Mac would be working all day, so there wasn’t really anyone I could call on. My parents lived in Dallas, along with most of my cousins, and my two brothers were scattered. One lived in London, working for a law firm, and the other was traveling around Europe like a wandering nomad. Half his luck. The idea of it sounded pretty good. Taking off wherever and whenever I felt like it. Being that free.
I’d been posted in Ann Arbor for my internship and had stayed on at University Hospital ever since. The town had grown on me and I’d met Mac and settled into a comfortable life. Nothing had ever really bothered me. Until my attack. Now I wondered if I could remain in the town that has given me everything and then taken it just as quickly.
Flipping the eggs and bacon, I lowered the heat and set the table for two. Viper would be hungry, and I didn’t want to seem like I was mooching off him while I was here. I’d earn my keep.
Actually, the idea of cooking for someone else made me smile. It seemed homely and normal. Often, before work, I’d grab a protein bar or something and be on my way. A fully cooked breakfast was a rarity.
Hearing a sound behind me, I spun to find Viper standing in the kitchen opening, hand in his hair, an odd look on his face as he watched me dish up the food. He had paused and so had I. If I’d thought he looked edible when I’d woken earlier, he had just fully surpassed that.
Wet scalp with his short haircut spiky all over with droplets easing a slow path down the side of his face and neck, which he made no move to wipe away. His low hanging sweats told me there was a trail of mass destruction slightly further south. His pecs mounded above his eight pack that resembled corrugated iron, and I officially was a goner. Swooning when I had no business doing so because I hated the guy. Remember? Hated with a passion. Even the word passion had me blush as I thought it.
I raised my head and found him glancing between the table and me as if my making him breakfast confused him.
“Ahh, I hope you don’t mind. I was kind of hungry.”
Since when did I sound like such a timid mouse? Confident Char had left the building with Elvis. The view in front of me made me nervous to the point of not being able to form an adult sentence.
His slight nod pleased me because he hadn’t gone all rogue and asked what the hell I thought I was doing. He did speak, though. “You gonna dish that last piece of bacon up or stand there gawking all day?”
Spell officially broken. Looking down, I noticed the tongs were dangling above his plate with the bacon scrunched up.
Dropping it onto his plate, I turned and put the pan in the sink, sucking in a breath as if it might be my last, the air suddenly very thin.
Chill, Char. You can do this. You can sit and eat a civil meal without an argument or saying anything snide. He has taken you into his home, so be nice no matter what. Be the bigger person.
The chair scraped out as he sat, my back still facing him. Steeling myself for the sight I’d have to get used to, I managed to mask my interest in his body and shuffle to the chair opposite.
My plate became my focus as I shoveled the bacon in, not caring if I resembled a pig. The hollow empty feeling inside needed filling and bacon had jumped to the top of the list.
Viper cleared his throat. “Umm, about this morning. I…uh…was asleep and didn’t know what I was doing.”
Keep your eyes on your food, Char. Don’t look. Don’t look. So he had known I’d been cocooned underneath him for a good portion of the night. And now the excuses came. Of course.
“Whatever. It meant nothing.” Liar. Needing to swallow my pride, I continued, talking to my cooling eggs. “Thank you.”
A long breath out sounded and then the clang of a fork being placed down. “For?”
Oh, don’t give me that. Don’t make me spell it out for you.
“For, you know. Getting me out of the shower. I don’t remember you breaking the door down.”
More heavy breathing. I couldn’t keep my head down any longer. Slowly and painfully I raised my chin, taking him in from the waist up as I went. Dear Mother of God. He better not think he could walk around shirtless the whole time I stayed because that would be just plain cruel.
“I’m not in the habit of saving damsels in distress, but you sounded…broken.” He frowned, his mouth flattening. Eyes wounded.
Embarrassed he’d witness that, I whispered, “I’m sorry.”
Slanting his head slightly as if garnering my mood, he offered, “Don’t apologize, Red. Happens to all of us.”
