Somehow, being here in this scenario with him, it was much more pointed and personal to know that we’d never be able to grow this family of ours. It was no longer just a hypothetical loss, but a very real and tangible one.
Seeing that I couldn’t properly answer, he followed my line of sight instead. I diverted my eyes, but it was a beat too late. As two of the kids swung between their parents’ hands, shrieking and shouting and full of joy and light, the understanding dawned on him with a solemn weight.
“Okay,” he said. “I see. I understand, okay?”
I nodded, short and clipped. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” He lifted a hand to rub my neck, soothing and stable by my side. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. Let’s go back to the hotel for a bit, okay? We can come back out and look around more later.”
The idea hadn’t occurred to me, but I clung to it with gratitude, and nodded.
“Yeah,” I managed. “That’s a good idea.”
Vaughn took my hand to lead me through the streets back the way we’d come. Maybe his architect’s memory of the streets guided him; I felt like I was being turned up and down countless pathways I couldn’t remember, and was almost surprised when we arrived at our hotel. He held the door open for me, and then summoned the elevator. It was as if I were made of glass, and he was running around me to prevent anything boisterous or heavy from coming near me.
It didn’t feel as undignified as it might have. Right now, with this burden on my heart, it just felt like a necessary kindness. A kindness that I appreciated with my whole body.
With the door to our hotel room shut behind us, I sank onto the couch. As soon as he sat down beside me, I creased into him and let it overtake me. I didn’t have any tears left to cry right now, but that didn’t make it any easier to bear. Without the soft motion of his hand in my hair and the power of his understanding, I wasn’t sure how I’d have coped.
“I know,” he said. “I’ve been there too. I know.”
After fifteen minutes or so in his arms, caressed by compassionate hands, I started to come back to my senses somewhat. I found space in my throat to clear it, and to speak up again.
“I’m really sorry, Vaughn.”
He shook his head, squeezing me tighter. “No, no. Really, Fin. I get it.”
“I ruined your day.”
“Are you kidding? You make my day, just by being here.” He kissed the side of my head, and I felt his lips lingering close after he was done. I could smell his shampoo, and the stronger, more enticing natural scent of his that lay beneath.
My alpha.
“I really love you, you know. I’m sorry I made you mad.”
He shook his head. “You… no. That wasn’t your fault. I don’t know what got into me.”
“I shouldn’t make that decision without you, though. You’re right.”
“Fin…” He trailed off, exhaling quietly into the struggle. “Look, I… We’re both new at this, you and me. It’s new and confusing. There’s a lot we haven’t mapped out yet. But one thing I want you to know is that this is never just about what I want. You’re… you’re a person. With autonomy. You make your own choices, just like I make mine. We fit them together because we love each other; that’s how it works.”
I sniffed, overwhelmed, and nodded.
“If they don’t overlap, we find a way to make them overlap. Simple as that.”
“But even… this.” I sat up a little to meet his eyes, needing to see the truth in them. Needing to know that he wasn’t pulling punches to make me feel better. “I’m out there having a meltdown because I saw children. I teach for a living, Vaughn. That shouldn’t happen. And you have the exact same heartache I have, and yet here I am making you babysit me out of this… this pit…”
“Baby, no, no.” He smoothed my hair out of my eyes, and brushed his thumb over my cheek. Such a gentle touch for an alpha — soft and careful. “Yeah, we’ve got the same sadness, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to feel it the exact same way every time. You know? Today it hit you, and I’m sorry, and I’m right here for as long as you need me. When it hits me, I know you’ll be there for me too, because you understand better than anybody else ever could. Right?”
I nodded. Words failed me again, but it didn’t seem to matter. He leaned forward and kissed my nose.
“Listen. This isn’t the end of the road, either, you know. There’s more than one way to make a family. Hell, there are dozens. Once we’re settled and we’re sure and ready, we will find a way to do this. Okay?”
