by Jean Oram
“He was dashed against that outcropping just downstream from the path. He went under and I thought he’d drown. I don’t know how he survived.”
Ryan could still feel the icy flood, the unrelenting pull as it sucked him farther and farther from his brothers, the desperation to inhale whenever his head surfaced. He could still taste the muddy water in his mouth, hear the roar of an angry Mother Nature in his ears. His boots had filled with water, wet denim stuck to his legs making it nearly impossible to move. He’d been seven, older than Kurt was now, and still taking the first level swimming classes at the town’s outdoor pool. Drowning had felt sure.
Sheer panic had helped him keep his head high enough for Myles to find him and pull him to safety. They had narrowly missed rocks, finally coming to a stop when Myles caught Cole’s hand on a fallen tree as they passed underneath it, yards and yards downstream from where they’d gone in.
If Myles hadn’t risked his life, Ryan knew he wouldn’t have survived going down that river. He wouldn’t have been tall enough to reach the tree or Cole like Myles had, and he would’ve been swept under it, gone forever. He gave a shudder at the near miss.
“If you’d gone where Bonkers did,” Brant explained, “it would have been you dashed against that outcropping. And honestly, even with only three good legs, Bonkers was a better swimmer. You’re lucky to have fallen in where you did.”
That sobered up Ryan like a belly flop from the high dive. He nodded and adjusted his hat. Lucky.
His brothers had prevented a tragedy that day.
If only he’d built up enough trust that they could have told him the truth about Priscilla, they could have prevented that one, too. But they’d probably worried they’d lose him to the Wylder stubborn streak—the very one that had sent and kept Cole away. The very one that had prevented him from throwing himself at Carly’s feet and begging her to take him back.
“I’m sorry I’m difficult.” Ryan inhaled the crisp December air, settling his mind. His brothers were right. Right about the football game, about Priscilla, about the creek, about his attitude. Everything. “Thanks for getting Mom that day, and for telling me where to cross.”
“I’m just glad you listened for once,” Myles said dryly.
Ryan smirked in reply and Brant chuckled, any lingering tension between them dissolving.
“I love you two,” Ryan said, giving them each a one-armed hug. “You’re a real pain in the butt sometimes, but apparently that’s what I need.”
His brothers nodded, understanding just how deep his gratitude ran.
As Ryan walked home, he realized that the day of the flood was just one of many where he’d needed his brothers, needed his family. They’d set him on the right path back then, just like they were trying to do with him and Carly.
It was time to let go of the past and start listening to them once again. And it was high time to set his stubbornness and pride aside and go talk to Carly heart to heart.
14
Carly had been working hard on the farm, and things were taking shape. Maybe not to an outsider, but she could see strings of future possibilities, extending out from each of her garden plots, giving her hope.
That was one place where loosening the reins on being completely independent had helped her. She’d allowed Ryan to give her advice and hone her focus.
She leaned on her hoe and looked out over the row of green sprouts poking from the ground, pride growing in her chest. It felt good to have something that was all hers. She owned this. She’d created it.
Her farm was a new beginning, but not in the way she’d expected. Instead of it being a way to hide out from the world, it had become a way to blend independence with allowing others to help. She couldn’t have gotten as far as she had in such a brief time if she’d stuck to her original plan of doing it all on her own. Allowing Ryan to help hadn’t turned her into a sucker, and his take-charge personality hadn’t overwhelmed her. She’d messed up in a lot of ways, but in a different way this time. One that didn’t destroy her life, just added another sizable dent to her heart.
Carly could see what had gone wrong with Ryan. She’d fooled herself into thinking that it was okay not to tell him about her problems. She’d been too afraid of what he might think, of how he might judge her for not being the brilliant, strong and independent woman he obviously saw.
Carly set down her hoe and began heading toward the stable. Catching herself, she changed direction and headed for her chicken coop instead, unsure what she’d do once she got there. She’d already fed the hens and collected their eggs at dawn.
Shivering in the gray, chilly day, she stopped to listen. Something seemed different. Had it been the growl of a new piece of machinery over at the Sweet Meadows Ranch? A bird she’d never heard before?
She turned in a circle, surveying her land. Just over the knoll, in the dull sunlight, she could see the glint off a windshield by the stable. A Jeep. Ryan’s Jeep.
Without thinking, she began walking that direction again.
“Hello?” she called when she got there. The doors were open at both ends of the stable, allowing a breeze to cut through and causing her to wrap her coat more snugly around her torso. As she stepped inside, the aroma of horses, straw, dirt and leather met her with its welcoming embrace. The only thing to make it better would be to smell Ryan’s aftershave.
She needed to move past him and the insufferable hope that wouldn’t let her admit that they were over. Over, over, over. No more kisses by the stalls. No more early morning coffee together, watching the sunrise.
Ryan popped out of the tack room near the door, giving her a start.
“Sorry,” he said, adjusting his cowboy hat as though nervous. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“What did you mean to do?”
“Figure things out.”
