great gauge, but I hadn’t been with that many guys beforehand. The way Harley had looked at me with reverence and touched me in equal measure hadn’t been just about sex. It had been way more. At least for me.
“Penny for your thoughts?” The deep, scratchy voice dragged me out of my daydream.
He held out a glass of red wine, which I eagerly took. “Thanks.”
No need to explain where my mind had been.
Sitting down beside me, he took a sip of the beer he held before placing it on the table. Running a hand over his face and up into his hair, he cleared his throat.
“I owe you an apology.”
Knowing he did, I still acted dumb. “Oh?” I held onto the wine glass like a lifeline.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me for the way I acted. Pushing you away. I was scared. Scared of everything that came crashing back to me like a freight train. Since you met me, I’ve brought nothing but stress and pain into your life. I didn’t want to do that anymore.” He reached for his beer, taking another long pull.
I didn’t say a word. He needed to purge his feelings.
Breathing out hard, he continued, finally turning to me, capturing me with his sexy eyes. “I owe you everything. Everything. My life. If not for you when I woke up, and the way you took me into your home, I might not even be sitting here. I treated you like shit and I’m sorry. I didn’t want to push you away, but I didn’t want to keep you close and hurt you, either.”
His eyes reached into me with their intensity, allowing me to see the truth. His sadness and pain.
It mirrored my own. My heart bled for him. I hated seeing him carry the burden of war and death. No man should have to.
In a meek voice, I asked, “What changed?”
Reaching out tentatively, he cupped my cheek. The warmth from his fingers made me shiver against the coolness of my wineglass. Momentarily closing my eyes, I savored the feel of his touch, not realizing how much I needed it.
“You. Not having you around. I missed you like crazy. Call me selfish, but I can’t stay away. I don’t want to. The medication has helped. I’m not having nightmares as much and don’t feel the incredible anger I did the last time you saw me. I feel…okay. Angel.”
His eyes pleaded with me to understand while his thumb brushed backward and forward over my cheek.
“I don’t want to lose you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Please! Do you think you can forgive me? Do I have any chance to make things right?”
Not wanting to let go of this moment, I studied him some more. The way his lips glistened and his cheeks had hollowed out slightly. The line between his brows, which appeared more pronounced since we’d seen each other. His heavy lashes jutting out from turbulent eyes, which had darkened under my perusal. The air of authority he’d carried in the hospital had waned somewhat, allowing me to see the true man. Declan or Harley? Who was he? I needed to know before stepping forward into the unknown.
“So, now that you have your full memory back, are you Declan or Harley? What do I call you?”
I truly didn’t know Declan. I’d only experienced the angry snippets he’d shown me. Harley had been a clean slate.
“To be honest, I’m hoping you will accept me as Declan. It’s who I am and who I’ve always been. I need to accept that person, flaws and all. I guess I wanted to stay Harley because I associated him with you. He didn’t have horrific memories of war and all the other shit that’s happened in my life, but I can’t run away from it all now. It’s up here.” He tapped his forehead. “The big question is, do you want me the way I am now?”
He’d always be Harley to me. It’s all I’ve known. Could I accept the rest of him? Flaws and all? As strange as it would be, I needed all of him. Not just pieces. I wanted to know everything.
Placing my hand over his, which still rested on my cheek, I slowly nodded.
“Whatever your name is, it doesn’t matter to me. It’s who you are in here.” My fingers pressed against his heart. “The man I first met wasn’t someone different. He simply didn’t have the weight of his memories to deal with. You’ve been Declan all along, you just didn’t know it.”
He smiled. Truly smiled for the first time, and it lit him from the inside out.
Gripping the back of my neck, he pulled me in almost touching. God, he smelled good. I truly wanted to stay mad at him, but I just couldn’t. He’d been in a dark place and I could understand him trying to protect me. Perhaps I’d do the same. All that mattered was he felt better and had brought me here to apologize. I’d been miserable without him. If he was prepared to try, then so was I.