Realizing he’d been through way more than me, and suddenly feeling like a wuss, I asked, “How do you do it? Cope, I mean.”
“Deal?” He laughed but it wasn’t filled with humor. More like sarcasm. “You think I deal with everything?”
“I guess. You always seem so…cool and in control.”
He licked some of the bacon fat off his lips, leaving them glistening. I rose and poured myself a glass of water, needing to cool the burn. Swigging the entire glass, I filled it again before returning to my place.
“Like I’ve said before, you don’t know me.” It came out angry.
“You’re right, I don’t, but hopefully we can get to know each other a little more while I’m here.”
He glared at me, nostrils flaring. Without another word and food still on his plate, he thrust his chair back, picked up a set of keys from the counter, and strode out through the door into the garage. When his SUV tore away, I wondered again what the hell I’d said or done. Talk about moody females. They had nothing on Viper.
My appetite suddenly waned, leaving me with a churned stomach. What an ass. I’d been attempting civility between us and thought we’d been making progress but obviously not.
At this rate, I’d be calling Mac and telling her I wanted to leave today.
Chapter Nine
Viper
Damn woman! My house walls were closing in around me with her there. I should never have agreed to let her stay. Those fucking wounded green eyes got me every time and I hated it.
Finding her in my shower, unable to form coherent words last night had chipped away a layer of my shield. Carrying her crumpled body into my bed, like some wounded soldier I’d had to pull out of harm’s way, my inner rescue warrior had taken over. Get to safety at all costs. But it had been more than instinct. Feeling her soft, wet skin beneath my fingers, her tangled red mane hanging loosely after I’d returned to the bathroom for a towel to dry it, had nudged a faraway place inside of me I wanted to keep locked in the vault. Opening the doors to my vulnerable side only caused pain. Weakness. If there was one thing I’d had driven into me years earlier was in order to cut it as one of the military elite, weakness wasn’t tolerated. Weakness was reserved for pussies who weren’t protecting their countries.
Why then, seeing Char in such a vulnerable state, had I felt the need to comfort her? Viper the badass didn’t do comfort. Especially not to a frustrating woman whose fire only served to fuel mine. It didn’t make sense. So when she’d gone all sappy about wanting to get along and know me better, I’d stormed out.
The very real fact that I’d somehow unconsciously draped myself around her in the night, feeling her glorious body soft under my steel, had me all kinds of jittery. The hard on that had come with it couldn’t be explained any other way except she was stunning. Under normal circumstances and if I were a normal civilian, she would have been screaming my name real quick. But I wasn’t normal. Couldn’t ever be normal.
I’d become a prisoner of war in my own head. Shackled to the thrill of fighting. The necessity to be part of a finely tuned team. Invisible iron bars caging me into all things war.
Pulling into the lot of Forest Hill Cemetery, I killed the engine and sat in a stupor, wondering how I’d managed to steer my way across town without crashing.
A wind had picked up, thrusting dry leaves across the hood of my vehicle. Trees rustled as I opened my door and walked the familiar route.
Most people disliked graveyards, but I found an o
dd comfort in them. Perhaps because I knew my parents rested in the fourth row down and I found refuge in the quiet solitude of such hallowed ground.
Stopping in front of a double headstone, I bowed my head, saying a prayer before sitting on the raised concrete burial plot.
“Hey, Mom. Dad. It’s been a while since I last visited. Things have been kind of crazy. But you knew my life was never going to be normal when I enlisted.”
Sighing, I glanced around the cemetery. I had the place to myself. Fresh flowers adorned some headstones while others decayed, the writing barely visible.
“I miss you guys. Dad, even though you were tough on me, I see now you were only trying to teach me right from wrong. It helped me become the soldier I am today. It taught me to be able to stand on my own two feet. To be independent and not needy. I couldn’t see it at the time and thought you were just being a dick, but I see now. Everything you pushed at me, everything you corrected me on, hardened me for battle. I wouldn’t have survived the military otherwise. Mom. Dear, sweet Mom. How I miss your hugs. Your faith in me. I can’t imagine what you went through when I went to war. The stress you must have endured. You never once asked me to give up what I loved even though it killed you inside, not knowing whether your only son would return. You tried to keep the good in me. But I feel like I failed you. I’m not good. Not anymore. War forced it out of me. My very passion destroyed the one thing you wanted to remain within me. Now I don’t know who I am. Who I’ve become.”