“Problems with the horses?” She didn’t dare assume he meant them, even though that was what her heart wanted.
“Somebody said you were going to jail?” His blue eyes pierced hers and she stumbled, surprise and shock hitting her at the unexpected question. He was giving her that look, the one that seemed to peer right into her soul. She wanted to cover herself, hide behind a wall, run.
She inhaled, bracing herself for the conversation and his possible judgment. “I’m not going to jail.”
He took a step closer, still watching her from under the brim of his hat, as though using it as a shield. “Are you in trouble?”
“No.”
“Good.”
They were silent for a long moment.
“Are you still keeping your horses here?” she blurted, at the same instant he asked, “Why are people talking about you and jail?”
Carly drew in a deep breath, letting her long legs take her down the center aisle of the stable, her boots silent on the straw-covered dirt floor. Halfway along, she put her hands on her hips and swiveled to face him.
The whole town knew her business? So much for a fresh start. But what was the worst that could happen? Everyone had obviously had a chance to judge her, and she was still standing.
“The business I told you about? We were serving the US Army. It was pretty good, a secure food services contract, but my business partner found a way to make it more profitable.”
Ryan remained still, watching her.
“He got involved in some financial dealings that weren’t on the up and up. Charges are being pressed.”
Ryan cursed under his breath, the severity of the situation not lost on him.
“I’ve been absolved of all guilt, thanks to my blatant naivety and blind trust in someone I shouldn’t have.” She’d been staring at him, shoulders back, but now felt her strength and resolve slide away as familiar self-judgment rode in, whipping her with its crop. “Story of my life.”
Ryan moved closer. “He took advantage of your trust.”
She closed her eyes. She’d been an easy mark, and content to remain so. “I should have asked questions. I should’
ve been more involved in my own company. I shouldn’t have been so happy to turn a blind eye to that aspect of things.”
“Peter took advantage of your trust, too.”
“Thanks for pointing that out.”
“I didn’t mean it as a judgment.”
“I was subpoenaed as a witness. It was a preliminary hearing that had been postponed that took me to Montana at the last minute on Friday. I should have explained.”
“Now I know why you…” Ryan’s voice trailed off, and she involuntarily cringed. When he looked up at her again, his expression was one of confusion. “How could you trust me after those men treated you poorly?”
“I’m a slow learner,” she said, swallowing the lump of pain in her throat as she turned and walked toward the open stable doors.
Ryan caught her arm, turning her to face him. “I want to be worthy of your trust.” He licked his lips, his focus on her mouth. “I shut you out. I didn’t trust you. I even convinced myself at one point that you and Priscilla were in cahoots.”
“We weren’t, I swear.”
“I know. I blamed you for my own problems that were completely unrelated.”
“I left when you needed me.”
“You did.”
Her chest ached and she longed for him to say he forgave her.
“But I’d left you long before that,” he said quietly, taking her hand. “I shut you out and didn’t let you talk about this court stuff. You tried, didn’t you?”
“I loved you, Ryan.”
“Past tense?” His voice was tight.
“You’re a team of one and happy that way.”
“What if I could have helped? I could have at least loaned you an ear if you needed to talk it out.”
“We were our wonderful independent selves,” she said bitterly, pulling back her hand. She saw her words hit their intended mark as his lashes lowered in shame.
“I know. We were.” His eyes met hers again, sure and strong with a heat that started something warm in her belly despite her hurt and anger. “But I know now that we weren’t great or perfect like we kept saying. We’re our best when we’re together and sharing our lives. All of it. It scares the crap out of me, if we’re being honest.” He lifted his hat with a giant exhale and shoved his hand through his hair. “I know I ruined things, and I don’t expect instant forgiveness for how I treated you, or how I shut you out.”
“I would have been in contempt of court if I didn’t haul myself to Montana. They subpoenaed me. And every time I tried to explain, you shut me down by telling me we were better if we didn’t unearth the past.”
He opened his mouth, his face set like he planned to argue. He closed his eyes, re-centering. When he opened his eyes again they were a beautiful blue. “Push me next time. You’re strong enough to, and I need that. Otherwise we’re going to end up right back here again.”
“Again?”
“Again.”
Carly realized with surprise that at long last they were finally being truly, brutally honest with each other. And it felt good. Really good.
The pain in Carly’s expression was getting to him, along with the knowledge that he was the one responsible for it. This was nothing at all like how things had been with Priscilla. This was himself and Carly, their problems and their inability to truly communicate with each other. Breaking down that wall between them was difficult.
“I know you’re probably done with me,” Ryan said, “and I know I’m far from perfect, and that I’m probably going to keep screwing up, but would you consider giving me a second chance?”
Her head had lowered and he could see traces of dampness in the corners of her beautiful eyes. She had gone through so much with her failed business dealings and her court appearance, and he hadn’t been there for her.
“I’m sorry I made you feel as though you couldn’t share things with me.”