I nodded. A lone tear rolled down my cheek, and he swept it away with his thumb.
“Whatever we’ve got to do. If we want kids, we’ll make it happen. This feeling isn’t forever. Believe me.”
I closed my eyes, sinking into the safety net of his promise. After a few minutes, I sniffed and managed one croaky sentence.
“Honestly, I’m kind of terrified of how much I need you.”
“You don’t have to be scared,” he told me, without pause and confident as a cannonball. “You need me, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Not ever.”
The miracle was that I believed it, too.
15
Vaughn
Throughout the entire trip, I got the impression that it was London which Fin had really been waiting for. He was bouncier and more excited than I had ever seen him as we stepped out into the rainy, gray-skied expanse of the old smoke. Frankly, judging purely on the weather, I wasn’t sure his excitement was warranted — but I could at least see the appeal of many of the old Victorian townhouses and magnificent glass structures that came together to make one sprawling city.
As we learned the second we hopped into a cab, however, I had vastly overestimated my fluency in being able to speak the host language. The only word he spoke that I understood was ‘guv’nor’, and only then from watching a little too much TV.
“Uh. This is our hotel, by, uh… Marble Arch?”
“Marble Arch. Righto.”
Fin tried to suppress a smile, reaching for my hand as the little cab swerved around compact streets and crawled to a stop outside of our hotel.
“On reflection,” said Fin, nodding at the eponymous arch, once I’d managed to pay the driver for his services. “I don’t think it’s all that different from the Arc de Triomphe.”
“I guess that means we can go home. Think I should get that cab back, guv’nor?”
He laughed, punching me gently in the arm. “Vaughn, stop it! People will think you’re laughing at them.”
“Uh-huh. Imagine that.”
After a quick stop to drop off our suitcases, we could start exploring the damp old city in earnest. It amused every fiber of my being that Fin was so amazed by the cars driving on the opposite side of the road, and that he tried his level best to squeeze us both into a selfie every time he caught sight of a red London bus out in the wild.
(It didn’t take him long to realize that there were tons of them, and it was okay to ease off on the excitement a little bit, but I enjoyed it plenty in the meantime.)
Whatever we ogled at and visited, however, it was later that evening that London really fixed itself in both our memories. We were sampling a couple of distinctly un-English cocktails in an overpriced bar, quite content to pass the evening by people-watching. Being able to do this in a language we both actually spoke, even if we might struggle with some of the accents, was a real bonus.
Perhaps predictably, it was Fin that noticed a difference first. The bar was warm enough, but he began fanning his collar to get a little air in there.
“You okay?” I asked, extending a hand across the table. “You want some water?”
“I’m not drunk,” he said, throwing me a playful, withering look. “I’m just… it’s hot in here. Aren’t you hot in here?”
I made a face. “Uh. No. Not really.”
“Huh.”
It was then that I started to catch the pick-up in hormones. As he exhaled de
eply, stretching his shoulders to try and shake off the strange feeling that had begun to settle over him, my wolf stirred to attention.
Oh.
Oh.
“Hey, ah… Maybe we should finish these drinks and head back.”
“I’m fine, I promise!” he insisted, patting my hand. As he stirred the air with his movement, the scent only got stronger. “Honestly, I’m… ooh. Just a bit lightheaded. It’ll pass in a minute.”
“Uh. Blondie.” I gave him a lopsided smile, eyes flicking over him. “Humor me. Your heart’s starting to pound a little.”
He blinked at me.
“Your mouth feels kinda dry, like you want to keep wetting your lips. And I bet right about now, you’re starting to… I don’t know. Feel a little, uh. Distracted.”
Fin swallowed heavily, and leaned slightly over the table. “Did you put something in my drink?”
“What? No!” I shook my head. “I wouldn’t do that to. But if it feels like it, then that’s just more proof, honestly.”
“Proof of what?”
