Facing the Gray

by Carol Beth Anderson

  -From Relin the Fierce, Author Unknown

  The night before the first day of spring, Tavi barely slept, though she did doze off several times. Each time when she woke, she tried to keep herself awake by pinching her arm, making up a story in her mind, or planning for the following day. At last, when she thought dawn was a few hours off, she crept out of her bed and climbed down the ladder with the smoothest movements she could manage.

  In the bottom bunk, Narre rolled over with a small groan. Tavi’s breath caught in her throat, but Narre didn’t wake. With a quiet sigh of relief, Tavi picked up her boots from beside the bed and tiptoed out of the room.

  She’d retired early, and when her roommates had come to bed, they hadn’t seen that under her blankets, she was fully dressed. More than fully, in fact. She wore two dresses and two pairs of wool stockings. It had been dreadfully hot under her covers, and eventually she’d peeled back every layer except her lightest blanket. The midwife house was well built and retained much of the heat from the evening fires for hours after they’d been reduced to embers. And spring did indeed appear to be on its way, much of the snow having melted over the previous few days.

  It was still quite cold outside, however, especially in the pre-dawn hours. So after Tavi visited the kitchen to confirm the time on the clock and leave a note on the table, she bundled up with a scarf wrapped around her head and face, her winter coat, and gloves. Then she exited out the back door, walked around to the front of the midwife house, and hurried to the dark street.

  That was easier than I expected. Of course, when everyone realized she’d left, Tullen would go to the café where they’d planned to listen together, and she would get an earful. In the note, she’d told him she’d be listening for him. She might regret it, but she knew if she was doing something as risky as hiding out in Konner Burrell’s front garden all day, she needed a way to communicate with someone. We’re a team, after all.

  At that thought, Tavi grimaced. Sneaking away to spy wasn’t behavior her teammates expected. But she wanted to see the Grays in person. Evitt had, as promised, been hired to work at the party. But he might be busy in the kitchen, and the Grays were likely to be careful what they said around him. Tavi didn’t know how much she could observe from a hiding spot in the front garden, but it would be more effective than listening from a nearby café. And while she knew Tullen would have been willing to go with her, she wasn’t about to put him or any of the others in danger.

  So here she was, rushing toward Konner’s house alone, ready to celebrate the first day of spring by taking decisive action. It was either the bravest or the stupidest thing she’d done in a long time. She shivered from cold and nerves, but she kept walking.

  Tullen held up the note from Tavi. He didn’t realize his hand was trembling until he tried to read it again and couldn’t decipher the words. He grasped it with both hands and clenched his muscles, commanding them to be still.

  “I can’t believe she’d do this!” Narre cried. Sall stood next to her, his head lit brighter than the lantern on the table. Tullen knew it probably wasn’t on purpose. Sometimes when Sall or those around him were emotional, his gift insisted on activating.

  “I thought I was angry when she ran off to that café last week without telling us,” Tullen said. “But this . . .” He wadded up the note and threw it on the floor, trying unsuccessfully to control his breathing. Then he noticed that Sall was looking at him, sympathy fairly oozing out of his mind-blessed friend’s wide eyes.

  Tullen turned away as if that would stop Sall from sensing his emotions. Sall’s gift required people to face their feelings, and Tullen had always seen that as a positive. When someone else could see that he was feeling proud, embarrassed, or jealous, it was harder to deny it in himself.

  But at that moment, he just wanted Sall to turn his infuriating magic off. Tullen knew he was feeling more than just anger, but it wasn’t the time or place for him to confront the other emotions Tavi’s actions had stirred up in him. All he wanted to do was act.

  “I’m going to join her,” he said.

  “You can’t,” Sall replied. “It’s too late. There are bound to be people swarming all over Konner’s property. Sunrise is just an hour away.”

  Tullen knew Sall was right. And of course that was why Tavi had gotten up earlier than any of them, early enough, surely, to avoid being seen. She might be reckless, but at least she’s smart.