“Do you have any idea how incredible you are?” He groaned.
“Show me,” I whispered, unable to wait any longer. I mashed my mouth against his, forcing him to open as I delved my tongue inside, tasting him. Tingles shot through me as his tongue played lightly with mine, his shapely lips devouring me, the drought officially over.
Gripping each side of his head, I held him firm while I took my fill. It only sufficed to mildly allay my need, and he must have felt the same because two big hands came under my armpits, lifting me so that I sat astride his lap. Pressing myself into him, he gripped my denim-clad ass and dragged me harder against his groin. Desperation overtook me. I needed him everywhere. What we had wasn’t enough.
Tearing my mouth away, I gazed into his heavily dilated eyes. He appeared drunk like me. Drunk on each other. “Take me to bed. Now,” I ordered.
A lazy grin lifted his cheeks. “You bossing me around?”
“Yes. Don’t talk. Just do it.”
Smacking his lips back to mine with a satisfied gleam in his eyes, he stood, taking me with him. I shackled myself to his heavy thighs, letting him carry me to his room. I didn’t take any notice of anything other than his chest rising and falling heavily and the solid beat of the pulse in his neck. Hitting the edge of the bed, he fell and I went with him, landing in a mess of limbs on a pair of black satin sheets. I stared at them only long enough to wonder if he’d put them on the bed, knowing he’d be bringing me here before my head was turned to fuse our mouths together again.
We both groaned as we writhed on the bed, needing to shed our clothes.
Gripping his shirt, I broke our contact and fumbled with it beneath me, attempting to pull it up and over his head. Arching his back, I managed to rid him of it in a less than graceful manner, the sight before me, stealing my breath. His broad shoulders appeared more buff, veins running a path down his arms to his hands.
“Someone’s been working out,” I breathed.
“Keeps me focused,” he replied. “Do you want me, angel? All of me? No going back. This is it. You’re all in or you’re all out. Good and bad.”
Not having to second-guess myself, I shot back, “Yes. I’m in. One hundred percent. Now stop talking with that fine mouth and put it to better use,” I teased.
He chuckled. “Let’s get naked first and I’ll show you just what my mouth can do.”
Flipping me so I lay beneath him, he took his time removing my clothes, his hands, eyes, and mouth worshipping each inch of skin he bared.
I’d never felt more wanted. This messed up, desirable man who had sacrificed himself to save me. I’d never forget it and do everything in my power to help him heal.
When the last shred of clothing was thrown on the floor, our bodies connected like tw
o magnets. I fit into his massive frame perfectly as he wrapped me up in his arms, protectively. His kisses had me high like an addict, an addiction I never wanted to quit.
His hard mass jerked beneath my pelvis, so I rubbed harder into him, getting the reaction I hoped for. Throwing his head upward for a moment, he brought it back down to face me, eyes like blazing sin, teeth gritted as he hissed in his pleasure.
Both my hands moved down his body, tracing every dip and valley as they settled on his perfectly round ass.
“Is this what you want, Mac? Is this what you need?” He flexed beneath my grip, bringing friction just where I needed it.
Showing him my assent with a simple nod, he lowered his mouth to my aching breasts, nipping and sucking while gently pulling my thighs further apart beneath him.
I gasped as his teeth grazed my nipple a little too hard but he soothed it with his tongue.
“Are you clean?” he asked, taking me by surprise.
“Yes. I haven’t been with many men. You?” I guess we needed to get it out of the way because he’d made no move to reach for a condom. I didn’t want him too. I needed to feel him bare inside me. I took birth control pills every day, so there was no issue of me getting pregnant. Come to think of it, we hadn’t used a condom the first time. A little late for the question now.
“I get tested regularly in my job, but I’ve always used a rubber.” Licking his already moist lips, he drilled into me with his eyes. “We good to go? You ready?”
“Just do it,” I practically begged, gripping his butt further, lining him up.