A car pulled up a little way away. Turning, I watched an elderly man and woman get out and walk to a grave, flowers in hand. Kneeling, they placed the fresh bouquets down in place of the ones which had withered and died. Sadness surrounded them. Son? Daughter? Who knew? Like me, they had lost a part of themselves and only had this place to feel closer to their loved ones.
Rising, I felt calmer than when I’d stormed out of the house. Guilt swamped me at leaving Char vulnerable. My folks would be horrified at the way I’d treated her. My dad would have kicked my butt. One thing he’d always instilled in me was to respect others. That same respect had been shot out of me. Starved from my system when I’d had no food for days. Smashed to smithereens along with the ten bones I’d broken in my body during battle. I barely had respect for myself, let alone anyone else. The only person I could say I truly and utterly respected was Dec. He deserved every ounce of my veneration.
“I’ll be back soon. I love and miss you both more than you’ll ever know.”
Walking to my vehicle, for the first time in a long while my eyes twitched with unshed tears. Tears that should have fallen but couldn’t. I wouldn’t allow them to. I couldn’t. If the dam broke, I’d drown.
At a loose end, not knowing what to do but unable to return home, I drove.
***
Hours later after stopping for a bite to eat at Grand Haven, needing fresh air and sunshine, I returned home.
The house was quiet when I entered from the garage into the kitchen. Checking the living room, I found it vacant as well.
Stepping into the hallway, a sound broke through. My keen sense of hearing knew it came from Char’s room. Quietly stepping forward, I stopped outside the door, which sat ajar only enough for me to confirm the sound. Crying.
Shit! What did I do with that? Now that I knew she was upset, I couldn’t just walk away like I hadn’t heard it. She must have known I had returned. The garage door wasn’t exactly quiet.
Or was she so distressed, she hadn’t heard a thing?
Pushing the door open, my insides fissured. Lying on the bed, curled up into the fetal position, hair a tangled mess, cheeks stained with tears, lay Char. She didn’t register my appearance as I stalked closer. Had she been crying all day? It looked like she had. Damn. Had I been selfish in leaving her? I only had myself to think about normally.
“Red?” I asked, voice strangely sincere.
She sniffed but didn’t lift her head.
Moving to the edge of the bed and sitting, my hand itched to reach out to pull the streaked hair from her face. Even in her current state, she would leave most women for dead in the looks department.
My fingers itched. Throat dry, I scratched out, “Did something happen while I was out?”
Of course something happened. Look at her, dude. Such a dumb ass question.
“Can I get you anything?”
Finally, her head lifted as if it weighed a ton. Her splintered green eyes met mine, causing my heart to stutter. The strong, feisty redhead had been replaced by someone I didn’t recognize. Vulnerability surrounded her. Sadness seeped from her pores, and all I wanted to do was search for the fuckers that had made her like this and tear their heads from their shoulders.
Her lips quivered as she managed to get out four words that robbed me of any thoughts other than, comfort her. Four words. Each syllable was drawn out. “I. Feel. Dead. Inside.”
That was it. I reached for her, unable to watch her crumble any more. I knew that feeling all too well. I’d experienced it numerous times and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Least of all a woman.
For the second time in as many days, my soldier receded, allowing a portion of myself I barely recognized to come forth. Some instinctive part that hadn’t been created or destroyed by war. It lived under all the muck.
She clung on as if I were her only lifeline, and perhaps I was right now. I rubbed circles on her back and lowered my head to her hair, brushing my cheek over her soft strands. Small hands gripped my shirt as I pulled her up and onto my lap like a small child.