  “I’m going to the café. Tavi and I are going to have a talk.”

  No one argued with him.

  Tavi had never been so glad to be small. Konner had gotten his fence repaired after finding Tullen in his back yard. But Tavi pulled herself over it, only tearing her dress a little in the process. Then she made her way to the front garden and squeezed between two tight rows of hedges into an area almost no one else would fit in. She really didn’t fit there either, something she was reminded of every couple of seconds when yet another branch scratched her face.

  But she couldn’t have found a better place to hide. The spot allowed her to watch the front gate, part of the walkway leading to the door, and one of the garden’s interior paths.

  She didn’t know how long she’d been there, but the sky was still dark, and she was already uncomfortable. As often as she could, she made small shifts to her stance, trying to ward off cramped muscles. There would be no sitting or squatting in this tight space.

  Several people had already arrived to prepare for the party, including Evitt and his mother, who’d walked through the gate about half an hour after Tavi. As Tavi watched the path for more arrivals, she shifted back and forth between listening to conversations inside the house and listening for Tullen.

  When she finally honed in on Tullen’s voice, Tavi cringed. He was whispering, but she knew him well enough to discern the fury in his tone. “Tavi, answer me! Do you hear me?”

  She glanced along the front path. Seeing no one, she whispered, “I’m here. I’m safe.”

  “Thank Sava for that. I can’t believe you would do this! Actually, that’s not true. I do believe it, and I’m kicking myself for not suspecting it beforehand. Why are you so determined to put yourself in danger? We had a plan! Now you’re stuck there, and if anything happens, we can’t help you.”

  Silence stretched between them. “Are you still there?” Tullen asked.

  “I don’t know what to tell you,” Tavi said. “I needed to be here.”

  “Well, we all need you to be here. Here, as in, alive. Do you have any idea how scared they are—Sall and Narre, and I’m sure Jenevy and Pala by now?”

  And what about you? Tavi kept the question to herself. “I know you don’t agree with this, Tullen,” she whispered, fighting to stay levelheaded. “But, like you said, I can’t change it now. Let’s work together the best we can, and once we’re back at the midwife house, you can yell at me all you want.”

  She heard him breathing, but he waited to respond. At last, he said, “All right. Tell me anything you see that seems important. And if there’s anything you think I should listen for, let me know.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll switch back and forth between listening to you and listening to what’s happening here, so if you say something and I don’t hear it, just try again.”

  They followed their plan, checking in with each other occasionally. The sky was growing brighter with pre-dawn light when Tavi whispered to Tullen that she heard a carriage arriving.

  Four people walked through the gate. Lights along the front path illuminated them as they passed Tavi. First was a man who looked somewhat familiar, but she couldn’t place his face. Then she saw Aldin behind him, and her mouth widened into a circle. The first man must be Ash, though with his new face, he looked more like a cousin of the man who had caught Tavi and broken her finger. At that thought, she shuddered, her shoulders brushing against the leaves of the hedge. She froze, frightened someone had heard her, but the breeze was doing a nice job camouflaging her movements.

  Two women
walked behind Ash and Aldin. That must be Wrey and Sella. The four Grays left Tavi’s sight and entered the house. Tavi asked Tullen to listen to them so she could keep her eyes and ears on the other guests as they arrived.

  Over the next half hour, twelve more carriages pulled up in front of Konner’s house. Only one guest disembarked from each carriage. First was Camalyn; Tavi knew her by her Karite robes. After that, Konner himself came out of the house to greet his guests. Tavi watched each face for as long as she could, and when the councillors went around a bend in the path and she could no longer see them, she used her hearing gift to listen to their conversations with Konner.

  Konner played the role of a gracious, charming host. He greeted each guest by name, then said, “I’m pleased we can celebrate the arrival of a new year together.” Tavi gave a wry smile the first time she heard the words. Because it was the first day of spring and the new year, there would be celebrations all over Savala, many of them beginning at sunrise. She almost felt bad for these poor councillors who would spend the day with a manipulative banker instead of their own family and friends.