Without further ado, he speared into me, a garbled noise escaping from my throat at the sheer relief and ecstasy of him touching me in places long forgotten. Hovering over me on his forearms, he lavished me with a stare so intense and filled with love, I became spellbound.
He paused, fully seated in me, the only sound our harsh breathing. “Do you see me?” he asked.
For a moment, I didn’t know what he meant, but as I drowned in the emotions he showed me, having let his wall of hurt disappear so that only the man I’d come to fall for remained, realization dawned.
“I see you. All of you.”
Kissing me fiercely, he reared back and powered back into me. Once. Twice. Three times before stopping again.
“I see you too. My fucking angel.”
His words sealed every crack that had been widening. Filled every lonely space present for so long. Held me captive as he rolled us to our sides and lifted my leg high up his thigh before his hand softly stroked my neck, shoulder, and then breast.
His fight for redemption strengthened my resolve to assist him in becoming whole again. Feeling his gentle touch and watching the way he gave me more of his true self, I knew in that sensational moment my heart belonged to him. He’d stolen it without even knowing it.
“I love you.” Truth be damned. If he didn’t want to hear it, then so be it.
Lifting his head off the pillow and bringing his face closer to mine, his eyes widened.
Unable to breathe until he reacted, I waited.
“What did you say?”
“I love you. I understand if you—”
He cut me off with a kiss from heaven. Slow and languid, deepening to the point of almost tipping me over the cliff of pleasure, but not quite. I teetered so close and he hadn’t needed to do much. He hardened inside me further, driving me crazy.
Sucking on my bottom lip, he brushed his mouth across my cheek, resting it on my ear. “I am so in love with you, angel. You have no idea. From the moment I heard you singing while I remained in a coma, you had me.”
Elated to hear him admit his feelings, knowing they reciprocated mine, I grinned madly.
“Now. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to heat things up a bit. On your knees, angel.”
His commanding voice returned, along with an undercurrent of his wild side. Not wasting any time, I pushed from under him and positioned myself in the center of the bed, watching him, proud and strong, climb off. Expecting him to kneel on the bed, he gripped my legs and pulled me down to the edge, instead.
“Face flat, Mac. Show me that stunning ass high in the air.”
Vulnerable but not the least bit bothered by it, I complied, feeling his hands run over my butt cheeks in soothing circles.
“Such a fine sight,” he murmured.
Fisting the black sheets, knowing he’d passed the point of slow and sensual, I braced for impact.
Crying out from the new angle and the entire length of him drilling into me in one go, I let myself go fully, embracing his size and strength.
He roared out as he hit my cervix, a flurry of delicious nerves coming to life inside me as my walls contracted around him.
“Jesus, Mac. Do that again.”
I squeezed him using my muscles, loving the noise it dragged from him.
Withdrawing almost completely, he drove in again and again, his grip firm on my hips as he ran his own race. I hung on for the ride, happy to be taken shamelessly.
“Yesss. So good.” I moaned every time he bottomed out.
His deep continued stroking swept me along on a wave of pleasure. The raw brutality of it had me in my element. The part of me I’d been searching for. The hunger. The passion. I had it. Finally.
Climbing up onto the bed, Harley—I’d still always think of him as Harley—shrouded me with his body, one hand coming around to cup my breast while his mouth sucked and licked my back as he continued to pound into me.
“Fuck, angel. I could do this all night. You feel phenomenal.”
So did he, but I couldn’t speak because just as I went to open my mouth, the wave I’d been riding crested, spiraling me into a vortex of such intense pleasure my vision wavered. The room spun and my knees gave out, but I didn’t fall.
“I got you.” Big hands lifted me back up, holding me against him as I convulsed. He paused after each thrust, holding deeply to extend my pleasure until I became too wrung out to move.
I resembled jelly.
Harley grunted, increasing his pace until with an almighty shudder and four jerky thrusts, he growled out his release. Filling me. Claiming me.
