“Depends on the extent of his injuries. A week, maybe.”
Let’s hope that information proved correct or the entire trip would be a waste of time and money.
We’d paid way more than we should for the tickets because we needed to fly urgently, but I guess that’s a small price for getting to Viper.
I recalled the hot night we’d shared. For a few hours, I’d felt connected to him. I felt like he actually cared. Maybe sex would be the extent of his ability to show affection to a woman. Maybe he carried too many demons inside to give himself over to another totally. But what about the woman he’d been engaged to? Surely she’d had his complete heart, otherwise, why commit yourself to a lifetime with someone?
My thoughts were interrupted by a steward offering drinks. Dec accepted a beer and I opted for a can of Coke. Alcohol wasn’t on my agenda at the moment. I couldn’t think of anything other than getting to Viper and making sure he would be okay.
The flight became tedious. I slept on and off, as did Dec, in between watching movies.
We didn’t share conversation much, other than necessary small talk, which suited me fine. I was all in my own head and didn’t have it in me to carry on with idle chatter. Glad that Dec felt the same, I closed my eyes and willed the flight to be over.
***
When we finally touched down on German soil, I felt disoriented and fatigued. We were in a different time zone and a country which spoke another language.
After collecting our bags, we made our way to a cab so we could travel the thirty minutes to Landstuhl, where the military hospital was located.
Dec had booked accommodation there so we would be close to Viper.
Luckily the cab driver spoke some English, so we were able to communicate with him about our destination.
My nerves ratcheted up a notch, leaving me with a sour taste in my mouth and swirling nausea in my gut. Dec had more sleep than me, but still, he appeared as if he’d had none. The stress of why we’d traveled to Germany began to really hit home.
What would we find? Would Viper be so disfigured we wouldn’t recognize him? Had his handsome face been marred? With each mile closer, I felt like I wanted to throw up.
Dec’s whole body fidgeted. I don’t even think he realized he did it.
“How much further?” he asked the driver.
“About another ten miles,” he replied in broken English.
God. It felt like we’d been traveling for days.
Dec had called Mac to let her know we’d arrived safely and that we’d update her when we found out Viper’s condition.
I desperately needed a hot shower. None of this seemed real. I felt out of my body, looking in from afar. I stared out the window but saw nothing.
“How you holding up?” Dec broke through my mundane staring.
“Nervous. You?”
“Glad to be getting closer. I just want to see him.”
I did, but I didn’t. I needed to see with my own eyes that he was alive, but on the other side of the coin, I wasn’t ready for the sight awaiting me. Was I overreacting? Were his injuries going to be less than what I pictured? I didn’t normally anticipate the worst, but for some reason, the idea of surviving a landmine had my brain conjuring up some macabre images I couldn’t shake.
“Char?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m glad you’re here.” He squeezed my arm and attempted a smile, but it twisted at one side.
“Me too.”
We booked into our less than stellar hotel and each took a shower and got cleaned up before heading out again. We were both eager to see Viper for our own reasons and couldn’t delay it any longer.
It was morning in Germany, so visiting hours would be open. I’d changed into some casual jeans with a long-sleeved top and a leather jacket. The temperature was cool and the skies remained overcast.
The military hospital looked unassuming. A two-story concrete structure spread out with a large sign reading Landstuhl Regional Medical Center. Another sign read ‘Emergency Room.’ The cab driver dropped us outside the Emergency Department.
Staff in military uniforms entered and exited the premises.
“We need to find the regular entrance. A & E will just send us there anyway.”
Agreeing that Viper would have been transferred to a ward by now, we walked under a large canopy and into the organized chaos.
Spotting the main reception area, we approached a nurse. “Excuse me?”
“Yes. How can I help?”
“We’re here to see Charlie O’Dowell. He’s been here a few days.”
She eyed us both. “Are you family?”
Glancing my way, and then back to the woman, Dec spoke. “He doesn’t have a family. I’m all he has. I’ve flown all the way from the States to see him.”
I couldn’t begin to imagine how Dec would respond if we were turned away.
The middle-aged nurse turned to her computer and typed in some things before regarding Declan.
“Room sixty-three. Follow the hallway, turn right, and you’ll see signs with room numbers for different wings of the center.”
Nodding, Dec grabbed my arm and pulled me away, not waiting another second.
The hospital bustled with medical staff and military personnel. The familiar smell of disinfectant washed over me and I almost felt at home as we followed the long corridor before turning as the nurse instructed. Finding numbers 25–65, we kept up our hurried pace until room 63 appeared. Dec still had a hold of my arm. I don’t think he realized he still held it. I could tell every muscle in him had tightened. I steeled myself for what awaited us beyond that door. We still didn’t know the extent of Viper’s injuries and had to be ready for the worst.
I attempted to go into nurse mode, but it was hard knowing the victim.
“Are you ready?” I quietly asked Dec.
