Anywhere but here will do.
I pull my knees up to my chest and exhale a shaky breath. I feel so heavy. Everything feels heavy. I pull myself to my feet and lean over the counter, bracing myself on my elbows until my nose is almost touching the dirty mirror.
I glance at the reflection of someone I haven’t seen in a while. Me. My natural, curly hair, in all its rebellion, is starting to kink, resulting in the tangled, blonde mess now surrounding my face. I run my hands over my face, digging my fingernails into my skin. I want to claw it all off and not be me anymore.
What the fuck are you doing, Emma Jean? asks a deep masculine voice from inside my head. I stop my fingernails from drawing blood and set my hands back down on the counter. My sadness begins to morph into anger.
"Fuck off," I answer, shaking my head and closing my eyes. "You don't get a say in my life. Not anymore. You don't get to question me." Tears prick at the back of my eyes, but I sniffle hard and stand up straight, determined to silence his voice because it’s not real. It’s a lie. He’s not here and never will be again.
You can't get rid of me, Emma Jean. I'm a part of you, the voice angrily reminds me.
"No!" I yell, sending my fist through the mirror. He's right, but I don't want him to be right. I want him to be ALIVE. "You WERE a part of me. You're not shit now. You left me. You’re dead! You promised you’d never leave me, and now you’re fucking dead! I fucking hate you for dying. For leaving me alone. Do you hear me? I fucking hate you!" I scream louder, kicking the cabinet until one of the doors gives way and falls to the ground.
My screams turn into a sob. I sink back down until my ass cheeks hit the cold tile. I raise my knees to my chest and drop my head onto my forearms.
"I hate you so much,” I whisper.
I could say the words a thousand times, but it’s a lie no one would ever believe, including myself.
I take a few deep breaths and stand. I open the door, but just as I take a step back into the room, I’m pushed back inside by a wide, hard body who kicks it shut. I’m pressed up against the sink and a warm hard chest. I look up and freeze. I’m hallucinating. I have to be.
My knees buckle, but I don’t fall. I can’t.
I’m being held up…by Grim.
GRIM
“But, I saw you in the morgue. I kissed you. You were dead. You weren’t breathing,” Tricks says. She holds onto my arms, digging her trembling fingers into my skin as if she’s afraid I’ll fade into mist like a ghost if she lets go.
“I was breathing,” I assure her. “Just barely. And I felt that kiss. I thought it was a dream.” I push a strand of curls from her eyes and cup her cheek. She leans into my touch. “I’m alive. So are Sandy and Haze. So is Marci, as you can see, and Gabby’s alive but hasn’t woken up from surgery.”
Tricks’s exhale comes from the very depths of her body, expelling the despair she’d been carrying around with her for who knows how long. She collapses against me. I lift her into my arms and carry her back out into Marci’s room. She’s still sleeping. I sit her down on the couch and take her hands in mine.
“With so many people after us, I couldn’t get to you. But if they all thought we were dead, we’d be able to move around undetected, at least for a while. The chief’s medicine woman gave us some root that’s like morphine to put us into a deep sleep. Then, the coroner tossed us in the fridge to lower our body temperature. The second Lemming left, they gave us a shot of adrenaline to wake us up. We were heading back to the reservation to see if chief David found out where they were keeping you when we came across the overturned car. At first, I thought you…”
“It doesn’t feel good, does it?” she asks, drying her tears with the back of her hand.
“No, it fucking does not.”
She presses her lips together. “The shooters! Shit, do you think they could identify you? It could blow your entire plan.”
“They could,” I respond. “If they were still alive.”
She exhales. “Good.”
“I’m so sorry, Tricks. I wanted Lemming to see us for confirmation. Not you. I never thought he would take you there.”
“It’s not your fault. And it’s a smart plan…except…Lemming isn’t Lemming.”
“What does that mean?” I hold her face still in my hands.
“He’s Callum Egan.”
Seven
“It was probably his men shooting at me when I escaped to drive back here,” I say to Grim.
