by Denise Gwen
As the tribal dinner progressed, Sarah watched with envy as Rachel and Paul canoodled together. It wasn’t fair, it just wasn’t fair. Her sister, blissfully pregnant, with her four-year-old daughter seated beside her, and cuddled up against her husband, looked the picture of maternal contentment. Yes, appearances weren’t always accurate, and Sarah knew Rachel was suffering with some serious health issues—gestational diabetes and a potentially lethal case of pre-eclampsia—but from the moment of Sarah’s arrival at the reservation, Rachel had seemed buoyant and happy.
She’s relaxed now, because she knows I’ll do a good job running her clinic for her. She’s got tremendous faith in me, and knows I’ll take care of her patients.
Sarah glowed from the knowledge of her sister’s trust.
Paul, ever the attentive husband and father, noticed his wife was distracted with their daughter, and so, without even asking her if she wanted him to cut up her food, proceeded to do just that for her, as if she were a little girl herself, and between bites of food, Rachel turned to kiss her husband.
It was all a bit nausea-inducing, to tell the truth.
You’re acting like a newlywed, Sis. Mighty annoying.
A little boy ran up to their table and tapped Olivia on the shoulder. The child was beautiful, a little boy with raven-black hair that reached to his shoulders, and the sweetest smile, and Sarah’s heart melted at the sight of him. He and Olivia obviously knew each other well, for he had a toy with him and as he showed it to her, Olivia wriggled out of her booster seat and she and the little boy scampered around the banquet hall.
“Joshua,” Jake’s voice cut through the ambient noise of the hall, and Sarah startled with surprise. “Come over here.”
Oh, of course, this must be Jake’s little boy.
Little Joshua immediately stopped playing and went to his father’s side. He sat back down, and Olivia scrunched in beside him. Sarah noticed an older woman seated beside Jake, and she gestured for the children to come sit next to her. They stayed where they were, and Jake and she exchanged rueful glances.
His mother, I’m sure of it.
She became so distracted staring at the little boy, she forgot herself, and Jake suddenly looked at her. His eyes widened, and she looked away, her cheeks rippling with shame. How rude of her, to be caught staring at his son.
No doubt, he thought she was a snotty little dork. Did he compare her against her older sister and find her, the younger sister, lacking? She dropped her head. But then she forced herself to look up and she gazed across the banquet hall at Jake and forced a smile—she was sure it looked fake—but to her surprise, he smiled back at her and nodded at the child, who looked up, noticed her, and pulled his lips back into a sweet smile.
The little boy looked just like him.
Jake wrestled with himself in an agony of indecision as the meal progressed. He couldn’t help it. His seat was positioned directly across the hall from where Sarah sat, and he couldn’t resist looking at her every time he thought she might be looking away.
She was distractingly pretty, and she looked so cute eating her meal, while stealing the occasional glance at her sister as she sat with her family.
His thoughts kept returning to the first time he ever became aware of the fact that Rachel had a younger sister who just happened to be a doctor. When Rachel first told him that her sister was going to help out with the practice during her maternity leave, he’d envisioned a tall, strawberry-blonde, with bright blue eyes and all aquiline grace. In short, he’d expected Sarah to be Rachel’s twin. But then he met Sarah, and he hadn’t expected her to be quite so . . . different.
In fact, and at first blush, Sarah didn’t even resemble her four-years-older sister, but as Jake paid more attention to her, he noticed the similarities between the two. It was more in their personalities that they resembled one another.
Whereas Rachel was tall and elegant, Sarah was petite and . . . cute. Whereas Rachel sported long, flowing, strawberry-blonde hair, Sarah’s hair was a long curtain, a shade of raven black, and she had the brightest green eyes he’d ever seen.
Except for Robin.
And Robin had been brave, too. She’d once faced down a charging grizzly bear that was ready to attack a boy scout troop and she’d sent the grizzly running.
Brave, beautiful, serene, and a really kick-ass girl, he’d loved her more than life itself, and perhaps even more than he’d loved the tiny baby they’d made.