His breath had deepened as he eyed me, glancing down to where he held me. He let go, cracking his neck.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
Pushing open the door, I nearly stumbled when I caught sight of Viper.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Viper
I’d dozed on and off, frustrated at not being able to move. Supposedly I was getting out of bed at some stage today. That would be fun. I didn’t want some damn wheelchair. I wanted crutches. The idea of being in a wheelchair turned my stomach. I didn’t want to be some pitiful charity case getting stared at while trying to push my way through crowds or unable to enter restaurants and buildings that didn’t cater to disabled people.
My room door opened, stealing my thoughts and my breath. I had to be dreaming. It couldn’t be.
Two people a world away from mine right now ambled into my room as if I wasn’t lying in a Goddamn hospital bed with half my leg blown away. What the—?
My face must have shown shock because Dec proceeded to grin like an asshole while I gave him only a couple of seconds of my time before focusing on a pair of stunning green eyes. Eyes I’d been dreaming of. Eyes I’d been beating myself up over because they’d never see me the same again.
She smiled. It seemed genuine enough, but still, I couldn’t bring myself to close my gaping mouth to speak.
“Hey, shit for brains. If you wanted to get out of your mission, you could have done it differently.”
Hearing his voice choked me up. I looked back at him. My brother. The only person I had in this lonely world. He’d flown halfway around the globe to be here for me. He never let me down. His loyalty was unwavering.
When he neared, I nearly lost my shit, unable to swallow past the emotion lodged in my chest and throat.
He held out his hand and I stared at it for a moment as if it wasn’t really there. This wasn’t really happening.
“You gonna ignore me or what?” he badgered, still with that damn grin spreading his cheeks.
Lifting my arm, I gripped his hand like a lifeline. I squeezed. He squeezed harder. Before I knew it, he’d leaned down and wa
s giving me the closest thing to a hug he could while I remained lying down.
“I love you, man.” He said it so only I could hear and a tear escaped my left eye. One solo drip cascading down my cheek. A strange noise left me as I nodded, attempting to pull myself together.
I didn’t do emotional bullshit with Dec. We laughed and badgered each other but this…this was foreign. I didn’t know how to respond.
The room remained silent until I heard the shuffling of delicate feet.
Dec stood and we both watched Char ease closer.
I hadn’t said a word to her. She chewed the inside of her mouth nervously. A sense of déjà vu hit me.
Not too long ago, I’d been in Dec’s position while he lay in a hospital bed. Mac had visited him, and due to his PTSD, he’d turned her away, unable to cope with seeing her. I’d called him out for being a dick and here I lay, wanting to do the same thing. I knew exactly how he felt. He’d wanted her gone to protect her. From him.
I wanted more than anything to tell her to go. To get as far away from me as possible. To move on. The only problem was that while staring her down and seeing her compassionate expression, I couldn’t do it. Not now, anyway. She’d come so far with Dec. It would be an asshole thing to do.
Instead, I offered her a, “Hi.”
Her cheek popped out as her teeth stopped chewing it and she walked to stand beside Dec.
“Hi. You look…good.”
Good? Right. Who was she kidding? I knew I had marks on my face from shrapnel. If she looked underneath my bedding, she’d know I was far from fine. How much had they been told? Did they know the extent of my injuries?
“Don’t lie, Red. I look like shit. You don’t have to be nice.”
“Nah, man, it’s true. We didn’t know what to expect. Couldn’t get info from anyone. They said your leg took a lot of the blast. Better that than your face disfigured, right? Once your leg heals, you’ll be good as new.”
Shit. They didn’t have a clue.
Before I could answer, the door opened again and a nurse with a trolley strolled in.
“Oh good, you’re awake.” She glanced at my visitors. “I’m here to change your dressing. If your visitors are squeamish, I advise them to wait outside.”
Keeping my eyes focused on my friends, I watched them exchange a glance. Probably silently exchanging the nurse’s words to each other.
“I’m a nurse.” Char smiled. “There’s nothing I can’t handle.”
Dec nodded with her. They weren’t leaving.
They also didn’t know just what they were about to witness as the nurse moved to the side of my bed and proceeded to pull down the blankets.
I wanted to look away. I didn’t want to see their reactions, but it was like watching a horror movie. I just had to keep watching regardless.
Two sets of eyes widened at the sight of half my leg missing. Red let out a gasp as she grabbed her throat. Dec tightened and let loose a curse.
I felt vulnerable. Exposed.
The nurse gave them one last chance. “You sure you want to stay for this?”
Donning a pair of gloves, she took pause, garnering their response.
Red’s head pivoted up to mine. And there it was. The pity I so desperately didn’t want. She couldn’t hide it no matter how brave she tried to be. I witnessed other emotions flit across her face too, and I knew at that moment everything had changed for us. Between us. The weight of my injury became a heavy burden. I could almost see her mind ticking over as a million thoughts took hold in her brain. Her bottom lip quivered. I didn’t want her tears any more than I wanted her pity. It all happened in a couple of seconds. She shook her head, glancing away from me. “I’m staying.”
“Me too,” said Dec.
I knew they were only trying to be strong for me. After they left, they’d probably fall apart and voice their true feelings.
Like the good soldier he was, Dec stepped forward, schooling his features again. He placed a hand on my shoulder. “We’re in this together. I got you. I’m here as long as you need.”