He presses his forehead to mine. “They weren’t Irish. We saw them. They were Marco’s men.”
“I’m so confused,” I groan.
“Gabby’s awake,” Sandy says, poking his head through the door. “She wants to see you.”
Grim helps me to my feet. “You’re exhausted, you should rest. We’ll talk more later.”
I shake my head. “I have to see Gabby.”
Grim never let’s go of my arm as he guides me down the hall to Gabby’s room.
I’m surprised to see Gabby sitting up when I arrive. Sandy, Haze, and Grim keep to the wall by the door as a nurse excuses herself.
I run to the bed and stop short of flinging myself at Gabby. “You’re okay!” I exclaim.
Both her eyes and her smile are bright. “I’m tougher than I look. The doctors had to stitch up an artery. It wasn’t severed, just nicked. I could’ve bled to death if Grim hadn’t brought me here when he did.”
“But, you didn’t,” I whisper. “And he did.”
She grabs my hand. “But, I didn’t. And he did.”
I sit at the edge of the bed. “You certainly are tougher than you look. Did you really kill Gil?”
She nods and looks nothing short of proud. “I went to find you the night of the funeral. I had a bad feeling. I overheard Marco talking about something big going down with Bedlam that night. I didn’t want you to be caught up in it. I didn’t see you there. I remember you saying Grim had a room in the back. The door was unlocked. Gil was inside rummaging through things. He had a huge knife in his hands he’d just pulled from a drawer. I went to run from the room to go warn you but he pulled me back in. During the struggle, we both fell. He dropped the knife. I grabbed it, and he wrapped his hands around my throat and pulled me up to the bed. I was seeing stars but pretended to be passed out or dead, or I don’t know, but he fell for it. The second he released me, I grabbed the knife from the mattress and…well... you know. I stabbed him.”
“In the fucking head. Quite impressive strength,” Sandy says from the doorway, looking more than impressed. He winks.
Gabby blushes. “I didn’t mean to stab him in the head. Or, I should say I wasn’t aiming for anything in particular, just him in general. It’s just where the knife landed.”
“Leave it where it lies,” Sandy says, leaning his elbows on the mattress.
“Isn’t that a golf thing?” Haze asks.
Sandy shrugs. “Sure, but right now it’s a stabbing in the head thing.”
Gabby smiles, but it quickly drops from her face as she turns her attention back to me. “There was something else Marco said. She looks around to each of us, then settles on me. EJ, Marco…. he murdered Belly.”
Haze growls. “We know. He was poisoned, but how?”
“The whiskey,” Gabby said. “He was poisoning Belly’s whiskey. Something about the special stuff he kept in the garage.”
“Shit,” Sandy swears, rubbing his temples.
“But, how did he get to the whiskey in the garage?” Sandy asks.
“He got to it before it got to the garage,” Gabby explains. “The guy at the liquor store. He was in on it. Marco must have paid him off. I’m so sorry. All of this is because of my own flesh and blood.” She wrings her hands on her lap.
Sandy sits on the other side of Gabby’s bed. “As far as we are concerned, you’re Tricks’s sister. No relation to Marco or Mona.”
“Mona?” Gabby asks with a gasp. “What about her?”
Sandy grimaces. “Shit, you did
n’t know about that one did you.”
“Dumbass,” Haze mutters. Sandy backhands his chest.
I take a deep breath. “Mona did some horrible things. She’s been working with Marco.” Gabby remains silent as I fill her in on the rest of what her sister’s done.
“I can’t believe she’s been here all this time and never told me. And that she is capable…that doesn’t sound like the Mona I knew.”
“It doesn’t. I couldn’t believe it either. But, that Mona we knew? She doesn’t exist anymore.”
“I’m so sorry, EJ,” Gabby sobs.
I hug her tightly around her shoulders, pulling her into my chest. I kiss her hair. “Stop apologizing. It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you for any of this.”