Jake knew it wasn’t expected to love a wife more than a child, but he had, and he simply couldn’t believe it, that someone as strong as Robin could be felled by something so tiny, so seemingly insignificant, that it couldn’t even be seen under a microscope. That was the part that bothered him so much. How could cancer, stupid cancer, have succeeded in taking down a vital woman like Robin?
Rage filled his heart, his blood pressure rose, he squeezed his fists, and his vision blurred. If only cancer were something that could be fought in the ring, in a prize-fighter bout of fisticuffs. He would’ve shown cancer a thing or two, but it’d sapped Robin’s life, and for the past two years, he’d been unable to believe that his beloved Robin was no longer in his bed.
He noticed Sarah looking at him with concern.
Should I go over there, say hello? Talk to her a little bit?
He briefly considered the idea of walking over to her table, introducing her to Joshua, and perhaps even talking of Robin to her, but in the face of her innocent look of inquisitiveness, he decided against it.
Better keep his sorrow to himself.
The meal ended, everyone picked up their plates and took them to the kitchen for rinsing, and Sarah slowly made her way over to Jake Roundtree, who stood talking to a few elders of the reservation, his mini-me clinging to his left shin. The little guy adored his father.
As Jake appeared to sense her drawing near, he turned and smiled at her. She nodded at the child. “This must be your son?”
“Yes,” Jake said with pleased surprise. “You remembered.”
“Of course.”
“Joshua, say hello to Dr. O’Reilly.”
To her surprise, the little boy extended a chubby hand, and she bent down to shake it.
She straightened up and asked Jake, without thinking, “So, where’s Joshua’s mother?”
She realized her mistake the instant the words left her lips.
Jake’s brow furrowed and he looked thunderous.
The little boy looked up at her and cocked his head.
“My mother, Marcheline Roundtree,” Jake said coldly, “is in the kitchen, with the other women. My beloved wife, Robin Roundtree, died two years ago.”
“Oh,” Sarah said, her cheeks flaring scarlet. “I’m sorry.”
“My mommy dead,” Joshua said solemnly.
“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Sarah said.
“My mommy dead,” the little boy repeated.
Sarah bent down to his level again and gazed into his deep brown eyes. “I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your mommy.”
The little boy gazed at her for a moment longer, then retreated behind Jake’s leg.
She straightened up, noted Jake’s black eyes, then looked away.
Okay, how do I talk my way out of this?
He hadn’t stomped off yet, so that was a good sign. She still had a chance to fix this, and so she tried a different tack.
She dropped down to her haunches so as to talk to Joshua on his level. She remembered what it’d felt like as a kid, to have adults stand over her like giants, and whenever she met children, she liked to get down to their level. Joshua seemed to appreciate this, for he stepped forward. His sweet little face was only inches from her own.
“Joshua, I want you to know something about me.”
“What’s that?” he asked.
“You don’t have to call me Dr. O’Reilly. You can call me Sarah.”
“You can call her Doctor Sarah,” Jake corrected his son.
“Doctor Sarah,�
�� Joshua said.
She looked up and their eyes locked.
His gaze . . . what was he thinking?
His eyes smoldered as he gazed at her.
This man is so gorgeous and so angry at me.
She straightened up, stumbled a little, and in the next instant, a strong hand grabbed hers, and Jake pulled her to her feet and as she stood up she came close to him, even closer than she’d ever stood in front of him before, so close she could smell his cologne. Something musky, woodsy . . .
“It’s not proper to encourage a child to call an adult by her first name.”
“What are we going to do about it?” she asked, thrusting her chin out.
“We’re going to abide by calling you Doctor Sarah, aren’t we?”
“Yes,” she said.
“You noticed he was a boy,” Jake said, saving her from the uncomfortable silence, “and didn’t mistake him for a girl.”
“Well,” she said uneasily, “you did tell me you had a son.”
“True. But his hair’s long. I’m surprised you didn’t say something about it.”
Is he challenging me? Does he want to pick a fight with me?