Collapsing on top of me, we both fell forward. Sweat coated me, heat suffocated, but I’d never been happier.
Swiping the hair away from the back of my neck, Harley placed open-mouthed kisses down and onto my shoulder.
“Mmm. Now that was the best make-up sex I’ve ever had.” Taking his weight off me, he withdrew, rolling us sideways so that my back lay against his stomach, his semi-hard erection resting comfortably against my tail bone.
His fingers feathered over my arms, his warm breath wafting over my head.
Contentment filled me. Even with his mountain of baggage, I knew the man wrapped around me held every piece of me in his hands. He stood above all others, and in the blink of an eye could shatter me into a million pieces, but I’d never felt more alive. More cherished.
“I love you, my angel,” he muttered in a sleepy haze.
“I love you, my John Doe,” I replied, drifting off to the sound of his even breathing, feeling safe within the confines of his protective embrace. Life had come full-circle. For the first time ever, I had someone at my back who would take care of me. After all the caring I did for others it was nice to be on the receiving end. I knew he’d do whatever it took to keep me happy and safe and that’s all I needed. All I wanted. Together we’d help each other. I couldn’t wait for the new day to begin.
END OF BOOK 2
Chapter One
Viper
It had stolen me. War. Battle. The thrill of being in mortal combat and danger. Not knowing one moment to the next whether I’d still be breathing. Walking. Talking.
I hated that I loved it. Like a strange sickness, it shackled its hooks into my psyche and refused to let go.
Even now, slumped over my wooden kitchen table drinking harsh black coffee at three a.m. because war-induced insomnia wouldn’t let
me settle for too long, my right leg jiggled nervously, as if in anticipation of the next phone call. The next mission. I had all my gear packed and ready to go at a second’s notice, my brain never truly relaxing into civilian mode.
Weeks had passed since my best friend Declan Harding traded his life for his girlfriend, Mac’s. She’d been taken from University Hospital at gunpoint, where she worked as a nurse and held hostage in a bid to lure Dec straight to the enemy. Live bait. It had worked too. But there had been no way in hell I was letting him die by the very scumbags we hunted in battle. Not on my watch. I’d witnessed our buddy Reno dying while we watched helplessly, and I would gladly sacrifice myself before letting anything happen to my brother from another mother.
It just so happened that the outcome had been favorable, and even though he still had deep issues which he dealt with daily, Mac held him up good and proper. I envied what they had. A connection so strong, they could literally sense when the other entered a room before actually seeing them. A need to support the other so strongly, it surpassed all else. They’d found what most people wanted, and every day I could see that bond grow even stronger. He needed her and she needed him. So simple. Together they could overcome anything.
Outwards, I appeared normal, even to those closest to me. Even Dec. But the visions and constant torment between good and evil never really abated. I existed on autopilot. Smiling when required. Eating. Sleeping on and off when the nightmares allowed it.
Every time I walked down the street, past regular folk, I wondered if they could see through my façade. They all went about their daily lives, ensconced in trivial drama, feeling as if the weight of the world lived on their shoulders. Whining about their favorite television show ending, boyfriend or girlfriend drama, missing the bus. I listened closely to strangers’ chatter. How they made mountains out of molehills. Did they really understand the gravity of true stress? Perhaps a small minority with life-threatening illnesses or loss of loved ones. Those who battled with abuse and alcoholism. Mental illness. That small percentage would understand my pain. The rest had no idea what it was like to stare into the eyes of a friend and comrade while his throat was slit, watching the fear in his eyes. The pleading to help, all the while knowing you can’t. Trying to calm young men with limbs blown off while trying to survive yourself. Mothers and children gunned down seconds before you can reach them. Not to mention babies being left amongst rubble of bombed villages. Some dead, others dirty, hungry and parentless. No. I’d say most people had no fucking idea what true fear meant. So it pissed me off big time to live in a society where everyone sweated the small stuff…sometimes the biggest drama being the internet being cut off.
The Lost and Found Series Page 34