I squeezed his hand, rubbing my thumb over his knuckles. “Heat, Fin. You’re going into heat. I can smell it.”
“But I…”
“Trust me.” I wrinkled my nose and nodded. “I know what I’m getting here, and I think we should go back. I mean. Now.”
He licked his lips, brows lifting. It was obvious that this was new to him, and that he was a little disbelieving. I could understand that if he’d always been told this wasn’t going to happen — but at this point, it was unmistakable. Even if his pheromones weren’t tempting me in, I could see him shifting in his seat, the dilation of his eyes, and the flush high in the apples of his cheeks.
Granted, that last one wasn’t exactly unusual for Finley, but given the range of supporting evidence, I didn’t think I was misjudging things.
He nodded, once and firmly.
“Hey,” I said, noticing a little anticipation building on his face. “It’s okay. It’s just new; it’s not bad. I’m going to go and pay for these drinks, and then I’m gonna pick you right back up again. Okay?”
“Okay.”
He couldn’t sit still. As I stood in line to pay the check at the bar, I could see him writhing and wriggling on the barstool, and I wanted nothing more than to scoop him up and carry him out to the alleyway to take care of things right here and right now. If I wasn’t absolutely sure that he’d hate the idea, I might even have suggested it. As things were, I just had to fight off my natural instincts with the usual combination of stern, serious thoughts and physical distraction.
My trick was to dig a nail into the tip of my thumb — not enough to draw blood, but enough that the pain was an alternative sensation to focus on. I just hadn’t counted on how much more powerful it would be to scent my mate going into heat. It was bad enough around random strangers. Now that I knew what he was ready for, and what we were heading into privacy to do, I could barely contain myself.
By the time I’d paid the bill, he was radiating that pure, sweet scent of his like a lamp threw out light. I took his hand, interlocking our fingers, and leaned in to kiss his cheek.
“Okay,” I said, breathing heavily. “That’s all we get until we’re back in private. You ready?”
“Let’s just go.”
He squeezed my hand, and I led him off into the dark. Night hadn’t completely fallen yet, but the sky had lost most of its color, and we relied on the illumination of the streetlamps and the businesses that we passed by in order to find our way. Fin’s grip on my hand got tighter as we moved, and when we had to stop to wait for a signal to cross the road, I could see it took everything he had not to rut up against me in the street.
A couple of well-dressed wolves crossing the street ahead of us gave me a knowing smirk. I shot it back, rubbing the back of my thumb over Fin’s hand to let him know that it was okay. He was so shy that this probably felt embarrassing to him — but it was nothing that other wolves hadn’t experienced before. Frankly, if not for me by his side, he’d probably have a whole queue of horny alphas trying to chat him up.
“We’re nearly there, right?” he asked, biting that swollen lower lip of his.
“Very soon,” I said. “Just a couple more blocks. Uh. Streets. Whatever they call it.”
The hotel receptionist looked politely away as we waited for the elevator in the lobby. Fin’s breathing was heavy, and every move he made only washed his scent over me a little stronger — had my hormones raging to release him a little harder.
“Almost,” I told him. “Almost there.”
“I can’t bear it,” he murmured. “It’s… I can’t wait, Vaughn. I don’t know what to do.”
I kissed him once on the lips, chaste but long and lingering. When I pulled away, I saw his darkened eyes and furrowed brow, and the desperate parting of his lips.
“Vaughn…”
The elevator bell announced its arrival, and we piled into the privacy of its four walls. As soon as the door closed behind us, Fin released a shuddering moan that spoke to the very bones of my body. God, I wanted him badly — and only the faintest scrap of decorum kept me from taking him right here.
“There are probably cameras,” I said through gritted teeth. “Which I don’t care about, but I think you would, under normal circumstances.”
“I’m burning up,” he pleaded. “I need-”
“Our floor,” I blurted. We burst out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened, and bolted for the door of our room. I fished the key out of my pocket, and didn’t even try to stop Fin from starting to unbutton his shirt as I struggled with the door. After what felt like a century, we fell through the door, and I slammed it shut behind us.