“Let it out, Red. I’ll catch you.”
Sobbing loudly, her tears wet my shirt. I held her as if she might break further. My large form swallowed her up as I wrapped her around me.
I found myself rocking like I was the one needing comfort. Perhaps it wasn’t far from the truth. I listened to her sobs ease as time went on. Having her in my arms brought forth memories of my mother doing the same thing when I’d been upset and my father worked long hours. She snuck in her own brand of compassion and care without the strict hand of my dad. I relished those times. Stolen moments I’d been able to cry and feel. Her soothing words and gentle touches. Every child needed that, right?
Pulling out of my fierce grip, Char sat upright, wiping her eyes with one hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to see me like that.”
“Stop. You don’t need to apologize. You forget who you’re talking to. There’s nothing I haven’t witnessed.” My arms still encased her. She didn’t appear in a hurry to move away entirely. “What brought it on?”
Glancing down, she shrugged. “Just sitting around, I guess. Too much time to think. I can’t get rid of the sensation of the gun pressed to my head. That stupid piece of metal could have ended it all in a flash.”
“I know it’s hard. I’ve had more than my fair share of guns aimed at me, but you have to see the positives. He didn’t pull the trigger. He could have, but for some reason, he couldn’t do it. You’re here and alive. You can’t let it destroy you. If you sit around thinking about it all the time, it will consume you.”
She stared at me, letting my words sink in. I had more than enough qualifications in the almost getting killed department to be able to advise her and she knew it.
Nodding, she pushed off me and rubbed her face. “You’re right. I need to go somewhere. Get out of here. Get my mind off it.”
Standing, I gawked at her tight little sleep shorts, which until now hadn’t grabbed my attention because I’d been too focused on snapping her out of her stupor. Legs like a giraffe’s pulled my eyes south and then north. Her back facing me as she reached into her bag to pull out some clothes, I paused at her ass, all tight and round. A touch of guilt peppered me, thinking sexual thoughts when only minutes ago she’d been a mess on my lap.
My mouth moved before my brain processed the words. “I’m taking you out.”
What the hell? I was? Good God. What was happening to me?
It’s okay, man. You fe
el sorry for the woman. Nothing more. Chill.
She spun and glared at me like I’d sprouted horns. “What?”
My eyes found her nipples first. I couldn’t help it. They poked through her tight shirt. It took a second before I answered as I swallowed thickly. Red had me all kinds of screwed.
“Ah, you heard me. Get dressed. We’re going out.”
“You…you…want to go out? With me?”
Sweetheart, with the way you’re looking this second, I’d go anywhere. Fuck. Get it together. This is not okay.
“That’s what I said. Moving past her, inhaling something I couldn’t pinpoint but which fluttered around my senses, I replied, “Ten minutes. Get ready. Meet me in the garage.”
Direct, bossy soldier was back. I had to dig for him and make him cooperate. It’s the only way I’d be able to survive the rest of the afternoon and evening.
Chapter Ten
Char
I’d officially turned into the type of woman I swore I never would. Needy. I’d hoped Viper would stay out longer while I cracked under the silence of his home.
And where had the asshole side of him disappeared to? His gentle compassion floored me. The way he held and caressed me. Spoken softly. Who’d have known? I didn’t think he had it in him. Mac had told me there was more to the guy than I’d seen, but I refused to believe her.
Could we actually be friends?
I changed quickly, horrified at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. Brushing my hair and tying it up at least made it look half-decent. Washing my face helped, but the puffiness under my eyes remained. Hopefully, we wouldn’t be going anywhere I needed to dress up. He hadn’t said so.
Reaching for a pair of runners and socks, I was done. I entered the garage and climbed into the waiting SUV.
Buckling up, I noticed Viper had changed too. He now wore a deep green shirt which brought out his eyes, and a pair of black jeans with his signature black boots. He pulled off the look so well, it took me a moment of staring to realize he watched me ogle him, an incline to the corner of his mouth.
The Lost and Found Series Page 40