“But— “
“Gabriella Ramos,” I blurt. I take her face in my hands and stare deeply into her huge dark eyes. “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”
Her lips turn upward slightly. She sniffles. “Erich Segal, American writer.”
“Nailed it,” I chuckle. “But, seriously. Promise me, right here and right now, that you’re done apologizing. I’m tired of hearing it and thinking it. There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. Nothing. Now, promise me.”
“I’ll try,” Gabby says with a small nod.
“You know what they say about trying?” I return her smile and wipe the tears off her cheek with my thumb.
“Things don’t always work the first time, but keep trying,” she answers.
“And who— “I start to ask.
“Donald Duck.”
All heads swing to a smug-looking Sandy.
Gabby wrinkles her nose. “How did you know that?”
He shrugs and flashes her a megawatt grin.
“Don’t let the idiot fool you,” Grim warns Gabby. “He’s kind of a genius.”
“Where is Mona now?” Gabby asks.
“I don’t know.” I answer honestly.
“Uhhh…” Sandy starts, biting his lip. He slowly raises his hand. “I know.”
“You do?” Gabby and I ask at the same time.
I lean across the bed to Sandy. “Where?”
Grim speaks for the first time since we arrived in Gabby’s room. “She’s here.”
Eight
“Is this what you really want to do?” I ask Tricks as we walk from the reservation hospital to the war room.
“I don’t want to. I have to,” she corrects.
“She showed up here at the hospital only a few minutes after I brought Gabby in. She seemed apologetic. I don’t know if it’s bullshit or if she’s telling the truth.” We stop at the door to the war room, and I turn Tricks to face me. “Look at me.”
She does, but her face is unreadable. She looks lost in thought. “What you have to ask yourself right now, before you go in there, is this: does it make a difference to you if Mona’s truly sorry? Will it change what you want the outcome to be?”
“Does it matter what I decide?”
I shake my head. “Not to me. It has to matter to you. You have to know what you want to get out of this before you take a step inside that door. Whether it’s revenge, or salvation. Trust me, it makes all the difference to how you will feel when you walk back out.”
She looks at the door and then back to me. “Okay. I’m ready.”
“Just like that?” I ask.
“Just like that,” she repeats, looking to the door.
I open it and follow her inside. Rollo is perched at the edge of the table, reading a book.
“You know how to read?” I tease.
“Don’t be jealous. Wuthering Heights is the greatest book of all time.”
I raise my eyebrows and wait for him to finish.
Rollo closes the book and sets it on the table. “Or so Trinity’s Tinder profile states. It also says she used to be a gymnast and can tie her legs behind her head like a pretzel.”
“And the truth comes out.”
“Why, hello there, Mrs. Grim Reaper,” he says to Tricks, adding a dramatic bow.
She offers Rollo a smile. “Hi, I’m Emma Jean Parish,” she introduces, reminding me of the first time we met.
Rollo bites his lip, looking at her in a way that makes me want to punch him in the face. She holds out her hand to shake, but the motherfucker picks her up and embraces her in a tight hug. “I’m glad to see you’re okay. Grim had us worried about you for a while. You should have seen him. He was freaking the fuck—"
“Put her down,” I growl.
Rollo places her back on the floor and raises his hands. “Just being friendly with the queen of Bedlam is all, Boss” he says, flashing her a wink.
My murderous thoughts fade as he steps aside to reveal Mona, sitting at the long end of the table, her wrists bound to the chair.
Tricks freezes.
I lean down and whisper in her ear. “You don’t have to say anything to her. We can leave if you want.”
She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. “No, I need to say something to her.”
I stand back as Tricks walks to Mona, pulls out the chair and takes a seat next to her. She, then, yanks on Mona’s chair, forcing Mona to face her.
“Knife,” she demands holding up her hand.
I remove my blade from the sheath under my pant leg and walk over to her, setting it in Tricks’s outstretched hand.
“Thank you, my love,” she says, never taking her eyes off Mona as she closes her hand around the handle of the blade.