“Right,” I said, pulling his hips close to mine with an immodest thrust. “Come here.”
Our cocks pressed up against each other inside the stiff confines of our clothes. Fin tugged at my shirt, almost violent with need, and I cupped his face in both hands to kiss him deep, rough and ravenous. I could taste the cocktails we’d been drinking, and his scent mixed up with the taste to form an intoxicating blend for my senses. He pushed his hips away from mine to start tearing down both our pants, still curving towards me to share that intense lovers’ kiss.
He gasped when we were both finally naked, rubbing his body right back up against mine once more. I took both our cocks in one hand to stroke us off together, still supporting Fin’s weight with the other. I wasn’t convinced that he wouldn’t faint.
“I need more,” he pleaded. “I need you to fuck me.”
A string of curses fell from my tongue, and I tossed him onto the bed. He let his head fall back, eyes closed as he embraced the full drunkenness of his heat. It made my head spin that he’d never felt this before — that I, his alpha, would be lucky enough to savor every single one of his heats right from the start.
“You’re fucking beautiful,” I growled. On any other day, I would have taken my time — would have prepared him with my hands, and found some synthetic lube, and worked him open gently. Today, neither of us had the time, and as I lined up against him with my cock, I could feel that he was already cum-slick and ready.
He cried out as I pushed inside. It was less out of pleasure than it was a relief. This was like taking the first breath after almost drowning. Like taking that first sweet mouthful of water after working out so hard you thought you might pass out. Much like both those examples, waiting until this point in an omega’s heat wasn’t exactly a good idea, but I had him all to myself now.
I planned on breeding him until he came harder than I’d ever seen him.
I pounded into him, rough in the way that only a ferocious heat allowed. Knowing that he’d be slick enough that he wouldn’t end the evening sore and miserable meant I could have him exactly as we both wanted — as hard and fast as I could take him.
If he was trying to speak, his words were too pleasure-strangled and drawn out to be understood. I sensed he was just letting out the bliss
in any format that came to him, just as his hands were clenching and loosening around the bedsheets, and his feet were locked tight around my ass as he pleaded in silence for me to keep going.
His hard cock bounced up against his stomach, and I spared a hand to tug at him in time with my thrusts. It wouldn’t give him the same relief that being taken would, but any edge of pleasure I could give him made sense to me — even when he was already absorbed in bliss, practically melting into the mattress. He didn’t even have the wherewithal to be able to tell me when he was starting to come. Only a string of strangled sounds gave a hint.
Luckily, my body knew it anyway. At that first sharp moan, I began to swell up tighter inside him. He shuddered, breath falling out of him like a sob, and skin flushed as pink as a sunset.
“Vaughn…”
The fact that my name was the one syllable he could pronounce stirred something wild inside me. I groaned, gripping his leg tighter and lifting it a little higher as I continued to thrust as much as my knotted cock would allow. In a flurry of incoherent sounds, Fin spilled hard into my hand, coming hard enough to tense his whole body, and tightening down even harder around me. That was all I needed, and a heartbeat later I was spilling deep into him, calling out his name like a litany.
When the knot finally released, I flopped down beside him on the edge of the bed. He curled weakly into me, silent and still as he recovered, and I lifted us both back to a more comfortable position on the bed.
“You okay there, baby?”
He nodded.
“Some water?”
“Maybe in a little while.” His throat sounded sandpaper-rough, but there was a clear glow underlying it all. A hum of satisfaction.
“Okay.”
I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close. I felt the pattern of his pulse as it slowed over minutes and minutes, and inhaled his beautiful scent from his hair and his skin as it spiraled down from its peak.
Finally, after an age of resting and relaxing, he cracked a smile against my chest.
Claiming My Omega: Blackwater Pack: Book 2 Page 15