Things were rough, but he could still see a future with Carly. They already had a history that forged them together. If they could move beyond this, they would be strong enough to face most anything.
He was starting to understand why Mrs. Fisher stayed with her husband. There were bumps in the road, but love wasn’t something you could just turn your back on no matter how much you wanted to. Love was something that grew in your bloodstream, changed the way your cells and muscles worked. Removing it would compromise your entire being.
Carly remained silent, and he took a closer look, checking her reaction. Tears were streaming down her face, but her features weren’t crumpled in anger or a good, old-fashioned, ugly cry. He couldn’t determine if they were tears of happiness or joy, or if they were of pain, fear and sorrow.
She was wearing that damn ring again, twisting it around on her finger. Didn’t she know she didn’t need it? Didn’t she know they could heal each other, and that their love was enough, if only they let down their walls?
“Well, say something. Are you having a seizure?” He waited impatiently for the corner of her lips to quirk into a smile. Instead, she turned and marched out into the gray December day, her arms wrapped tightly around her torso.
He followed her outside, stopping when she did. He stepped close, bracketing her feet with his own, cupping her chin and gently raising her face to his. “Carly, I love you. Not just my idea of you. I want you to be a part of my life. I want to try again and do better by you. Please, will you give me a chance to figure this out?”
Her bottom lip quivered and her eyes were wet with tears. “I don’t want to be our best independent selves anymore. I want to be a team. A real team. And when we say we’re being brutally honest with each other, I don’t want it to just be us tossing around cutting comments about me shooting you or neither of us wanting love. I want love. I want us to open up our dark and scary pasts, our fears and horrors and worries, and every insecurity, and talk with each other. I don’t want us to shut each other out.”
“Can we share the joy, too?”
The fear and pain melted from her eyes.
“We can share the joy, too,” she agreed, her shoulders relaxing.
“What else can we share?” He placed a gentle kiss on her lips, her response so familiar it filled him with longing and remorse that they’d missed almost a full week of this. When she kissed him back, joy and hope began to ease the chains that had been cinched around his chest ever since he’d discovered her missing from the sidelines at the championship game.
When the kiss ended, her hands were pressed against his chest, her focus on her fingers. “I should probably let you know I have some plans for next year’s team.” She looked up now, that playful sparkle in her eyes he so dearly loved. He grinned. He couldn’t help it.
“We should run your ideas past Myles,” Ryan said.
“Yeah?” she asked, eyebrows raised.
“If I can convince him to come back for another year. He got an offer elsewhere.”
“Tell him I know a coach at the local college, and she might do a summer camp with the boys. I think our defense could use a bit of work.”
“Is this what it’ll be like on the off-season? Always talking football?”
“Is there something else you’d rather discuss?” she asked.
Ryan leaned back, watching the sky as he thought about that. The sun had finally broken through the steel-colored clouds, rays of sunshine and hope streaking across the ranch.
“You think you might ever want a roommate out here?” he asked.
“No,” she said with disgust.
He chuckled and grasped her hand, giving it a squeeze.
“You should know by now that I’m the kind of gal who wants more than a roommate.” She bumped his shoulder with her own.
He wiggled his hand in hers, then twisted his wrist to reveal the glint of gold on her finger. He gently lifted her hand and pulled on the ring, which came off without effort. He pushed it over the knuckle of his pinkie finger.
“What are you doing?”
“I think maybe I’m
the one who needs to wear this. It can be a reminder for me to listen and to let others in.”
Carly gave him the most serious look he’d ever seen. He chuckled, unable to help himself.
“Very funny. Give it back.”
He yanked at the ring. “I think it’s stuck.”
“Everyone will think you’re married—”
“It’s the wrong finger.”
“—to a jailbird.” Her eyes grew damp again.
“Is that a problem? And anyway, you’re not going to jail, right?”
“No, I’m not, but yes, it’s a problem! Why do you think I took off the ring? Because it would hurt your reputation.”
He pulled his hand away. “I thought you said removing the ring wasn’t about me. And now that we’ve broken up, you’re wearing it again?”
“It wasn’t about you!” She growled in frustration and twisted in his arms, finally working the ring down over his pinkie finger with precise moves. He winced as it finally came free.
She held it up. “Now nobody’s wearing it. I didn’t want people to think you were running around with a married woman. But do you think you could have handled hearing me say that the other week? You would have freaked out.”
That sobered him. “You’re right.” He would have lost what little nerve he’d had. “And as for the jail thing, honestly, I think everyone’s just worried about you.”
Her eyes grew shadowed with concern.
“Nobody thinks you’re guilty, by the way. Although you did threaten to shoot me. Maybe if they knew you like I do, they’d be fixin’ to put you an orange jumpsuit.”
She glowered and reached out to pinch him. He dodged, laughing.
“You have bigger reputation problems than a ring,” he said.
“Not funny!”
She was indignant, but he could see the humor sparkling in her eyes, as well. It was the best sight he’d seen all week, and he eased closer, letting her know playtime was over and it was time for kisses.