My love. Those two words make my heart stutter like I’ve stuck my finger in an electric socket. It forces me to cough into my fist. Tricks looks over her shoulder to make sure I’m okay. I give her the nod. She turns back around to face Mona. Making a show of spinning the blade around her hand, catching the fluorescent light above.
“You’re like a love-sick school boy, ain’t ya, Boss?” Rollo whispers. He’s standing next to me against the wall, watching Tricks in action. He continues, “I can see why. Beautiful, cool as fuck, puts up with your shit. Likes knives.”
Tricks holds up the blade and leans in toward her former friend. With her free hand, she rips the gag from Mona’s mouth.
My stuttering chest swells with pride.
“Shut the fuck up, or I’ll use that blade on you when she’s done with it,” I hiss.
“Fair enough.” Rollo waits three seconds before elbowing me in the ribs. “Boss? Uh…what do you think your ole lady is gonna to do with that blade?”
I watch as the fear grows in Mona’s eyes. Her mouth falls open.
“Honestly?” I ask. “I have no fucking idea.” We both watch as Tricks twirls the handle of the knife on Mona’s knee, toying with her fear. “But, I can’t wait to find out.”
“EJ, I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry,” Mona says, her face pales. “I have no excuse. I had nothing, no one. Just like you.”
Tricks scoffs. “You had nothing, just like I had nothing?” she repeats Mona’s words as a question. I can’t take my eyes off her. She’s always been the most beautiful girl in the world, but right now, with her taking control of the situation, showing her strength with every movement, she’s living, breathing sex.
I adjust my position against the wall in an attempt to make my raging cock heel.
“Let’s get something straight right the fuck now, Mona. You went to Los Muertos willingly to help Marco hurt me. You bought into his lies. Gabby and I were taken there as kids and threatened every day with death or being sold on the streets. We weren’t allowed to go to school. We weren’t allowed to talk to anyone. We were wiped from the system like we didn’t exist and then treated like we didn’t exist. We weren’t kids or even people. We were dogs. And when we wouldn’t heel, they brought you in, and it makes sense. You already hated me. It couldn’t have been too hard to turn you against me.”
“I never hated you. I just hated the way I felt. Like you and Gabby were sisters, and I was the outsider. Please, let me see her.”
“I’
m not letting you anywhere near her until she tells me she wants to see you. You felt like an outsider because you made yourself an outsider. We never excluded you. You just refused to join us. And on the rare occasion you did, you brought your misery with you.” I shake my head. “I’m not going to apologize to you. We were kids, Mona. Kids. We all had fucked up childhoods. You want to know what the real difference is between me and you?”
“No,” she shakes her head.
“You’ve let the past consume you while I won’t let it define who I am.”
Mona shuts her eyes. “I know.”
“We were all victims.” Tricks says. “I just never thought, in a million years, I’d be your victim.”
Tricks stabs the knife into the table.
Mona continues on a shaky voice. “I didn’t know I was capable of such...horrible things. But every time I did them, Marco praised me. For studying psychology, I was so easily duped into becoming a weapon for my brother to wield as he saw fit.” Mona’s bottom lip quivers. “I let my jealousy cloud everything and my want for a family fuck up everything. I trusted my brother when I should have trusted you and Gabby.” She lowers her voice to a whisper. “I love you, you know. I always have. You and Gabriella. I may have lost my way for a while, but I know now. You two are everything to me.”
Tricks pulls the blade from the wood and leans over Mona. “No,” she hisses. “We were everything to you. We’re dead to you now, just like you planned.”
“No!” Mona begins to argue. Tricks shoves the gag back into her mouth and walks up to where Rollo and I are standing against the wall. I wish we were alone. Naked. I want to worship every part of her like the queen she is.
We stare at each other. The connection between us explodes like a transformer on a utility pole.
Rollo clears his throat. “What do you want me to do with her?”’ He glances over at Mona.
I look to Tricks. “It’s your call.”
The Perversion Trilogy: Perversion, Possession & Permission Page 33