He knew me well. He knew not to utter the words, “I’m so sorry.” No matter how much he wanted to say them. For that I was grateful. Red, however, stood stock still, not quite knowing how to act. She fervently watched the nurse changing the dressing, her eyes darting to mine every so often.
“Thanks, man.” The lump I’d had lodged in my throat from earlier released and a world of pent-up sensations exploded in my chest. No amount of trying to tamp it down could stop it from erupting. A sob escaped, flaying me open further than I already was. With my raw wound bared to the two people who meant more to me than anyone else, they could see the true me. The me I didn’t let anyone else see. My eyes clouded over from tears and my face screwed up in anguish.
The deep, racking howls caught everyone by surprise, even me.
The nurse gave me her attention. “Can I get you anything?” She was almost finished and I just wanted her gone.
“No,” I spluttered out, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. Dec’s hand squeezed my shoulder but he remained quiet, letting me grieve.
I didn’t need words. I needed my fucking leg back. My life. The only life I knew.
Losing a part of you, no matter how big or small, brought with it a certain amount of grief. I’d never have that part of me back. Ever.
The nurse graciously left, leaving tension in her wake. I stared out the window at nothing in particular, leaving my friends to deal with my meltdown themselves.
My sobbing eased and only emptiness remained.
My body and soul were tired. I didn’t think I could live with my disability. To change my whole way of existing. Why hadn’t the bomb taken me completely?
“Viper?”
My head turned, but I didn’t utter a sound. Dec hovered over me. “Hey. It’s going to be okay.”
I couldn’t believe he, of all people, actually said those words. Nothing would be okay.
Shaking my head, I stared through him. “No. It’s not. How can you say that?”
My voice was flat. My chest hollow.
Char stepped forward. “I can get you the best care. When you’re ready, we can put you in touch with a prosthetic specialist. It’s incredible the advancements they’ve made.”
Her words stunned me. “You think I’m going to get a metal replacement?”
Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times and her brow drew together. “Well, not right away but, I thought…”
“Yeah, well, don’t think, Red. You don’t know me or what I’ll do.”
Sadness fell like a shadow across her pretty features, and some sick part of me rejoiced in hurting her. People were quick to assume. Jesus. I still lay in the hospital and hadn’t even come to grips with my loss, let alone planning new parts for my body. I didn’t want to look like a freaking robot!
“I’ll just wait outside,” she whispered before shuffling out.
Dec grabbed a chair and pulled it over, sitting close.
“It sucks to be you, man. I’m not gonna lie. I didn’t know what to expect when I walked in here. When I saw you only slightly banged up on your face, I figured maybe they’d exaggerated your injuries.” He sighed heavily.
Turning my head to him, I ground out. “I can’t do it.”
“What? The whole prosthetic leg thing? Hey, you know Char was trying to help. She’s a nurse. She’s dealt with this sort of thing before.”
And he figured that’s what I was talking about? Char?
“No. Not that. I can’t live as a cripple. A burden on the military. A burden on you. Char. Myself.”
And that was the crux of it, wasn’t it? I’d left myself down. Failed at the only thing I excelled at. I’d let my team down. There was nothing left for me.
Dec stood, coiled and in fight or flight mode. I’d seen it so often. I knew what was coming. He paced, rubbing the back of his neck. “You listen to me, you son of a bitch!” His voice came out loud. Realizing it a
nd looking to the door as if expecting a nurse to come barreling in, he quieted down. “Don’t give me any of this ‘poor me’ bullshit. It’s not you. You’re better than that. You’re a soldier of war for the United States of America, for Christ’s sake! You’ve protected your country. You’ve damn well protected me! That’s more than most people on this planet can say. Now you might see this as the end, but fuck it, man. This is only the beginning. You’re not a quitter. You have never been, and I’m going to make sure you don’t start now. Ever. You hear me?”
He looked fierce in his deliverance of the very harsh truth. The fire in his eyes had ignited into a strong arsenal of power.
He strode to the bed, pissed as hell. “Who was it who stood by me when I didn’t want to go on? Who got me through days so bad, I wanted to put a bullet through my skull? Hmm? Who was that? You think you get to lie there and make out like you got nothing to live for?”
Shaking his head, he walked to the window. “I guess I don’t know you at all, my friend. I thought you had more fight than that. Guess I was wrong.”
How dare he stand there and tell me that shit! His situation months ago was different than mine. He hadn’t been blown the fuck apart. He had no right to get angry.
“Fuck you!” I spat, wishing I could punch something. My own temper spiked at my friend’s admonishment. I thought I had his full support. Always. No matter what. Obviously not.
“You think I want the stares? The snickers? People talking behind my back? Not being able to look in the mirror without being reminded every single day of what I lost? You don’t know anything!” I roared, and within seconds a doctor burst through the door, alarm on his face.
“Everything okay in here?”
“Everything’s just dandy.” I glowered at Dec.
“I was just leaving,” he grumbled, returning my scowl. He stomped to the door and didn’t look back as he left.
Now I really did feel sorry for myself. I’d pissed off the one person who swore he would have my back until the day he died. I truly was alone. And it had all happened in the space of a few minutes.
The Lost and Found Series Page 48