Not quite understanding where this was going, she spoke slowly. “From what I’ve read, it’s the tradition to let boys wear their hair long, for as long as they live on the reservation, but some parents like to help their children fit in with westerners, so there’s a divide between the two opinions.” She shrugged. “It’s a matter of preference, I suppose.”
“Yes,” Jake conceded, still gazing at her with a strange expression in his eyes.
“He’s a beautiful child,” she said.
“Yes,” Jake said. “He is.”
“Is he your only?”
“Yes.”
Okay, this conversation’s going downhill fast . . .
“There you are,” Paul said to her.
Oh, thank you, Paul, for saving me.
He stood there, with Olivia on his hip. “We’re off, then.”
“ You’re leaving already? I thought you two planned on staying overnight?” Sarah’s voice steeped with alarm.
“We did,” Paul said with a happy smile, “but your sister reminded me that Olivia’s got a pediatrician appointment tomorrow morning, back in Sitka.”
“Oh,” Sarah said, and her shoulders slumped.
Well, she knew perfectly well that Rachel and her family wanted to head back to their comfortable and cozy home in Sitka. It just surprised her that Rachel wanted to return so soon.
“I was hoping you guys would at least stay the night,” she said uneasily, not quite certain why it bothered her. Oh, she knew why, but she hated to admit it. Her sister’s presence had served as a buffer between her and Jake, but she’d always known that Rachel would leave eventually. It just kind of didn’t occur to her that it would happen so soon, and that Rachel would take her entire family with her.
I’m going to be alone with this guy for the next six weeks. How will I bear it?
She forced a smile. “Well, I guess you’d better pack up your family and head home, then.”
Paul winked at her. “Your sister’s going to show you to your lodging.”
“Duh, Paul,” Sarah said. “Rachel showed me to my cabin last night.”
“Oh, that’s right,” Paul said, and mock-slapped his forehead.
“Silly Daddy,” Olivia said, and giggled.
As Sarah headed outside, she became aware of a presence at her side. She glanced, registered surprise at the sight of Jake.
“Let me walk you to your cabin, Doctor Sarah,” Jake said.
“You don’t need to do that,” Sarah said.
“It’s the tradition here,” Jake said with a flinty smile. “No unescorted females.”
“Oh, well, okay, then,” Sarah said, and as Jake walked alongside her, the little boy darted out from between Jake’s legs and grabbed at his father’s hand and pulled and laughed, and again, Sarah fought back a surge of resentment.
She was surrounded on all sides by people with family, people with children, people who belonged to other people. Jake might resent the absence of his wife, but he had a son and a mother. She had a family, too, but her sister Rachel was so insular, so self-contained in her bubble of motherhood, there really wasn’t room for anyone else, especially not a sister.
No, her world, her bubble, her people, were waiting for her, back in Omaha.
As they drew closer to Sarah’s cabin, Joshua scampered on ahead and was jumping up and down as she pulled out the house key.
“Let me open it, let me open it, let me open it,” he cried out, and she handed him the key and he stood on his tiptoes and pushed the key into the lock and turned the door and let himself in and ran inside.
Jake stood by her side, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. “I’ll wait here.”
“Okay,” she said.
“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,” Joshua cried out. “Come look, Daddy.”
She nodded at him. “Come on in, why don’t you?”
He looked around, then shrugged. “Sure, why not.”
She walked inside first and as she looked around her snug cabin, a little face peeped out at her from the loft above.
“Look at me,” Joshua chirped. “I’m way up here.”
“You’re a brave boy, to climb that steep ladder.”
“Nah, I been doing it all my life.”
Jake said nothing, but his eyes glinted with amusement.
“Daddy, can I stay here tonight with Doctor Sarah? Can I, Daddy? Can I?”
“No,” Jake said.
“Okay,” the child said, giving up, Sarah thought, a tad too easily for a child of four. But then again, he probably knew better than to disobey his father.
She walked to the kitchenette, reached for the electric teakettle, held it under the tap, and turned on the water.