  Tavi tried to remember each person’s name when she heard Konner use it. But they all ran together, and she couldn’t help but think that Jenevy, who’d proven her good memory when she’d visited the Gray House, would be better suited for this role.

  One councillor stood out. Tavi watched her enter through the gate and walk with brisk confidence down the path. She appeared to be in her forties and was slim, her dress professional and practical.

  The woman walked around a bend in the path, and a moment later, Tavi heard Konner’s voice. “Remina,” he said. Tavi’s ears perked up at the casual greeting; Konner had referred to each of the others by the title “Councillor” and their last name. “I’m pleased we can celebrate the arrival of a new year together.”

  The woman’s voice was quiet. “How are plans coming along?”

  “Very well,” Konner replied, echoing her conspiratorial tone. Wheels of another carriage clattered on the street, then came to a halt. Konner lowered his voice even further. “Ash is causing some trouble with all his questions, but I’ve made assurances to him, and I believe I’ve appeased him.”

  “He’s an idealist,” Remina whispered. “You and I, we’re pragmatists. We’ll do what it takes. Some people won’t live through this. It’s inevitable. You’d think Ash would understand that, considering the circumstances of his own gray awakening.”

  “You don’t have to convince me,” Konner said with a little laugh. “But I’m afraid now isn’t the time to discuss this. Others are inside, and more are arriving. We’ll talk later.”

  As Tavi observed the remaining councillors’ arrivals and listened to the banal greetings Konner gave them, her mind remained fixed on Remina. She knew nothing about the woman, not even her last name. But her short conversation with Konner had frightened Tavi. Some people won’t live through this, she’d said.

  Tavi had a sudden desire to stop the woman, to walk into Konner’s house, and . . . do what? Activate her scent gift so she could smell the woman’s perfume from across the room? Or perhaps use her sight gift to see Remina’s body heat? The fact was, Tavi’s most powerful magical weapon was her ability to shake and split the earth. And if she tried to do that in a house full of people, including innocent servants, she would encounter a wall of resistance.

  It was a silly idea, anyway. She didn’t want to bring the house down on Evitt and his mother. But she wanted to do something. Something that would make a difference. Something Sava would allow.

  If I had gray magic, I wouldn’t have to worry about resistance. Tavi imagined running into the house and somehow luring all the servants outside before bringing the building down on the Grays. All the scheming, all the unknown threats, she could stop it all at once.

  The plan was full of holes, but it was thrilling to imagine. And that flight of fancy led naturally to another. That woman, Remina. I could steal her breath.

  Tavi pictured it. She would attack the woman on her way out to her carriage at the end of the party. Tavi was young and had been practicing physical combat for months. Remina’s frame wasn’t as small as Tavi’s, but the woman didn’t appear strong. Tavi would have to lure her into the hedges somehow, then steal her breath and strangle her. Or would it be better to confront the woman in her own home? Yes, that would be safer.

  It was the first time Tavi had allowed herself to think about the specifics of attaining a gray awakening. No, the specifics of murder. Call it what it is. Murder. It would be complicated and frightening and risky, and Tavi couldn’t believe she was even considering it. She doubted she’d have the courage to do such a thing. But if she did, there would be one less Gray (a heartless, vicious one at that), and Tavi would have gray magic. No more resistance. Total freedom to fight the Grays, on their own terms.

  What would my friends think if they could hear my thoughts? Tavi gave a small gasp, realizing she hadn’t checked in with Tullen in at least a quarter hour. She directed her ears to listen for him and was greeted with his panicked voice.

  “. . . you all right? Answer, Tavi!”

  “I’m fine. I’m sorry, Tullen, I got distracted. Everything is just fine.”

  She heard him take a deep breath before saying, “Will you please check in with me again soon?”

  “Yes.”

  The short conversation brought Tavi back to reality, and she shuddered at the thoughts she’d been having. She was considering murder, for Sava’s sake. Murder of someone who’s willing to kill many others. And I’ve been considering it for months, just not with this level of detail.