“You don’t need to make me any tea or coffee,” Jake said. “We’re leaving.”
“I know,” she said pleasantly, “I’m just fixing myself a cup of tea before bed.”
Jake snapped his fingers at the boy. “Okay, Joshua, let’s go.”
Joshua immediately scrambled down the ladder and pointed at the fireplace. “Hey, Doctor Sarah, I want to tell you something.”
“Yes?” she asked, flicking on the switch to boil the water.
“My daddy built this cabin, and he laid every log.”
Sarah smiled at Joshua. “Wow, I didn’t know that.”
She glanced to Jake, to gauge his reaction, but he maintained his stoic stance.
“Hey, Doctor Sarah, I want to tell you something.”
“Oh, what’s that, Joshua?”
“I helped my daddy make the fireplace,” Joshua said.
“Oh, did you?” Sarah asked.
“Yes, I put in that brick,” he said, pointing to a brick in the mortar.
“Well, my goodness, aren’t you a skillful bricklayer?”
“My Daddy is the best.”
Yes, except when he’s dispensing illegal prescriptions.
She glanced over at the electric teakettle. It’d take at least seven minutes for the water to boil. The little boy was providing all the entertainment, but she wondered why Jake hadn’t hauled him away yet. Jake didn’t like her, why was he hanging around when he couldn’t stand her?
She reached for a single mug, set it down on the countertop. Pulled open the tiny fridge door and grabbed some milk, poured it into the mug.
As she moved to put the milk away, she glanced at the hidden panel in the wall. The round knob in the center of the wall looked like a piece of decorative trim, or perhaps even a hook for a frame. She could hardly wait for Jake to leave, so that she could sit down and write in her journal.
Joshua must’ve noticed her looking at the nook, for he abandoned the fireplace and trotted over to the wall and said, “Hey, Doctor Sarah, I want to tell you something.”
“What’s that, Joshua?” she asked, tearing open a packet of ste
via and pouring it into her mug. This little boy was darling, but he was wearing her down.
“Look, Doctor Sarah,” Joshua said, and he grabbed the button, pulled it down and showed her the desk.
She put her hands on either side of her cheeks. “Oh, my goodness. Oh, I had no idea.”
“My daddy built this,” Joshua said. He pushed the desk back up into the wall, snapped it closed, then pulled on the button again, and pulled the desk back down.
“Oh, why, that’s just the coolest thing,” she said, smiling broadly at Joshua, who beamed at her. “That’s the best thing, ever.”
“My daddy built that desk for you, Doctor Sarah.”
“Oh, I’m so grateful to your daddy, Joshua.”
“My daddy’s a doctor, just like you.”
Silence.
Um, wait. Hold on there, pardner.
Then, a more prosaic part of her realized that this was a little boy, a little boy who was proud of his father, a father who’d not only built a cabin for Doctor Sarah, but a hideaway desk as well, and not only that, but his daddy was a real live doctor.
Really, Sarah? You’re going to spoil things for this sweet little boy? Really, Sarah?
She smiled at Joshua again, and this time, tears brimmed behind her eyelids as she said, “He sure is, Joshua. Your daddy’s a fine doctor.”
“Pull down your desk,” Joshua said. “And sit down, so I can help you write in your journal.”
“Oh, um,” she said, but she was saved by the sound of the electric teakettle singing. She clicked it off, poured the boiling hot water into the mug, dropped in a tea bag.
Jake finally spoke.
“Okay, little man.” He scrubbed his son’s head. “It’s time we let Doctor Sarah have some peace and quiet, eh?”
“But I want to watch her write in her journal.”
“Journals are private things, Joshua, let’s go.”
“Daddy, let me snap the desk down one more time.”
“No,” Jake said, a bit roughly, and the former joy that had been rising in the snug cabin suddenly disappeared.
“Good night, Joshua,” Sarah said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Joshua trotted forward, she instinctively bent down, he wrapped his plump little arms around her neck, gave her a smooch, then released her and trotted out the door as his father held it open for him.