  She shook her head, then adjusted her stance. Her muscles were getting stiff. She had to stay focused on her purpose. So she used her glowing ears to eavesdrop on a conversation inside, switching to another when the first revealed nothing useful. And all the while, she kept picturing that woman Remina and contemplating an act that should be unthinkable.

  An hour into the party, Konner asked his guests to gather in his sitting room. In unison, Tavi and Tullen asked each other, “Did you hear that?”

  Tavi would have laughed if the tension weren’t so high. “Let’s both listen,” she said.

  Konner began by recalling tales from ancient days and telling his listeners they were recapturing the courage of those times. He imparted a vision of the future the Grays would create, telling them all the vague ways it would be superior to the present. The speech was full of inspiring terms like strength, boldness, and new era, all spoken in a way that somehow didn’t sound generic and trite.

  If Tavi hadn’t experienced Konner as a captor, she might’ve bought into his message. But she despised the man; she wished he’d say something useful or stop talking altogether. On one of her frequent check-ins with Tullen, she discovered he had just as little patience for Konner’s words as she did. They commiserated, then continued to monitor Konner’s speech. Tavi took a couple of very short breaks to renew some of her magic’s strength, but she didn’t want to stop listening for long.

  After half an hour of inspirational nonsense, Konner spoke to the councillors about gray magic. He commended them for holding back their abilities. Many of them had stopped using any magic in public after their gray awakenings, lest they be seen. He assured them their gray magic was a gift, and they could soon share it with the world.

  He closed by saying, “And now, I invite you, nay, I entreat you, to display your gray magic. Though all the world cannot yet see it, in this place of safety and freedom, you may be who you are. At my home, you may live in pride, rather than in fear. It will be a taste of what is to come.”

  Tavi listened to the ensuing conversations as the party’s attendees used their gray magic and spoke of their experiences. They complained about the pain of gray magic and shared their joy in finding freedom from resistance.

  And then, just two hours into the party, Konner sent the attendees home to spend the holiday with their families. The festivities we
re over. Many of the guests gushed their thanks to Konner on the way out, leading Tavi to groan inwardly at their sycophantic words.

  When all the councillors except Camalyn were gone, Konner held a quick meeting with her, Ash, Aldin, Wrey, and Sella. He told them he thought the party had been a success and encouraged them to stay the course. Then he dismissed them.

  Camalyn left, and Ash encouraged his housemates to take the carriage home. “I’ll go through the tunnel,” he said. Aldin, Wrey, and Sella soon walked through Tavi’s line of sight on their way to their carriage.

  Tavi listened as Ash approached Konner. The younger man wanted to talk about their plans, but Konner said he was tired from the party and he’d speak with Ash later. Tavi sighed. One more failed opportunity to get information.

  Evitt had asked Tavi to listen for his voice after the party. Soon after Ash’s exit, she heard him. “The last guest is going home,” he whispered. “Why don’t you and Tullen head back to the midwife house? I’ll meet you there so we can talk about what we heard.”

  As soon as Tavi reconnected with Tullen, she shared Evitt’s message with him. “I’ll leave as soon as I can find a safe way out,” she said. “I don’t know how long that might take.”

  “I’m staying here until you escape,” Tullen replied, “but my magic is fading fast. I need to take a break to recharge it.”

  “Me too,” Tavi said. “Why don’t we reconnect in ten minutes or so?”

  Tullen agreed, and Tavi released her magic with a quiet sigh of relief. She’d used it without many breaks that morning, and she was having a hard time hanging onto it. She looked around, mentally kicking herself for not having an escape plan. What had she been thinking? She couldn’t stay in her position until nightfall. Her muscles were already stiff and sore.

  As she reviewed her options, Tavi heard movement from the west side of the property. It sounded like someone was walking from the back yard to the front. Then she heard the front door open and close, followed by another set of footsteps on the front path.